Home Dating & Relationships Dating Could Abstinence Lead To Dishonesty

Could Abstinence Lead To Dishonesty

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I was fortunate to connect with a friend through Skype last week. She’s currently doing some foreign exchange in Hawaii (fun as hell I know). While speaking with her, she also included her friend she made in the program as well. Somehow it slips out that my friend enjoys my insights on relationships. It’s at this point that her friends begin to share their own stories with me. You see, they’re all new to the dating scene in Hawaii and some are having some difficulty in the dating department.

One young lady’s experience peaked my interest.

There was a guy she was feeling but she didn’t think he was feeling her. Her friends wanted her to  try and get the guy’s number  but she really wasn’t sweating it. I asked this woman why she didn’t sweat it and she said because she was abstinent (non religious reasons). I took that as maybe she didn’t think it was worthwhile to put herself out there. Taking her lifestyle into consideration, she probably isn’t in a hurry to move fast with anyone anyway.

What peaked my interest about this scenario was a certain idea. The idea that abstaining from sex could nullify asshole dudes might be detrimental. I’m not necessarily saying that this was this young lady’s exact feelings. I wanted to know if you thought being abstinent could truly weed out the guys you don’t want.

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Personally, I know of many men that could always put up the meanest front in any weather. Maybe this guy will act as the dude that loves you and respects your wishes. He’ll be that heaven sent partner simply playing the game. How can you even begin to combat this kind of deception? I don’t really think you can.

I come to you all today  as a sponge.

Maybe you can tell me what ways women that want to be intimate can protect themselves from dishonest fellas. I don’t think abstaining is the only way. I’d love to see more perspective on this. I’d also like to add that I have no problem with any abstinent woman. I respect whatever works for you all. What I am saying though is that your reasoning should be rational. Today’s message is just a little something to think about. What say you?

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

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Comment(75)

  1. There are so many people out there that are DTF that unless a guy was a complete psychopath he wouldn't stick around to play the boyfriend, fiancé, future husband role. I've never had sex (religious reasons) and the men I choose to date share my convictions so we get along well. In the past men that don't share my beliefs have tried to date me and see my virginity as a prize that can be obtained through good behaviour even though I let them know from the beginning that it has nothing to do with them or what they do. They play it cool until they can't hide their frustration any longer and lose their tempers and/or try to bargain for sexual favours. These kind of guys also have a tendency to pop up every couple of months to see if I've had a change of heart (Nope!). After a couple of those situations, I've learned to spot this kind early and cut off contact. I tend to stick with people I know share my beliefs. I feel that people don't realize that there are men who are celibate/abstinent by choice that seek like-minded women. We don't have stickers on our foreheads and we are dancing right beside you in the clubs. You'll never know until it's brought up. I came here because a co-worker just sent me this link. I don't think she read past the title before she sent it to me. We were having a debate about me not dressing in accordance to my beliefs in such a manner that any man on the street would know I don't have sex. She felt that I was misleading men by dressing cute. Reading is fundamental girl. It really is lol.

  2. Of course abstinence can eliminate undesirable men. The problem is, it also can eliminate the guys women would want: men who are straight, non-dysfunctional, and typically preselected by other women of value. Or those men will "wait" for a woman while getting their needs met elsewhere. There's no reason for a woman's abstinence to lead a sincerely interested man to follow suit: it's her abstinence, after all, for her reasons.

    Abstinence is not a good dating and mating "strategy" for grownups in 21st century America. When it does seem to work, it's probably as likely to deliver men who are false positives. But when abstinence is simply an expression of a person's values or feelings, to each their own.

    1. Bottom line..abstinent or not, if a Man wants to truly date you and be with you, he will. It is not complicated. Ladies don't believe the hype that abstinence discourages good men. Not true.

