Home Featured A Few Thoughts on Drake, Men and Emotional Vulnerability

A Few Thoughts on Drake, Men and Emotional Vulnerability

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drake
Since the panel I was apart of in DC about ‘Emotionally Unavailable Men‘ last month, I’ve thought about what I could write that pertains to the topic. I went back and read Mr. Spradley’s ‘So Don’t You Fall In Love: A Thesis for Emotionally Unavailable Men’ to form some ideas and came to the conclusion that he did it best. So since Mr. Spradley spoke about emotional unavailability in the aspect of a romantic relationship, I figured why not just write about emotional vulnerability in general- which brings me to Drake…

People criticize Drake a lot because of his use of emotion, it’s always funny to joke about how soft his songs are or how sensitive they believe him to be. However, there isn’t any rapper that verbalizes their emotions about women, family, and intimate moments of emotional vulnerability like Drake. I believe it comes from the fact he has a background in acting and an actor’s main responsibility is to convey emotion, it’s his understanding of empathy. There’s no doubt that Drake nails this. Which made me think that maybe the criticism of Drake’s intimate rhymes come from some of our(men) inability to express ourselves wholly to the one’s that love us. Which prompted a Few Quick Thoughts on Drake, Men and Emotional vulnerability:

You Rob People of Real Moments with You
When you’re emotionally unavailable you don’t let people in and fail to share intimate moments/breakthroughs with the people you love. In this context, a breakthrough is a solution/conclusion that comes out an intense emotional experience usually shared by two people. As a shorty, I grew up in a household with a father that I do know loved me, but he wasn’t the most emotionally expressive. Most men are like this to some extent, and most of the time the lack of openness affects the household in an adverse way, because your family, your children, your girl/wife never truly know how you feel about them. It’s easy to take care of business, but sometimes those emotions have to be verbalized to foster understanding and provide clarity. Don’t rob people of how you really feel about them, because you have no reservations emotionally. As I become a man, I try harder to share that intimacy with people that mean something to me, because it only makes us and our bond stronger.

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There’s Strength in Vulnerability
A lot of men fail to realize that there is indeed strength in vulnerability. Recently, I realized that people admire or root for you more when you share with them. Everything doesn’t always go as you planned all the time, so you don’t have to put up a facade that everything is. There will be times when you fail yourself or others, sometimes you will be rendered vulnerable.  The strength that you find in vulnerability is the utilization of your biggest resource on this earth- other people. You gain other people’s knowledge, perspective, and support. We are all our biggest resources. It’s not the end of the world-  if you cry, ask for help, or vent to someone. Use vulnerability as a tool to become a better you.

A Failure to Express the Things You Feel is Immature
Throughout a man’s life all we are ever told is to “man up” or to not be too sensitive. It’s understandable to a degree because men are the anchor of the family. They are suppose to provide the family with stability and protection amongst other things. You have to be tough to do these things. You can’t overact, be too emotional and/or erratic when you are the leader of anything or anyone. However, you also can’t be a great leader if you can’t articulate your thoughts and emotion. The ability to master and convey your emotions is one of the most distinguishable qualities of a mature being, man or woman. A failure to be able to do so and do so often is a stunting of one’s life experience.

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Romance Only Gets You What You Want Anyway
You always hear cats complaining about being romantic or doing the things their girl wants them to do. Simple sh*t like saying ‘I love you’, holding her, or going out of their comfort zone to appease her. However , the older I get the more stupid it sounds to me. If you romance your girl, consequently you get what you wanted in the end anyway- the cheeks. Anything you have with a woman that’s good can only be amplified if you constantly reaffirm how you feel about her. Women are always down for you when they love you, but when you reciprocate that emotionally intimacy their loyalty and willingness to do for love skyrockets.

Even in this post I fail to be completely emotional vulnerable and transparent, but I strive to become both each day. Because I realize that being emotionally healthy and able to express myself is vital to building and maintaining fruitful relationships with the ones I love and/or care about. Emotional transparency is my goal, the ability to share all my hopes and fears candidly without awkwardness is what I hope to grow into with family, my future wife, and our children. This is no better way to live, other than a life of complete, balanced self-expression?

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#SBMFam, do you think there is value of being emotionally transparent? Is it hard for you to emotionally vulnerable? Do you agrer or disagree with any of my points?

TheSUNK.com or the Sh!t U Need 2 Know is a blog based on the explicit discussion of sex, relationships, and social commentary. “It’s Where Your Bedroom Voice is Welcomed…” TheSUNK’s author is a native of Chicago and a current Howard University student. Follow him on IG

Comment(13)

  1. I've come to the same realizations the past couple of years. The fake macho shit is played out. Vulnerability is as real is it gets, how could that ever be soft? Time reveals all so these revelations just come with maturity. Good stuff.

  2. Great article! Well written and honest. How did you make strides towards becoming more emotionally vulnerable? It's not easy.

  3. “Emotionally unavailable” persons (EUP) actually exist. Articles like these appear to appeal to them but they really are only geared toward the bad actors.

