Home Featured Girlfriend Zero: The One That Ruined Him

Girlfriend Zero: The One That Ruined Him

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I admire women’s resilience in relationships. They are able to love hard and with all their heart, without much reserve or pause. When a dude rips that heart out of a woman’s chest, throws it on the floor, and Cat Daddy’s all over her emotions, she may be devastated, but she will love again. Yeah, she will be more cautious, and practice more due diligence when seeking a partner, but when she finds THAT man, she will dive head first into love with no regard for potential emotional distress. Here’s a fact that men may not want to admit: We handle breakups worse than women if we are treated wrong. It’s like we lose all hopes and dreams of happiness because we had one or a couple of bad experiences. Women have spoken to me about this phenomenon, and are bewildered at the notion that one woman could cause a man to completely flip the script on relationships. These women want to know #WhoHurtYou in your past. Well there is a term for this individual. A term I like to refer to as “Girlfriend Zero”

Girlfriend Zero is the index case, or primary women in a man’s dating history from which you can trace his angst and pessimism towards love. This was the girlfriend/lover/fwb who “ruined him” for other women. Show me a man who’s apathetic about relationships, and I will show you the reflection of a woman who did him dirty. Now you may ask what happened in the relationship that caused him to denounce all previous feelings towards relationships. What could be so serious that a man would turn his back on his future for what occurred in the past? Aren’t men supposed to be the more emotionally fortified of the sexes? These are all valid questions that I have asked myself and others. Rather than give a list or trivial response, I will walk through the effects of Girlfriend Zero on a man’s heart, mind, and soul, and attempt to provide clarity on this subject.



If you’re big on medical science (or you saw the movie Contagion), then you will be familiar with the term “Patient Zero”. Girlfriend Zero was the woman who whether we knew her for a day or a lifetime, fell perfectly into our fantasy of the perfect woman. She treated us with kindness and respect. She was beautiful, intelligent, charming, and had all the qualities the man wanted and more. Above all else, she was HONEST! No matter how many rappers or male friends/family members would tell him “Trust no woman,” she was the exception to the rule. She possessed integrity like no other, and he could never see G-Zero betray him. After careful analysis and self-consultation, the man will place Girlfriend Zero on “The Pedestal.”

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What men won’t admit is that The Pedestal was originally reserved for our future wives. This imaginary pillar in our hearts was created by gods of a different era, to supplant our chosen woman on high ground, to be worshipped and adored. This was the spot where the woman who our mother’s would gush over in their imaginary hopes for a perfect daughter-in-law would reside. Our fantasies would become tangible reality, and she would manifest herself in physical form. We didn’t know when or where she appeared. Sometimes, as a kid, I think men just thought that we would get old and the wife would eventually just show up screaming Here I AM! Our emotions and perception of The Pedestal are infantile, and when we get more mature and experienced, we realize it’s not the Utopia we envisioned. No matter what we say or do, we’ll always find that one woman who we feel deserves to be in that spot. We may not promote her emotionally right away, but eventually it happens whether we are cognizant or not! Heavy is the head that wears the crown, and this coronation, this promotion, of Girlfriend Zero to one of the highest positions in a man’s emotional spectrum is a gift and a curse.

You see, the fall of Girlfriend Zero was foretold long ago. The great poets Sir Bell, Biv, and Devoe, warned men about the dangers of placing trust in a plump derriere and an inviting countenance. Those same friends and family who told him not to trust women also said that a woman will break his heart one day. Men always think we’re immune to heartbreak, until it occurs. They think that Girlfriend Zero won’t do these bad things because “it just feels right.” Men are guarded with their emotions, and it takes a LONG time for them to open up to a woman, but once you unlock that door, you have total access. This is what some refer to as “a man giving a woman his heart.” Emotionally, this occurs, and a man allows himself to be vulnerable. Then, after he’s dropped his guard, is when Girlfriend Zero always chooses to show her imperfections. The Event occurs, and the man’s perception on love and relationships changes for the foreseeable future.

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The Event is a crossroads in the relationship with Girlfriend Zero, where the man is devastated. Maybe she cheated. Maybe she stole money from him. Maybe her personality was false and she revealed her true colors. No matter what the situation, to a man this is an egregious offense. When The Event happens, The Pedestal is reduced to ruins. His perception of the perfect woman for him is destroyed. His whole though process of what can/should happen in a relationship is flipped. Men can be naive. We expect that if we give a woman our heart, it can’t end in a f*cked up manner, especially if we are doing right by her! We tend to forget that for all of our “logic,” real life happens. No one is perfect. The Event doesn’t make Girlfriend Zero evil; it makes her the poster child for relationship reality.

The Event is a rude awakening. It’s our “Welcome to the NFL moment” for relationships. Once the event occurs, men will refute and despise all notions of love and relationships. The man will usually whore out whether implicitly or explicitly. He will glorify the player life and tout the benefits of being single while secretly resenting those individuals in working relationships. The man will think “why would he open up and give his heart again if there’s a chance it can be broken again?” It’s way easier to maintain a single lifestyle, where you have no cares but your own, and you don’t have to worry about a significant others feelings. Seriously, having sex with many women and dating multiple women gives men solace that they will find the next woman worthy of The Pedestal via process of elimination. We will mess with Mrs. Wrong as much as we can until the next Mrs. Right presents herself. Mrs. Right will get some type of raw deal, because she will find herself on a new pedestal. It may not be as high or grandiose as the old one, but what it lacks in aesthetics is fortified in substance.

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With maturity comes the acceptance by men that, said plainly, sh*t happens. We will be hurt in relationships. There will be mistakes made. It’s how you react that will define you in the relationship. Yes, this Girlfriend Zero changed our perspective. Her griminess, her deceit, her imperfection, showed us the reality of the emotional world. While we may be damaged, it’s normal. It also bodes well for future mates, because they’ve seen the good and bad in relationship, and will use that experience to be better. All men have had a Girlfriend Zero, and have had to overcome her impact to lead meaningful lives with their significant others. She can ruin dudes for life, or teach them valuable lessons for the future. Let’s hope that men learn their lessons and move on, rather than utilize bad experiences like a crutch.

StreetZ

*This post is an SBM classic made new. Share your thoughts in the comments.

Comment(195)

  1. Streetzie
    Excellent post. You really delved deep with this one..it was insightful and well-written…I really do get the concept of Girlfriend zero..but, I always figured there is a Girlfriend zero lurking somewhere..its the nature of the beast…..everybody has had that past relationship that has the potential to impact future relationships and sometimes very negatively……

    I truly believe that men have a harder time processing their pain..and therefore find it more difficult to move forward..so, they will just shut down…I have seen it happen time and time again…and this post has really helped me to understand why…..

