Home Entertainment Do Black Women Know How to Take a Compliment?

Do Black Women Know How to Take a Compliment?

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A few days ago, I was watching Kanye West’s new music video; you know the softcore porno he shot with his wife and baby mama, Kim Kardashian? I hit up my homegirl on gchat and said, “I feel like doing a post about women over 30 who look damn good.” Now this was via chat but let me tell you… I could feel every side-eye that she was giving me at the time. She was saying through chat that no matter what I did, it would be met with apprehension because it was like a backhanded compliment to all women. That’s something I didn’t understand because I really felt that Kim is 33 and she looks good. She’s had a kid and she’s, as I like to say, asshole naked on this motorcycle and I can’t do nothing but think to myself, “Damn she look good.”

Now here are a few of my thoughts; I think that as much as people like to think that men like younger women, they really like middle aged women. Someone asked me one day if I could pick the perfect age of a woman and I said, mid to late twenties. I got a few odd looks so let me explain. I think that while everything is standing up and the looks are young with young women, they haven’t really figured out how to make it look right. They haven’t tried every look to see what looks good and what doesn’t look good. So if you ask me, give me a well-traveled 28 year old woman over a 21 year old woman any day of the week.

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But that’s not where this conversation went.

The conversation ended up going to all the things that Kim Kardashian has done to be good looking at 33 and how that’s not the norm for women. Hey, I know that. Kim is disgustingly rich and we can’t ever forget that most women don’t have the time to be at the gym twice a day, every day, all week. We have to agree that having millions of dollars in your bank account can help you with surgeries that the normal woman can’t afford. However, my point was, she’s over 30 and she looks good and people need to know that everybody ain’t checking for Ariana Grande or Miley Cyrus, Kim Kardashian looks good as hell at 33.

I went on to add that if we weren’t even thinking about Kim we can point to Halle Berry and Nia Long. Those are two women that if they told me today to stop what I was doing and believe in the Church of Scientology, I’d pull out my college textbook on Chemistry and start acclimating myself with the material. In all this it brought me to one conclusion, I don’t think some women know how to take a compliment if it was staring them in the face. Like what else did I have to do? That’s my question for you all today, do women know how to take a compliment? Or, do they think they’re all buried in a diss. I know how people feel when someone says, “You look nice today.” The first reaction is, “Do I look bad every other day?” But what’s a man to do? What’s the best way for a man to give a compliment without facing opposition?

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I seriously, do not know and so I pose the question to you. Can women take a compliment or should men just keep them to ourselves?

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Comment(55)

  1. 1. Let me be quick but long-winded

    2. You know you are trolling with that title. And I am here for it.

    3. Wisdom Khalifa has broke it down already

    4. I rarely give compliments unless I am really compelled. Because there is a certain appreciation I do expect from taking the time out to notice a girl. When I am compelled, I don't care what she thinks. So i rarely give out compliments in 2013.

    When I do, most of the time, it is taken well.

    5. I will not speak for BW, cause I do not interact with them much.

    But for city women in the NYC, it really depends on

    your social value as a guy vs.
    her current self-esteem at that moment,

    which is fragilely built on how much recent male sexual attention she is getting.

    The only thing I can control is how she perceives me, everything else I have to put it on the charge card.

    6. The whole, "I was in a sh-tty mood that day" is the same excuse right up there with the "street harassment" claim. Guy you didn't want hollered at you & now you are salty. Get over yourself

    7. So, can black women take a compliment?

    I have no idea, but they have no leg to stand on if they would file a complaint about the lack of initiative guys take to say something nice to them. You did it to yourselves.

    Up there with the lack of chivalry, male investment (the single dysfunctional never married black mother epidemic), & marriage licenses.

    Good Day

    1. As a woman, I can admit that Kim K is very beautiful (however, I do think she has slightly overdone it with the botox…but she is still beautiful nonetheless). However, what I don't get is the whole "Kim K looks good for 33". I'm 22 years young, and I think at 33…how is she suppose to look??? Old or something lol? I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I think people between the ages of 18 to 39 look "pretty good for their age"/youngish. I don't know if I'm correctly expressing my point, but when people begin reaching the ages of 40 and older (and of course this doesn't apply to everyone–> case in point: Halley Berry, Morris Chestnut, Cindy Crawford…I'm sure you guys can think of more people ) they begin to "look" older/"old". What I mean by old/older is fine lines, slight wrinkles, grey hair…etc…all the characteristics of what our society considers "old/older". However, at the age of 33, people typically look young or more specifically "youthful". So I'm confused when you say "Kim K looks good for 33". How is she suppose to look in your mind??