    2. Exactly I have a friend who is a good guy and has a girlfriend who is abstinent. I guess she meets all of his needs except physically. Therefore he parades to the world that he is in love, i.e. social networks. While at the same breath has sex with another girl all the time. I don't think some guys can grasp abstinence their argument will be you've had sex before so why don't you want to have sex with your man? idk

  3. I don't think there is a way for women to weed out dishonest men. They just have to roll the dice and hope that his actions match his words. But that's kind of hard since most women fall in love with their ears. There is nothing wrong with someone practicing abstinence….I actually would applaud someone who has enough respect for themselves to save all of their sexual energy for someone they plan on spending the rest of their life with instead of just doing it to satisfy some carnal urge.
    My recent post Tasty Thursday

  4. I really do not believe there is a clear cut answer on how to weed out dishonest men, just as you can't
    tell regarding women. Some guys will have obvious signs, (talking about s*x, always wanting to just chill
    at home and save money, etc) Some guys will have do all the things a "good guy" will do but still be shady
    through and through. I think abstinence is a way for us to protect ourselves, because good s*x can bind
    a woman's emotions, so abstain from giving it away to soon without getting to know this guy on a different
    level can be a concern. As long as you are abstaining for yourself versus trying to trap a man into a
    commitment, i think it's a great idea and more women should do it.
    My recent post P*ssy Control: The Power is in the P*ssy

  5. Being dishonest by acting as a virgin when you probably give blowjobs to every guy you meet is just as dishonest as the guys you date that say they aight with you being a self proclaimed virgin. I see alot of that going on. If you a true virgin and want to save yourself for religious purposes … alot of us guys will get turned off at the religious aspect of it rather than the virgin aspect. Because quite honestly if we just dating then it shouldn't be a problem if I date other people at the same time and if sex happens then so be it. You can't try to impose your way of life onto me with stubborn rigidity. You got to be flexible especially since we just being social and dating anyway.
    My recent post MAN SURVIVES THREE DAYS AT THE BOTTOM OF ATLANTIC OCEAN

    1. If you don't want to wait to have sex and the other person, then you can just go your separate ways. Nobody is imposing anything on anybody. The choice is always yours.

    2. Why do I have to be flexible with my vagina? Word to the wise, if a woman is not sure if she wants to sleep with you, the more you pressure the more rigid she will become. The same way a man will run for the hills if he feels pressured to be in a relationship, a woman who has any kind if self esteem will do the same if pressured for sex. These are warning signs for both sexes that show how selfish a person is and could be in the future.

        1. Are you talking about a mutually agreed upon boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? If that's the case then I would be upset because you knew what was up before you committed. In that case dump me and go have sex with whoever you want, but don't try to maintain a relationship AND cheat simultaneously. Now if you're talking about dating in the sense that we've been to the movies and hung out a couple times, then I wouldn't be upset because technically we are both unattached and don't owe each other anything.

        2. It's fine to do that for as long you haven't promised that it wouldn't happen. If you're just dating and getting to know, who you bed is who you bed…like, it shouldn't even be up for discussion until y'all are trying to make the relationship official or you are considering having chex. You're dating, but you're still single. *shrugs*

    3. I agree, unless it's for religious reasons, i'm not going to make him lock it down for me. He clearly isn't having the same types of dilemmas I am having. However, as we move towards defining a clear commitment, there will need to be some negotiations on both sides.
      My recent post P*ssy Control: The Power is in the P*ssy

  6. #aquestionthatneedsanswers When y'all are able to figure that out, I'll be here to read it. Because I think besides the obvious of not respecting your wishes or feeling disrespected period, I got nothing.

  7. I know topics like this usually focus on women being abstinate, but it would be nice if more men would try abstinence and have better standards regarding who they sleep with.

    1. "Try" is the Key emphasis, yet Most of the Realest Truths are that Men Aren't Trying to or Looking for Abstinence. To Attempt to make Us feel like Scum or Guilty because we Don't is Foul……

      It Is what It Is

      1. Wasn't tryna make anybody feel like scum *shrugs* I'm just saying it would be nice if more men had a little more respect for their own sexuality.

        1. But in a way you Are. If Men Don't Want to or Aren't Afraid of Our Sexuality by Not Choosing Abstinence then that's a Women Issue. I ALWAYS Knew I wouldn't be Abstinent and I have been Very Strict on my Sexual Health and Activity…… As I'm sure Many of us Men who comment on here do.

          Men and Women are Different for a Reason, and Just because we Choose Sex doesn't mean we have Little to No Respect. Were YOU a Virgin before marriage and If Not does that then Mean YOU had Little to No Respect for YOUR Sexuality??????

    2. “…it would be nice if more men would try abstinence and have better standards regarding who they sleep with.”

      You’ve said two entirely different things.

      …both of which I agree with (in principle)

      Abstinence: because abstinence is temporal…so we’ve all done it (knowingly or forcibly)

      Better standards: well…okay…sounds like there’s some interesting backstory to that request

      My question is how does one lead to the other? Or were you just making a blanket statement of what men should do…in general?