  2. What about the perceived Girlfriend zero? The one that may be imperfect, but didn't steal, cheat, or eat a man up? I'm saying the one that a man may have all the consequences of the GFZ phenomenon, yet that person may have never "dogged" him, men so this evenwhen they were the dog ones. I love your page and your clever writing staff! I think allof us women need to read!

    1. Hey Ebony,

      I think I covered that when I spoke about "Right Place, Wrong Time" sometimes, men and women know that a current mate won't be a future mate, and they just need to let go. That would be a G-zero effect because you know you messed up or let a good thing go, and will know for next time not to eff it up!
      My recent post [VIDEO] X-Men Destiny Game trailer

  3. I met an amazing man. We were introduced by friends. His Girlfriend Zero or rather Wife Zero, totally messed this brother up. I wish things had worked out. After one of those conversations about ‘commitment’ he was out the door. It was a sad day. And I was a sad panda.

    But you’re right, the inevitable distrust, eternal bachelor-hood, non-chalant attitude towards love – all began with that one event decades earlier. So it seems, men have to guard their hearts even more than women do. If they expect to be a husband/SO/partner whatever, they need to guard it like they guars their mamas, children and goods.

    Loved, loved loved this article. It told a chapter of my life to a tee. Perfect & bravo!!

    1. "I met an amazing man. We were introduced by friends. His Girlfriend Zero or rather Wife Zero, totally messed this brother up. I wish things had worked out. After one of those conversations about 'commitment' he was out the door. It was a sad day. And I was a sad panda."

      I get these types alot, and I used to always want to "make it better". However, now If I hear a guy say "they've been hurt" or "they have a hard time opening up" because of what so and so did to them 10 years ago, I run the other way. I don't have time for all that nonsense. We all have been hurt at one time or another. Some men can hold on to pain forever…

    2. Rae, I can definitely relate to your story.

      For the past 8 months, I have been dating a great guy but he has Girlfriend Zero issues. His Girlfriend Zero of 2 years, who he treated like his wife cheated on him. As a result, he does not trust women and has reservations about committing. We have a great relationship and we compliment each other well but because of his past issues with Girlfriend Zero, I know what we have will never go any further until he addresses his past Girlfriend Zero issues.

  4. I know a guy who had the Girlfriend Zero experience happen to him in high school and has *never* gotten over it more than a decade later. I'm not sure if I should suggest therapy to the dude 'cause man…

      1. That is also true Streetz! He hasn't had serious relationships since then and he's trying to be married in the future and I'm like "son, you ain't ready, you may never be ready till you have several serious convos with your heart." And based on what I read downstream his mom may have had a bigger impact than I originally thought ::ponders::

  5. I applaud the honesty of this post. It seems to be a Catch 22 no? A man opens his heart and gives it to a woman and she breaks it in some way shape or form, yet the only way for him to truly get over and move on from it is to reopen himself (aka, his heart and emotions) in order to acknowledge said emotions and move on from them. I think the reason why it’s easier for women is because we already acknowledge (and over analyze) our emotions and are just emotional beings by nature so while we still experience hurt and pain from relationships we are already open enough to recognize those feelings and hopefully make changes to ourselves in an attempt to prevent wounded hearts in the future, like u said in your opening paragraph.

  6. The title alone is enough to let me know that this article will be upsetting. This story is yet another story behind the too-oft used "I've been hurt before" that men tell you AFTER they've won you over. "Look, baby, I can tell you like me. But I've been hurt before so I'm really careful with my heart." Basically, I got run over ONCE by some evil chick in my past, so now, if you're emotionally sensitive to my plight, you'll let me have the "good good" while I continue to win over women with little to no emotional investment on my part, and no plans on remedying this.

    EVERYONE has been "hurt before". If a dude even thinks to say that to me, I start pulling away immediately. I don't even let me full self out to play because I know many men do this once they've hooked you. They hope you're so drunk and irrational from lust (or LITERALLY, for those who aren't responsible with their liquor) to drop the bomb. So I just wait for the bomb. If, after a varying length of time, they don't say the dealbreaker line, then I start relaxing around them.

    But nah, fellas, it's time to move beyond that "been hurt before". It's time to take responsibility and, if you REALLY were hurt beyond repair (and most of you, I think, are using the line A LOT more than it actually applies), then why don't you get some therapy. They say women are crazy, but if you're still holding onto that chick who broke your heart eight years ago, maybe you are too, and maybe your coping method needs work. Nothing wrong with getting professional help.

    1. I hear what you are saying. This post highlights the inner strength that women have that we not be fully aware of (well some people). I think communication is key. Sometimes, we can't get over those hurdles. Sometimes, women know men have been hurt and still take the plunge. Sometimes, men and women get over thei past to progress their future, and that triumph yeilds happiness beyond belief.

      All that to say, it's not as easy as "get over it" dudes shouldnt swindle women, but everyone has to get over their emotions sooner or later.
      My recent post [VIDEO] X-Men Destiny Game trailer

  7. What a wonderful way to break down this emotional eclipse of the heart. The funny thing is while reading I couldn’t help but hear Song Cry by Jay Z playing in the background. I agree that the anguish left behind from GF Zero is because of the precieved notion that Perfection is readily available. You said it best as boys men thought “Our fantasies would become tangible reality, and she would manifest herself in physical form. ” Only to find through growth, “Our emotions and perception of The Pedestal are infantile, and when we get more mature and experienced, we realize its not the Utopia we envisioned.” Id,Ego,SuperEgo through male/female relations. This applies to women as well, however Inception takes over. We morn, go down another layer, taking what we remember from the last dream into the next. Hoping to unlock (another) “Mr.Perfect. ” We tend to thrive on the fallacy of the dry reality. Simply put we’re very optimistic individuals lol.

    1. This is true and sad. This proves that our past directly affects the future. It boggles me that parents don't think about this. This is why it is important that all emotional/mental issues are checked when it comes to parenting. I have seen mothers release their men issues on the children. Mommy/Daddy issues are REAL.

      1. Not so much Oedipus, as that implies a latent desire to bone your mom and kill your dad. I'm just thinking more along the lines of men who just have poor images of their mom for whatever reason. If you think your mom was a bad mom, was unloving, an idiot or just a bad person in general, it can have a major impact on how you perceive women. I think a boys relationship with his mom during his formative years is invaluable.
        My recent post The Millennial Manifesto: How 80′s Babies Can Save the World

        1. " I think a boys relationship with his mom during his formative years is invaluable. "

          Yes it absolutely is!!! Just like a girl's relationship with her daddy is as well but people (parents) don't seem to grasp that concept.