      1. A lot of these guys are ageists (age racists) and they don't even know it. you're right 33 is not a qualifying age for a senior citizens card.

        1. @Sincereluv4life

          Chances are if you are a female leaving a comment on a blog, you are no better than a 6 in the overall looks department.

          Now, if you are 30+, you are going to drop a point or two depending on your lifestyle.

          That is going to impact the type of men who wanna sleep with you & commit to you long-term.

          Time to face facts.

          Racist & ageist are two totally different people.

          Now a racist & a black feminist, is a match made in heaven. 🙂

  2. It's unfortunate that anyone thinks Kim Kardashian looks good for 33. Apparently, you've never met any Black women. We (usually) always look good for any age, so a Black man should not be impressed by Kim's looks.

    I truly don't understand where these comments are coming from – have you not seen Beyonce, Tia & Tamara Mowry or Meagan Good? C'mon…
    My recent post Don’t You Wish You Were Still A Virigin?

    1. @Chocolate Vent

      It’s unfortunate that anyone thinks Kim Kardashian looks good for 33.

      Huh? You sound like a hater.

      Apparently, you’ve never met any Black women.

      Facetious.

      We (usually) always look good for any age,

      If you take care of yourself & stay off THE PIPE.

      so a Black man should not be impressed by Kim’s looks.

      I truly don’t understand where these comments are coming from – have you not seen Beyonce, Tia & Tamara Mowry or Meagan Good? C’mon…

      And Kerry Washington (36 1/2+), and I watch her whenever their is a new episode of Scandal. I am surprised you failed to mention her FIRST.

      But as for Kim Kardashian, she is ENABLED by WHITE/JEWISH media outlets FIRST & FOREMOST.

      She is on some form of media DAILY. The other black women you & I mentioned are not.

      (And if you want to have some type of black media outlets, you are going to have to make nice with powerful BM who GAF about you.)

      And let us not act like when BW are outraged about IR dating, Kim K is the first woman you throw under the bus.

      Good Day

    2. I just think it's interesting for two reasons:

      1) I named two Black women who are over 40 who are still beautiful. In fact, the main pic of the article is a Black woman.
      2) Not all Black women over the age of 33 still look good. It takes work. Black does crack, it's called: addiction and laziness. If you smoke, drink, have a horrid diet, don't exercise, etc. then all that Black doesn't crack goes out the window. I know a plethora of Black woman who I used to party with in my early twenties who hit thirty and hadn't started and it shows.

      So yeah…

      No shots at Black women but "We (usually) always" 1) doesn't make sense, 2) isn't true.

      1. I agree with Dr.J. Black don't crack as long as it's well taken care of. My mother loooks better than women 10 years younger than her heck 15 (my mom is 45). My mom stays fit, eats healthy and drinks lots of water. Hair and nails always on point. I def know women in my age range (I'm 23) who starting to look like the weed and liqour is catching up to them.

  3. I think that black women can take a compliment, as long as you say it in a way she is receptive to. Black women at the end of the day are still women. Sure we all know that black women go through much more on average than their white counterparts…and the thing people fail to put together is there is a reaction to every action. I said all that just to say "there aint nothin like a black woman". They go through so much and yet they still remain loyal to a fault most times. You have to admire that. I know I do 🙂
    My recent post The Synergy Advantage

  4. 1) black women can take compliments . What we won’t accept is backhanded / disrespectful comments . People for some reason think we should accept any comments people say about us with excitement . Example your pretty for a dark skin girl.

    2) women as a whole are very self conscious about our beauty. The pressure for us to look and stay a certain size / beautiful is way different than it is for men.

    3) this goes back to number 2. I don’t think what you said a complete backhanded complement because we all have this idea that as women get older they some how fall apart in the looks department. But maybe your friend feels Kim beauty shouldn’t be based around her age, like she’s just beautiful because she’s beautiful.

