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Are Women More Loyal Than Men?

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are women more loyal than men

When the skeletons in your closet creep out and show their face in your relationship, things can get complex. At a recent Sippin’ Sassy event that I hosted in New York, guests discussed whether women were more loyal than men. The answer that consistently floated around was yes. That response was from male and female respondents alike. So if this is believed to be the norm, what happens when women are not so loyal?

People like to chat me up and they almost always spill the dirt in doing so. This woman who I met is having a hard time determining what the true feelings are with regard to the man that she is seeing. That’s understandable. We all go through that grey area period when dating. We are not sure how invested the other person is in us. But little did I know, the plot had much more depth than I thought.



The breakdown: the relationship between said woman and the man that she is confused about began while she was deeply involved with another man. They were in a long distance relationship. Let’s call him her old lover. She was forthcoming with her new lover about all of the details regarding her relationship with her old lover. New lover accepted the situation as is. The woman and new lover dated and developed an intimate relationship that she was really enjoying. She even started developing intense feelings for her new lover. She most certainly saw a future between them. Then the old lover threw her for a loop by asking for her hand in marriage. Confused and emotionally conflicted, she accepted. Now what is she to do about her new lover?

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She pulls a Peter Gunz, a la Love & Hip Hop, by being honest with the new lover and telling him about the engagement. They continue their secret romance but eventually things begin to change. He is acting different, distant. As time moves along things unravel with the old lover and the woman finds herself single. She is a free agent ready to roam, however, she only has eyes for one man, the new lover. But after some time of being strung along by him, she wonders if her single status will allow them to reconnect in a way that will make him her man.

are women more loyal than men

Enter her quandary. I asked a candid question of her: do you think that this man, who knows your dirt, will take you serious enough to now be in a committed relationship with you? Because the heart wants what it wants, this gave her pause. She knows the answer but she would rather live in the fantasy a bit longer.

Men, would you commit to or marry a woman who you know the dirt on, or would you opt for the woman who may have secrets, but you don’t know them? Someone with a clean slate in your eyes. Can a man get past a woman’s not so loyal past?

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xoxo

Ahyiana Angel

About the Author: Ahyiana Angel is a Cali girl who has turned the Manhattan streets into her playground. This sassy storyteller—a former sports entertainment publicist at the National Basketball Association (NBA)—is anticipating the release of her first novel about dating in New York, coveted careers, complicated relationships, and ultimate deception. Angel is the creator of the salacious and popular blog Life According to Her. It’s contrived like reality TV, fictionalized for fun (also to protect the innocent), and sensationalized for your entertainment.

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Comment(38)

  1. I'm sure that some men would be able to look past her past and keep it moving…I on the other hand couldn't do so. If I know her past and it's something that I know that I knew I couldn't deal with I would just stay friends with her and move on. I prefer not to know intimate details in regard to her past, but I would want to know her status as far as diseases goes.

    If I was the guy involved in that situation I would chunk the deuces and keep it moving. There are so many single emotionally available women out here to keep dealing with one that isn't loyal.

    And to answer the main question…I do think that women are more loyal to men when it comes to matters of the heart. But when it comes to all other situations…men are more loyal hands down 🙂
    My recent post Monday Morning Breeze

      1. Sure. Men are more loyal because once we form any type of bond/relationship with someone/something we tend to stick with it if it's working out for us. Examples are real friendships, business ventures, pets etc. The list could go on and on. Before anyone gets upset this is everything being equal here. There are going to be exceptions to the norm.

  2. Im of the mindset men dont share what they truly want. The times i was the other man, it was moreso commitment free smashing and the ego boost, not because i just want her that damn much. We all have pasts, whether one wants to overlook it or not depends on how bad they want them. If he wants you he'll find a way, if he doesn't he'll find an excuse.
    My recent post Today’s Word is… RESOLUTION

  3. What people tend to forget is this: The reason why it seems as though women are more loyal in relationships is because they stand to lose more when the man leaves; as opposed to the men. Men can stand alone and be alone perfectly fine. And they are content to "spread their seeds" and "spread their luv around." Whereas women are designed to strongly desire one mate to be there and be consistent for the sake of her stability, protection, status in society as a woman, and her children, (if she has any). So of course women are bound to naturally be more loyal because its in their best interest to be.

