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Does Empty Sex Lead Men To Commit?



All men wonder one thing at some point in their lives. We all ask ourselves when will we know we are ready to commit? The photos I’ve provided here illustrate marriage as the ultimate form of commitment. Do not be swayed as I am not only speaking about marriage. When I say commitment, I’m really referring to monogamy. To be frank, I just really like the pictures that came up. But with that aside, there are many ways in which a man knows he’s ready to commit. Over the last couple weeks, one idea has been on my mind in regards to this. I feel that if I have had this feeling then I’m pretty sure other guys have at some point as well.

In the title I used the term “empty sex.”

Just to clarify, empty sex is sex with a person whom you’re really not that into. Now this raises another point that may raise the ladies eyebrows. Many women can’t fathom how guys can do this. Quite frankly I won’t even try to explain. Like Eddie Murphy says in “Raw,” it’s a dick thing, don’t try to understand it. I digress.

What correlation does having empty sex have with commitment?

Well this is where I’ll share a little story with you all and hopefully some can relate:

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I can remember a time a while back when I was casually involved with a woman. To be honest, this could’ve been an evening in which I was bored and one thing led to another. To make a long story short, we had sex. But when I was finished, I really just felt blah. This was a feeling I had never felt. Fellas, you ever slept with a woman but afterwards wondered “why did I do that?” I’m sure the ladies have, but that’s another post for another time. Well I questioned myself after. I wondered why I dealt with someone whose interests I cared nothing about? As I get older I’m starting to figure out that I need genuine interest in a woman to really even click with them in bed. I’m not saying that all men have to feel this way, but I do.

It’s this experience that led me to wonder if any of you guys have experienced something like this? Has a situation like this led you to just want one woman? This situation caused me to think a way I’ve never thought. I know I can’t be in a relationship with just anyone. But I also know that there ain’t a thing wrong with wanting one. I guess when the time is right you just know. Situations like this just makes you want the right time to be right now! I’m just thinking out loud this week, tell me what y’all think.

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These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status


  1. I feel like after awhile, empty sex is just a waste of time. It's 1 of those things where you realize that yeah it might be a necessary evil, but the ROI isn't worth it.

    I don't think there's a legitimate correlation to commitment. But it can kinda trick you into thinking that if you have great sexual chemistry w/ a person then a relationship is possible. Sex carries a lot of weight, don't get me wrong. For me though, it moved further down the list once I became clear on what I wanted in the person I settle down w/. Eventually great sex isn't enough to keep a dude around too long.
    My recent post Your Girlfriend Will Hate Your Writing [Sometimes]

    1. Well said. Plenty women find out the hard way that they cannot sleep their way into a relationship…no matter how bomb the slob knobbery or snug the punannery. Folks tend to go for individuals that possess a number of ideal or tolerable qualities, not just an individual excelling at one.

      Mr. SoBo

      My related post The 5 Benefits of Becoming Friends Before Lovers
      My recent post Indecent Exposure, Weapons & Richard Sherman’s Mouth: When Living In The Moment Goes Wrong

  2. I agree 100% with this post and the feelings afterwards. To feel just blah after sex is kind of weird. It has absolutely nothing to do with not enjoying the act…it has more to do with the connection not being there. I tell people all the time that having casual sex isn't worth it in my book. Just like jdoubleu said….the ROI just isn't worth it imo (and his).

    I think as you get older you change and your mindset changes also. You aren't willing to put up with the things you once did just for the sake of having some arm candy. God knows that I have had my share of dating simple chicks for superficial reasons…….but these days you have to have some sort of redeeming qualities other than some box and a pretty face.
    My recent post Thankful Thursday

  3. You'll be surprised. Especially if it's good and you can tolerate the person some people jump right into things without really navigating the territory. Then there are those guys who see a woman "court" her and get in the drawers, and once they bust off, it's like "Damn why did I even bother doing this" then from there the phonce calls, texts, all communication ceases..all of a sudden hearts are broken, woman become scorned, then soon jaded and tha's all folks
    My recent post Why Daddy?? – Growing Up Fatherless

  4. Yeah I totally agree. As you get older, sex, atleast for me, has to be with a woman that I have some interest in. The days of smashing just to smash without any interest in the actual person has long gone atleast for me.

    I ask another question, what happens when you do find that woman you are interested in and the sex is good, but you still think about other women??

    1. Now that scenario I can't even speak on, I haven't experienced that. I'd love to know how someone successfuly deals though.

