When mixing and mingling with potential love interests, you find different ways to get to know them better. In the old days, you exchanged numbers and conversed on shared telephone lines hoping that your mom didn’t hop on the phone to toss salt on your pimpin’. In 2013, you have a plethora of ways to get information and gain an understanding about an individual you adore. One common method is social media. Although the main purpose of social media is to transmit information and build social relationships, many people are apprehensive of exchanging their Facebook profile or Twitter name with relative “strangers.” The lovely ladies over at WWMD touched on this topic, and got some interesting perspective from their readers on the proper amount of time to wait before exchanging social media info. Check some of the responses below:
“I just started a new rule about not following a guy until 5 dates later. I just want to learn about him in person vs. online. There are also a few things that could potentially turn me off if I view his timelines. He may be a horrible picture taker or he may have alot of pictures with females or be liking a lot of female pictures. So I’d rather not judge, initially, being that we aren’t exclusive yet.” Noelle, 28
One thing this city has taught me is to value my time and spend it efficiently. You can learn a lot about a person, good or bad, from their social media usage. Having said that, following them early on is a good idea as you get to learn more about them and can make a more informed decision as to whether or not you want to spend more time getting to know them. – Alvin, 29
I don’t think I’ve ever followed any guy I’ve dated if he wasn’t on the track to becoming my bf. I have a crazy imagination and I can misinterpret a lot. So if I’m not sure I’m moving towards long term with someone then I’d rather not follow you. I think around the 4th or 5th date. Or maybe about 6 weeks should be fine – Camille, 28
Check out the rest of the article HERE
Here’s my take on the situation. I think it depends on your comfort level on social media and how you met the person. If you met the person via social media then clearly they already have that information. However, if you met them in a party, at a gathering, or even at work, then are you really accentuating your social media sites in the conversation?
It moreso has to do with your level of comfort. I once met a young lady who approached me and basically bagged me, lol. She got my number and we started texting. I casually asked her if she was on Instagram and tried to get her name to follow her there, and she refused. She said she holds her IG personal and didn’t know me like that to follow me. In my mind I’m thinking “but YOU approached ME and YOU don’t feel comfy giving me an IG?! It’s JUST IG!!” Then I had to remind myself that many people aren’t as transparent on social media. They’ll have blocked profiles on all social networks and want to control who sees what, so everyone won’t have the same level of comfort sharing that information. I’m the same way with my Facebook (even though I don’t use it that much) because that’s the closest thing on social media to my personal life and history and I don’t want randoms on there.
In the end, when you feel comfortable sharing that social media info, you should share it. You can get to know someone outside of the matrix and it’s perfectly fine. It’s not a big deal, so don’t make it one.
What do you thin SBM fam? When’s the right time to share social media with someone you’re feeling?
I don’t really ask. Not because I’m scared I’ll misinterpret his page or something, but it just doesn’t cross my mind right off top. Usually dudes will ask me so I have Instagram , Twitter , Facebook. I don’t post anything online that I would be embarrassed or worried about.
I think whenever you’re comfortable you should share that information. But I would also be cautious of someone who acts like asking them what social networks their on is the equivalent of asking for their social security number.
But I understand why some people don’t donut up front . Lots of insecure people out there. For some people getting to know the person before seeing their social network will calm those insecurities or over thinking.
Quick story: a coworker was talking to this guy. Her cousin searched for his FB page and found out him and his ex had a joint page and hag they were going to Vegas together . He just told my coworker he was going on vacation. Let’s just say she saved herself a headache and doesn’t speak to him anymore. He said his ex bought the plane ticket before they broke up, so that’s why she went with him. But he also said he had just gotten out of a on/ off relationship . Basically the FB page showed the drama / headache early.
I agree with that first comment in the article. I don't give out my social media info until after a few dates. It would be almost impossible not to judge someone based on what they posted on their accounts. I've given my phone number out than shortly after started following them and looking at their page, have lost interest and never went out with them. If on your FB all you post are party pics, you may look like a drunk and thats not the case, lol. Just like you can be denied a job based on what you post, you can also lose out on dates! I believe I've had that done to me as well. Not saying it's right but it is what it is.
Once you accept someone into your social world, you are given them access to your friends, co workers, family etc. Also some people are psycho so you just need to be careful. I just think its good to get to know somebody first without any preconceived notions.
Question: I feel like a lot of people are going to say that their social networks are "personal" but nine times out of ten if you have twitter or instagram your following a good amount of strangers and a good amount of strangers are following you. While I understand sometimes people jump the gun and make assumptions based of what they see in a FB or twitter page. What you post on those pages shouldn’t be so detrimental that it changes someone’s whole idea of who you are. For example if you have a load of recent club pics (like this year) then you like partying and that’s fine.
