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Does Your Ex Deserve A Second Chance?



A couple of weeks we received a question from a new reader:

Hi I’m not sure if this question has been asked before, I’m a new reader. But as a man getting back with his ex that he dated for 6 months and didn’t cheat. Only Problems we had were communication and distance, those are big problems but I think those can be solved now after being apart a few months. Any opinions?

Back in June I wrote a post entitled “Why Second Go Arounds Aren’t So Bad.” I think it pretty much sums up a scenario such as this. I believe that if two people mature within the time they’re apart then they can surely try again. I don’t know of many long term relationships that didn’t have at least one separation for whatever reason. We’re not impervious to going through a rough patch or two.

I encourage former couples who are  exploring their relationship again to do so.  If both parties see the growth that they wanted to see then I think it’s worth it.  It’s at this point that you take into account only you and your partner’s feelings. Anyone that’s on the outside looking in has to understand that you two need to try this alone. You have to simply know that you all are both going to do better this time around. Make sure you both have  the same understanding. Don’t get back with someone simply off the merit that you miss them.

See Also:  Why We Shouldn't Worry About Black Women Who Date White Men

To you good sir, I wish you luck. I hope things work out how you both would like. My only advice would be to commit to not reaching the breaking point you all did the first time. Enjoy getting that old thing back. Show everyone that not all exes are bad. Be good.

Do you all think second chances are permissive in some situations?

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

“Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status


    1. Breakups definitely happen for a reason, however sometimes people grow and learn from past mistakes. Sometimes it's the right person, but the wrong time. To each his own.

  1. I think they are called "Exes" for a reason. If you couldn't communicate then, why would things be different after the breakup? I know from experience that when you get back with an ex, it just doesn't work, so it's best to leave things the way they are. Like my mama says, "Why play the same record twice?"
    My recent post Insecurities Of Men

    1. The article that your wrote is the Stupidest, Sexist, and most Complete Garbage I've seen and read in a while.

      I see Feminista Jones, Demetria Lucas, and others of the Jezebel, Clutch, Madam Noire and other Carpet-Bomb Feminist sites has rubbed off on Miss Tiki

      1. There were some points that were a lil feminist like the whole "I don't need a man" lie. But she did make some valid points, lots of men (& women) allow insecurities to ruin relationships.

  2. Second go rounds are very detail dependent. It depends on the nature of the relationship, how thing ended, and how each party still views that relationship.

    Key things to remember is that you will NOT be going back to the same relationship so treat it as if it is a new one.

    One thing I do find interesting is that some people that are extremely against it still have some unresolved issues with that relationship. You are still angry over something that happened years ago or something like that.

    Disclaimer: I got back with an ex and we have been married 2 years now. I know several other couples that have done the same and have been married for 10+ years now.
    My recent post The most powerful scene I've ever seen in a video game

    1. [Key things to remember is that you will NOT be going back to the same relationship so treat it as if it is a new one.]

      Precisely! Sometimes you meet a person and even though you may love them and see a future w/ them, you/your life just isn't ready. Doesn't make you a bad dude/woman. You might have some "growing up" to do in order for that relationship to prosper. Somebody will have to be the bad guy and say "it's over". But as long as there was no bad blood between you, I think most people would give it a 2nd shot more than they're willing to openly admit.
      My recent post Things I Learned About Life, Love and Other Sh*t In 2013 (Pt. 1)

  3. I do believe dating an ex can work but like Animate says, it's really different for everybody, we can't fit this one into a box or boil it down to a science.

    The only time I say it's an absolute no is if there was abuse of any kind including cheating. A lot of men will pride themselves on saying they'd never hit a woman, but these same men will cheat prolifically not knowing that cheating is a form of domestic abuse as well.

  4. I guess some people deserve a second chance, depending on why things ended in the first place. I myself don't give second chances because I believe in moving forward, not backwards. To each his own. There is no one size fits all or any right decision for all situations. At the end of the day you have to live with the decisions you make.
    My recent post Thanksgiving in Dallas

  5. At times, we decide to give our ex another chance and things work out well. Sometimes, moving on is just the best thing to do. I once gave my ex the second chance and she hurt me the more. I wished I never made the mistake of giving her another chance. I learned from that and will like to advice all that before you proceed to give your ex another chance, you must be very sure she is not going to take it for granted. Thanks any way for the post. I did enjoy it
    My recent post Interview with Sahndra Fon Dufe – The importance of an apology

  6. All great answers above. Obviously, only the individual can answer this question….and it depends on certain things for that individual. Does the Ex deserve a 2nd chance is one question – WILL you give them a 2nd chance is another question.

    I have no desire to revisit with any of my exe's as I am of the "Exes are exes for a reason' theology – period. No hard feelings, if I seem em out, I can speak and even hug, not that serious for me. But I just believe in learning the lesson and moving on.

    Not saying I would NEVER BUT SO FAR…I HAVE NOT.

  7. If no big issues took place (cheating, abuse, getting on my last nerve), then I think it's possible to successfully rekindle a romance. I have a friend who I've dated throughout the years, but with him being in the military now, it just hasn't worked out. I love him dearly, and we definitely think if circumstances were better, we could work it out.

  8. No one's relationship is the same, so yes, it's up to the individual. I see nothing wrong with anyone dating an ex again that didn't have major problems the first go round. Understanding is a big part of a relationship, and if a couple has a better sense of that the second go-round, why stop them?

    Me personally, NONE of my exes are worth dating all over again. I have zero contact with all of them. For a reason. But, if I were to date a guy now, we break up over something small, meet up years down the road and end up connecting much better, then I don't see anything wrong with that. It's just important not to jump back into a relationship that was violent, abusive or hurtful in any way.

  9. I believe that you will give her a second chance anyway. You will learn the hard way that people don't change. It's okay, everybody has his own way to learn a lesson. Thanks for sharing.


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