I love answering questions from readers and women. I can’t say that I’m an expert at anything or even qualified to offer an opinion. All I can say is that I don’t mind answering questions. I was roaming the internet the other day looking for inspiration for a post when I found myself reading a post titled, 40 Questions Women In New Relationships Have. I didn’t have much else to do so I figured I’d answer them. According to TheFrisky.com, “These 40 questions have mindf*cked women in new relationships for generations…”
My answers are below:
1. Does he actually want to be my boyfriend?
Not sure. Most times when a relationship has started a man agrees that he’s not interested in anyone else and wants to see if he can be with just you and be happy. He won’t know if he actually wants to be your boyfriend until a month or so into the relationship. At this point, he’s just sure that he’s not ready to (openly) sleep with other women.
2. Does he refer to me as his “girlfriend” when he’s with other people, or does he just call me by name to avoid a label?
It depends on if he’s a hopeless romantic, over-sharer, or private person. Since most people struggle with the definition of “girlfriend” these days, men are hesitant to use these labels. Most people interpret that to mean, “We’re getting married one day.” When in reality it just means, “we’re in an exclusive relationship and share some interdependencies.” Above all, don’t worry about it so much.
3. How do I know if he’s just using me for sex?
He’s not. You can easily find someone to have meaningless sex without a title. (Note: If you are the type to call someone your boyfriend without actually having a conversation about it, then he may be using you for just sex and you rationalize it by calling him your boyfriend. Don’t worry it’ll make sense later.)
4. At what point is it appropriate to have the “where is this going” talk?
Whenever you want it to end.
5. Should I initiate that discussion or should he?
6. Do any of his family members know that I exist?
Maybe but you never know to what extent; tread lightly. He may have told his mother that he’s dating someone and isn’t sure whether it will work out or not but it’s worth a shot. He may have told his mother nothing. He may have told his father and asked him what is the proper way to save for a ring and ask for a woman’s hand in marriage. You never know, but then again, do you want to know?
7. If so, what has he told them about me? I need details.
Again, see above.
8. What did he find when he Googled my name?
The same thing you’d find if you Googled your name. (PS – Stop Google’ing mofos! In a world that is losing all sight of tradition, can we at least keep face-to-face interaction as the best source of getting to know a person?!)
9. Has he slept with more people than I have?
10. If I ask him how many people he’s slept with, would he lie about the number?
Most certainly. That’s better than when he tells you he can’t remember.
11. Has he ever cheated on someone?
12. Why did his last relationship really end?
The two of them were not meant to be. If you give it time, he’ll either tell you or you’ll stop worrying about it.
13. Does he tell his friends about our sex life?
Hell no. You only tell your friends about women you’re f*cking, not the ones with whom you’re in a relationship.
14. Or worse, what if he says I have an ugly vagina?
If he remotely cares about you, he doesn’t talk about what your vagina looks like.
15. How long do we have to date before I meet his friends?
Not long but most men aren’t trying to hide you from their friends as much as they’re trying to protect you from their friends.
16. If he hasn’t invited me to meet them yet, is it because I embarrass him?
17. Why hasn’t he texted me yet? I hope he’s not with someone else.
Stop being paranoid.
18. Are we exclusive? Maybe I should bring it up. Actually, no, I shouldn’t.
Why are you in a relationship with someone you’re not exclusive with?
19. What about me, aside from my boobs, does he really like?
Um, he likes being around you for longer than the time it takes to have sex. That’s about all it takes. Don’t gas yourself.
20. What if he thinks some of my friends are hotter than me?
He does, get over it.
21. Would he ever cheat on me?
He might, don’t worry about it until or unless it happen.
22. Who would be in his bridal party if we were to get married?
Why would he have anyone in your bridal party? If that’s a dumb question then that lets you know this question isn’t something men think about at all.
23. How he would he propose to me?
You’re getting way too far ahead of yourself.
24. Better yet, how much he would spend on a ring?
25. What’s his salary? Don’t judge me…
Most men don’t get in a relationship with a woman if it will drive them broke. That’s all you need to know.
26. What if he only says he wants kids one day to get me into bed?
You’ll learn from it.
27. Does he think I’m good in bed?
If you have to ask that question, you’re not good in bed.
28. Am I the best he’s ever had?
Nope, because he cares about you. Don’t worry, this will make sense later.
29. Why hasn’t he texted me still?
See answer to #17.
30. Would his mom like me?
She shoved him out her vagina, wiped his shit, nose, any other bodily fluids that came out of him, missed days of work, promotions, nights out, vacations with friends, listened to his rambling stories, answered his infinite questions, taught him how to dance, how to “really” talk to women, and always made his favorite meal for his whole life. Insert you; you get to reap the benefits of all the hard work she’s put in.
Would you like you?
31. I wonder what his ex-girlfriend looks like?
Stop lying, you’ve got Facebook like the rest of us.
32. What would he do if I got pregnant?
Flip his shit like this:
33. Can I trust him?
You can only trust someone to be themselves.
34. How would he react if I farted?
He’d laugh… unless it was one of these:
35. Does he think about me when we’re not together?
Not as much as you think about him, but yes. Men get horny A LOT and you’re the last mental point of reference he has.
36. What does he think of my pubic hair grooming?
Do you wax? No? He wishes you did; Pro-Bush is a bunch of people who voted for the other guy in 2000/04.
37. Do I embarrass him?
Do you talk when you’re out with him? Yes? Then, yes.
