Home Featured How to Date Successfully: The 30 Day Return Policy

How to Date Successfully: The 30 Day Return Policy

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how to date successfully

Break-ups suck. Everyone knows this. It’s a time when most people like to point fingers instead of looking within themselves and seeing what they could have done differently. You may ask yourself such questions as: Was I good enough? Were they good enough? Was I to moody/pushy? Should I have called more instead of texting? Could I have been more upfront about what I wanted out of the relationship?

These are all good questions that hopefully with time you can get the answers to.  And if not, hopefully you will be strong enough to just leave the broken pieces and questions behind and move on. (Learning how to date successfully isn’t easy.)

After you have moved on and healed, the next step will most likely be to date again.  But after my last relationship ended, I promised myself that I would approach each one after that differently.  Within weeks of breaking up I had a ton of new suitors.  But as to not have one of these end up being another bad relationship, I applied a simple rule that has been in place in stores all over the country for years: the 30 day return policy.

You know how this goes.  You see something you think you like in the store, get it home for a few days or weeks then decide you don’t like it as much. It may have also been an impulse buy, the product didn’t do what you thought it would, or make you look the way you thought you would look.  So you search high and low for the receipt only to find out that you have 30 days to return it.  Now here is the question: Have you played around with this object in the 30 days knowing that you really didn’t want it?  Have you enjoyed it so much that this time has just flown by and you don’t mind still being stuck with it? Makes sense right?  So I decided to apply this same way of thinking to my new style of dating.

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I was tired of doing the same thing and getting the same results, leaving relationships feeling like I had lost more than I gained.  It was time for a change. When I started dating again I decided that I would give it exactly 30 days.  30 days to decide if I really truly wanted to get to know this person anymore, if not I could just walk away. It’s helpful because it’s just 30 days! It’s not six months or a year.  Just 30 days.  No one will feel like their time has been wasted and you will feel more in control of your dating life, not just going with the flow to avoid hurt feelings or jumping into something because loneliness has set in. Within these 30 days, there were several things I looked for:

Consistency

The stuff great relationships are made of.  You want to know people are dependable.  When they say they will do something and don’t you know this probably isn’t the one.  But if they do…WINNER WINNER FREAKIN’ CHICKEN DINNER.

Communication

Do they text more than call?  Is every conversation you have that’s not in-person initiated by you? People always want to feel wanted.  If you are doing more than them to keep the lines of communication open, you may want to move on.  Save you both some trouble.

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Goals

Where do they see themselves in five years? And depending on the answer, do you see yourself there with them?

Faithfulness

This is not a question you can outright ask.  You will just have to open your eyes and ears for this one.

After 30 days, you will be surprised at the amount of information you have compiled.  Of course everyone has their own list of questions for their ideal mate, but these are just a few of mine.  I used this guide and did end up with my own rebound relationship, but not the typical kind. Through my patience and with lots of communication, I learned far more about this person in the first 30 days than I had with previous relationships I’d been in for years.  It’s a matter of taking your time. Rebounds can turn into long-term relationships — my fiancé and I are currently planning our wedding.

Hopefully this can be somewhat of a guideline for your own potential relationships.  Good luck and happy dating.

Krescant

Comment(17)

  1. I never thought of relationships in the type of scope…but it makes sense. 30 days huh? I may try this out and see how this works for me. I'm also happy for you that you found the one for you through trial and error. So congrats on the upcoming nuptials and I will pray that you have a long and adventurous life together.
    My recent post Thankful Thursday

  2. I agree, after some time its about becoming more of an efficient dater, ive noticed people 10-12 years older than me who are JUST figuring out what they want after long term dead end relationships, not I.
    I have a similar policy almost unknowingly…it usually takes about 4-5 weeks before the luster from when you first met starts to fade and you see who you're really dealing with, the "oh i guess you're busy texts" get passes early but after some time u see maybe they need more of a life outside of you, its enough time to ask them for a small favor just to see if they are reliable, do they complain about ish and do nothing about it, have they mentioned a goal and made a step towards it already? 30 days is a good feeling out timeframe when you really think about it

    Sidebar: this post reminded me i got xmas ish to return
    My recent post Today’s Word is… STRANGER

  3. I broke up a few months ago with a guy that I was with for 2 yrs. I'm currently dating and the experience has been good. I'm meeting many educated black men that are viable dating options but the spark isnt always instant for me. I have learned to date outside my "type" and maintain the non negotiables so this 30 day principle may be just what takes my dating life to the next level and gets me what I really want (1) a committed relationship (2) marriage. I usually give a guy 3 dates to determine if I'm feeling him, I'll try this new 30 day principle. You never know.