    4) women are constantly comparing themselves to other women sometimes . Not sure if your friend is in Kim’s age range , not sure how tour friend looks, but maybe she took it personal because she’s in Kim’s age range and she doesn’t look like that, so maybe she thought you were saying women who don’t look like Kim at that age are ugly or feel off.

  5. yeah doc you should’ve known better than do that 30 plus post, lets not forget the lightskinned darkskinned battle here. looks good for 30 is a backhanded compliment regardless what the race.

    i would say women in general can take compliments unless they are really socially awkward. if i say you look nice today or i like your perfume, smile, thank and move on. when youre subconsciously wondering if im interested or if you somehow looked worse the day before, youre doing too much.

    1. Hahaha…I thought 30 was still young. I would be mad if someone told me I look good for 30…lol…I would hope so. Now if I was 40 I might handle it bit better. If someone that I see on a daily basis says, "Oh you look nice today." I would think that perhaps I don't look nice on the other days.
      My recent post Why Study Africa?

  6. 8/10 Black Women CAN take a compliment, however, like Many Black Folks or People in General- not ALL, MANY/MOST- will go Looking for Drama:

    *a Non-Black Douchebag who says something/does something Bigoted= 20th Century KKK Racist

    * anyone who says Gay in the context of one of the Other Definitions of it that has nothing to Homosexuality= Homophobic

    *two people with Similar Life situations/experiences but handled it different from each other will Never Agree to Disagree.

    *etc

  7. Its been FOREVER since Ive visited this site but I feel compelled to reply. How did this become a debate about Kim? I love Kimmie! She is drop dead gorgeous. Any woman who cant acknowledge that is a hater. period. Tia and Tamera are just as much white as they are black and Tamera doesn't look that good. lol #noshade

    As for your question, I feel like woman in general have problems taking compliments. I've been working on just saying "thank you" when I receive a compliment, not the usual "oh you like my hair? that's crazy it looks a mess" It really takes effort to just receive it. lol As I move into my thirties I'm here for compliments; every day. Bring them on and keep em coming. 🙂

  8. Black women can take compliments. Problem is some guys compliments are just weak pick-up lines or the typical light compliments that many women are probably tired of hearing. For example, as posted, "You look nice today". SHe has probably heard that a million times and looks at it as some weak attempt to find something to say to her.

  9. I think some women know how to take a compliment. I feel it’s all about confidence. I know that I am beautiful everyday, maybe I don’t feel it all the time, but I do know. So, if on a specific day a gentleman says “You look beautiful today” it would only boost my confidence for the day, not take away any confidence on another. It’s all in your mental state and how you as a woman view you… as a woman.

  10. I can't speak for all black women, but as for me and the women I know, we can. The compliment is always greeted with a smile and an "Aww, thank you." If there's something I also find attractive about him/her, I express that as well. But I must say one thing that does make me feel some type of way is when I'm hit with the O_o, you don't look 25! Because I do look young, and for that, I'm thankful hopefully it forever works in my favor! But a part of me is offended that I guess there's an expectation that I'm supposed to look "experienced," I guess? I haven't had a hard life so I'm trying to figure out what exactly does that mean… it sounds so backhanded.

  11. Whether or not a woman can "take a compliment" completely depends on the context in which it was delivered. This goes without saying, but don't tell her "she looks nice today" when it's obvious you want something from her – we ladies are extremely perceptive towards that sort of thing. Basically, anything nice you say to a woman that seems contradictory to your day-to-day behavior, or really anything you say to a woman on the street you've never met (hello – street harassment!!) , is likely to be met unenthusiastically.

  12. When did 33 become old? People act like once you hit 30 your body fails immediately. You know who looks good for an age thats normally known to look not so hot? Tina Turner. Those are what impresses me. I would rather hear, she looks bad/horrid to be only 33.