      1. "How does one lead to the other?" Great question 🙂

        In my opinion too many men get a majority of their self worth from their sexual prowess.I think more men could benefit from atleast a season of abstinence and some introspection so they dont feel the impulse to use sex as a means to boost their self worth. A man who respects himself isn't gonna be desperate to sleep w/ any ol' body just to try and fill a void.

        1. Not to be argumentative, but your opinion is flawed. Men generally speaking have always been the hunters, in that regard, men CHOOSE a mate, women choose whether or not TO mate. Women have the biological advantage of choice. In my opinion, that's why it's easier for women to abstain. It's easier to turn down what you're constantly offered.

    3. @sincereluv4life

      Negro please. Alot of men are abstinent by force. You coming from an apex fallacy POV.

      You are basically asking men who are in demand by women to not take the options women grant them.

      But include all men into that b-ullshit statement.

      1. "Negro please"

        Lol, that made me laugh. Anyway…..I understand that even bringing up the idea of a man abstaining from shmex is risky, and that's why I chose my wording carefully:

        I stated : "it would be nice if more men would try abstinence…."

        I didn't say all men need to be abstinent.

  8. Please don’t discourage these females from being abstinate! With all the unwanted pregnancies out here and the huge rise in STD among black women, I say this is the best course for them…especially the ones who use abortion clinics as birth control.

    1. Not discouraging anyone from being abstinent, more so wanting people to do so with the right reasoning. A false perception of a specific result wouldn't gice credence to that person's behavior. I only wanted to bring to light another possibility. That's all. I'm all for health and no unwanted pregnancies and the whole shabang. It doesn't mean I can't shed light on other possibilties.

  9. Getting to know a person first is the only way, in my opinion, to really know who you are dealing with. Don't make too many decisions about or do too much for a person until you know them well enough to know what you're dealing with. People can't hold up a front but for so long.

    This goes for men and women…

  10. Sure, being abstinent can definitely weed out dishonest men. It will weed out a lot of honest men too. Many women believe that only men of good character will stick around with an abstinent woman, but that's not always the case. I know several men with who are in relationships with abstinent women who are getting their needs met elsewhere or are using their girlfriends for other benefits (money, place to stay, ect.) I'm an honest guy so if a woman tells me she wishes to remain abstinent I will respect her decision, by removing myself from the equation.

    The best route for an abstinent woman to go is to exclusively seek out men who are also abstinent. Also abstinent men are seemingly few and far between and probably aren't going to be the ones approaching you in the club. An abstinent woman is going to have to be a little more proactive at finding a mate than her sexually active counterparts. All in all, that'll be the best way for her to weed out undesirable men.

    1. I would Agree- if Women WERE Approaching Men more often. I know there is not stats for this, but I'd say only 2% of Women are walking up to Men and "courting"; had a Few Women do that to me and Never had a Problem with it.

  11. I’ve dated 2… I wrote a song about it…like to hear it…here it goes (Calhoun Tubbs)

    1. Extreme jealousy. Knowing that I ain’t getting any from her makes her more jealous than other women. Go effing figure

    2. here’s the worst one…they wanted (physical) affection, and get upset when there is none, but that just leads to # 3

    3. blue ball

    4. when the stars align and you share a beautiful night, they blame me for not stopping it…like this is my life’s journey

    5. then,… I’m the a-hole because apparently this all I was chasing in the 1st place.

    Takeaway: abstinent ladies….stop dating and if you must…date virgins or SUPER church dudes.

    1. Laughing out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      I'm actually with you on your takeaways…

      AhhhhhhhhHaaaaaaa! Thank ya very much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      #TellinMyAge

  12. I believe we are talking about two different subjects. Abstinence does not make one good or bad. Your character does.

    There is no guaranteed way to weed out or eliminate all dishonest men (or women). There are people who lie, want to use you and will go to great measures to do so. Some are more obvious and you will recognize quickly, others are masters at their game, and you may not see their true until must later. Live and learn. My suggestion is to take your time and get to know the person. Not just his/her favorite color but where they stand on important issues that matter to you, then allow time to discover if their actions line up with their words. If the two do not match, then you have your answer.

