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How To Turn Her On


how to turn her on

Contrary to popular belief, sex is not merely a physical act. Particularly for women, sex is highly mental and emotional.

Now, I hesitate to describe sex as an emotional act for women because this is always misconstrued by men to mean that women are not capable of having “no strings attached sex” and that sex will inevitably lead to her catching feelings. This is simply not true.

When I describe sex as an emotional act for women it means that unlike men, a woman needs to have certain feelings or emotions before, during and after the deed in order to gain full satisfaction.

In most cases, men can pretty much be up for sex (pun intended) in a matter of seconds regardless of the quality of their partner. The same is not true for women. In order to please a woman, it is not necessary for her to be in love with or emotionally attached to you. However, it is definitely in a man’s best interest to be able to trigger an ego boost in her. We need to feel confident and that you have a measure of respect for us whether you’re dealing with us as a one night stand or as your wife. We need to feel like we are unique and irreplaceably valuable to you in some way.

In the same way that men are highly physical, women are extremely mental creatures. Women get off mentally in the way that men get off physically.

Therefore fellas, it doesn’t matter if you have the girth of an anaconda or are working with 9+ inches. While that’s great and all, you should not be focusing on that. You need to assess what you are bringing to the table in order to stimulate a woman’s mind. You need to have the ability to perform foreplay verbally, without even touching her. You need to be capable of getting a woman all primed and hot and bothered by merely talking to her and expressing your intellect and genuine interest in her unique thoughts.  You have to show that you don’t want to become sexually involved with her as a means to an end, but because you would like to enjoy the entire sexual process with her. You want to embark on a journey of bringing her to the ultimate peak of pleasure. And no one else.

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Now, let’s take a second and imagine that a woman you’re sleeping with put minimal effort into looking sexy for you. She hid her curves or didn’t really even have any desirable curves to showcase in the first place. In bed, she rides awkwardly and moves in a way that is aesthetically unappealing to you. Or she lies there like a corpse. Sure, you still may be able to get off eventually, but would you rate her as one of your best lovers? Or would you merely have sex with her as a last resort? Out of boredom? Or out of some other unrelated ulterior motive?

The same goes for women. Sure, if you have all of the necessary equipment and mechanisms, you have contributed about 50% to her sexual enjoyment, tops. That’s less than the sexual satisfaction she can get from porn and a vibrator. Obviously, that’s mediocre, at best.

So how can you ensure that you provide the other 50% and ensure a sexual experience that she won’t soon forget? You have to sex her mind. Make her feel unique, like she’s the only one that you want above anyone else at that moment and that you have an intense sexual desire for her in which no one else can elicit a comparable reaction.

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Women are not as swayed by looks as men. Intrinsic characteristics hold more clout for us. Understated confidence. Strength of character. Depth. Loyalty. Honor. Sound judgement. We are attracted to all the quintessential qualities that set men apart from boys. We want to feel submissive and even a little bit inferior to you in these qualities. This is what will earn a woman’s respect. After all if, we exceed you in these qualities and could do it all on our own, what are you useful for? You become more of a burden and a distraction than anything else. You will be viewed as a child to women. You showcase your depth and strength of character by not being easily swayed by the next piece of ass. You have to exhibit that you have an impressive level of self control. You have to show that you are not selfish and are eager to do whatever you have to do to get a woman to that place of no return. These qualities ensure that you are a bomb lover. If she feels superior to you in any of these qualities, I can guarantee you that her respect for you will be minimal. And for women, respect and sexual satisfaction go hand in hand.

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But for some inexplicable reason, a lot of men put their lack of these qualities on display, thereby solidifying a lackluster sexual experience for their partners. How? Through social media. If you’re exhibiting the opposite of the above mentioned qualities on your Instagram, Facebook, etc.you can be the physical equivalent of a Greek God and we will still find you childish and less attractive sexually.

So what are ways in which many men act like boys on Instagram and Facebook and turn women off? We will explore this in part two of this article.