    Compliments are awesome! I love a compliment, just not the underhanded ones. I hate the compliments that start with "you look good for a (dark skinned, chubby/fat, short, black etc) woman." Or the creepy compliments ( one guy told me that he was trying to kidnap my a** cause i was so cute). You look nice, beautiful, etc are wonderful compliments!
    My recent post You owe me: Just because he doesn’t want to be with you, doesn’t make him a bad man

  13. The best compliment I ever received was a man saying "Baby I just want to brush the crumbs off your knees". Now he was homeless, but he definitely made me laugh, because it was unique. I also remember being out with my Mama-who is a fox-and this man approached and said "Good Morning with a smile. I returned it in the same manner. Yet, I could feel my Mama was ready to get an attitude. I said, "He's not trying to marry or bed us, he just said Good Morning. She hadn't thought of it that way. So it made her not jump to conclusions. It's all in the delivery!

  14. ummm I don't have an opinion today, I just want to thank you for posting the chocolate goddess otherwise known as Nia Long. Good day to you good people.

  15. “What’s the best way for a man to give a compliment without facing opposition”?

    Simple. Don’t.

    Let me clarify; it depends on two things: 1) The raw sincerity of the compliment 2) The nature of the relationship you have with the woman

    My rule of thumb for men is to never compliment a woman whom you DO NOT know. This is especially important for those who’s intention is to exchange telephone numbers. It’s a lazy self-depreciating way to strike up conversation; and if one has to resort to flattery (disingenuous or otherwise) in hopes to win over a woman, then he has already secured his acceptance into the Hall of Lame. “Who fillin ’em with octane? Got ’em gassed up…”. You my ninja. You are.

    Keep that sh*t to yourself. Considering that we now live in a time where a simple salutation in passing is now considered side eye worthy, oftentimes willfully ignored or depending on who you ask, is even considered ‘street harassment’, you really aint got no business shelling out compliments to strange women anyway. Fcuk around and find yourself locked up if the fembots have their way). If plenty women are unreceptive to simple greetings in passing, should you at all be surprised regarding the opposition you encounter with compliments?

    Know your audience Reserve compliments for women whom you are already acquainted with if and only if it is truly a sincere compliment. It stands a greater chance at being better received and having more meaning to the recipient. Now for those women who are unappreciative of a sincere compliment and routinely mangle them to mean something clearly unintended, then my friend, you have successfully identified an individual with a rather ‘interesting’ perspective on life – a perspective that is typically treated with prescription medication and lots of therapy. Run ninja. Run…

    …and never look back.

    Mr. SoBo OpinionatedMale. com

    My post: Relationship Chess, Her Moves Versus Yours

    My other post: Shacking Up: What It Really Means When A Man Is Considering Moving In With You

    My other other post: Escapades Of A Nymphomaniac

  16. Ladies…you know I love y’all right?

    Some of you need to realize a simple but easily missed truth that NOBODY ever HAS to say ANYTHING nice to or about you…..compliments (unless married) are a purely VOLUNTEER effort….let that sink in.

    1. Does it really matter if he has ulterior motives? (newsflash…WE ALL DO)

    2. The “backhanded compliment” is a female construct. Men don’t do it, ‘ cause we don’t have the mental energy to compliment you and diss you at the same damn time.

    3. Take the compliment personally. It was meant for YOU. It wasn’t meant for you to go and compare his actions or how you feel about the type of chicks he dates, or how you think you look that day…etc…sheesh

    PS. To the new simps…this is SBM….the women come here for the “really real”. Good, Bad or Indifferent. All that PC crap might score you points, but they know you ain’t real.

    and I'm out -chea…listening to: “Have a Nice Weekend Baby” by Tom Brock…..find it.

      1. Some of SBM comments may be highly disagree-able and "not well thought out" BS. But, it is what THEY think. I for one appreciate that. What I don't appreciate is commenters playing "midfield". That ish doesn't do anybody any good.

  17. I really don’t think America, black women in particular, needs a reminder of how attractive Kim K is. She’s practically put on a Godly pedestal for us all to aspire to. I can’t get away from this chick. Starting to think its conspiracy they figurativelyshovin her image down our throats.

  18. Yeah, so…on that love language test, I got a zero for Words of Affirmation. So, in general, I don't dish out compliments every two seconds and I'm not looking for them. I agree with Mr. SoBo…compliments should only be given out when they are really warranted and you really mean it. When I compliment people, they know I mean it…and it means more.