    On the subject of abstinence, and I am for religious reasons btw, the fact that I am abstinent does weed out some men. I don’t consider them bad, but just not a match for me. Actually, I appreciate their upfront honesty. However, my preference is to date (and I’m referring to serious monogamous dating) a man who shares my beliefs because it is foundational to who I am and how I live. I have no desire to constantly explain why I am abstinence, have my decision questioned, or tested. So I tell men very early about the decision I have made, and respect theirs. If it isn’t for them, then neither am I, and there are no hard feelings about it.

  13. Any reason a person decides to be abstinent or celibate is reasonable and rational for that individual. People make decisions based on their life experience and views of the world. The only way to protect yourself from a dishonest man or woman is to trust your instincts and listen to their words and actions. For example if you are upfront with a person that you are abstinent and they continue to criticize or judge your decision they clearly do not respect you and are not worth your time.

  14. This is easy. The way you eliminate the men you SAY you don't want is simple.

    1. Know yourself inside & out. Know what you REALLY want. Not the lies you tell yourself.
    2. Study men & women, incentives & how they move, how they think, how the world works, how most relationships work.
    3. Become the kind of woman that the man you desire, wants.

    Nothing is foolproof, but the way women make rookie mistakes in dating, the only way to go is up.

    But if you an old broad, 30+, you might have to just buy some cats.

  15. I'd say abstinence does works. It will weed out dishonest ones cuz they aint gone be about that work and it will weed out some good guys too but thats fine too. If a dude aint got enough patience and respect for me to get to a place where I feel comfortable and safe then he wasn't the right guy for me. Does it suck? Yeah but such is life.

  16. Once again the false premise of a guy "working" for booty! Sounds like hooker ideology to me. Any "work" I put in is to gain your respect, loyalty, devotion, etc. Poonany given should be solely by choice and not as a "reward" for my good behavior.

    1. This sounds borderline simpish.

      I just wish so many male posters on SBM made comments that pander to women and their interests.

      Men only engage in dating behavior that's rewarded by women. Women reward men with sex. Sex is a reward.

      Don't try to obscure that fact.

      1. Well I refuse to waiver to 21st century dating ideology. Sex is not a damn reward, if it were prostitutes would be out of a profession. Your premise sir is what defines simpish, jumping through hoops just to get the booty.

        1. It’s not so much 21st century ideology as much as its how dating/relationships have always operated up until the last 20 years. Men had to date and “go steady” with women before women would have sex with them. Sex was a reward for the man’s chivalry and willingness to commit to a woman. Women back then realized that they wouldnt be gf/marriage material if they casualnl sex with any thug/dusty dude. If anything, over the last 20 years, women collectively devalued the value of sex by sleeping with men without being in committed relationships with them. Nowadays, some men can pick up a woman at a club/bar/on the block and have sex with without wining and dining her. Hell, there’s a reason why people (women) whine about people not dating anymore.

          Feminism does want sex to be a reward. It wants women to view sex the same way men view sex. This nouveau feminist movement is harming black women more than they can ever understand or at least care to admit.

        2. While I can agree with your depiction of how things used to be, I have to disagree about the purpose. Courtship historically was about entering a relationship with a woman, not just about sex. I agree that our hyper-sexual modern society has killed chivalry, courtship, and to an extent, even marriage. However, more women waited until marriage to engage in sex, which caused men to either "put a ring on it" or go find a "loose woman" to sow his oats with. So sex was never the payoff for "dating" it was the payoff for marriage which is a whole different monster of a topic. Women became more independent, less conservative, and as a result lost some of their bargaining power in gaining a spouse. So I conclude that in "dating" sex can't and should never be a reward for chivalrous behavior. Women rewarded that behavior by agreeing to marry us and being legally bound to us. Anything else is simple bartering, or as some like to call it "the world's oldest profession"!

        3. I understand your point and I can appreciate your subtle distinction between men's efforts in the past for sex vs. their efforts for marriage.

          But wouldn't that have made sex with women who demanded a ring on it the reward for men? If a man back then wanted sex but the woman demanded a marriage, then, yes, the end goal was marriage; but marriage was the end goal only to get sex (reward) from that woman

        4. Semantics and Perspective are in effect here. I will concede that sex could be a reward, but only in the confines of a marriage by yesterday's standards. Today it's not in ladies best interest to play that card, because there are too many sexually liberated women active in our society. So in turn, if I am to extend myself to the limit just to get sex, it defeats logic since I could easily find either a "working girl" or a woman with limited values in that respect if all I want is sex. Now if I want all of the other stuff then it makes sense for me to put in the work. That is all I'm saying. So in principle we agree, just from different perspectives. Dating vs. Marriage

        5. Thank you for this comment. I talk with women all the time about respecting their bodies and remaining celibate until marriage, like women used to do. This was a time when family meant something. I am often criticized for this stand, but it breaks my heart to see so many children without both parents, new HIV cases, women's bodies destroyed through abortion, broken lives, etc., etc., etc. All of this as a result of irresponsible sexual behavior and the moral decline of our society.