    2. I swear…my eyes got wet when I read this. I ain't let nothing drop though, LOL…

      But, if this didn't hit a NERVE! WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!

      SOOOOOOOOOO TRUE! Mothers, PLEASE be careful with your boys, PLEASE!

      1. I did cry – because I went through HELL FIRE and Damnation for a year with a man for this very reason – he was trying to make it right with me and just couldn't

        The scariest part is when I met her and no lie she could be my mom – I look just like her

        1. Girl, I totally understand. I've had a relationship fail as a result and I helped a few brothers through issues planted by parentals…

          Not a game. At. All. That stuff is deep and, in most cases, understandable. Its hard for a woman with a heart to NOT want to help a brother with scars from a situation he didn't place himself in…

  8. All men need their heartbroken atleats once. Or they atleast need their feelings hurt. I hate when I see it happen to a good dude, but when it happens to a dude that has been giving girls the run around and breaking hearts himself, its like the natural balance has been restored.

    And when men say that line " I've been hurt before, I don’t usually open up " to a girl who really likes him, it dangerous, it brings out the nurturing side in a female real quick and usually leads to the female being in a emotionally draining relationship. You know we love to fix things especially men’s hearts.

    1. Justification: The average age of the writer staff – thanks to some more than others – is nearing 30, bro. I kid.

      But seriously, not sure I understand your comment considering Monday's post was about sex and Tuesday was about the N-Word. That said, we are moving into a different mindset with different expectations for both ourselves and the women in our lives. In my opinion, it's only natural the content and our perception on life would change. It's called growing up. That MOB life-style gets old after a while.

      Fortunately for you, there is always rap music.
      My recent post A Review: What These Bitches Do Wrong

      1. A while back, during the post-game interviews in the Lakers locker room a reporter asked Smush Parker, "Do you think Kobe needs to shoot less or get other players involved so you guys can win more games?" Smush paused for a second while he thought of an appropriate response. Seeing this from afar, Lamar Odom yelled out, "Don't answer that sh*t" and kept it moving with exiting the Staples Center.

    1. I will. I won't get into details, justifications or explanations. But I am Girlfriend Zero to one man, and that's something that is difficult for me down to this day. As Most says, I'm the 'Villain' in this man's life story, for now and for always.

    2. I had one ex who didn't speak to me for YEARS…and I deserved it. 🙁

      I didn't cheat. He was very cute, a great guy…but my heart still belonged to my first love. So, he became my fill-in boyfriend whenever my first love and I had relationship lapses. The second my first love reappeared on the scene, I'd break up with him. It happened 2-3 times! HORRIBLE…I know. I actually recently used the numbers game on FB to apologize for it…even though it was over 10 years ago, it was still effed up.

      The second ex just didn't agree with my reasons for ending the relationship…which made me the villain. But, IMO, I did no wrong. And, I think he's chalked it up to Karma…cause he was a reformed Ratchet…and I was GFZ#2….the GF after GFZ#1.

    3. Let's rather say that I've been "Desired" GFZ. I usually get along very well with men and almost my male friends ended up falling in love with me, their words not mine. Where I thought there was true friendship with genuine loyalty, I found it was interested/covert courtship with the hope that I'd unfriend-zone them. Since these were one-sided affections, I'd become GFZ even though I'd never led on one of these guys. Some of them are married today with kids, yet from time to time, they'd send an email to see if life's finally made me pay for "breaking up" their hearts. TBH, I don't care about what they felt then or now. I'm a straightforward person, feminine wiles are not part of my vocabulary. I don't manipulate people, I don't send mixed signals. I get it that we don't choose whom we fall in love with but with the same token, don't hate on, resent people because they don't feel the same way about you. Don't go telling everyone that I'm the bitch who broke your heart. Your very self-absorbed reaction is the proof that I'd have been nuts to date you. And I thought we were friends. If you cannot be a real friend respecting the simple fact that I'm not in love with you or that a human being I'm entitled to know what's good for me, what is so great about you that I should feel honored to date you? So yeah, even though I know for fact that I've been GFZ for these guys, I don't feel bad at all for them. Men aren't the only creatures with a heart.

  9. I've had a Girlfriend Zero. Two actually. There was even a longbrief period where I hated women as a result. I still dealt with them, of course. But, I was passive aggressive and selfish as a result of my original Girlfriend Zero. I'd also like to clarify that "Girlfriend Zero" isnt always a girlfriend. Sometimes it's just a girl that wrongs a man in such a way he cannot bring himself to separate her transgressions from all other women. Therefore, one woman’s faults becomes "all women."

    Many women will simply say "get over it" or "move on" or some other BS, which honestly, shows me how little women understand men. lol Although I'm over it now, it took a number of years for me to get to this place. Further, when I find myself falling for new women I still have to actively keep myself from reverting back to my old ways and preemptively retreating. (1/2)
    My recent post Bloggers Burden

    1. (2/2) I guess men love less often or simply arent familiar with dealing with emotions That's the only explanation I can come up with. Since we have a smaller pool of emotion to choose from and experience, it seems natural that each occurrence would be comparably more significant, that’s simple statistics.
      My recent post Maybe I Should Have Called Her

    2. I don't think it's that women don't get it. Womenhave been on the receiving end of this for years but eleven.end are alwaysbeing preached at to let it go so the next dude can have chance that women regurgitate what they have been told for experiencing the same thing.

  10. Exquisite post. Ughn.

    Most men will have a girlfriend zero. Most men will eventually get over the girlfriend zero. Most men don’t take enough time to truly introspect and get past girlfriend zero without leaving a trail of destruction. Sounds simple, but it’s not easy to dig into the subconscious. And because men don’t confront what it is that’s truly plaguing them and instead try to bury it, something that could have been resolved in 6 months to a year ends up taking 2 to 4 to 6 to a lifetime.
    My recent post We’re So Easy to Conquer When We Divide Ourselves

    1. Yes because it has been about 19 years and counting. he is still saying his ex ruined him and he is 43 year old now this happened in his 20's. He has done nothing but bed woman after woman and had a series of non serious relationships including me 🙁 ; although he said he wanted to marry me and yadda yadda yadda, but when he said he are gonna disappear together I knew he could not get out of that dark spot that he has been foe the last 20ish years. I will always love him but I have let go and haven't spoken to him in a year. I lso found out that while he was casua;;y screwing and getting to know me he was still in a non serious relationship with his sons mother, and they went away together. His son is 15 he never married her and moved out 6 years ago but he still sees her…

  11. This was well written. But GF0 doesn't have to cheat on him or be mean. It could be that HE messed up. But she still sets the standard for what he believes to be the best woman for him. So he spends years searching for her replacement while pining after her. He dismissed women who doesn't meet the standards that he's set, based on a girlfriend in the past.