  19. If you know you have good intentions then give the compliment. Do it because you want to make someone happy. If you don’t receive a round of applause then don’t take it personally, that person is usually battling some insecurity and is taking it out on you. But as your friend mentioned I understand why this post could be met with apprehension. No woman wants her beauty to be met with limitations. For example, “you’re cute for an older chick, you’re cute for a big girl, you’re cute for a black girl, you’re cute for a dark skinned girl.” I know you didn’t say those exact words but that is the way it comes across.

    1. “If you know you have good intentions then give the compliment.,

      Intentions and compliments should be mutually exclusive. When someone uses compliments as a means to an end, it is no longer a compliment, but manipulation of the other person’s feelings.

      “Do it because you want to make someone happy.”

      Um, no. Now if these are 5 and 6 year old children in which such efforts are intended to build their self esteem, confidence and self worth, cool. But grown womenfolk? Hell no.

      Again, truly sincere compliments are untainted and arenot bundled with motivation/intention. It is given with no expectation of reciprocity and no intention to affect the other person. A compliment is simply an outward expression of one’s personal appreciation of another’s *whatever*. That’s it. Nothing more nothing less.

      That said, a person who uses compliments for personal gain (albeit to make the other person feel better, win the affections of said person,, etc) it is in effect being manipulative. Disingenuous. A dubious compliment otherwise known as flattery.

      Here is SIMPle test for the men to determine whether or not their compliment is pure or merely flattery:

      If you give someone what you believe to be a compliment and they in return give a less than lukewarm response…should you find yourself slightly upset or feeling some sort of way about it….then you my friend were being disingenuous. You were attempting to use flattery to manipulate the person’s disposition, and it backfired as you tried unsuccessfully to simp your way into their good graces.

      Mr. SoBo OpinionatedMale.com

      My post: Relationship Chess: Her Moves Vs Your Moves. Who wins?

      My other post: Shacking Up: What It Really Means When A Man Is Considering Moving In With You

      1. If you have to think about the pros and cons of giving a compliment then spare yourself by not doing it. If you put unnecessary expectations on it then don’t do it. If you need to question your motivation behind then don’t do it.Why so much grief over a simple statement?

  20. Here's what I don't get about the "30" thing. Most famous women didn't even REACH real "s*x symbol" status until 30+.
    Sharon Stone did "Basic Instinct" at 32.
    J-Lo made "On the Six" around 30 (was she 33?)
    Madonna didn't hit Icon status until "Like a Prayer", she was 31.
    Salma didn't table dance in Desperado until 29.
    I could go on, but I really think it's this generation that is making 30 to be the beginning of your geriatric years, lol.
    WITH THAT SAID (because there is a corrolation, lol), i didn't become comfortable with accepting comments properly until at LEAST my miid-20's, partially due to the fear of "oh, you think you cute, now?" and because comments from men were, in my childhood, associated with some form of trauma (I have been harrassed on the street since age 8). Now that I fully understand that YOUR reation to the way I look has NOTHING to do with me, I can take each statement for what it is. I suspect a lot of women have a similar tale.

  21. The real irony is, women go overboard vanity wise to inspire compliments. Especially single women! Ask yourself why were things such as thongs, make-up, tight pants/shorts/dresses, push-up bras, stiletto heels, fake eyelashes/contacts/nails, weave, etc. created? Why do ladies with all the curves of a sports car wear tight clothing? Why do they market all kinds of booty-lifting techniques? Why get a boob job for those who are mammary challenged? Ladies when you wear that freak'em dress, those "do me heels," and no drawers/G-string, to the club, church, job, etc., you don't just do it to feel awesome about yourselves. Like all the booty social media pictures, and full body shots from the gym/bathroom. I digress but this wreaks of hypocrisy and subjectivity.

  22. I can understand why a woman would consider the comment a little off putting. As an over 30 year old woman, I hear all the time how good I still look and I notice the "complimenter" stares at me with an amazed look on their face. AS IF it is not expected to still look desirable after a certain age or after having a child.
    I think women may feel this way about a compliment such as this one, because there is so much hype about attractive women under 30, and that so many high profile men seem to select only women under 30. I think most black women can embrace compliments, and some have so many things to be self-conscious about that they cant.