          When I went into ministry, I decided that I could not be a hypocrite and had to practice what I preached–nothing worse than a fake preacher who preached the word, but lives contrary. I did not want to live my life like this. As a result, I have been single and celibate a long time because men I have met don't want to wait for marriage to have sex. I refuse to force my beliefs upon anyone. This is my walk with The Lord. If I must walk it alone, so be it, but I will not compromise. My relationship with the Lord is too important. My exes realized later, after many bad sexual relationships with the women who they could have sex with, that I was more valuable than they realized. What I brought to the table was worth far more than the physical, but by the time they got this revelation, it was too late. I'm not saying I'm all that, but my worth is far above rubies…Proverbs 31. Sex should not be the reward, but the gift God made for a husband and wife to share…it is so much more beautiful when done the way God intended. The fruit is family, not baby-mama drama, intimacy, not just sex, love and not lust, longevity, not temporary, child-rearing, not child support…is anyone getting the point???

  17. Anybody who chooses to be abstinent and is genuinely waiting for marriage before having sex is admirable. If you're a virgin who chooses to be abstinent, God bless you and more power to you!

    The problem is, however, that many men and women (more so women) who choose to become abstinent do so ONLY after they've had an extensive (or even distasteful) sexual history and now want to save face by claiming abstinence, i.e.-becoming a born-again virgin. If you're a born-again who's now looking for the right man/woman and the person knows or learns of your past, s/he could become disgruntled at the very least, especially if s/he expects sex somewhere down the line in a relationship. As a matter of fact, the person would probably feel cheated. Although the person has positive intentions for a positive relationship, your choice to become a born-again complicates things. The person feels like s/he is missing out on sex, even though you've had sex before with others who were offering you MUCH less than what s/he is trying to offer to you. The person could feel like s/he's being punished for the born-again's past.

    No matter who you are, nobody wants to have to give more for something that was previously available for much less before s/he came in the picture.

  18. Being abstinent in today's dating world does not protect you from men who are playing games or does not have your best interest. It does help you weed out men who are not serious about a relationship but makes you more vulnerable to falling for people emotionally. As a abstinent woman I have come to realize you can still make bad choices in men you become emotionally involved with and still have games played. You have to keep working at making smarter choices about the men you choice to fall in love with and have sex with. I think being abstinent makes you think about the choices you make whether they are good are bad on who you let into your life. I still had the worst heart break being emotionally involved with someone who was not honest and playing games. I am still on my journey as celibate women dating in today's world which is not easy considering people have sex quickly to determine if they like you or to see if you are compatible.

      1. Because it seems like everybody who wants a relationship wants everything from the other person but doesn't want to give anything in return. There's no willingness to compromise. And that's scary when you consider the fact that both sides (men and women) need to do something about the status of the black family.

        1. I don't think anyone has an issue with compromise. It's necessary for almost ever facet of life. But to just say people have an issue with compromise is vague. The majority of people don't want to compromise sex. As farfetched as it may be for some, sex is not easy to compromise. Some people simply want that interaction. Someone not willing to compromise on this issue shouldn't be labeled any which way. Nor should the person in need of the compromise. Someone said earlier that if you're celibate you need to find like minded men or women. You have to go to places where you're likely to find such people. That too may not be foolproof. I do think it might be someone's best bet.

        2. Well, I hope the celibate woman who fancies herself an "8" or better doesn't start making excuses as to why she won't date an otherwise quality, celibate man just because he's too short, or too plain, or may be a little bigger than she had hoped. If the celibate woman rejects said man, then she has no room for complaints. And she's being dishonest. This applies to the inverse as well.

