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10 Things Men Should Never Do in Front of Their Girlfriend

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Woman-grossed-out-
You ever heard of the song ‘Comfortable’ by Lil Wayne, well it’s okay to be comfortable around your lover, but there’s just certain things you should never do in front of your girlfriend:

1. Commenting on our friends, sisters, cousins, or co-workers looks: This can either go horribly wrong or kind of right. For example, “Your mom is so beautiful you look just like her.” And then there is, “Yeah … your sister’s boobs are bigger than yours, but all I need is a handful.” (No this is not a made up example either, but I digress.) Look, it’s not like we expect you to not look at, desire, or feel attracted to anyone else, but hearing how fine/hot/beautiful/pretty you think our best friend/sister/co-worker is, is not on our list of things we want to hear. Why? They are too close to home and too close to you. This is a scenario we see constantly played out in movies, television dramas, and the “Maury Show,” so the last thing we want to equate with you is getting a phone call from Maury’s producer. Thinking someone is beautiful does not mean you are going to cheat on us with them either, but would you want us telling you how sexy we think your brother is? Didn’t think so.

2. Trying to solve all of our problems for us: Guys, we understand you are natural problem solvers, but sometimes we just want to vent about our co-worker Tanya. (Listen, I don’t care how mature you are, we all have that one co-worker that just irks the hell out of us). For example, ‘Tanya flirts with everyone and it pisses me off! I’m sure she’s sleeping with our boss because she wouldn’t have gotten that raise otherwise!” Pause right here. What are you supposed to say to that? Should you try and solve this dilemma for your woman? Are you supposed to agree that Tanya is a slut? Do you tell your girl she may be reacting a bit over-the-top? No to everything! Just listen and please don’t try and come up with a plan of action, unless we ask. We have been dealing with Tanya for a long time now and know what we need to do, but we can’t talk about her with anyone at work so we at times need to vent about it to you. Please put the whiteboard, markers, and note cards away — we got this.



3. Texting/DM/Instant Messaging pics of your wiener: Let’s just be clear about this one OK, guys. The days of being fascinated by how your wiener looks ended when we started having sex. We know what it looks like and do not need to have it saved in our phone’s memory, e-mail database or IM screen. There is nothing wrong with sexting and building up the anticipation of a night of amazing sex and a few naughty texts are always great, but the constant influx of pics of you standing in the bathroom mirror naked with the toilet behind you in the background is starting to get old. If you must, one is enough — trust me. I always say that if a man really wants to turn me on he should text the following: When I get home I am going to pick you up, throw you on the bed, grab the … vacuum and clean the carpet. If you did this, I’d be home, naked, and waiting.

4) Using the bathroom in front of us/leaving the bathroom door open: I also wrote about this for us ladies, so stop rolling your eyes, guys. There is a comfort factor that settles in between couples and a little bit of the shall we say “mystery” dies. I know, I know, you guys are men and in essence go to the bathroom in front of other men all the time, right? So what’s the big deal? Let me clarify what I mean by using the bathroom in man terms…taking a dump. There I said it, it’s out there. Close the damn door, do not talk to me through the door, do not tell me about the size of your crap, do not comment on the smell of it, but do be a gentlemen and give me a quick, non-descriptive warning before I go in after you. Let me also state that taking in a book, magazine, laptop, guitar, cell phone, or whatever prop you need is also your prerogative, but don’t you ever in hell bring it out, and hand it to me, without wiping it down with a sanitizing wipe or spraying it with Lysol. That is all.

5) Scratching your balls and/or sitting in front of the TV with your hand down your pants: OK Al Bundy, you sitting in front of the television with your hand down your pants is not sexy. You scratching your balls mid-conversation at the mall is not sexy. You adjusting your balls while walking in the grocery store is … not … sexy. We get it sometimes your balls land in an awkward place and need to be shifted, but can you be a bit more discreet about it, or excuse yourself when you do it, or just say excuse me when you do it in front of us? Not to mention that your balls can also get very sweaty, so when you’re sitting in front of the TV or computer with your hands down your pants, we know you’re either jacking off or adjusting said sweaty balls. In any case you need to be more aware of others around you, wash your hands, and while you’re at it wash your balls.

[Read the rest at UPTOWN Mag]

Comment(14)

  1. #5 hits way too close to home. Sometimes my hand ends up holding my junk outta nowhere it’s like a perfect resting spot for my hand. But I’m putting forth an effort to stop bc the dirty side eyes from my girl are starting to get to me

  2. Reading the full list, it seems like the writer doesn't like one particular man. The kind of man who watches sports while grabbing his junk on the couch. I feel like certain things come with dating a male. I'm down with putting up with most of the things on this list if he's down with putting up with my little quirks.