      1. Then she's probably not the 1. I could come off too idealistic saying this, but when you're w/ the 1, you're good where you are. You're not worried about what's over there or wondering if you can do better or whatever. That's not to say that you won't have lusty moments though. Being in love doesn't mean you're dead.
        My recent post Your Girlfriend Will Hate Your Writing [Sometimes]

  5. Casual sex is convenient (probably moreso now that plenty women have just given up on any semblence of real love but thats another topic) but its merely a piece of the puzzle and you still have to look elsewhere to complement. These days a dude has a long distance boo who has the chemistry, a local girl to come thru, another just to show off and one to be submissive…thats way too much work for me, sign me up for a full package of all that and im good.

    I believe i said here before that single is actually way harder than what the perception of a relationship is. Finding one who satisfies you and you can keep happy is way simpler than trying to build a solid roster around one girl who can ride like a pro but cant cook a steak or hold a proper conversation
    My recent post Today’s Word is… STRANGER

    1. "(probably moreso now that plenty women have just given up on any semblence of real love)"

      1. Given up? Maybee she’s horny, and maybee she knows he’s only good for a nut. O_O

      2. “Semblence” of real love? Don’t get confused…..Casual sex can in no way be confused with real love.…Lust exists regardless…Hence the sex….Women get hot and bothered too, it's not exclusive to men…..If she knows he’s incapable of love but is capable of giving a good orgasm then….She’s going to get those needs met……

      Let’s stop using what’s between the legs as a basis for generalizations. It’s shallow.

  6. Casual sex has its time and place in the maturation process of the individual. Most people have to experience it so they can realize that it's NOT what they want. Our society is full of sexual suggestions, images, and misleading information, so the average person may pursue casual sex, if for no other reason, than they think it is expected of them. Bottom line: Experimentation is part of the growing process. When you get to the point where 'the thrill is gone' and 'satisfaction of mind, body and spirit' haven't been achieved, you're ready to find the one who lights you up on all cylinders.

  7. Apart from the insinuation that many women are incapable of conceptualizing (Read engaging in) 'empty sex', this post is spot on. I firmly believe that plenty men experience this sort of 'moment' at a certain stage in life (different for every man of course).

    It is true that for many men, casual sex eventually loses its luster and the realization of its unfulfilling nature hits hard causing us to reconsider and even reformat how we date. In other words, our dating objectives change. As you pointed out, usually such an 'awakening' signifies a need or craving for something much more significant; meaningful; emotionally and socially rewarding.

    In other words, casual sex although fun, does get played out and men typically will find themselves seeking out relationships to satisfy the desire for a deeper connection.

    Mr. SoBo

    My related post The 5 Benefits of Becoming Friends Before Lovers

    My recent post Indecent Exposure, Weapons & Richard Sherman’s Mouth: When Living In The Moment Goes Wrong

    1. You're right. I know women are capable of having "empty sex" but what I question is if they are comofrtable doing it as long as many males are. I guess that's a better way of explaining it. I sort of painted with a broad brush earlier. But I'm glad I ain't alone lol.

  8. I think it's just natural for people to get bored in whatever situation they are currently in if they've been in it for a while. There are lots of married people yearning for the casual, empty sex. Go fig.

  9. Empty sex will never lead a man to commit. If a man wishes to commit, it will have nothing to do with sex and everything to do with desire. One must desire to share themselves with another person for this to occur. We live in a society that does not teach this vital awareness and most live decades before acknowledging this and some never do. I believe that unless you learn to know yourself and learn to respect yourself, you will find excuse to engage in any sex. If you are unfulfilled during sex, it is not your partners fault, it is yours for you are the only one that knows your true intent and if your intent is not sincere, then you are only wasting your own time. That is just my take!

  10. I have always seen and delt with Casual/Empty sex like an Activity to "just Do" or a Job that Isn't a Career:

    SOME people- emphasis on Some- are Comfortable floating through their existence, not looking to be More than their current position or situation; folks are out her Now as people were Then (yesterday to 30 Years Ago) being Employed to Pay Bills, be Independent and/or Prove they "Were/Are Somebody", and To Me, Casual/Empty Sex is like that. It has Nothing to do with a Woman or Women in General, and to try and explain this makes a Man, moreso Me, Cold, Hearltess, a Dog, etc, but if I am speaking Truth- at least My Truth- WHY get Upset with it? I thought Honesty was what Ladies wanted, Right???

    Now, there are Women who ALSO think/feel this way, so PLEASE, Ladies, do not take this as a Woman-Bashing Comment. Men can be and are Victimes to this mentality; I Myself have been one….

  11. Thanks a lot for sharing this with all folks you really realize what you are ttalking about!
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  12. Yes I too think this is a question best left answered by the men.

    Brothers I love reading your answers; it gives me a sneak peek into the male psyche.

    …now only if you were in New Orleans…

  13. I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married, we marry, like, one girl, ’cause we’re resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think, “I’d be an idiot if I didn’t marry this girl. She’s so great”. But it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option… ‘Oh he’s got a good job.’ I mean they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming and then they marry the guy who’s got a good job and is gonna stick around.


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