    1. The crazy thing is he so busy looking for someone just like her when he probably needs someone completely different now that he's a little bit older. Then the poor girl trying to live up to his “so called standards” is actually competing with a woman from his past that she doesn’t even know anything about b/c He wont open up.

    2. I have been lurking on here for the past four months, but i like your comment so much that I had to come out of hiding. I had a bf who did mess up, and he messed up really bad. I saw him some years later, and of course I still was hearing about how sorry he was for ruining our relationship. But he said that he had never been able to get close to anyone else after the break up.

  12. Id have to say although we're probably more emo then women when it comes to the matters of the heart, we only do so because its in our DNA..I call it the cave man theory. Men are very very simple minded..think about it, stupid caveman (lets call him dufus) is sitting in his cave playing xbox..lol sexy cave girl enters the cave, she smiles, she giggles, puts its down in the cave bedrm and even cooks for him! Then out of nowhere she clubs the poor guy over the head and run's off…..

    So now poor dufus relates love and affection to getting clubbed on the head…he no want dat no mo!

    so if ever he meets another chick and those feelings began to creep up he's kickin her the eff out his cave! #itswhatwedo

    1. I kind of disagree. I think that men don't ever practice dealing with their feelings so they just don't have anything to build on. Women are pretty much used to the fact by adulthood that they will get their feelings hurt. Men hide behind their feelings by putting up barriers and when they experience rejection they say, "F*ck that ho". Men don't deal with their emotions or the let down. If you tell a woman, "No i'm not interested" she'll likely be like "OK, not the first time that's happened to me." If you tell a man that same thing, he'll either deny it ever happened or he'll say, "F*ck that ho" or whatever rap verse comes to mind at the time.

  13. i think this may be my favorite post by you, Streetz. i know it is actually. good job. lol

    i've been G-Zero unknowingly… *hangs head in shame* twice. womp. it sucks to be blamed for "ruining" someone when you didn't have those intentions and don't feel you've done anything wrong. for all the "toughness," men definitely need to be handled with kid gloves in all things involving heart matters. it's interesting.

    i have a longer comment but i'm running behind schedule so… i'll be back. lol
    My recent post concrete jungle where dreams are maaaade of….

      1. lol we don’t believe men because even though hurting us was'nt you initial intention, your actions usually say a whole different thing.

        1. I think its possible for both men and women.

          The most common instance I know of (don't ask how, lol) is when one party, while in a committed relationship, decides that the relationship is no longer what they want…no cheating, no stand-by…just too many personality conflicts, life changes, etc. However, the other party doesn't see the "issues" or "problems" as a dealbreaker. They think you're "just quitting" or "making excuses" or "EVIL and HEARTLESS". The "its not me…its you" exit will ALWAYS make you the villain…or GFZ or BFZ…. However, the one bouncing is innocent…he or she is simply being true to self…they aren't out to get the other party.

        2. YES I know that I have definitely been there…even went as far to claim that I never loved him and that I was being SELFISH! I suppose selfish for not remaining in an environment that I outgrew…guilt-tripping is something I tell you..so glad you posted this.

        3. Maybe its jus me but I feel like sometimes even when a man doesn’t want to hurt you, he does certain things that he knows you wont like or will leave a sour taste in your mouth but then tries to cover it up with that wasn’t my intentions. It's like when someone say's "I’m not trying to be rude but" you might not really be trying to be rude but you already know what your about to say is going to sound rude as HELL.

        4. @Smilez,

          " but I feel like sometimes even when a man doesn’t want to hurt you, he does certain things that he knows you wont like or will leave a sour taste in your mouth but then tries to cover it up with that wasn’t my intentions."

          Women never do this? Ever? Please reference the friend zone for further clarification

          My recent post [VIDEO] X-Men Destiny Game trailer

        5. I never said women dont do it, I just feel like I see men do it more than women. Dont play the friend zone card …the friend zone aint that bad

        6. The friend zone abject evil. It is one of the worse things a man can experience, while being one of the most selfish things a woman can do to a man.

          "I know you really like me and you want something deeper than a friendship, but I don't like you like that. But hey, I can tease you by allowing you to come around and we hang out together! I'll tell you about all the other dudes I'm banging, and all the men that I'm dating that's mistreating me! And you can be the shoulder I can cry on, and I can ask you tips on dealing romantically with other men (who are not you)."

        7. The Friend Zone is no longer the death sentence it used to be like back in the day. I know quite a few women who commuted a man's sentence for whatever reason and they are now dating. It doesn't happen everyday but it does happen.

        8. GirlSixx, don't bother explaining this to the fellas 'round here, lol. They don't want to be enlightened in this area. They'd rather blame the Evil Friend Zone for a woman's choice not to be with him for any other reason but the friend zone, lol.

          If a single, emotionally available woman can see you as her man…and you want to be her man #roger&zapp…its going down. Screw the friend zone. Its a place we made up to make you feel better about us turning you down, LMBO! Please get this, Men! Please!

        9. Oh…and we keep you around to stroke our egos…cause we know we could have you if we wanted you. And we feel emotionally safe with you…'cause we've already decided "it ain't happening", lol. We feel safe holding the cards.

          I'm trying to tell y'all what I know! lol

        10. Remember, mentioning the friend zone was in response to this comment by Smilez_920:

          "I feel like sometimes even when a man doesn’t want to hurt you, he does certain things that he knows you wont like or will leave a sour taste in your mouth but then tries to cover it up with that wasn’t my intentions."

          To which Streetz replied women do the same thing, using the friend zone as an example. So in other words women also do "certain things that (s)he knows (we) won't like or will leave a sour taste in (our) mouth(s)". The only difference is it was her intention, which actually makes it worse.

          And "keep(ing) (us) around to stroke (your) egos"? How's that different from an emotionally unavailable man proposing a FWB relationship to which a woman agrees?

          PS: did you get my e-mail address from Most?

        11. Ok, so I basically helped prove y'all's point, LOL. That's fine and fair…it was a good point.

          Now, I'm not okaying these actions though…just explaining them…and using "we" and "us" because I'm a woman too and I've done this stuff in the past.

          Someone agreeing to an FWB situation is fine. However, when feelings change/get involved, the agreement needs to be re-evaluated. Keeping a man around to stroke your ego after you're aware that he's caught feeling for you is WRONG.

          RE to PS: Nope…I sure didn't. Paging Mr. Spradley…tech support, lol… And thanks for your willingness to help, Hugh.

        12. Men and women do things to benefit ourselves without consideration or knowledge to the people we hurt. Men and women just do it to each other in different ways.

          RE to RE to PS: It's [email protected]. I just didn't want to leave it there because I'd be getting all kinds of ridiculous anonymous messages.