  3. I'm sorry, but I cannot STAND #2. My motto is, don't complain unless you want to find a solution. My ex used to come home EVERY DAY, and the first thing out her mouth was job-related office mess. I'm like "can a n!@@a get a hello before you start going in on your day?!" That ish irks the hell outta me, there is a difference between venting and plain complaining. Ladies, understand that men don't de-stress by venting, we do it by trying to forget whatever it was about the day that made it unpleasant. Ask a man how his day was. 9 times outta ten he gonna say "it was kinda hard, but it's over tho." THAT'S how you supposed to vent. LOL
    My recent post Pharaoh Class: How to Attract a Superwoman

  4. Some of these thigns are true and should be common knowledge. Others are ehhhh. And a few having me saying "Chick please!"
    Numbers 4, 6, 7 & 8 I agree with. Though with #8 (Comparing her to other women) I say DITTO to yall. No talking about how your ex or any other guy did xyz.
    Number 1, 2 & 3….eeehhhh.
    1- I don't see the problem in giving compliments to known friends so long as he is giving you compliments as well. If you get mad because I tell a known friend that something they are wearing look very good or that they look pretty in a specific pic that only tells me of your insecurity. Now when compliments move into the inappropriate range; talking about how sexy they look or how their pic has you feeling; THEN I can see your point.

    2- Men are Problem Solvers. If you just want to vent then make sure thats is known before you start. Because once you ask "So what do you think?" we are going into full "Fix-It" mode. Yall have been warned.

    3- If thats yalls relationship then I don't see the issue. Don't see how its okay in the beginning but once yall begin actually having sex it becomes offensive. I would send a test text to make sure that my lady is the one holding her phone. Then send something nasty (***but NEVER include your face in the pic: Guy Code***). If she finds that so offensive then maybe there needs to be some examination of the relationship.

    Numbers 5, 9 & 10….CHICK PLEASE!!!!
    5- The way she is talking about our balls leads me to believe that she is the type of woman that doesn't like to put her mouth on it. That right there is a game ender. DATING DONE!!! But I digress. Listen, if I'm at home and you come through to MY spot and I want to sit on the couch and adjust my junk…then I'm going to adjust my junk. Better get use to me now incase this relationship goes somewhere. If we are in public and the snake gets caught in the drapes then I'm going to shake him free. Be happy ya man has a snake sizable enough to get caught up. He could be a rice grain floatin in the wind. And news flash….unless we are engaging in some sort of strenuous activity or we are in a high temp/humid climate then our testicular area doesn't get nearly that musty or sweaty. Especially for those of us who wear boxers. Most of us have some good climate control going on down there.

    **Continued below**

    1. 9- I want to save 9 for last so lets go to 10;

      10- So its okay for her to be obnoxious during a Lakers game but she wants to put a lease on us on how crazy of a fan we can be? She can take a trip to the Staples Center and have the whole stadiums worth of seats on that one.

      9- Okay #9….Ladies seriously…how many of you DON'T want to feel dominated by your man in bad? How many of yall DON'T want him to take control? How many of you DON'T want him to smack it up, flip it and rub it down…oh nooooo? This woman talking about discussing the moves pre-game!?!?! Eff all that. "Turn over, toot that a** up right here, look back at me, put ya head back down, turn back over, gimme that leg…etc" Only discussion going are are direction when this car is in motion. So buckle your seatbelt and enjoy the ride.

  5. You aint going NOWHERE if i watch tv while i scratch my balls……FACT

    #1 rule as a man, u gotta know when to not t listen to what she says…..just gauge her emotions…

    lol telling me how i should watch TV?….this is why dudes be like "kitchen"

  6. #2 – I still don't get that nonsense. Why are you telling me about something that doesn't affect me, and that you don't want me to do anything about? Can't you vent to your girlfriends? Why do I need to hear about the person at work that irks you? I don't vent at length about how I can't rely on the Bulls to make it to the Finals. Why? It (probably) doesn't affect you, you can't do anything about it, and you (probably) don't care.

    #8 – This sounds like an ego thing. But I get it and respect it. I don't want to be compared to Boris Elba or Idris Kodjoe. I certainly don't want to be compared to your ex-boyfriend.

    1. #2 Maybe because she’s your girl & she needs you to JUST listen which shows that you care about her??? What you won’t do another man will, just remember that. Smh

  7. #1 especially!

    I was dating a guy who would blatantly compliment on my girlfriends’ instagram pics in front of me. “Oh wow..so and so is getting thicker damn.” It not only hurt but I thought is he stupid?? Why would he disrespect me like this? Of course it was over his head when I mentioned it he said I was exaggerating.

    We aren’t dating anymore.

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