Home Featured The Problem with Relationship Breaks and Break Babies

The Problem with Relationship Breaks and Break Babies

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break babies

I have been through a relationship or two, and I can say for myself that I am not one who takes “breaks” in relationships well. In my mind you don’t break, you work through it. In speaking on anyone else’s relationship decisions I try to remain as unbiased or neutral as possible, but I really wanted to share some thoughts and start some dialogue in regards to these “Break Babies.”

In recent news we have all heard about Dwayne Wade and Ludacris having children outside of their current relationships/marriages during an agreed upon break… allegedly. A break is a break and for most people converts a relationship into two single individuals. That is unless two people agree upon a break with specific guidelines.

Breaks in relationships (even marriages) often come for a myriad of reasons (e.g. Infidelity, communication breakdown, etc.), but they are carried out when two partners decide that the relationship needs to be reevaluated. Partners are not seeing eye-to-eye, something has compromised the relationship, or one person has things that need to be worked on. I would like to believe that there are words exchanged and decisions made by two partners. Couples discuss the time-frame, expectations, and guidelines. When I have entertained a break in past relationships, my girlfriend and I have communicated what would be acceptable and what would not. I know from my own personal experience that it is not acceptable of me or my girlfriend to have sex with anyone else while on break. It can sabotage what we are trying to build. I see a break often times as an opportunity to let someone go and see if they come back to you or vice versa. In the case of Dwayne Wade and Ludacris, they came right back, but that’s not always the same result for other relationships.

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Most people are focusing on the obvious observation of two high-profile male celebrities being on break and capitalizing on the opportunity of consensual sex with another woman. I am quick to remind people that men and women are both capable and do participate in the same activities. Man or woman, while on break, has the capacity to reach out to someone for a physical connection.

Some people enjoy being alone, while others don’t. Some people choose to masturbate, while others have multiple partners. Like DamnPops said, “Your physical needs and emotional aren’t always in tune.” Consensual sex may not always involve emotions, but when you’re working on the longevity of a relationship with another individual, your physical connection to them is very important, right? We all have the power of choice, but we all exercise it in different varieties. I just wish men and women would make better decisions when it comes to conceiving babies. New life to me is precious and should not be something that people create just because. New life being conceived should be a well-thought out process prior to the sexual intercourse that takes place.

The one glaring observation that I feel is going overlooked is the absence of the use of condoms in these situations. This proves to me that two black men and two black women made the decision of not using condoms while engaging in sex. It is known that the men were on breaks from their current relationships, but I am not privy to the status of the women involved. This is rampant in many communities. I have had tons of conversations educating people about the importance of getting tested, for not only HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus), but STI’s (Sexually Transmitted Infections) as well.

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I totally understand that sex without condoms feels really, really good! I am aware of the consequences too: conception of a child, possibility of contracting HIV or an STI. The results are not merely popping a pill to stop a baby from being conceived or to make an infection go away. It’s also not about carrying a life-threatening disease and taking your medication to stop a virus from weakening your immune system. We are all aware. Any decision right or wrong has consequences, and we have to deal with them. Just because you have more money does no’t ease the burden. Dwayne Wade’s circumstances are not any different from Tyrone’s and Gabrielle Union’s struggles internally just like Shanequa.

Would you leave or stay with someone if they conceived a child while on break? Do you even believe in breaks? If so, have you taken one that actually worked out?

Amir

Comment(13)

  1. I do not believe in breaks, because it implies the relationship is on hold.It makes no sense to have a relationship on hold, you either can get through your issues or you have to agree to be completely freed of all the implied and spoken rules you had during your relationship with that person.I think a man and woman should also be honest about everything they did before getting back into a relationship after a break, I would not want to know my s/o became a father during our rekindling of our relationship.

  2. In all the situations I've known, breaks are just a way for the man to hold onto his chick and still being able to justify going out and smashing other b!tches. He get's it out of his system and then he can go back to his woman having never "officially" cheating. Most women see through this and end up taking the stance of "no breaks".

  3. I would leave. Asap. My definition of 'break' has never included freedom to screw around. However seeing as screwing around during break is slowly getting global acceptance, no more breaks for me

    1. Truth.com Tristan. "breaks" in relationships is some bs. Even if in a marriage you both agree that u need time apart to reevaluate some things and u need time to "see where u wanna be," u still should Not be sleeping with anyone else or dating while your on a "break." If you sincerely love the person ur with you shouldn't even want to. Why bring a new person into a new chapter in your life before you have closed the old chapter. Makes no sense. Thats just being greedy. No I don't do breaks. We either stay together and work through problems together, or we Break Up. Gabrielle Union is a better woman than me. D-Wade would have to kick rocks after having a child with another woman, getting back with me and expecting me to marry him….sorry, notgonnahappen.org.

  4. I do not believe in "breaks". Breaking up (assuming it's overwith) and getting back together eventually is one thing, but agreeing upon a "break" is just relationship suicide, imo, or just plain old selfishness. No one is going to break AND stay monagamous… Whaaa?!
    IF the break is over and they get back, someone will end up hurt, itching, or a new parent. Don't do it!

  5. My feelings in regards to breaks are well documented. What I have to applaud and will always applaud is the promotion of safe sex. That great feeling pales in comparison of the feeling of not having a child i'm not ready for and not having a disease that makes my equpment look rusty. People have to look at the bigger picture. Quality of life is at risk when you decide to go raw deezy, and it just isn't worth all that.

    I'm always strapped when I hit the club

  6. "People have to look at the bigger picture. Quality of life is at risk when you decide to go raw deezy, and it just isn't worth all that." Exactly Pops.
    Grown azz men and women should know better.

  7. i always believed breaks were excuses to smash other people and even though some turn out legitimate, most don't. having a break is for reevaluation and doesn't mean that the relationship is officially over but i guess people have other ideas. good post

  8. Well put. I don't do breaks. Either you want to be with me or you don't. As far as D Wade and Gabs. Chile please. I really don't believe they were on a break, I think he just got busted and tried to cover his tail in the public eye and try not to embarass Gabbs (by getting with one of the Wayans baby mamas at that) so by doing his whack "tv tour" this summer announcing the "break" (since they don't put the details of their personal relationship in the public eye anyway) so when the baby came in November, it would have already been put out there that they were on a "break." He knows better.

  9. The possibility of non-official cheating during a so-called break will always be there, but…what about the couple that is on hiatus for non-sexual reasons? Both parties care about each other but feel like they can be a better partner, so they take the time to work on themselves. Same kind of break, but different motivations.

  10. I believe in breaks to an extent, BUT and there's the but how far do you go? Technically you're not broken up from each other so does that give you a pass to go on smash missions? Do you stay –for lack of a better term faithful? There's always a conundrum involved. If I was Union I wouldn't and couldn't be upset because of the status her husband entails so it was going to happen. I don't know how long they were apart for, but if it was a short time then I wouldn't have gone back.
    My recent post Dear Hip Hop, We Hardly Knew Ye (Part II)

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