    1. +5
      Also, it is far easier for most men to find companionship than it is for most women. When a couple divorces the man is usually the first, if not the only, to remarry.

      1. ConervativeBrotha I don't agree that it's easier for men to find companionship than it is for women.
        Attractive, beautiful and sexy women get hit on many times on the regular. And women remarry as much as men do. Elizabeth Taylor, married 8 times…..nuff said

        1. Yes. They get "hit on" and men will definitely "hit it," but do they get married, as frequently as men after divorce/ break up? No.

        2. yes. Conservative Brotha I personally know many women on their 2nd marriage, and a few on their 3rd.

    2. IDK. I call BS on this comment. Not all women are looking for "that" one guy. There are countless women out there looking to smash as much as possible just like the stereotypical single guy. The confident "in her skin" single (or taken) female may just be as loyal as that "bangable" opportunities that get offered to her on the daily.

      Let's face it. A descent looking women is offered dcik multiple times a day…everyday…A loyal, committed women (whether married or single) will see that & pass it up w/o looking back or even mentally entertaining the remote possibilities of a secret jumpoff. So, it's just by chance – depending on where a woman is in her own life – that she may be strongly loyal. But it's not hard to find a woman – who aint loyal to no one – that's down for whatever, whenever.

      So, this was a trick question – most of us think women are more loyal than men, but that gives them the freedom to do their dirty on the DL & most-likely not get caught b/c we inherently trust them w/o honestly knowing.

      1. Smoov what countless women do u know that are Not looking for "the one" and just want to get smashed as much as possible???????????????
        This is one of guys biggest problems, thinking women are like them when it comes to sex…..smdh.

        1. @Bree: You’re living blind if you think there aren’t women out there that just want to smash & dash. They do exist. They’re your coworker, your hair stylist, your kids teacher, your church usher… women who live without commitment are everywhere. have you been to the sex/adult clubs or to the private freak parties? I have. These “free” women are your neighbors. No… they’re not going to openly admit that they would smash if the opportunity exist. But they are the least expected to enjoy sexual freedom because people like you assume you have to look or act a certain way to be “out there” sexually. I am definitely not saying all women are like that by no means, but they are around us more than you think.

          I hate that many dumb guys think a quiet/shy woman must be innocent. In some cases it’s just not true. And I am not saying that a woman that just wants to smash & dash is a bad or negative thing. Just depends on where she is in her own life.

  4. As for can men handle the truth about a the woman they're with and they love….Hell To The No. Not all, but i think its pretty safe to say that many men cannot handle the truth about the woman they love, respect, put on a pedestal and hold in high regard. Think Best Man when Lance found out about Mia and his best friend. Even though he was with countless women while they dated, and she was with Harper long before Lance even met Mia and before Harper knew Lance liked Mia none of that matter.

    1. Nah,
      In the film Mia revenged f*ck*d Harper during her relationship to Lance to get back at him for cheating. Which is worse, random meaningless affairs with strangers, or screwing your dude's very best friend for spite. I would be up and out of either situation, but Lance definitely had the right to feel some type of way.

        1. Nope… Mia was a "V" when she and Lance got together. Remember, that was part of Mia's appeal for Lance…his being her only one. CB is right, Mia took her revenge out on Lance by "doing" his BF, Harper.

    2. I understand your comment here. Most men don't want to imagine their women with other men in their past. I would say that the typical guy would go out of his way to find a woman that is far removed from family & friends…where there are no possibility of connections or relationships with either of the two groups.

      But many of the mature gents would rather know something about a lady's past so that he truly knows her. It's upsetting for a guy to find out people his woman knows are actually people she's had sex with or had relationships with – and visa versa with guys too. The current relationship gets really shaky when you find out that "really good college guy friend" was her on-again, off-again jumpoff for a couple of years. That's not fun for anybody.

      True, it's been a double-standard when discussing past sexual relationships. But there is never a good reason to hide past relations with people you both currently know and still talk to occasionally. When the truth get revealed – usually somebody gets hurt or feels a bit betrayed. Men should recognize that their woman has had just as many or more physical relationships than they have & be open to learn more as she becomes more comfortable within the relationship.

      1. Smoov, most every man I've ever dated including the current one, don't even want to hear about men I've been with and dated in my past. They just don't want to know and prefer to live in a fantasy and pretend like you weren't with anyone else before them. Or not think about or know about who you were with before them.