  23. I'm curious as to why race was mentioned? Maybe the question could have been posed as, "Do Women Know How to Take a Compliment? As a 28 year old woman, I hope 30 isn't considered old. I would like to think that 30 still young. If you tell a woman in her thirties that she looks good for thirty expect her to be mad. Kim is 33, young and beautiful. Nia Long is in her forties and still beautiful. Yes, I'm a black woman but I don't think that being black has anything to do with whether I can take a compliment. Perhaps you may have had different experiences with different races of women. As a woman I can take a compliment as long as it is respectful and tasteful.
    My recent post Why Study Africa?

    1. I asked the same question down thread, it's as if he was trolling for page views. You write an article about Kim K., throw a bone to Nia Long (I'm sure it was his way of trying to dodge criticism to say "I said a black woman was beautiful so don't say I'm hating") and then ask a negative question about black women. I don't think he has much experience with black women (he seems to have a "type") because most of his posts and comments about black women come off as misguided, and if he did he would already have the simple answers to many of the questions he's perplexed by.

  24. Ummm the title was quite catchy then you completely lost me with the context. What does what Kim Kardashian look like at 33 have to with whether or not black women know how to take a compliment. Now I have been guilty of one when someone says your outfit looks really nice today and thinking in my ahead as oppose to when? However I do know how to take a complment and I think you're right about the lake 20s early 30s comment I think supposedly 27-34 is your prime so maybe that's it I don't know. Oh and that scientology comment a little extreme the love of my life Dwight Howard couldn't make me change my religion lol

  25. This is extremely silly and juvenile to judge black women by celebrities such as Kim TRASHIDIAN and the beautiful Nia Long. It's unfair because all these women do ALL day is go to the gym, the spa, hair, nails, makeup, surgeons, skin gurus, health gurus, nutritionists and makeup gurus and trainers ALL to look GOOD!!!

    THIS IS THEIR DAY JOB, 8-10 hours a day of nothing.

    The average black women is up at the crack of dawn to go her BULLSHYTE corporate gig, on her feet 10-12 hours a day between travel and kids, won't see a gym so NOT to mess up her hair, can barely cook or will get fast food to eat, get's little sleep then deals with a black man who wants SEX ON DEMAND, no matter how bad or long her day was. So please, enough with the LOOK THIS GOOD AFTER 30 articles. Save that for LAZY ARSE stay-at-home WHITE WOMAN who have all the time in the world to emulate these looks.

    Real black women have better things to do.

  26. Your entire article was about Kim Kardashian with a picture of Nia Long. I’m going to need you to critically and logically form an article that actually discusses the issue of Black Women being able to take a compliment. You are reaching……big time. Reach for a seat……back at the drawing board. Thank you.

  27. Why did this have to be about black women? You write almost an entire article praising Kim K (we all know you are madly in love with her) and then ask: "Do Black Women Know How to Take a Compliment?" The question had very little to do with the subject. Why not: Do Women Know How to Take a Compliment? Perhaps you don't have much experience with women (or at least black women) but I'll clue you in to something….most woman, regardless of race would give an eye roll to "You Look Good for 30" it is the equivalent to "You Look Good for a Dark Skin Girl" because you are implying that only women of a certain age or skin color are beautiful and they somehow managed to make the beauty cut despite the "odds" being against them.
    If you still don't get it let me put it to you this way, how would you feel if someone said to you "You're Pretty Smart for a Black Man?"

  28. First of all, a good compliment, to a sista, does not start of with praise of Kartrashian and her expensively manufactured body.

    Most women love compliments: just make sure you're not COMPARING her to another woman of a younger age and different race.

    I'm 35 and hot as hell…….real body parts, no children, just hot……and beautiful…….

    1. @caramelcovereddream

      “I’m 35 and hot as hell…….real body parts, no children, just hot……and beautiful…….”

      Is that right? Do we have photographic evidence to back this up? In the name of research, of course.

      1. LOL, it's more than right. And I have more than enough photographic evidence to back it up, but I'm very interested in protecting myself (and my beauty) from random folks online 🙂

  29. I think that women do know how to take a compliment but I think that we have some women who hate on others, all the time. I saw some comments from women that said, "KIm K is pretty but…." Why is there a but? Why can't we just call it what it is and be done?
    Now I know that there are some women who don't know how to accept a compliment but that is because they are unhappy with themselves…it is, what it is.
    My recent post Insecurities Of Men

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