Every now and then I remember that we haven’t done a post outlining advice for men in a while. It’s not that we don’t have opinions about men and the things they can do better; it’s that we get bombarded with questions from women all the time. We address those issues first because that’s what we hear the most and let’s be quite frank, most men feel like they don’t need anyone else’s help. That is not to say that every man is perfect, none of them are. So in a bloggy blog world where most of the material is targeted towards women and what they should do or what they shouldn’t do, it’s time for a post about men… and their malfeasance.
A post that’s been kicking around in my head for some time now is around the things that I think men need to stop doing. It’s not like we haven’t discussed all these things before but they need to be rehashed because over the past year it’s gotten out of control. I read an article the other day that talked about how men stopped being men and that ruined relationships in the 21st century. I actually agreed with it! Men have tried so hard to emulate the actions of someone who is super-sensitive and soft mannered to the point that the women don’t even recognize a doormat from a man anymore. And while my daddy told me that no man should raise another man, I figured I’d answer the question, “What do men need to stop doing to women?”
1. Quit making them insecure – Men have the worst way of making women feel inadequate in every possible way. They also are very much aware that they’re doing it too. They know that they can’t tell her that she looks fat or awkward in the dress she plans to wear. That’s why they result to something less threatening but a hell of a lot more passive aggressive like, “Is that what you’re wearing?”
2. Stop agreeing with them to appease them – Men think they’re raising their self-esteem or working their way into their good graces but in reality they’re screwing up gender dynamics. Keep it real, there’s a ton of stuff that women believe in that men just disagree wholeheartedly with. That’s fine, that’s why we were not given the same sex parts.
3. Stop calling them crazy – Wait… there are women who are crazy, just to be clear. The problem is that men have a tendency to call women who aren’t crazy at all. Men get lazy and don’t want to articulate their thoughts or use their words.
4. Quit being unhappy to make her happy – I’ve been guilty of this one a lot in my life. Here’s the real issue with this; you’ll let her build a false sense of security until one day you pull the carpet from under her and leave. You have women turning habits into character traits and when you bounce they spend years trying to fix their flaws.
5. Stop acting like a baby – Men are supposed to be men. It’s a shame that has to be said. Stop pouting when you don’t get your way, stop intentionally being disruptive when you aren’t able to do what you want to do, and stop doing less than what a man should do just because someone else has acted out. The point is you’re a man now it’s time to be one.
6. Stop dry snitching – All jokes aside, stop snitching on other men to benefit your own cause. How good you are to your woman has nothing to do with all the bad things your boy does to his. There’s a reason that people call it “fair and square.”
7. Stop comparing them to other women – They have made it clear, they don’t like it. Nobody compares someone to someone they’re better than either. Like have you ever heard, “Damn baby Halle Berry looks like you in this picture”? Not never. So when you compare a woman to another all you’re saying is, “you’re a close second.”
That’s just a quick list of seven. There’s a long list that is not mentioned here but I think this is a good start. I think we spend a lot of time telling women about themselves but not a lot talking about men. For good reason too, everyone wants everyone else to think the problem is everyone else. Introspective thinking is something of the pass with our generation. I think for today we should all take these things into account and make sure these aren’t things that we do as men and need to change. For women, if you notice this behavior in men you interact with; don’t be afraid to call them on it.
– Dr. J