  5. I think exactly how they portrayed it in the movie is probably how it is for men. They keep reliving in their minds the woman they love, and that they want to only be for themselves with another man, and it cuts like a knife. It's more than they can bear emotionally. Even though it seemed like Lance was over-reacting given the circumstances not being all that serious, it didn't matter. To him it hurt deeply. Even at the end, in The Best Man II he put Mia on such a pedestal that he still held a grudge towards Harper that he couldn't let go of. And he never really said anything to Mia or held her accountable for what happened at all, until she said something to him. So no, I don't think too many men will be able to get past a womans past. It takes a certain type of man to do that. Much like it takes a certain type of man to accept and love another mans children as his own. Not something any and everyone can easily do.

    1. For a guy to realize/find out his woman is "into some things" or has "done some stuff" is kind of life-altering. Imagine meeting and being with a person who acted a certain kind of way for many years, and then suddenly, you see them do/say something thats completely opposite of everything they've ever shown you…mind-blowing! To be honest, it takes time to accept it, question it, or simply just learn from it.

      Lance just couldnt imagine that Mia was capable of what she ultimately did. He ASSUMED she would be completely loyal to him regardless of the life he lived based on how she portrayed herself to him – and Lance thought Mia was unaware of his infidelities. Had the two actually honestly communicated, Lance wouldve learned about how hurt Mia was b/c of his weakness which couldve led to him stopping and not to her cheating on him with his best friend. But thats a perfect solution in an imperfect reality.

      I think many men (including myself) can accept a woman's past if women can be honest & up-front about their own hookups, jumpoffs…and not play a type of victim to a past which includes a lot of random, casual sex based on the frequent opportunities they took advantage of to have the fun they wanted to have at the time. No need to have regrets about the 'adult fun" that was had. It just hurts when that "fun" is mis-represented at the start of a relationship and then later re-surfaces as another hidden "side" of a person you thought you knew.

      1. maybe I'm missing something and I need to rewatch the 1st Best Man. I thought Mia and Harper were together before she even got with Lance. I could've sworn Harper told Lance that what happened with him and Mia was a one time thing and it was in the beginning of their friendship. Plus they worked very closely together at that newspaper. And wasn't Harper Mia's first? Wasn't she a virgin before him? And what pissed Lance off as well was the fact that he wasn't Mia's first, but Harper was? Yeah, definitely have to rewatch it from the beginning.

  6. I think men and women are equally loyal / disloyal. Now what some women do have is that blind loyalty/ bs loyalty then men. Like that ride or die, I'll stick through any bs jodi behavior which they label as loyalty when its really stupidity. That’s why it seems like women are more loyal than men.

  7. Good point Smilez…thats true too. I can't see a man sticking with his woman, and being loyal and faithful to her while she's in jail. I think thats truly a "woman thing."

  8. "Men, would you commit to or marry a woman who you know the dirt on, or would you opt for the woman who may have secrets, but you don’t know them? Someone with a clean slate in your eyes."

    No, I would not commit to a woman like this. Most men might tolerate her or sleep with her for a little while, but a commitment will often be out the window. Yes, I would choose the woman who "may" have secrets. After all you only get one chance to make a first impression, and if you already have a reputation for being disloyal, that chance is lost.

    "Can a man get past a woman’s not so loyal past?"

    It's not about getting past anything, it's about making a decision that is beneficial to myself. A woman’s "not so loyal past" could equal pain for me in my future. It's that simple.

  9. She just didn't play her cards right…New lover knew about old lover…she just wasn't upfront with New Lover about her feelings for him and didn't want to give up old lover to find out new lover didn't want more…she should have done better with her hand and she may have found out that new lover wanted to possibly have more if she gave up old lover or visa versa…and loyalty is a characteristic held by a person doesn't matter the gender. You either are or you're not. Women are just way more emotionally connected sometimes then men are.

  10. What the hell? Man hell no! No, I would not be with a woman who was cheating WITH me, then ran to me after things between her and her man broke off lol and this story doesn't answer the question as to who is more loyal than who. The "new lover" isn't disloyal for not accepting her back with open arms and the woman sure as HELL isn't loyal lol in my experiences, it isn't a question of which gender is more loyal, its a question of which gender is more willing to stay around in a messed up situation

  11. Was this article SBM's slick way of addressing the D Wade and Luda (baby-mama) elephants in the room? Thought it interesting that a black male blog has not touched this topic with a 10-foot pole. But viewing these similar situations through the loyalty lense, women (no matter their motivations) are notoriously more loyal than men. Even when the man demonstrates, in the most open forums, his lack of relationship respect or boundaries, a woman is likely to suck it up and chalk it to being his "ride or die".

