Break-ups suck. Everyone knows this. It’s a time when most people like to point fingers instead of looking within themselves and seeing what they could have done differently. You may ask yourself such questions as: Was I good enough? Were they good enough? Was I to moody/pushy? Should I have called more instead of texting? Could I have been more upfront about what I wanted out of the relationship?
These are all good questions that hopefully with time you can get the answers to. And if not, hopefully you will be strong enough to just leave the broken pieces and questions behind and move on. (Learning how to date successfully isn’t easy.)
After you have moved on and healed, the next step will most likely be to date again. But after my last relationship ended, I promised myself that I would approach each one after that differently. Within weeks of breaking up I had a ton of new suitors. But as to not have one of these end up being another bad relationship, I applied a simple rule that has been in place in stores all over the country for years: the 30 day return policy.
You know how this goes. You see something you think you like in the store, get it home for a few days or weeks then decide you don’t like it as much. It may have also been an impulse buy, the product didn’t do what you thought it would, or make you look the way you thought you would look. So you search high and low for the receipt only to find out that you have 30 days to return it. Now here is the question: Have you played around with this object in the 30 days knowing that you really didn’t want it? Have you enjoyed it so much that this time has just flown by and you don’t mind still being stuck with it? Makes sense right? So I decided to apply this same way of thinking to my new style of dating.
I was tired of doing the same thing and getting the same results, leaving relationships feeling like I had lost more than I gained. It was time for a change. When I started dating again I decided that I would give it exactly 30 days. 30 days to decide if I really truly wanted to get to know this person anymore, if not I could just walk away. It’s helpful because it’s just 30 days! It’s not six months or a year. Just 30 days. No one will feel like their time has been wasted and you will feel more in control of your dating life, not just going with the flow to avoid hurt feelings or jumping into something because loneliness has set in. Within these 30 days, there were several things I looked for:
The stuff great relationships are made of. You want to know people are dependable. When they say they will do something and don’t you know this probably isn’t the one. But if they do…WINNER WINNER FREAKIN’ CHICKEN DINNER.
Do they text more than call? Is every conversation you have that’s not in-person initiated by you? People always want to feel wanted. If you are doing more than them to keep the lines of communication open, you may want to move on. Save you both some trouble.
Where do they see themselves in five years? And depending on the answer, do you see yourself there with them?
This is not a question you can outright ask. You will just have to open your eyes and ears for this one.
After 30 days, you will be surprised at the amount of information you have compiled. Of course everyone has their own list of questions for their ideal mate, but these are just a few of mine. I used this guide and did end up with my own rebound relationship, but not the typical kind. Through my patience and with lots of communication, I learned far more about this person in the first 30 days than I had with previous relationships I’d been in for years. It’s a matter of taking your time. Rebounds can turn into long-term relationships — my fiancé and I are currently planning our wedding.
Hopefully this can be somewhat of a guideline for your own potential relationships. Good luck and happy dating.