Since the panel I was apart of in DC about ‘Emotionally Unavailable Men‘ last month, I’ve thought about what I could write that pertains to the topic. I went back and read Mr. Spradley’s ‘So Don’t You Fall In Love: A Thesis for Emotionally Unavailable Men’ to form some ideas and came to the conclusion that he did it best. So since Mr. Spradley spoke about emotional unavailability in the aspect of a romantic relationship, I figured why not just write about emotional vulnerability in general- which brings me to Drake…
People criticize Drake a lot because of his use of emotion, it’s always funny to joke about how soft his songs are or how sensitive they believe him to be. However, there isn’t any rapper that verbalizes their emotions about women, family, and intimate moments of emotional vulnerability like Drake. I believe it comes from the fact he has a background in acting and an actor’s main responsibility is to convey emotion, it’s his understanding of empathy. There’s no doubt that Drake nails this. Which made me think that maybe the criticism of Drake’s intimate rhymes come from some of our(men) inability to express ourselves wholly to the one’s that love us. Which prompted a Few Quick Thoughts on Drake, Men and Emotional vulnerability:
You Rob People of Real Moments with You
When you’re emotionally unavailable you don’t let people in and fail to share intimate moments/breakthroughs with the people you love. In this context, a breakthrough is a solution/conclusion that comes out an intense emotional experience usually shared by two people. As a shorty, I grew up in a household with a father that I do know loved me, but he wasn’t the most emotionally expressive. Most men are like this to some extent, and most of the time the lack of openness affects the household in an adverse way, because your family, your children, your girl/wife never truly know how you feel about them. It’s easy to take care of business, but sometimes those emotions have to be verbalized to foster understanding and provide clarity. Don’t rob people of how you really feel about them, because you have no reservations emotionally. As I become a man, I try harder to share that intimacy with people that mean something to me, because it only makes us and our bond stronger.
There’s Strength in Vulnerability
A lot of men fail to realize that there is indeed strength in vulnerability. Recently, I realized that people admire or root for you more when you share with them. Everything doesn’t always go as you planned all the time, so you don’t have to put up a facade that everything is. There will be times when you fail yourself or others, sometimes you will be rendered vulnerable. The strength that you find in vulnerability is the utilization of your biggest resource on this earth- other people. You gain other people’s knowledge, perspective, and support. We are all our biggest resources. It’s not the end of the world- if you cry, ask for help, or vent to someone. Use vulnerability as a tool to become a better you.
A Failure to Express the Things You Feel is Immature
Throughout a man’s life all we are ever told is to “man up” or to not be too sensitive. It’s understandable to a degree because men are the anchor of the family. They are suppose to provide the family with stability and protection amongst other things. You have to be tough to do these things. You can’t overact, be too emotional and/or erratic when you are the leader of anything or anyone. However, you also can’t be a great leader if you can’t articulate your thoughts and emotion. The ability to master and convey your emotions is one of the most distinguishable qualities of a mature being, man or woman. A failure to be able to do so and do so often is a stunting of one’s life experience.
Romance Only Gets You What You Want Anyway
You always hear cats complaining about being romantic or doing the things their girl wants them to do. Simple sh*t like saying ‘I love you’, holding her, or going out of their comfort zone to appease her. However , the older I get the more stupid it sounds to me. If you romance your girl, consequently you get what you wanted in the end anyway- the cheeks. Anything you have with a woman that’s good can only be amplified if you constantly reaffirm how you feel about her. Women are always down for you when they love you, but when you reciprocate that emotionally intimacy their loyalty and willingness to do for love skyrockets.
Even in this post I fail to be completely emotional vulnerable and transparent, but I strive to become both each day. Because I realize that being emotionally healthy and able to express myself is vital to building and maintaining fruitful relationships with the ones I love and/or care about. Emotional transparency is my goal, the ability to share all my hopes and fears candidly without awkwardness is what I hope to grow into with family, my future wife, and our children. This is no better way to live, other than a life of complete, balanced self-expression?
#SBMFam, do you think there is value of being emotionally transparent? Is it hard for you to emotionally vulnerable? Do you agrer or disagree with any of my points?
TheSUNK.com or the Sh!t U Need 2 Know is a blog based on the explicit discussion of sex, relationships, and social commentary. “It’s Where Your Bedroom Voice is Welcomed…” TheSUNK’s author is a native of Chicago and a current Howard University student. Follow him on IG