      2. Great point Most. I'm going to be a little bit more crass than you because that's just how I am, besides I've said this before:

        "Just because a man is trying to kcuf a woman doesnt mean he also has the intent of kcuf-ing a woman over."

        Sometimes it just works out that way, because as we've discussed her at nausseum, most women cant separate their feelings from xes like men can. I'd also like to add, sometimes a man (or woman) is not "evil," they simply dont care or dont have as much vested in the relationship as the other person so it's easier for them to walk away.

        Such is life.
        My recent post Maybe I Should Have Called Her

      1. lol, I def saw that as well and it made me chuckle.

        Since I'm already typing, I'm just gon' go 'head and comment right here. Great post, Streetz; it's my favourite from you as well. Like I said last week, though, y'all some babies. =P

        Two guys from my past had GF0 issues, and it of course affected their desire to enter a committed relationship. They wanted me in their lives, but did not want to let themselves go beyond a certain point. It's not a fun game to play, because it leads to a lot of frustration on both ends. I've since learned to forfeit those games without even stepping on the court. It sucks, because you want to be the one to restore someone potentially special's faith in relationships and shower him with affection, but you are likely exposing yourself, to the detriment of your heart. At the very least, I'll need him to have gotten past his worst phase and to be in a position where he's willing to work with me. I cannot, or rather, will not carry a relationship by my lonesome….that defeats the entire purpose.

  14. "The Event is a rude awakening. It’s our “Welcome to the NFL moment” for relationships."

    Great analogy! I had one of these moments my sophomore year of college that changed my perspective on women and dating/relationships forever, lol. I've had a couple of girlfriend/woman zero's I suppose. Never a good feeling, but like I always like to say, "Experience is the best teacher, she gives the test first and the lesson afterwards".

    Great post, man.

  15. great post son.

    i've already have my girlfriend zero. yep, tunde was very naive. the notion of putting a woman on a pedestal thinking she can do no wrong is a real one. i did it. thing is i don't think that was fair to her. i expected her to be perfect. she was herself. i overlooked a lot of things but when they finally came to light my hurt feelings combined with the fact that i wasn't used to heartbreak amplified my resent towards relationships.

    you're right. men deal with heartbreak a lot worse than women do. it takes a long time and a special woman who's willing to deal with a lot of bullsh*t in order for men to get over themselves and learn to completely open themselves again.

    oh and contagion was a great movie. perhaps its the science geek in me.
    My recent post Cole World/Charity Starts at Home

    1. "it takes a long time and a special woman who's willing to deal with a lot of bullsh*t in order for men to get over themselves and learn to completely open themselves again.

      Good thing women aren't completely "logical" all the time, huh?

  16. Yeah… I have been GF0 to a couple dudes from what I hear. Not that I cheated or anything sinister…just that I had standards and options. When I was dating, I truly dated in that I left my options open. Since I wanted to be confident in my choice before I got serious in any king of way…I went through a narrowing down process. I would have thought men would have respected that. I wasn't giving up the goods so I wasn't sending any mixed signals. I was sure to end things when I knew it wasn’t going anywhere. I was truly giving to men what I would want. However, I have seen too many dudes cry and do other unexpected things because I wanted to end the courtship. I guess I was put on the "pedestal" without me even know it. When I was dating, most guys acted as if knowing I kept my options open was cool. I later learned that’s not always the case.
    I appreciate now knowing why…but I still hate the fact I hurt these guys unintentionally. I ran into one a few years back…he and I became friends and he is still in my life 10 years later. He actually said he respected how I did things because he eventually ran into chicks that truly played him.
    Although sometimes I think it’s straight GAME when some dudes act like a woman has affected them soooo mmuuuchhhh with only a few meetings under the belt.

  17. in trying to put all the pieces together does GFZ (Streetz), lead to your questioning the how/when/if to fall in love (WIM), to then the emotional unavailability (Most)? Because it makes sense, and it makes you feel for the dude(s)… but at the same time the scarcely seen selfish side wants to say WHAT ABOUT ME? (j/k but not really).

    But I think Dr.J said it correctly: "Women are pretty much used to the fact by adulthood that they will get their feelings hurt." We know it's going to happen, and because we're in a circle of girl-friends who have also been hurt, they give us a time limit to get over it before they stop messing with you (30 days). After the timer dings you have to move on, or find a virgin listening ear for your melancholy.

    I would love to see a post on how men treat the one after GFZ (or to have further details of that point). Because I'm sure more women have been the one directly after than the GFZ… and maybe that correlates to women out numbering men…
    Overall good post! and very well written 🙂
    My recent post Fool for you

    1. "Women are pretty much used to the fact by adulthood that they will get their feelings hurt."

      Is that why so many women suffer from low self-esteem?

      1. I wonder if it's a less self esteem issue and more like there's only so many hits you can take before you question your place as a prizefighter. And then because your status is in question you either take low blows (a la Mayweather) or you retire.
        My recent post Fool for you

  18. I have my Girlfriend Zero also. This is something every man goes through. Some men don't learn from Girlfriend Zero e.g. Joe Budden. I have friends that didn't did learn until they married and had kids by GFZ. Girfriend Zero can be one or several women you deal with. Men of substance that deal with their Girlfriend Zero experiences properly become GREAT boyfriends and husbands. Those that don't become the "bitter dude" or the man women call "emotionally unavailable", "immature", "scared", etc.

    What is odd to me is the difference in how men and women deal with their versions of "Girlfriend Zero". After a few emotional @ss whippings by one or a couple of Girlfriend Zeros men self evaluate or say "f**k that I'm not dealing with this anymore" and go cold turkey. Women will ride or die and get emotionally beat to near death by not one, two, or three Boyfriend Zeros but by many, many, Boyfriend Zeroes well into their 30s and 40s.

    1. "Women will ride or die and get emotionally beat to near death by not one, two, or three Boyfriend Zeros but by many, many, Boyfriend Zeroes well into their 30s and 40s."

      Sweet 6lb 2.5oz Baby Jesus.. Church!!!

      But you (read: men) should be glad because if we were to just throw our hearts and emotions into a deep black hole like men then GF/BF relationships would cease and become extinct. Women get hurt they Heal – Men get hurt they Hoe.

  19. EXACTLY!!!!! Especially your last paragraph made me think about the comment in the post about women being used to getting their feelings hurt right on up into adulthood…why is that so prevalent?

  20. I’m girlfriend zero to my first love and I feel really awful for it. In my youthful ignorance I did some dumb shi!t that affected him long after we were over. I feel badly for his next girl who had to pay the price for me big time.