    I am admittedly, one of these real EUP and I’m not exactly proud of it. Being a EUP goes far beyond relationships. Relationship issues are but one symptom of being a EUP. Everything being true, a real EUP reads…

    1.“You Rob People of Real Moments with You”…and wonders, what moments? Most EUP watch these moments and mimic accordingly.

    2.“There’s Strength in Vulnerability”…and learns how to fake it (knowing that faking it doesn’t last long)

    3.“Romance Only Gets You What You Want Anyway”…see above

    4.“A Failure to Express the Things You Feel is Immature”…this one is rather condescending because for whatever reason, real EUP didn’t get the emotional tools that others got (at the correct time) (very important). Maturity is self-awareness. It isn't a transformation.

    If you’re a EUP as a façade, please..cut the sh!t… because some of us really have this issue and it takes a lot of patience to BE a EUP and to be WITH one.

  4. its not a man's job to be emotionally available. that's for the women to do. i agree with what you say about mastering emotions. but its the men have to master emotions, not women. we have to be in control and handle very tough situations without wavering. you cant be a protector or a provider if your emotions are in the way. a man expresses himself by actions not by words.

    a woman with mastered emotions is somewhat of a masculine woman or what you would call the strong/business type. not necessarily a woman who will carry then nurture children. if she acting wild and foolish – i dont think thats a product of emotions not mastered – rather that of someone who has been broken with trauma or just a childish person.

    if you trying to be a player and just get ass – thats not a hard thing to do in 2013. you can be romantic and that might work but will it keep that person around? will it be the basis of a family? drake name drop all the women he been on dates with – very beautiful women like tyra banks and tatyana ali but he single with no kids. he come off as the type guy that dont want to be single and wants a family. so apparently his way aint working for the longevity he desire.
    My recent post VIDEO – THE TRUE HISTORY OF SLAVERY

    1. "its not a man's job to be emotionally available. that's for the women to do."

      I can agree that he shouldn't be emotionally available to every lisa, michelle and angela. But to your girl/wife that is very important to have. It's the way to get closer and make that bond deeper. You have so many men who go around and thinking they can't be vulnerable to one that they need to be. As women it's nice to know that men aren't unfeeling machines. Sometimes as women we have to master our emotions because they will be all over the place. Emotions doesn't solely just mean love. That means those times when we get scorn and want to walk up to his job and curse him out. Or when our mind goes into over drive and we are letting our emotions get the best of us. I think a little of both of is helpful, not necessarily an all or nothing situation.

    2. I get what you're saying, but emotional unavailability and mastery of emotions are mutually exclusive statements. Someone who is emotionally unavailable has absolutely no control over his (or her) emotions because they pretty much refuse to acknowledge them. At best, they know how to push them back and hide them from the world. That behavior actually makes a man more vulnerable in the long run because it's a weakness that he refuses to acknowledge and deal with. Someone who sniffs out that weakness can do some real damage if they choose.

      Again, a lot of the "masculine" women that you refer to fall into the same camp as emotionally unavailable men. They haven't mastered their emotions either, they simply hide from them.

  5. Its very masculine to show emotions… as long as you arent being sappy or excessively sentimental. The key is positivity.

    Expressing positive emotion is where its at. Think of a team of men that just won a championship game and are cheering and hollering and carrying on. They are being very present and grounded in the moment, but it's a high-energy kind of emotion they are giving off to each other. And it makes other people want to join in on the fun.

    On the flip side, expressing negative emotions can be parasitic, in that it saps away other people's emotional energy. It's fatiguing. Thats why its easy to go to sleep after you've been crying. And why people who sulk and whine aren't fun to be around. Its their low-energy emotion that turns people off.

    Remember guys– women derive their actions from their emotional state, meaning they react to emotional *change*, whether its positive or negative. But it's the negative, low-energy emotions that get an undesirable reaction. Do yourself a favor and show her good positive emotions and she wont complain about "emotional unavailability" anymore.

    Even Drake knows this– he has a few sappy sentimental songs, but a whole catalog of songs about celebrating and enjoying life.

  6. Hi!

    I don’t want to dispute the author’s assumptions that Drake is more sensitive because he was an actor before he became a rapper, but I think it’s more of a cultural difference. Drake was an actor on a Canadian show. Drake is not American, he’s Canadian. It’s easy for us to forget this fact because he’s so engulfed in American culture and now he has his hand at shaping American culture. I think that there are a big cultural differences between Canadians and Americans that should be explored.

  7. Life is balance guys.
    You can't be mr. macho all the time but the same goes for being sensitive.
    Be vulnerable only with those who you can trust.
    Very simply stuff really.

  8. Be cold and shit on people.

    I learned that from too short. Most women want a drake when no one will put up with them, but end up with a too short sooner or later.

    If you listen to drake, women will shit on you. And nobody wants to be shitted on.

    …….or with a nigga with a basehead mayor lol.

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