A reader writes:
I was hoping you could offer some words of wisdom.
8 years ago I met this guy named John through mutual friends. We reconnect in January and hit it off. We go on a couple dates the connection is just amazing. Too bad he’s only here for a week as he would be leaving due to military duties. Within that week we went on dates every single night and 3 dates in, he was upfront with me and told me that we could make this long distance relationship work he’ll come home when he can and he’ll fly me out where he is when his schedule isn’t busy as he was to be up and down the east coast for 9 months this year for training sessions etc. So I’m overjoyed and agreed to it. He tells me he loves me shortly after as I’m clearly in love with him, he wants me to be his wife, we’re getting married, we look at engagement rings and we set in some plans about me moving to California with him. We’re seeing each other every 4- 6 weeks on average throughout this year.I’m head over heels in love with him and I just knew that this was the man that I had been praying for. It wasn’t easy but it was working for us. Every time we see each other he has all these things planned out for us to do and spend time together and just spoiling me rotten going above and beyond. I do the same for him when he comes home as well.
He then finds out he‘s going to be deployed next year but we still want to go through with our plans we had before. Everything is still a challenge with the distance but it’s working, we’re still talking a lot, spending time when we can as he’s met most of my family, I’ve met most of his, I visit his parents when he’s not home etc. After July I start to notice a change in him such as not telling me he loves me like he used and basically just stops doing a lot of the things that he used to do earlier in the year. 8 months in he was finished with his trainings on the east coast and he comes home to see me for a week and spends lots of time with me- tells me that he doesn’t want me to move to California anymore, we need to take things slower, our differences with me being an extrovert and him being an introvert are questionable to him, and that he is questioning my religion as he’s Baptist and I’m Catholic and how could we possibly raise our children unless I conform to being Baptist as he doesn’t want Catholicism spoken of or taught to our children since he only wants one faith in our home (keep in mind, all of my family is catholic). No compromise, no discussion, just I want it this way or we can’t be together. So of course. He broke up with me. Haven’t heard from him since he moved back to California last month. Nor have I bothered to contact him.
I’m trying to understand, what I could have done differently and what the real problem is. Personally I think the religion thing is a lie and there’s another woman (since he does have exes in California) since he knew I was catholic from the beginning. Was this entire year just something for him to do? Did he get satisfaction from this entire charade this year? Was he that bored or am I just that gullible? Why was he spending unnecessary time and money on me meeting my fam and having me meet his spend time with his fam when he’s not even here, hang out with his sisters etc when he knew he was going to break up with me when he moved back to Cali?
I’m just trying to get a grasp to understand…Although… I understand, with the male mind, I’ll probably drive myself crazy trying to find an answer never to get one since guys don’t do closure.
Any words of advice?
SBM fam, I have my thoughts, but I wanted to help you help her. You guys are awesome at giving advice, so let’s help a fellow reader make sense of this situation. I’ll leave my thoughts in the comments too, but I want to get a proper consensus. Is this a open and shut case or is it deeper than that?
Let her know!