I’m a black male in my mid 20’s with no children. I’m young and just starting to build my little foundation professionally. I do however have the desire to be a parent one day. I’m hoping by like 28-29 I’ll be well on my way. This is just me thinking aloud of course. I wanted to take a look at the reality of parenting. This is only me from the outside looking in, but I wanted to bring to light something. We want many things or at least we say we do, but you must examine everything beneath it’s surface.
Everything comes with it’s own list of responsibilities and they all need to be taken into account. Today I’m speaking about parenting and a scenario I don’t hear spoken about much. I was having a conversation with some other young men in the same age range about fatherhood and the possibility of having a gay child. Have you ever given it any thought? Well if nothing else there’s a huge degree of relevance to the issue.
The majority of the guys I spoke with had very radical views.
I only call these views radical because we’re now talking about your own offspring. Many of these guys would rather disown there child rather than love them for who they were. This really bothered me and I expressed that, but to no avail. That is actually alright too. You see, we all have different views, but I am so cognizant of who I want to be as a man that I could never disown a child of mine.
At the risk of getting too personal… I’ll do just that. As a kid I was lucky enough to initially be in a two-parent household. It didn’t last for long as my parents were highly dysfunctional. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized the value of having a father around. Now my father pretty much left my life at 7 years old but I’ve learned something from that lately. I idolized my father as a kid. I wanted to be a chef like him, I just wanted to be this guy. No matter the arguments in the crib or anything, I simply wanted to be him because he was my dad. I noticed the importance of my mere presence once I do become a father.
Your child is going to love you just because!
They don’t even know any better. We aren’t perfect by any means but they’re going to love us regardless. I say that to say that if I have a child who turns out to be a homosexual, it goes against my parental responsibility to feed them to the wolves.
This world is cold, and as much as we are making strides in terms of equal rights we have to be clear that many people aren’t too keen on gay rights. Now would I prefer my child to be straight? Sure I would. I think it would make life simpler for everyone. I have dreams of me being able to relate to my son and groom him to be a great man. I want to teach him about women, talk to him about women, and the whole nine. In the event that that’s not the case then sure it sucks. But my child’s happiness means everything to me. It means everything even before I have one. I couldn’t dare look at myself in the mirror as a responsible man knowing I have a child out there somewhere that I have shunned away. All I would be doing then is contributing to a larger problem in this world.
With this whole bullying deal taking center stage lately along with the initial feelings of low self esteem, the last thing your child needs is to not have your support. A huge contributor to me not really becoming a “statistic” has to be attributed to having a family that loves me. Not only do they love me but they let me know constantly. Older men in my family weren’t shy to let me know that its okay to show love. There’s nothing soft about it. That support allowed me to never want to cause any of them shame, and grow into an adult they’d be proud of.
What does my child being gay have to do with me?
I’m living a life that I want. I’ll have my wife and my happiness. Hypothetically, my child deserves those same freedoms. There isn’t any argument in my case. It’s either you’ll be a good parent or a negligent one. But there is no sugarcoating. If you’re not holding down your child and they haven’t been delinquent then you’re simply being immature and need to grow up. As a parent you have to love unconditionally. If your kid doesn’t get their love from you, who knows what they’ll find in Pandora’s box.
Now I don’t expect to have a gay child. I don’t think it’s likely for many, but the prospect is there. I don’t know where your head is at; but no matter what, my kid is going to be exceptional…just like their Pops. The choice is yours y’all.
What say you?
These are my words and I make no apologies.
DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS
“Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status
A version of this post originally appeared on viralstatus.com . This topic intrigues me and I wanted to bring it to you, the good people of SBM.