Home Dating & Relationships Dating If You Want the Ideal Partner, Be the Ideal Partner.

If You Want the Ideal Partner, Be the Ideal Partner.



I have a question for everyone and I want your opinion. Do you think most women feel that they are “wifey” material?

I’m inclined to feel that most women feel that they are entitled to the wonderful world of monogamy, and that they may not play a part in the reasons as to why they aren’t attracting the right men. Today I want to simply highlight one facet that could very well play a pivotal part in your frustrations. Today is my little lecture on being introspective and being self motivated.

Men love a self motivator. We want a forward thinker. A lady who is self motivated is ambitious. She would also have a strong sense of self. For instance, if a woman wants a man to provide and be a staple of security, she too must exhibit those same characteristics. I know that I would appreciate someone who could recognize their own flaws. I’d definitely dig someone who was patient as well. As I see those characteristics, I already know that I have to bring my great qualities to the table as well.

To think that we’re born as husband or wife material is pretty arrogant.

Hell, if that were really the case then what does the divorce rate in this country have to say about it?

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I can tell you from my own experiences that I’ve known women with whom I vibed with well, but they weren’t self-motivated. In my mind it would be a waste to ever pursue anything further if she was unsure of the woman she was, and what she wanted. I certainly wouldn’t expect someone to have it all together right now, because I’m still getting my stuff together as well. In my case I have a clear idea of self and what I want.

This is a classic scenario of not asking of anything that you wouldn’t ask of yourself.

We all have to take the time to make ourselves more marketable. In truth, we should do it for our own interests first.

If you want that right guy and you’re puzzled as to why he’s not there, take a moment to be introspective. He might be right in front of you but he may feel you’re just not deserving of the whole shabang right now. I often say that most events in life can be influenced by others; but many times there’s something you could have always done to help  the situation. We all need to do our best to be on the same page with one another. If you want the real McCoy then we’ve got to be just that.

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What do you think?

Talk to me.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

“Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status



  1. In a small defense of women.

    Women have their value given from birth, their ability to reproduce, which their youth or lack thereof, is a indicator of fertility.

    So, in theory, women really don't have to do much to fulfill their basic purpose, survive long enough to reproduce.

    Men mostly gotta show & prove to get the draws. Exceptions abound.

    One of the best ways a woman can stay self-motivated is the hope & promise that at the end of the rainbow of putting all that hard work in becoming her best self, she meets a man who has been doing the same (his best self.)

    Otherwise she is pretty much will be apart 95% of the female pop, below average to above average in value.

    Good Day

    PS. It is possible to be born "marriage material"

      1. @Tristan Word


        Outside of procreating, women can be replaced on every traditional domestic duty assigned to them. And when men put their minds to it, they are better than women when it comes to EVERYTHING.

        Cooking, Cleaning, Child-Rearing. (I don’t want men doing these things for me personally, just for the sake of argument.)

        Also, as far as pleasure, I can masturbate via p0rn & real-life booty objects/toys.

        But when it comes to reproduction, I cannot have a baby by myself, I need an oven to make the baby in.

    1. Men are probably more accountable, we’re the pursuers. Men go for women who make them look good by comparison than in general, they say they want a queen but spends his time playing prince charming to unworthy subjects. They want women with class but date women who are impressed by jordans and gucci belts. They want women in shape but most of their dates consist of pizza n netflix marathons.

      I can see why men were omitted from the post however, again being the pursuers we cant complain about the women we are veni, vidi, vicing. A man cant complain about lack of good women when he’s smashing all the bad ones.

      1. "A man cant complain about lack of good women when he's smashing all the bad ones." This right here needs to go on a T-shirt! This is one of the truest and best things I've ever heard/read from a man. Mad Props Trist. 🙂

  2. I was just saying this, people conveniently gloss over the fact that that great person they think they deserve, ain’t checking for them. Men all want wholesome women, but they have no patience for women if they cant smash in 2 weeks in. They want nurturing women but can’t provide for them. Women want well travelled, cultured men but got 3 kids at home. The main ones complaining about the quality of choices in the dating pool wouldnt know what to do with that “perfect” person if they had them. Works in progress demanding finished products, you’re doing it wrong.

    1. Funny you said that, I have to disagree. Men want want women in shape, but he’s fat not athletic build as he says, men want classy women but doesn’t even have his own place. He may also have 3 kids that he does nothing for but claim to be a good man. I don’t think so

  3. I'm a firm believer in 'you get what you give.' I think that some people have such high standards for a mate, that hell they aren't meeting thing either. You want a chick that looks like Sofia Vergara, but you look like Flavor Flav. You want a man that makes 6 figs, but you are the #8 server at Mcdonalds (at least try to be #1 boo). You can have standards, but i say be reasonable with your standards and make sure you can offer what you require. I want a man who is a good communicator, so I always try to improve my communication skills, etc.
    My recent post Keep on using me until you use me up: Why women stay with jerks

        1. Thanks @Ray

          @PayneWell You will be surprised how fickle a person (woman’s) beliefs are.

          And how they (fail to) hold up in the negotiation room.

          Having strong beliefs help.

