It’s over. You tried your best, or maybe you didn’t try your best but you wanted it to work more than you didn’t want it to work. Now since your last relationship, or the last time you fell in love, you haven’t been able to shake the cobwebs. You haven’t been able to either get rid of the pain from the last relationship; you can’t get past the rust of being out the dating game for so long; or you just keep making mistake after mistake as you try to get back on the horse. This is usually the point when most people decide, “maybe I’m just not ready to date yet” or “what’s wrong with being single for now?” In other words, they give up. They don’t want to fix the problem.
I was scanning the headlines a couple weeks back and I saw a few famous celebs were heading to rehab, albeit for more than the first time. I thought that the relationship most have with addiction is a lot like those who struggle to move past their last relationship or have flawed views on relationships. There are many of us who need to go away for a while, get away and have someone or something help move us past that hurt or that urge to do wrong. If that is the case, rehab may be the solution worth exploring. Again, love is a lot like addiction. It’s something you have a downward spiral into, you need more and more of it as the use goes on, and getting over it will be life-changing.
After I came to the conclusion that there may be a need for Love Rehab for people, I needed to figure out a way to explain the symptoms or signs that a person should be seeking out Love Rehab. I can’t list every possible reason I was able to brainstorm but I can list these five and I’m sure every other one is just an iteration of these five.
You’re taking it out on all the new people.
One of the easiest signs that you might need rehab is when you find yourself taking out things that happened in your past on new people, or hurting others because you were hurt and can’t find anyone else to hurt. This type of behavior only seeks to have others join your pity party of pain and depression…don’t do it.
You still leave open the chance you might get back with an ex.
Tough one. No one can tell you this isn’t a tough one. I know that in every breakup (with the exception of about one) it took a long time for me to come to grips with the fact that I wouldn’t get back with an ex even if I had the chance. It takes a ton of rehab for you to believe that you can and will be able to find someone just as special again. If you haven’t come to that realization, you’re in need of rehab not a new relationship.
You haven’t accepted why the last relationship didn’t work.
If you haven’t come to grips with why the last relationship went bad then you’re going to need to talk to someone. It’s in everyone’s best interest to wait until you’ve accepted your part in it and you are aware why you don’t want it to continue. It wasn’t until I was a few years out of a college relationship that I was able to understand this concept when I coined the phrase: “I’m not going to act like I was the dude who ain’t do nothing…”
You believe in emotional unavailability.
People who believe in emotional unavailability are people who just need to sit in a focus group session until they get the idea that it actually exists out of their mind. The only person who makes someone emotionally unavailable is you. There’s nothing that happens to you that makes you get to the point that you don’t think you’re ready to be emotionally connected except a message you keep sending yourself over and over again. Cut it out, go sit in a support group, get over it, and come back after you’re better.
At your happiest moments, you still want to share it with your ex.
Let me tell you how you know you’re washed in love. Let me tell you the realest thing about love that has ever been said; when anything that happens in your life that makes you happy or laugh, the first person you want to tell is your significant other. I used to tease one of my boys all the time for doing this. We’d see someone bust their ass on the ice in Syracuse and the first thing he’d do was take out his phone and call up his girl, “Hey babe, you’ll never believe what I just saw.” However, when you break up, this is supposed to stop. It just doesn’t work that way. The best sign that you’re ready to move on and that you’ve repaired your heart is that the need to share your happy moments with that person have gone away. You may not have replaced them with anyone, but you don’t feel that dependency. Remember how we said love is a lot like an addiction?
I’ll be honest with you; there is nobody who does this well. I can’t lie; I’ve been in and out of Love Rehab my whole life. That’s the price you pay for being a “pathological relationship getter in-er.” Therefore, if you read this and you’re like, “Oh my God, that is so me!” that’s completely normal because for the most part it’s all of us. That’s also why rehab isn’t some set amount of time, it can be 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, or hell sometimes people need 26 weeks to shake the habit. Whatever it is, it’s only important that you’re making a conscious effort to get over it. If that means you spend some time in rehab, you do it, if you think you can handle it on your own, try it.
Just don’t get mad when you get dragged into rehab kicking and screaming by your family and closest friends.
– Dr. J aka By now y’all know i’m not a real doctor, so I can only provide y’all with a list of referrals.