Home Fatherhood How Would You React To Having A Gay Child?

How Would You React To Having A Gay Child?

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I’m a black male in my mid 20’s with no children. I’m young and just starting to build my little foundation professionally. I do however have the desire to be a parent one day. I’m hoping by like 28-29 I’ll be well on my way. This is just me thinking aloud of course. I wanted to take a look at the reality of parenting. This is only me from the outside looking in, but I wanted to bring to light something. We want many things or at least we say we do, but you must examine everything beneath it’s surface.

Everything comes with it’s own list of responsibilities and they all need to be taken into account. Today I’m speaking about parenting and a scenario I don’t hear spoken about much. I was having a conversation with some other young men in the same age range about fatherhood and the possibility of having a gay child. Have you ever given it any thought? Well if nothing else there’s a huge degree of relevance to the issue.

The majority of the guys I spoke with had very radical views.

I only call these views radical because we’re now talking about your own offspring. Many of these guys would rather disown there child rather than love them for who they were. This really bothered me and I expressed that, but to no avail. That is actually alright too. You see, we all have different views, but I am so cognizant of who I want to be as a man that I could never disown a child of mine.

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At the risk of getting too personal… I’ll do just that.  As a kid I was lucky enough to initially be in a two-parent household. It didn’t last for long as my parents were highly dysfunctional. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized the value of having a father around. Now my father pretty much left my life at 7 years old but I’ve learned something from that lately. I idolized my father as a kid. I wanted to be a chef like him, I just wanted to be this guy. No matter the arguments in the crib or anything, I simply wanted to be him because he was my dad. I noticed the importance of my mere presence once I do become a father.

Your child is going to love you just because!

They don’t even know any better. We aren’t perfect by any means but they’re going to love us regardless. I say that to say that if I have a child who turns out to be a homosexual, it goes against my parental responsibility to feed them to the wolves.

This world is cold, and as much as we are making strides in terms of equal rights we have to be clear that many people aren’t too keen on gay rights. Now would I prefer my child to be straight? Sure I would. I think it would make life simpler for everyone. I have dreams of me being able to relate to my son and groom him to be a great man. I want to teach him about women, talk to him about women, and the whole nine. In the event that that’s not the case then sure it sucks. But my child’s happiness means everything to me. It means everything even before I have one. I couldn’t dare look at myself in the mirror as a responsible man knowing I have a child out there somewhere that I have shunned away. All I would be doing then is contributing to a larger problem in this world.

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With this whole bullying deal taking center stage lately along with the initial feelings of low self esteem, the last thing your child needs is to not have your support. A huge contributor to me not really becoming a “statistic” has to be attributed to having a family that loves me. Not only do they love me but they let me know constantly. Older men in my family weren’t shy to let me know that its okay to show love. There’s nothing soft about it. That support allowed me to never want to cause any of them shame, and grow into an adult they’d be proud of.

What does my child being gay have to do with me?

I’m living a life that I want. I’ll have my wife and my happiness. Hypothetically, my child deserves those same freedoms. There isn’t any argument in my case. It’s either you’ll be a good parent or a negligent one. But there is no sugarcoating. If you’re not holding down your child and they haven’t been delinquent then you’re simply being immature and need to grow up. As a parent you have to love unconditionally. If your kid doesn’t get their love from you, who knows what they’ll find in Pandora’s box.

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Now I don’t expect to have a gay child. I don’t think it’s likely for many, but the prospect is there. I don’t know where your head is at; but no matter what, my kid is going to be exceptional…just like their Pops. The choice is yours y’all.

What say you?

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

“Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status

Photo Credit: elixher.commusedmagonline.com

A version of this post originally appeared on viralstatus.com . This topic intrigues me and I wanted to bring it to you, the good people of SBM.

Comment(26)

  1. Good Morning @DamnPops,

    Great Topic, Great Post. A lot to digest. And I got views man. I got views.

    1. Outside of the Warriors win & Scandal Thursday, yesterday the sky fell on me. Life is still good tho.

    2. Being gay is mostly a MALE issue (& a female if you are UGLY or MALE looking).

    Two women eating each other vs. A dude penetrating another dude in any form of fashion, most people would vote for the former.

    3. Until someone proves otherwise, being gay is NATURAL more than it is ENVIRONMENTAL. HOWEVER, there is a lot of pedophile activity going on ALL OVER THE United States, and that definitely plays a role in at least some of men & women who ARE gay.

    4. My whole parenting style is this, I would LOVE to avoid a gay son as much as possible. And I will make sure to raise him in an environment where there is a strong possibility he will be straight. But if he likes dudes, he has my full support.

    Do not bring no BROKE AZZ gay dudes home tho. And prostitute your booty to the highest bidder, & most perverted dude. F-ck that love shit.