    But then again, I’ve had to pay the price for some effed up sh!t some other girlfriend zero did to some other dude so I guess it all comes out in the wash right?
    My recent post Commandment II: Thou Shalt Not Lie on P*ssy

  21. When I intially read this post I got annoyed. My thought was we've all been hurt. We hear a lot of talk about women taking the pain from previous relationships into the new and how bad it is…blah, blah, blah…we all know whats been said.

    I came back to this post hours later and realize that I am girlfriend zero. I've done it more than once. And in reading this my head hangs a little low in shame. But that was me then.

    Well written piece. Thanks for making me realize the negative impact I've had on people. Now that that the diagnoses has been given let's start to treat the problem.

    Men need to take the time to heal themselves as do women who have been treated badly. in some cases that means therapy. Now that we know better let's do better.

  22. THIS ENTIRE BLOG NEEDS TO BE ON THE FRONT PAGE OF EVERY MAJOR NEWSPAPER.

    #THIS is you are eSPECial

    I have ALWAYS been the girl right after this girl. GEESH!!!!!!!!! Then I get fed and bounce. THEN his faith is restored in women. But by then I am long gone. THEN I get the 'you don't know what you've got til its gone' texts/emails/BBMs/DMs. I just SMH!

    But thank you for this post. Some of you men make me sick. What bothers me is that YOU KNOW how women are, and always claim you don't. Classic version of 'you know better, but you won't do better".

    I'm gone
    L to the J

  23. Streetz, this post right here is a gem. Good one.

    As a normally guarded/secretive person, once I discarded that doctrine and said to myself, "F*ck it. I'm going in." Gave her the Keys to the city… Of course, out of all the ways to f*ck up, she chose to f*ck up in the worse way possible. Straight up slow train wreck style…

    Since then, I'm more hesitant to open up. To the average woman, I'm not just offering up the keys like that. I feel, if she's interested, she'll deal with the process for me to organically open up.

    However, I don't do that transference ish. I got over my first heart break by accepting that every woman is different. Sometimes we end up with someone that sucks and yes, THAT fact sucks. Investing your time, energy, money, emotion into someone that sucks, but every person doesn't inherently suck or have ill intensions.

    I know (some) women have that "I wanna fix his heart" ideology. So straight up, realistically, what do you think that truly means or entails? Like if you had to draw a picture, how would that manifest itself? Do you expect to be "nice" and homie just magically "know" or are there things above and beyond that come into mind when a woman considers such an idea?
    My recent post How to implement an OODBMS (pt. 1)

    1. Yo MM!!!

      First, you gotta make sure he places you in the "potential wife" category. Then, make sure he's worth the wait…cause its gonna be a long journey…and you can't be putting this type of work into every dude you meet. Next, you've gotta let dude observe you as long as he needs to in order to develop trust…with NO PRESSURE. Cause the man MUST trust you…your intentions….your logic….all of it. That's the FURTHEST and BIGGEST hurdle of all. Once he trusts you, he'll listen to you and actually consider your opinions, advice, suggestions, etc. that will help him to analyze and begin healing these broken areas. Now, support him in and hold him accountable to "the healing process". Then, celebrate his successes…if you notice evidence that he's healing…better responses, letting go of hurtful habits…tell him. Kiss him up…go out to eat…anything to make a big deal out of "the improved him". And, every step of the way, he'll give you more of himself.

      1. I also think that anytime you are with someone you care about, you want to see them at their best…whatever the deficiency. Sometimes y'all help us!

        *singing* You make me better! lol

  24. Great read! and this really explains a lot. Not that I want to be understanding to the fact that the endeavors we all go through have some type of impact on our lives but I can admit that in every relationship I have been in, I have been hurt by the opponent and I tamed myself not to live in the past and to really try to believe that all men aren't the same. The same things that the men go through after the War are the same things we women go through as well. I don't think it should be an excuse for holding back what could be a beautiful thing.

    I think it's ok to "do you" (generally speaking, not referring to You) if need be after the fact if there is nothing but honesty laid out before anything hits the fan. I would like to have a choice whether I wanted to be s*!t'd on or not. Maybe I'm just venting. Love the article tho 😉
    My recent post Liars, Cheaters and Thieves

      1. My ex went on a twitter rant about me Sat night. We've been broken up 4.5 yrs and I've never done anything EVER to make this man resent me so much….but this is the treatment I receive. I don't get it. But such is life.

        Girlfriend Zeroes win. At least y'all deserve the hate you receive.

        1. Well you obviously did something, unbeknownst to you. Quite possible to you it's nothing and it was something to him or a miscommunication gone awry. Either way if it's been 4.5 years then you can qualify as his Girlfriend Zero, more than likely.

    1. It's sort of a vicious cycle. I have been GF0 and felt horrible for it the first time. I was just honest and said I wanted to date him and others. But it was like he was still my BF for real. Other guys were just taking me on dates. But I can see how it would be very hurtful to a person.

      The second time, I basically was asked to be the GF then I was iffy then when I wanted to be the GF, he didn't want me to? lol, I was confused.

      You are probably the girl right after GF0 which I have been too, where the guy is just going bad/bitter. There is absolutely nothing you can do but be his friend and not date him to save yourself the heartache.

      1. OMG! We have the same handle …I thought I was the only Lovely:) I leave for a month and I have been replaced..lol

        Well this is going to be interesting!

  25. My last girlfriend was Girlfriend Zero… And this is why I have taken myself off of the market for good… It's been a year now and I am still devastated…

    1. For good???

      Here…read this >>>>All men have had a Girlfriend Zero, and have had to overcome her impact to lead meaningful lives with their significant others. She can ruin dudes for life, or teach them valuable lessons for the future. Let’s hope that men learn their lessons and move on, rather than utilize bad experiences like a crutch.<<<<< again, my brother.

      All woman are NOT the same. Tweek your vetting process. Get back in the game. Whatever she did or didn't do…you've given her TOO much power…letting her determine your future. Not good…

      1. Yes, for good…. This hurt was too much for me to bare… I loved this woman with all of my being and she booked on me. She wanted to get married and I really wanted to marry her. She got on Facebook and went crazy with the attention that men gave her… Guess she wasn't the one for me… Now my goal is to finish raising my nine year old daughter and then get my Harley and hit the road… After a failed marriage and then this hurt, really put me over the edge… I have learned my lesson. Relationships don't work for me….

