Two weeks ago I wrote a piece called “Could Abstinence Lead To Dishonesty?“. In it I discussed why I felt abstinence wasn’t the cure-all for weeding out undesirable men. That post has led to today’s discussion. I think there’s a certain population of women that stick their nose up at other population of women. I have divided these groups of women between celibate women and non-celibate women. A lot of my commentary may seem skewed toward non-celibate women. As I elaborate, you will see why.
I had a conversation recently with a young lady who said she was celibate. Her reasoning you might guess would be one of two things: religious reasons or someone hurt her. Well, it was the latter and all too proverbial in it’s nature. Being the inquiring mind I am, I asked some questions on what urged her to shut down sexually. I asked because I believe you can choose not to have sex with certain people but decide to with others. The young lady was adamant in letting me know that she wasn’t messing with someone outside the confines of a monogamous relationship. I respect that, as should anyone.
What struck me was in her explanation of why she was celibate:
“I have respect for myself.”
This insinuated that anyone who had casual sex didn’t have respect for themselves. I guess that rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe that could have come out totally wrong on her part, but there is some significance still. I’ve had many conversations with women who were celibate. Some of which we could call fake celibate. The judgment is what I hated because I’m not a judgmental person. I feel like their verbiage is so much more of a defensive nature.
I notice this from some of the celibate women I’ve spoken to. If you’re celibate, I am not begging you to change. As stated a couple weeks ago, I just want there to be an organic reason as to why you’re doing something. Don’t be celibate under some idea that it makes you better than another woman. I can assure you that it doesn’t. Be celibate for reasons that don’t harbor negativity. If you want to grow personally or devote your energy to other facets of life, that’s fine.
To me, many women may feel that same judgment from some of their counterparts because they don’t subscribe to a celibate lifestyle. The defensive celibate women I have encountered has caused me to raise a few questions and I hope to hear your opinions on them. Are many celibate women truly celibate by choice or out of retaliation? Are many celibate women bitter? Are these celibate women so snobby to non-celibate women because they are enjoying a form of intimacy and happiness that they have lost or have yet to experience?
If nothing else I think this would be a great conversation piece, and definitely something to expound upon some more. I’m in no way saying the last conversation I had on this subject was with a snobby woman, but her Freudian slip allowed me to finally ask the questions I just did.
These are my words and I make no apologies.
This post has been revised and was written originally on my first blog “The Doctor’s Office” last year. I thought in the wake of last week’s post, this discussion would be perfect.
DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS
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