When the skeletons in your closet creep out and show their face in your relationship, things can get complex. At a recent Sippin’ Sassy event that I hosted in New York, guests discussed whether women were more loyal than men. The answer that consistently floated around was yes. That response was from male and female respondents alike. So if this is believed to be the norm, what happens when women are not so loyal?
People like to chat me up and they almost always spill the dirt in doing so. This woman who I met is having a hard time determining what the true feelings are with regard to the man that she is seeing. That’s understandable. We all go through that grey area period when dating. We are not sure how invested the other person is in us. But little did I know, the plot had much more depth than I thought.
The breakdown: the relationship between said woman and the man that she is confused about began while she was deeply involved with another man. They were in a long distance relationship. Let’s call him her old lover. She was forthcoming with her new lover about all of the details regarding her relationship with her old lover. New lover accepted the situation as is. The woman and new lover dated and developed an intimate relationship that she was really enjoying. She even started developing intense feelings for her new lover. She most certainly saw a future between them. Then the old lover threw her for a loop by asking for her hand in marriage. Confused and emotionally conflicted, she accepted. Now what is she to do about her new lover?
She pulls a Peter Gunz, a la Love & Hip Hop, by being honest with the new lover and telling him about the engagement. They continue their secret romance but eventually things begin to change. He is acting different, distant. As time moves along things unravel with the old lover and the woman finds herself single. She is a free agent ready to roam, however, she only has eyes for one man, the new lover. But after some time of being strung along by him, she wonders if her single status will allow them to reconnect in a way that will make him her man.
Enter her quandary. I asked a candid question of her: do you think that this man, who knows your dirt, will take you serious enough to now be in a committed relationship with you? Because the heart wants what it wants, this gave her pause. She knows the answer but she would rather live in the fantasy a bit longer.
Men, would you commit to or marry a woman who you know the dirt on, or would you opt for the woman who may have secrets, but you don’t know them? Someone with a clean slate in your eyes. Can a man get past a woman’s not so loyal past?
About the Author: Ahyiana Angel is a Cali girl who has turned the Manhattan streets into her playground. This sassy storyteller—a former sports entertainment publicist at the National Basketball Association (NBA)—is anticipating the release of her first novel about dating in New York, coveted careers, complicated relationships, and ultimate deception. Angel is the creator of the salacious and popular blog Life According to Her. It’s contrived like reality TV, fictionalized for fun (also to protect the innocent), and sensationalized for your entertainment.