        1. PrettyKeety, don't be sad for me… be happy.. I have loved and been loved. There people out there that has never known love in their lives… I was fortunate to have loved twice in my lifetime…

      1. Streez, after a failed marriage and then the hurt of the woman that I really thought was my soulmate, my goal is to finish raising my nine year old daughter and then get my Harley and hit the road…

        1. Your not allowing God to do the work. You have already determined and made up your mind that your done with relationships. You first have to learn how to forgive those who wronged you (No, this will not be easy but it's necessary) . Unforgiveness is keeping you in this place and your giving those past relationships and negative feelings too much power over your life and thoughts about relationships. Once you have forgiven those who wronged you, you need to do some self evaluation. Maybe there were red flags that you ignored, did you guard your heart or did you trust without allowing these individuals to gain your trust, and its quite possible these women were a reflection of who you are. Don't through in the towel so easily. Stay encouraged.

        2. NStan,
          Thank you for your kind words, but I'm done. I just went through too much with the last woman and it has made me realized that I have other things to do with my life other mess with these women who have no respect for us. They love the thugs. They love being cheated on and beaten on. It's been my experience to just stay out and have fun doing me… Trust me… I'm letting God do his thing… This is why I have found happiness in just hanging with my daughter on the weekends and working on my goal to complete my degree by 2014… It's all good.. Let the young bucks have this window… I love being in my 50's and seeing life from this perspective…

      1. Really? Most women don't want a man who's able to trust us emotionally (or otherwise)? I'm sorry, but you're going to need way more people. It appears to be the "in" thing to push the idea that most women like drama, but I can't say I know a single woman who has complained that her man was able to trust him with her emotions. That's not the same thing as complaining that a man is acting like a love-sick puppy. I would be more inclined to part ways with someone who is intent on holding back than someone who is not afraid to put his feelings on the line, just as I would likely have done. As the guys are admitting, there are a lot of damaged men out there, so that is the reason you may have observed a lot of women in tumultuous relationships in which the man is emotionally guarded. Given the choice, though? Quite a few would rather save themselves the gray hairs and be on the same page emotionally. Keeping in mind once again that trusting someone emotionally does not automatically equal being "soft".

        1. Naija, Your comment makes sense in some arenas, but in the circles I been associated with, most women want man who will treat them like dirt. They love these men and then complain about there are no god black men out there… It's who they choose… Then the good guys suffer for some other guys mistakes and treatment of the women… My ex is an example of that… Never allowed me in to love her completely because she had dealt with men who dogged her out…

  26. I THINK i've been a Girl___Zero but i wasn't even a girlfriend [well he wanted me to be but…]. It is GROSSly unfair to put someone on a pedestal off something you've created in your head and turn around and drop kick the person off that pedestal for some crime you have magnified in your head. Now i've lost someone who used to be a great friend and i honestly can't even tell you why. Sigh!

    Great post streetz!

  27. When girlfriend zero is his mom!! Men of the nineties, aged in the "rock era" by a hard-knock-life have eroded male-female relationships for all of us because their blighted exchange with the women who brought them into the world has defined women through her image.

  28. “she was the exception to the rule.” This stuck out like a sore thumb. When the exception to the rule, is no longer in the picture we men no longer want to play by the rules. Great post!!!

  29. Great post, Streetz! This line is a killer: The great poets Sir Bell, Biv, and Devoe…as is the entire concept of “Girlfriend Zero”! Brand that joint and create a book! #paper

  30. I just had this conversation with a friend a couple of weeks ago! I have a few male friends who had one bad experience/break up with a girl and now they act like they need to be jerks to girls ,and keep saying they never want to get married because all girls are skeezers. *Sigh*

  31. Awesome post Streetz! I am Girlfriend Zero to my ex interestingly enough. After spending years in a relationship that just wasn't working, I decided to bounce. Now guess who is the bad guy (or lady) who has caused this man to shut off his heart for good? Go figure. I do feel a bit of remorse for causing him pain, because I hate hurting others. However it is very confounding to me that SOME men feel as if they can do all the wrong in the world, but because they've opened their hearts to a woman, she has to accept all that wrong. When she draws the line and says "enough," she then becomes the villain. I've seen men have a woman who they even considered the woman of their dreams, but they in their immaturity took her for granted and didn't treat her well. Oh well, you live and you learn I suppose.

  32. This post is the bomb and the best part about it would be the great shout out to the poets 🙂 Very true indeed. I think the problem with Girlfriend Zero (and I have been that chick before) is that men have to get over her. Easier said than done right. What we all need to learn as humans is how to compartmentalize our feelings-like a filing system. This way feelings from Girlfriend Zero do not affect Girlfriend Twenty. Being Girlfriend Zero sucks becuase you either still have to deal with this person due to their longing for you or random reminders of who you were to them or you get the constant mean mug if and when you run into them in their new situations because New Girl knows all about you.

  33. Great article. this happened to me exactly..over the course of a year with a woman who I thought was perfect. Learning my lesson now..

  34. Women settle after 30 n that’s y they like the beta male that were friendzoned finally get the jerks leftovers. Women from 18-27 will sleep around with badboys, jerks. From 18-27 women will look at at a nice beta male they wouldn’t touch with a stick. After 30 when women realize they can’t compete with younger women they settle for beta males.. Women will never take responsibility even if they r wrong or left a baby in the trunk

  35. Girl age 16: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    Translation: ” I don’t want to hurt your feelings, or come off as a bitch to my friends, but I’m really much more attracted to Bad Boys – outlaw bikers, the football team’s quarterback, basically any guy who appears dangerous and exciting. You’re Nice, nice and mundane”

    Girl age 22: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    Translation: “Thanks for listening on the phone to me cry, fall into verbal hysterics and drone on for hours about my Jerk BF (oh, and my little dog too). You’re really sweet, and deserve a girl (which isn’t me) who can appreciate how nice (i.e. mundane) you are.”

    Girl age 28: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    Translation: “I know you’ve always been (an) my emotional tampon, and thanks for sticking with it – any sane guy would’ve found a far better prospect by now. And while I’m beginning to see that guys like you are stable, dependable and tend to make a lot more money than the Jerks I’ve dated, I think I’m gonna hold out for a hotter guy than you while my looks still hold up”

    Woman age 32: “Why can’t I just find a nice guy?”

    Woman age 35+: “You’re such a nice guy.”

    Translation: “Oh, you’re a Nice Guy,..here, let me suck that for you. See? Being a Nice Guy does get you laid!,..thanks for being there for me when I needed you; my fatherless kids appreciate your generosity too. How chivalrous of you to forgive my past indiscretion and take us in, I wish there were more guys like you. I really pity the women who can’t appreciate your kind of dedication – you are so different from “other guys””.

  36. It really sucks because you have some good guys who have all potential but where hurt and don't want to go down that path. However, having issues letting go of the past is a problem in itself. Yeah I can see being more cautious in how you approach things. However, to say you will give up on love because of what someone else did, you are kinda letting them ruin your life all over again.
    My recent post We got some figuring out to do: What to do when you get burnt out on dating?