I guess I’m on the fence only because I have these social media sites but I don’t go crazy on them/ put my whole life on them. It’s just funny who people will say these sites are so personal yet share so much of the same information with complete strangers on there. But I get it people usually try to put their best foot forward when dating and some times people need time to clean up their internet profile or at least get the person to like them before they show them the other side of them.
if i met you in real life, i usually dont bother to follow maybe ig because im always here for pics, but if im already in the process of getting to know you, social media is a red herring. to that point for the women ive met off social media, i try to stay off because once im starting to get to know the person behind the keyboard again, social media is no longer needed.
as for me, my twitter is open for all, i have thousands of strangers following me already, im already conscious on what to say on there. my facebook i try to keep fam and friends only, my blog is completely under wraps. my only caveat is theres things you wont unsee, tread lightly.
Social media can get in the way of getting to know a person in the organically natural, "ole skool" way.
I sincerely miss the 80's before all of this. I hated pagers/beepers when they first came out when I was in highschool. Too much All Access to a person isn't always a good thing. If your looking on a persons timeline on fb and twitter and their instagram to see if they're telling u the truth and if they are who they say they are, then imo you have some trust issues within yourself that need to be addressed before your in a relationship with anyone. Nine & a half times out of ten, when u look for flaws and imperfections in flawed and imperfect people, you will find them.
I say wait until marriage, and maybe not even then (delete FB anyone?). FB has been statistically linked to cause relationship problems. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/09/facebook…
Just like in text communication, anything you put down in black on a screen can be misconstrued by someone reading it.
So, try not to follow anyone seriously on IG, twitter, FB, or any other form of social media. Curiosity killed the cat after all.
I agree that it depends on how you met. If you're just meeting, I think it's cool to generally friend or follow the person whenever (early/late)…as long as you aren't gonna stalk their page and overanalyze everything. But, I'm not about that social media love stuff. Don't put nothing on my wall…linking me in pics and stuff…hearts in your comments. None of that! And I'm certainly not doing it either. I'll link to a man via social media (ex. in a rela with ___, tagged in a boo pic, etc.) when I'm married. I have no rela info on my page whatsoever!
"Don't put nothing on my wall…linking me in pics and stuff…hearts in your comments."
men do that?…..that's hillarious!!!!!
we used to call that "cuffin", balla blockin, standin in tha way….etc
I posted a pic of myself back in like…'09. And a guy…JUST a friend…commented about how pretty the pic was. And my boyfriend at the time posted something along the lines of, "Yeah, WE know that you're pretty and blah, blah, blah…"…so unnecessary. No need to make yourself known…he wasn't even coming at me like that. So yeah…dude's trip online too.
Now, I give social media rules early on in dating. If you don't like them, we don't have to continue. *shrugs*
I'd prefer not to be Facebook friends until we are a couple, and sometimes not even then. It can be troublesome. I usually don't suggest it either. If he raises the issue or asks why we're not FB friend, then I will likely go ahead and make them my FB friend. Otherwise, I just let it ride.
My recent post Warning To All Married People
Backstory: I’m not on any major social network (LinkedIn (but that’s real ish)) SBM is all the social-ality I need….ladies [insert] aaaaaawe]]
Story: I seriously dated this girl and we constantly fought about why I NEVER wanted her to post a pic of me on any social media site. This was a real war at times and I had to go to the “respect my decision” place in order to end the discussions. I don’t want your friends (my strangers) looking at a pic of me online. I don’t care that your sister lives in Tyler, Texas and will never actually see me. Send her an email pic. Oh….oh, that’s too much work, so I guess I should do what I DON’T wanna do, just to make your (online) social life more robust.
HER: “What are you hiding? Why you don’t want nobody to see your face? You got a wife you don’t want me to know about? #stupidassargumentquestions
ME: My frustration. I go outside every damn day. If I had a wife, it would be YOU that I wouldn’t
want HER to know about. #iguessimanassholenow
Lesson: conform…..or go lacking I guess
PS: I know that chick posted pics of me anyway #ratbastard
[HER: “What are you hiding? Why you don’t want nobody to see your face? You got a wife you don’t want me to know about?]
Hate that that's womens' faithful go-to. I'm kind of like you in the sense of social networking isn't really my thing. It's cool, but I'm not the type posting tons of pics of myself. So why would I be cool w/ my girl doing it? Smh I think maybe the way people OVER-share these days, it's automatically suspect when a person doesn't wanting their face/info plastered everywhere. People only really make that a big deal so complete strangers can know that shorty/ol boy isn't making you up lol
My recent post “I Need You” Is Hard To Admit
"PS: I know that chick posted pics of me anyway #ratbastard"
I laughed HARD!!!! LMBO!!!!!!!!
Internet official is usually one of the last things I think about when establishing an official relationship.
I would never ask anyone I'm seeing to do that.
If she asks me, I would do it. It's not a big deal.
If it happens it happens, if it don't it don't.