    THOSE ARE MY ONLY TWO RULES.

    5. My gay son, would still
    – have to wait until 16-18 to put on a dress.
    – have to learn some sort of martial art.
    – have to pay for his own gender re-assignment surgery (hormones included).
    – learn to adjust to the world, not wait for it to adjust to him (in 2020 & beyond, might be gay friendly)

    6. The deeper issue, is that, we want our children to reproduce, pass on our genes. Being a stone cold gay person, all but prevents that wish that almost all parents have.

    We collectively have to evolve on this issue.

    Good Day

  2. Hmmm this is interesting.

    I've thought about it several times. I have a daughter and I hope to one day soon adopt a boy. When I contemplate my daughter coming home one day and telling me she's gay, I know without a doubt she'll have my full 100% support with a huge lecture on how being openly gay will change her life and she needs to be prepared for the bullying, comments and plain ignorance from people she will deal with everyday. But I'll be beside her for all that.

    When I contemplate my as yet unadopted son telling me he's gay… I go into a FULL BLOWN panic attack. I don't know that I'm prepared to mother a gay black boy. And this isn't just me being ignorant. I'm black and Nigerian. In my country there is a 14 year jail sentence for being involved in homosexual activities. The world has just not yet accepted the gay black man. I don't know if black people will ever be truly okay with it. So while I really really really hope and pray that I will be able to support him just like I will my daughter, I know his road will be much harder to navigate and I would never want to see my child go through that. I would be in his room every morning like "baby are you sure you're gay? Don't get mad but maybe the girls in your school are just super ugly?'. I don't mind him being gay, but the world sure will…

  3. If I had a homosexual child it wouldn't bother me. Any and everything having to do with sex and relationships has always been a non-factor in terms of who I choose to associate with. My child will be my child and I will love him/her unconditionally. I also believe that I am good at reading people and what they're about so if I ever had a homosexual child I would know, maybe even before they did.

    That being said, I understand the realities of our world. Coming from a Caribbean household, being homosexual was the worst thing you could do. Worse than failing out of school (for us that's a biiiiiiiig deal.) I would groom my hypothetical homosexual child to make sure he or she doesn't feel the need to hide who they are. I would make sure that he/she would have tough skin and hit back or insult back whenever somebody stepped to them for being homosexual. As my mom used to discuss with me:
    Mum: "Do they pay your bills, feed you, keep the lights on, and keep a roof over your head?"
    Me: "No."
    Mum: "Then their opinions don't matter."

  4. Idk. Like most if it was my daughter it probably would be easier. Like my best friend little sister is gay, but she always very tomboyish as a child so when she did “come out” it wasn’t a shocker.
    My son, I would be more of a shocker. Especially seeing the relationship between him and his father. I mean I wouldn’t stop loving my son. Honestly I just don’t want him to be ” girly ” like you can still be gay and masculine , I know it would kill his father is he came home and wanted to be Toya instead of Tyson. But what can you do. But as far as sexuality goes, I’m not encouraging anything straight or gay until my child is an adult . Once your an adult who you date is up to you.

  5. Just to clarify, gay isn’t the same as transgender. Just because they like people of the same sex doesn’t mean they want to be the opposite sex.

    Also many transgender people still prefer their original opposite sex.

    I know that’s complicated, but just noting that the question was asked about homosexuals. Transgenders are a completely different concept.

    1. I’m going to assume this was referencing my comment. I know gay and transgender aren’t the same thing. But there are gay men who dress like women, or are very feminine in the way they act. I would prefer he not act extremely feminine, even if he is gay, but it’s his choice. Even though the question didn’t ask about “transgender”, it still falls in the same realm. I’m very aware of the spectrum of gender and sexuality.

  6. I'll tread lightly…

    As a heterosexual man would I prefer heterosexual children, yes, and that's not wrong to say. We aspire to teach our children from our life experiences, and if i were to have a gay child i would find myself at least temporarily unarmed as he/she has entered a world i simply do not know or understand. Ill adjust eventually.

    We want our children to be able to have the life better than we had, my child will obviously be black that's one comes with it's own degree of difficulty navigating through life, ignorance and homophobia is a monster I wouldn't want my child to face as well
    My recent post Today’s Word is… DEFENSE

  7. I have a Lesbian Sister and some Bisexual Female Friends. A classmate of mines from college is Gay and it never bothered me; LBGTQ folks don't bother me UNTIL a Gay or Transgender Man "hits" on me. I'm 10000000% STRAIGHT but for whatever I get a Gay Guy or a Few try to "convert" me (Yes, this has happened since High School and my ONLY problem with Homosexuality).

    That Said, if my now 5 year old Daughter late on says she is a Lesbian or likes Both Genders I will be Perfectly Fine with it. If I ever have a Son and he Comes Out later on in his Life I will Support him too.