Gee is a writer born and raised in Brooklyn of Caribbean descent.  The only girl with two older brothers, Gee is quite used to making waves by offering a feminine perspective in a male dominated world. A true product of the 90s, she likes to listen to Wu Tang, play old school video games and watch Seinfeld. She lives for playing devil’s advocate, never takes things at face value and always roots for the underdog.

Check out some of her candid observations and musings here:




  1. Good insights.
    I learned early on that some women needed to be "primed" for things to go well.
    I read on another blog the analogy that men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots when it comes to preparing for sex.
    I have also found, however, that women can be just as visually-stimulated as men, to the extent that when the right guy crosses her path, the crockpot converts into a microwave.

  2. I'm feeling this article. I have always know that the best way to get inside of a woman's pants is to stimulate her mind and pique her interest…….. give her something to think about….be mysterious. Then when she least expects it you hit her with something she never saw coming. Mental stimulation is the key to success in almost every facet of life. Just use this with precaution because not all women can handle this….you might end up with a stalker on your hands….trust me I know :/
    My recent post Wednesday’s Woes

    1. You're right. It's not everyday that we meet a man who is able to engage us in non-sexual, mentally stimulating conversation. So when we do meet that person, it blows us away to the point where some women won't be able to let go so easily, lmao.

  3. Your perspective definitely needs to be read by a lot of men. I know I have my moments and trail off and forget about being that intellectually stimulating partner in my relationship. Just as creative as I am with volunteering my time for serving my community, professional organizations, and etc…I also need to be creative in the bedroom with my lady. This helps out with providing that longevity, if that is what a man or woman is seeking. This shouldn't only be a requirement of men, though. A relationship looks totally different when both partners know how to mentally stimulate each other. It's a thing of beauty. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Truth! A lot of times, we get too comfortable in a relationship and forget to stimulate our partner mentally as well as physically. This is where emotional affairs come in. Sure, you can be having sex on the regular, but if you're not stimulating her mind, you could be leaving her open. The same applies for men too but I think it applies so much more for women because we are very mental creatures.

  4. Brap brap brap!
    I've always known this but thinking on my feet and speaking gracefully have never been strong suits of mine. Bluntness runs in my family
    I also have a question.
    Aren't physical attraction and mental attraction intertwined for women?
    I ask because I've noticed that women seem to be more receptive to attractive men (obviously).
    I have a friend who is not obese but definitely fat. I've noticed that he has to put his full charm and wit on display to get the attention of a woman whereas our more attractive friends just kind of…be there…and get an easy in (to conversation, not sex).

    1. It's natural for everyone to be drawn in by looks. But no one likes a bimbo. So while naturally those with the looks will get an edge, it doesn't mean the game is over for those who don't look as good. Like your friend, they'll probably have to put in a little extra effort in bringing attention to their personality.

  5. It's always weird because men don't know what really turns a female on most times. They think it can be that certain cologne, or fly kicks, or his 'swag' (I hate that word). or at least I used to think Sometimes it can be little things like a bald head, broad shoulders, his accent (if he's from another country)maybe the way his beard is groomed (or not in some cases) eye lashes, I mean little inconspicuous stuff. So while guys go out of their way to do things to turn on a female sometimes it's the less noticeable things that count.
    My recent post Dear Hip Hop, We Hardly Knew Ye (Part II)

    1. So true. I am a sucker for pretty brown eyes, dimples and long lashes
      On a dude! Understated confidence gets me everytime.

  6. I agree with most of this article but this whole concept of "Women are not as swayed by looks as men. " as stated in the 3rd to last paragraph is ridiculous and has gotta go. Women get just as turned on by a guy with a nice pair of arms and washboard abs as much as any man (if not MUCH more so due to the fact that most men aren't in good shape). The truth is much more interesting than fiction peeps. Other than that, great post!

    1. That's real talk, Dark Knight!

      To go a step further, women are just as vain as men when it comes to judging men by their looks. Anybody who tells you otherwise is a LIAR!


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