  19. This was an amazing topic…… I would have to say from personal experience I have recently decided to abstain from sex and yes I am “religious” lol if that’s how people label it….but I decided to abstain from sex for a different reason and I’ll be honest it’s only been a few months. I am not perfect no matter how many days I go to church I have a flesh as well. But my reason for abstaining is to give my body to someone who loves me….you don’t have to totally abstain in order to realize if a man loves you but you have to do it the right way…in my eyes I will meet the right person and we will form a friendship first which typically leads to a bond between you and that person which could lead to love it’s not that abstaining will make him act right he might be waiting for it to get it and leave but when you take the time to explore each others hearts minds body and soul just imagine how good the sex will be………it’s all about timing

  20. I'll share some thoughts since I am now almost 3 years celibate. Before I made this choice I went through a few years of constant sex, where my next orgasm ruled my life. In many ways I did adopt stereotypically male behaviours: I refused to commit, I refused to be emotionally available and I refused to treat the guys in my life as anything more than walking dicks. I had an unbelievably high libido for a woman and constantly made guys feel inadequate for being unable to keep up with me.

    The problem with this is that it caused an internal conflict in me. I was raised in a very traditional family and by a woman who is the living example of a faithful, devoted mother and wife. When I really thought about it, I did share my parents intrinsic values and this is where my disconnect came from. In reality I value a lot more in men than dick. If im being fully real, theres nothing more attractive to me than a man who values his own honor just as much as he values a womans (every connotation of the word honour applies). Despite knowing that deep down, I denied myself my most basic ethics because it was less risky to have emotionless sex and pretend I was a dumb vacuous bitch than it was to be real with myself and others. I think real truth and vulnerability is hard for a lot of people, male or female and everyone finds different ways to shield themselves from a cruel world. Mine was my body. I loved giving it the pleasure it craved and I loved that the way I looked made it easy to pick from an infinite supply of guys. I felt like my sexual shield was my power and my honesty about it was my insurance that no one could take it from me.

    Now that I've made a 180 I feel so different. Im still commitment phobic and still not ready to be anyone's girl. To me that's the most trusting thing I can do for someone, to really love them without reservations, mind and body. The body, I think will always be easy to give as long as I feel attraction. I don't think it's in my nature to hold back from my own pleasure. But giving my love and faithfulness is much bigger in my books. But I feel better this way, at least my actions are in line with my beliefs. At some point, I just might feel ready to enter another relationship and I feel like I will go into it the right way, without sabotaging it on my end by being emotionally unavailable and commitment phobic.

    I enjoyed reading all the other responses and opinions, very interesting to see that most women choose celibacy to weed out the bad men. I always found that a mans true character shows AFTER he got sex….some who seemed like assholes turned out to be gentlemen and good guys (who off course have human instincts and like sex, which is normal and natural…it doesn't make him a bad person). There were some who acted like picture perfect gentlemen before hand and showed their true colours after. And there were very few who acted the same way consistently. I think a lot of guys are afraid of being real with a woman too, considering how many women have no qualms about taking advantage of a guy and lying till they get what they want. We all play because no one trusts, I really believe that and how can trust be earned based on games and lies?

  21. This was amazing Ms. thanks for sharing. You've all added great insight to the issue. I have a another perspective coming next week to sort of juice this whole subject up.

  22. I am 28 years old, and only lost my virginity a little over 3 years ago. Iv'e dated since I was 16. The guys I've dated when I was a virgin, knew that I was a virgin and ALL of them claimed they were cool with it and that they had so much respect for me. Respect has nothing to do with h*rniness. Lol. 98% of them got it from somewhere else, and that was that. That was the end of those relationships. Then when I was dating as a non-virgin, I still wasn't f*cking on the first date, and they claimed to have liked that quality about me until their Jr got hard all because I smiled or gave them a hug.

  23. That brought out the negative side of men – angry at me for not giving them any and making me feel bad for "putting my own p*ssy on a pedastal" (I guess…). And then there was that one virgin man (he was 25, veering away from his religion) I dated on and off (while I was a non-virgin) who brazenly told me that I would be his first, and he made sure to remind me all of the time, but chickened out twice, and called me a wh*re when I eventually denied his oh so precious offer.
    So, no matter what we do with our bodies, abstain or be free, we can't weed out the dishonest or bad apples. Do whatever the heck you want, and a man will love you for you sooner or later.

  24. I think abstinence is simply a healthy way of going about dating in general. Sex itself is a very sensitive act. Couple that with the emotional and even physical complications (STI's, unplanned pregnancy etc), I think it wise that people take precaution to protect themselves in every way. Is there some formula to detecting a dishonest person? I don't think so: only time and experience can tell that. But I do think that leading a non-sexual dating life will allow you to get to know a person and weigh your comfort and trust levels, before allowing them into you your body (literally).

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