  37. Great post. Just sent it to a friend. Still remember my girlfriend zero. As you mature (yes I've matured) your less bitter and take it as your path in life.

    PS
    That #%%! has three baby daddies now. LOl

    1. That #%%! has three baby daddies now. LOl

      I literally laughed out loud!!! Kinda makes it a little easier to get past somebody when it looks like they've trashed their life huh? LOL

  38. While I can appreciate the honesty and perspective of the male psyche in this post, I will exclaim that in the 21st century both men and women could use therapy in dealing with disappointment from past relationships. We all need healing these days that's why black love is on life support generally speaking. Our denial and lack of self-awareness keeps us hustling backwards in this area.

  39. I'm mad I'm coming in late on this. This was an excellent post. I have had a Girlfriend Zero. And for about 5 years after that I choose to just be a slut. I didn't want to settle down with any woman.

  40. I can get with this as something that happens RARELY and is an EXCEPTION. But when every nigga wanna testify to being with Girlfriend Zero it's like…. Come on homie. Just cause a girl you were talking to broke up with you, thats not "doing you dirty" thats called life.

  41. Whats good. Dr j, Still waiting on that post on How good bm get overlooked. And why bw still date thugs. And they wanna say there isn’t any good bm left. When he does date out they get mad about it.

  42. I have been a GF Zero maybe 3 times, at least that's what they'll say, but I have a BF zero (not really a boyfriend), and what helped me shake him was a promise to myself that I wouldn't allow some dude to change who I am.

    I am naturally a giver, and having my kindness taken for weakness by ONE guy wasn't going to change me and how I related to other men in the future. If I allowed his behavior to ruin me, I'd be allowing Boyfriend Zero to keep on winning and I can't have that.

    This is my favorite post on SBM. Well written and insightful. Glad someone finally said it!

  43. there are a lot of GF Zero's out here
    You can thank feminism for that…Even tho feminism was desined for the upper class WHITE female and black women were NEVER part of the equation.

    I had to talk TWO guys outta shooting themselves because GF zero broke up with them.
    One guy even had the shotgun in his lap with his parents crying asking me to take the gun from him.
    (I AM NOT JOKING) It is a brutal and selfish world out here to meet someone.
    I know many women who are in relationships in which the guy literally does anything and everything they ask but the women claim they are not happy and made it clear that they were looking for the "greener grass" and they were down for whateva. I feel sorry for anyone who is desperate to be in a serious relationship. Dating in the black world is 1000% more harsher than in a white, Asian or hispanic world. The dynamics in the black dating world are excessively complicated for all the wrong reasons:
    Status
    money
    Occupation
    even the vehicle you drive is a factor.
    Being a nice guy in 2013 is like being a dinosaur.
    My parents were married for 50+ years and life was far more simpler but now you can make 150k a yr, be a good husband, good father and STILL, that wont be enough because you have black women saying stuff like "GURL, oprah made without a man…YOU CAN TOO!! You dont need no man gurl!!""

  44. Hi Streetz! I’m glad this thread is still active. I need advice on how to know whether or not his gf-zero syndrome is over.
    I just came across this article while I was searching for “What to do if he wants me back”. I’ve had a 3-year LTR with an amazing guy who my first impression on was”vulnerable” and that I’d make sure not to break his heart. I ended up heart-broken by this vulnerable guy over and over (breakups and makeups), last of which was because his ex contacted him by email and he needed to find answers on why she left when he needed her most and he didn’t want to string me along in the process or make me feel second best (which I did). He was going through a trauma and she gave up on him at that time after he opened up to her and that did his head in (“It changed me” were his own words). So, I could totally relate to what you said in this regard. Anyway, to make a long story short, it turned out that email from her was a sick prank from some of his friends who wanted to manipulate us into a breakup. They set him up with another friend which didn’t work out eventually and he ended up missing me. Previous breakups were for futile reasons and he ended up wanting me back every time, he explains it that when he feels he let someone in deep enough to cut, he sort of panics and pushes them away, which is what he did with me more than once. In retrospect, I can see all this is GF-ZERO symptoms. Right now, we’re just talking, he understands I can’t possibly trust him back overnight, but he said it took him to fall on his face to wake up and want to be the person he once was, and he now knows I’m the only one he wants, etc. We’re so much in love, even through our breakups when hurtful and angry words were said, I always had a soft spot for him and he did for me. I went out with other people after our last breakup, but never really stopped loving him, I was basically trying to move on. Now, I’m very skeptical about everything he tells me, not that I think he’s lying, but I’m not sure if he’s really over what that woman did to him. How do I know? I asked him, “what if she comes back for real instead of a fake email?” his reply was that he did love her, he can’t deny it, but she left when he was most vulnerable and what we have now (him and I) is more precious, deeper than what they had, it’s divine (his own words). He added that if she ever tries to come back he’d simply tell her to eff off, he knows how he feels about me, he shouldn’t have ever left me and that I’m the one he wants. Thing is, I am still scared he’d just leave me again even knowing that he loves me. We have amazing connection and you could just tell we’re better people around each other. I’m taking my time, but we’re already acting like a couple without declaring it. He asked me if we’re back, and when I said I needed more time, he said he understood it’s not easy and apologized for pushing me. So, he’s not playing around, it’s actually me who’s scared to tread there again.
    Sorry for the extremely long post, but at last I found someone who’s able to diagnose what’s been going on with my bf and me and thought you’re the perfect one to advise. Thanks!

  45. Not tryin to sound like a hater. But plenty of women have experienced worse like being raped and violated by men as young as 3 or 4 years old. And they can still date and love men. So in my opinion men nowadays are simply not as strong. And are simply a lot more pessimistic. Girlfriend zero heartbreak is nothing compared to the heart break of sexual abuse..And women still find it in their hearts to get over their fear and distrust with males as a species and love them dearly. That is what you call BACKBONE. If those women do not use rape as a cop out men should not use "girlfriend zero" as a cop out as well. As God told Joshua: Be STRONG and Courageous. I am with you WHEREVER you go. 🙂

  46. Very candid post but like some other female commenters, I am NOT moved AT ALL when a guy tries to justify his doggy attitude by some GFZ. Every woman has had her BFZ, yet she picked herself up and moved on. Resiliency is learned and it takes a great deal of humility to start over. I'd say, some men are too wrapped up in this ego-pride-invulnerability non-sense that yeah, they don't know how to properly heal from a break-up.

  47. Ive tried relationships in the past and realize whats the used of committing to anyone if u gotta use a condom. scared because u dont wanna b the fool who was faithful to a walking STD. So u say fuck women all together and start doggn them out. Hit n quit. And if she gets pregnant thats her problem… Cht like that.

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