  4. I can agree, especially with the consistency part. Idk why it's so hard for people to stay consistent and communicate on a regular basis, it's like a plague or something. Then you have those who want to get to know you from texting..i.e. "so tell me about yourself, what u like to do?" NIGGA CALL ME, IM NOT TEXTING A WHOLE DAMN CONVERSATION! LOL….Then when they do call you understand why they never did in the first place, because they're either dumb or not interesting enough to hold a real conversation…*go to delete list*

      1. I know many women who rather texting. This issue is quite confusing. I can text but I'd rather talk honestly, I think it's a great way to build chemistry between seeing each other. Texting is fine, finding the balance is what we're really dealing with here I think.

      2. It won't happen, Generation Next is all about it.
        Have you ever seen a 15-year-old carry on three conversations with two different messaging apps, I have it's impressive.

        They just want to communicate their thoughts, they don't care how.

        1. I agree Payne. I used to be all about phone calls and would get upset if the person that I was dating never wanted to pick up the phone. But as life gets busier, I find that texting can be just as rewarding as an actual phone conversation. The real test comes when you are with that person. If they have nothing to say in person, but blow your phone up after the date is over, I say it's on to the next….

  5. I firmly approve of this message. This is very sound advice right here. Makes sense and in good practice, will yield great results and better relationship decision making. Its all too easy to get caught up in the wants and emotional cravings without taking the time to get to know who you are dealing with.
    Excellent write up.

    Mr. SoBo
    OpinionatedMale.com

    My related post The 5 Benefits of Becoming Friends Before Lovers
    My recent post 8 Ways To Say It Loud, I’m Black and I’m Proud!

  6. It's always interesting and enlightening when you hear a mans perspective on dating. I agree with all your points here. Well written.

    Minaa B.

  7. I see this 30 Day policy of 'dating' like i see the 90Day Rule of Celibacy- a Waste.

    Just as a Guy can "go" 90 Days without sex with A Woman, yethe could just as easy be Sleeping with Other Women while waiting on Sleeping with the Elusive Prize- and STILL Play Games- a Woman can LOOK Impressive for a Month but later on be As Wild, Clingy, Obnoxious, or any other Negative as Any Other Day/Week/Hour/Month.

    If it Takes Time, it Takes TIME, regardless if it's Long(er) or Short(er) than the Previous Person. Do what is Good/Best for YOU and hopefully, IF you have Good Judgement (not everyone has it, Honestly) you will be A-OK

  8. I was with you until you got to this: Faithfulness.

    Really?

    Why?

    You just said this is based on a 30 day concept. So while I (a guy) am also trying to figure out what (if anything) I can have with you: Why Wouldn't I 'Date' Other Woman at the Same Time? If I'm going to buy a car, a tv, a diamond or anything of value: I'm going to comparison shop at 2 or 3 places before I do. After that I will make a decision which is best. My personal motto when it comes to woman, dating, and/or a possible relationship is:

    "Every Woman is Great When There is No One Else to Compare Her To".

    I'm straight up with women I meet. If I'm not in a relationship and I'm asked I tell the truth …
    "I'm Single. Not in a Relationship. Don't have a Girlfriend/Lady or Wife. I'm Looking But Until I Find the Right One, I Date".

    That's Fair. It's gives her a chance to decide if that works for her or not. After all I'm not asking her to be exclusive with me and we just met. If the chemistry is there things will develop on their own anyway. If that doesn't work for her; I'm cool with that too. No hard feeling from me. You gotta do what's right for you. Either way neither of us is wasting unnecessary time.

    I want the Best woman for me. The one who holds her own in light of any other woman out there. The one I can vibe with who vibes well with me. 'That' is the key to a man being more Faithful than not.

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