    Double Standards exist between Men and Women and Homosexuality (Women CAN be Bi but Men CAN'T), and we as Society have Much to Grow on LBGTQ issues and their Quest for Rights, let alone Some of Us as Parents are to are Own Children and Relatives

    1. So gay guys have hit on you since high school? Ok. I will treat this like you're the exception. Most times a man says this and I ask if a guy has ever approached him in that way, they say no. Often times they are dudes that NONE of my gay friends would even look twice at. I've been hit on by women and it doesnt' bother me at all. If they are disrespectful, they get the same treatment as a man would if he approached me wrong. I still don't get the conversion part.

      I don't like the idea of telling someone that a girl can be bisexual, but a man can't. Sexuality is an interesting thing. Bisexuality has been around a LONG time. I just don't like assigning people a role based on our own beliefs. There are even gay people who don't believe in bisexuality at all. I think they are on the wrong side of the argument as well. Basically, who are we to tell someone they can't be bisexual because they are men?

      1. FYI-I have actually heard of the double standard and I have heard people who are gay make comments about bisexuality. All of it is wrong.

        I am glad that you will be a supportive parent. I just feel like oftentimes people (especially black people) put conditions on their support. "I am okay with gay people…as long as" or "I have gay friends…but if".

  8. I would not (and yes, I can say that with 100% confidence) have a problem if I had a gay son or daughter. I already have a gay nephew and though he is not my offspring, he is my family and as family, it is my job to love him regardless. Besides, most gay people (like people in general) are pretty cool and stay in their own lane which is advice a hell of a lot more people need to take.

  9. I dont care about sexual orientation. I care whether or not he's dumb. I dont want any dumb kids. If my kid is an idiot, I'll love it less and i'll blame the mother for her shoddy DNA.

  10. it annoys me that this post even made it on here…like seriously we need to MOVE past this ish already. If you create a child, birth the child and raise that child you are an A$$ if ANYTHING that child does would you make you forsake them. I don't have any children – so maybe that's why I see it this way. However WHEN God blesses me with a child I will love that child UNCONDITIONALLY for the rest of my life and I DARE someone to bully my child for A DAMN THING including whom he or she decides to be intimate with. Sexual Preference is NO ONE's business… Asking how you'd feel about a gay child is about as worthwhile as asking what you'd do about an ugly child. You'd love them and keep it effing moving!

  11. I wouldn't care if my child was gay. The only thing I would hope is that my son is not one of those loud flamboyant gay guys that talk and act like a ratchet female. I hope that if he's gay he's a man who acts like a normal man but just happens to like men like the smaller gay guy on Modern Family. And if my girl is a lesbian I hope that she's not a stud.

  12. If it is a male child, I would disown him.

    If it is a female child , I would still disown her but offer financial and housing assistance.

  13. If my child was gay, i don't really know how i would react but i guess it would be worse if it is my son. That being said, i actually think it is wrong to treat this subject as if it is highly possible. For me, the real issue is how to prevent that from happening. I mean, when a child says to his/her parents that he/she is gay, it is the end of a process.

    This child is our responsibility, as parents,so we need to know, at least, a little bit of what is going on in his/her life.

    It is like searching for a way to treat or cope with a disease (don't get me wrong, i don't think homosexuality is a disease, though i don't think it is natural, THAT IS JUST AN EXAMPLE) instead of trying to prevent it. Because truthfully, homosexuality (especially for the men) comes with a lot of consequences for the health and i do not want that for any of my future children even if they say it makes them happy

  14. I wrote this so that you could get into it lol. Years ago in a psychological index of abnormal diseases homosexuality was labeled as a disorder. It was removed decades ago but that proves people share your sentiment. I feel it is natural. And if you and I can't relate to them it doesn't mean that it isn't natural. That's my take at least. The only empirical data ii have are the gay people I have spoken to. And it wasn't a choice for them, they always had those innate feelings. It's great discussion, please share

  15. MY son is gay, hes 20 and we live in a macho mining town in Australia. He and a friend were bashed at 17 by local thugs and the Police did nothing. Well until Mama went in and said, WTF is going on with this serious assault, the excuses flew thick and fast. My answer, investigate and prosecute… They did just that. My son is my son, whether he is gay or not is not of my interest, my interest is he happy, is he safe, is he fed, does he have a good work ethic, is he in love or happy with whom he chooses to be with.

    Sons are very different from daughters, they are the mamas muscles, naughty as that may be but hey that's what I love about him, hes strong.

    To those in the world who want to judge my son, oh pahlease, remember the old glass house, there is not one of us on this earth who have not sinned, and if you judge my son, remember behind his back is the lioness of a mother, my claws are far longer than his.

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