          Good Day

  4. I couldn't agree with you any more on this subject @DamnPops. Too many times have I encountered women who are attractive, down to earth, and totally considerable for the classification of "wifey", yet i still cant find it in my soul to fully commit myself to them… why? Because I have to strap on my luggage, plus hers… and still be expected to be the motivator for us both along the way. Dont get me wrong, I strive to be superman but even he gets a day off. Women who lack motivation, ambition and love of self are simply draining and at some point a brothers gonna break!

  5. "This is a classic scenario of not asking of anything that you wouldn’t ask of yourself."

    "We all have to take the time to make ourselves more marketable. In truth, we should do it for our own interests first."

    …and the rest of the post was just a bonus!

  6. Self-improvement is what we all should strive for. Both Men and Women can tend to be hypocritical when it comes to "the dating game"! Many of us fall into the extremes of either Overestimating or Underestimating our worth! Self-Awareness has to be the order of the day!

    1. Typical bitter black woman response

      Say something a bitter black woman doesnt agree with

      You are gay
      Hate yourself
      Hate your mother
      Or hurt
      All black women use the same raggedy play book

      1. Bitter? Everybody has a right to want what they want. Its always called bitter when its the truth. Men can’t handle the truth.

    2. @ThatDaDiva

      I love my mama. Does that help?

      And the homophobia in the black female community definitely needs to be addressed. Maybe the conversation will start here.


      whether by CHOICE or by SWORD, most will come to the conclusion that we were 90% right in our assertions/observations.

      Making people see the truth before they are ready is a recipe for us to get STONED!

      Good Day

      1. I am not sure why the argument is so intense between you two but I will chime in on homophobia.

        I definitely wouldn't taunt someone calling them gay but you have to be real with yourself.

        There are a lot of downlow guys in our community and women need to be extra cautious because of this.

        Men (black men included) don't just come out and offer up the fact that they are bisexual, were gay for 5 years in college or sleep with men but don't think they are gay. Imagine how mentally unnerving it would be to hear stories of your friend dating someone and then finding out he is bisexual after the fact, even though you asked him before the fact.

  7. @Adonis

    Which is why black woman are choosing to be MORE OPEN to marrying outside of the race. Why keep bending over to please a bunch of mysoginistic jackarses with such a pure hatred and disdain for BLACK WOMEN that they’ve devalued all of the beautiful, wonderful and amazing talents of SISTERS to being good for NOTHING but breeding. Not cooking, cleaning, conversation, traveling, partnership, life experiences….but BREEDING????

    Very 12 Days A Slave of you, THANKS! Since you have made it VERY clear an abundance of times that black women are lower then the SHIT ON YOUR SHOE, please claim your homosexuality freely, come AAAALLLLL the way pity the closet!


    How boring. A black woman has an opinion and she is bitter, correct??? Way to attempt to keep us shut down and shut UP by going tobthe same old well, it’s tiresome and old.

    At least attempt some originality in your thought process!

    1. "At least attempt some originality in your thought process!"
      How can you say that when you keep spouting the homosexuality line, a line that is all too prevalent in this sort of discussion.

      You can have your beef with whoever you like but calling someone gay for not agreeing with you seems rather childish and reflects poor debating skills. You're not attacking his argument, you're attacking him. Your rebuttal is filled with emotion that is rather unwarranted and creates a "proof in the pudding" situation. All I read is you trying to get back at him (or perhaps African American men in general) and objectively speaking you do sound bitter.

      I suggest a coherent argument next time. We're all grown folks in here. It's time we type like it.

  8. I agree with most of the posts. The primary application I think men should take away is that if you want absolute loyalty you should be prepared and wiling to give it.

  9. No one is going to be the perfect ideal partner but point is very well taken. I was watching "Why did I get Married" some time back and Malik Yoba's character talked about the "80-20" rule and he was spot on. And at the end of it all, you have to know what you want first before you worry about anyone else's expectations.
    My recent post 7 Myths About Women That Men Really Hate

    1. Girl age 16: “You’re such a nice guy.”

      Translation: ” I don’t want to hurt your feelings, or come off as a bitch to my friends, but I’m really much more attracted to Bad Boys – outlaw bikers, the football team’s quarterback, basically any guy who appears dangerous and exciting. You’re Nice, nice and mundane”

      Girl age 22: “You’re such a nice guy.”

      Translation: “Thanks for listening on the phone to me cry, fall into verbal hysterics and drone on for hours about my Jerk BF (oh, and my little dog too). You’re really sweet, and deserve a girl (which isn’t me) who can appreciate how nice (i.e. mundane) you are.”

      Girl age 28: “You’re such a nice guy.”

      Translation: “I know you’ve always been (an) my emotional tampon, and thanks for sticking with it – any sane guy would’ve found a far better prospect by now. And while I’m beginning to see that guys like you are stable, dependable and tend to make a lot more money than the Jerks I’ve dated, I think I’m gonna hold out for a hotter guy than you while my looks still hold up”

      Woman age 32: “Why can’t I just find a nice guy?”

      Woman age 35+: “You’re such a nice guy.”

      Translation: “Oh, you’re a Nice Guy,..here, let me suck that for you. See? Being a Nice Guy does get you laid!,..thanks for being there for me when I needed you; my fatherless kids appreciate your generosity too. How chivalrous of you to forgive my past indiscretion and take us in, I wish there were more guys like you. I really pity the women who can’t appreciate your kind of dedication – you are so different from “other guys””.


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