  12. Right, Beyond-Politics. Both men & women are only a loyal as their options… and if the chances of getting caught is next to zero.

  13. Based on the scenario presented? Nope. One thing that men value,probably more than anything else, is loyalty. If you have a disloyal past and he knows about it, even if he was a participant in it? It's a wrap. You can say it's a double standard all you want, doesn't matter. Not going to change his mind about it nor his decision. It's one thing if your past didn't literally involve him and he didn't know, but to do all that and expect him to turn a blind eye to it to pursue a future with you? Nah, not going to happen.
    My recent post New friends

  14. What an odd scenario in the original blog post. Everyone says the woman isn't loyal. Who was she supposed to be loyal to? Old lover or new lover? The general consensus is new lover won't consider her seriously now for a relationship. But shouldn't she have been loyal to the first man? Isn't that what loyalty is? (Though even that wasn't true loyalty since she was still sleeping with new lover. Like I said this situation is odd.)

    I think once she chose old lover it was done (or should have been done) with new lover. You make a choice, you live with it. Simple as that, male or female. But I do think if she had dumped old lover for new and new dropped her she would have felt bad. Old lover was offering marriage. What was new lover offering?

    I think a person, male or female, should be loyal to who is offering to invest with you for the long term. Her mistake was going back/still sleeping with new lover. That was done and they both should have started afresh with new people. Even though old lover didn't work out, she still had made her choice. Best to start over with completely new people and leave these two in the past. That would have been loyalty to herself and her own integrity.

  15. Are men more loyal than women? honestly, no one really knows.
    From my experience it is women who are most of the time the dishonest ones.

    The real question is what is loyalty? Is only sleeping around or kissing or hugging another man? In opinion, no, women who stare at other men (no matter how hot that guy is) are not loyal in my opinion. If you as a man have any sense of pride then you would not sit there and say nothing. I would leave her there and then.

    Those who say 'Oh no, its just an innocent look, why are insecure?', to whom my reply is that as a man I have pride and will go on my knees for no woman and if a woman is looking at someone in that way in front of me (or behind my back as in I catch her doing it from a distance or hear about it) then the relationship is over.

    Nowadays men are very weak mentally when it comes to dealing with women and have no pride or dignity and will not saying anything if they say their woman making physical contact with another man and if they catch her staring at another man will mostly likely say nothing.

    To guys like that I say, shame on you!

    What I have realized when comparing loyal men to loyal women is that if a man truly loves a woman he will see no other woman but her and think of no other woman and would break his back for her, on the other hand women from my experience never love a man to that extent.

    I could be wrong but I am speaking from my experience.

    1. **CORRECTION**

      Are men more loyal than women? honestly, no one really knows.
      From my experience it is women who are most of the time the dishonest ones.

      The real question is what is loyalty? Is it only sleeping around or kissing or hugging another man? In opinion, no, women who stare at other men (no matter how hot that guy is) are not loyal in my opinion. If you as a man have any sense of pride then you would not sit there and say nothing. I would leave her there and then.

      Those who say 'Oh no, its just an innocent look, why are you insecure?', to whom my reply is that as a man I have pride and will go on my knees for no woman and if a woman is looking at someone in that way in front of me (or behind my back as in I catch her doing it from a distance or hear about it) then the relationship is over.

      Nowadays men are very weak mentally when it comes to dealing with women and have no pride or dignity and will not say anything if they see their woman making physical contact with another man and if they catch her staring at another man they will mostly likely say nothing.

      To guys like that I say, shame on you!

      What I have realized when comparing loyal men to loyal women is that if a man truly loves a woman he will see no other woman but her and think of no other woman and would break his back for her, on the other hand women from my experience never love a man to that extent and tend to be very materialistic and ungrateful.

      I could be wrong but I am speaking from my experience.

  16. It is a known fact that a lot of women nowadays are real whores for sleeping around with different men all the time unfortunately. They just can’t stop partying all the time and getting wasted, which is very common for them these days. Been there.

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