38. How often does he jerk off?
I USED to think once a day was normal. I have since found out it’s not. Let’s go with… four times a week.
39. What would he do if I slipped a finger in his ass while we’re doing it?
Either punch you in the face, blow his load, or reveal to you that he’s bisexual.
40. Why the FUCK has he still not texted me?
There are various reasons why men don’t immediately text you back; most of them have nothing to do with him ignoring you. Here is a short list of reasons why he hasn’t texted you back:
- He’s at work.
- He’s studying.
- He’s at the gym.
- He’s on the phone.
- He’s with other people (You know how you hate the fact that when you guys are hanging out, he’s constantly checking his phone? Your hard work is paying off.)
- He isn’t sure how to respond.
- His phone is in the other room.
Regardless of the reason… unless you’re admittedly a little psycho or crazy, the reason he hasn’t texted you back is because, HE’S BUSY!
This effectively ends the Q/A for today, if you have more questions, please send them to email@example.com.
23. How he would he propose to me?
i loved the answer to this question!!!
My recent post Giving her the D don’t mean shiggedy
My recent post Today’s Word is… STRANGER
The real answer to "How do I know if he’s just using me for sex?" is:
1.) If he's not doing the things you would want your boyfriend to do
2.) If he doesn't do things that show he considers your feelings and cares deeply about you; like pick you up something from the store or mall that he knows your running out of; or get you something you really like while he's out. Regardless of what it is, the fact that he thought enough to get something you really liked while he was out shopping for himself says a lot.
3.) If your dad, grand-dad, step-dad or any influential men in your life were truly good, decent, honest, and chivalrous men that showed you a lot of love, if he does the things for you that they do. For ex, taking out your trash, cutting your grass, shoveling your snow, cleaning off your car, washing your car, taking your car to get your oil checked and for it to be serviced, opening your car door when you go out,being chivalrous and a gentleman, and other stuff like that.
4.) Actually this should be number one, If you do more than just have sex together. If he takes you out on actual dates then your dating. If not, your an fwb and/or possible side-chick.
5.) This could be number one also. If you ask him "is he just using you for sex," and he hesitates, doesn't give u a direct clear yes or no answer, is very vague with his answers, doesn't give u an answer at all, tells you he just wants to be "friends" that "enjoy" each other phsyically and have fun.
Common sense should give people the answers to all these questions. That, and asking the man your seeing. Nobody else can tell you what someone else is thinking, and what they want, or need.
NO to #8!
People are lying nuts and I'm def gonna google you. Oh, yes, I am! Googling saves lives. That's how folks come up missing…missing signs and stuff. Cause they didn't google or case search a fool.
I ain't listening to you, Dr. J, lol. Not on this one. Nope!!! LOLOL
I don't doubt that people come up missing and that bad things happen to people but… people have been dating for a lot more time than Google has been around. Divorce rates and crazy ish happening has risen since Google was created.
And think about it, if you were a crazy wouldn't you know how to keep that out of a Google search?
Cosign with u all the way Cyn. There are several ways to research and background check someone. Sites like Intelus and a few others. There are also public record sites where u can see if a person has been married and check and see if they are a child molester and if they're name is in the registry for child porn or child abuse or anything of the sort. Nothing wrong with doing a little research on someone. No different that protecting yourself any other way, like using condoms and practicing safe sex.
Cosign!! The thing is, if you're not doing anything shady, someone researching you online before they get to know you shouldn't be a matter of concern! It's just a sign of the times… and a perfectly acceptable way to safeguard yourself against crazies. What you don't know very well could hurt you.
I recently Googled someone who expressed interest in me. This "person" had nine felonies, over 60 arrests and had just got out of prison a couple of years ago. Not to mention this person had some involvement in a QUADRUPLE murder that he could provide enough info to get a bargain for the time he had to serve. I Google EVERYONE. My life and that of my child is far too important.
Oh, see?! This right here is that mess I'm talking about!!!!!!
Google may not help in every instance but it never hurts the situation.
you so,right what if he is a serial killer?
#9 and #11….uh PROBABLY!!! #26 BITCH BEWARE some dudes really do wanna knock a girl up…you don't know how many dudes I've barely known that stare at me and say "Damn I hope our son or daughter has hazel eyes like you…and some "good hair"…..yes men are really out here on the good hair prowl
Raeyola hell yes they are. I've had men say the same thing to me. Not so mo much the eyes, but definitely the hair comments. Thankfully my dad taught me, "if a man only talks about having babies and shacking up, but not putting a ring on it, then he probably just wants to be a boyfriend and a baby daddy, but not a husband and father."
"…good hair prowl" I can believe this. This is learned behavior – from being raised by there single mothers who spoke about his no/good hair.
Great list overall. Not to take anything else away from your list in its entirety, but #32 was hilarious. I have never heard anything like that before in my life. Too funny.
Number 13 is the truth. It would be a bit odd to hear a guy talk openly about his sex life with his significant other. A jump off or some casual sex buddy, sure. Not wifee though.
My post The 5 Benefits Of Becoming Friends Before Lovers
My post Shacking Up: What It Really Means When A Man Is Considering Moving In With You
My recent post Indecent Exposure, Weapons & Richard Sherman’s Mouth: When Living In The Moment Goes Wrong
a lotta truth just got spat-ted.
What kinda female is asking #39. Damn.
This is a dope list. Answering a lot of questions clueless females have. Why are women so lost when it comes to relationships and men seem to have all the answers?
My recent post Should Blacks Move Back to Africa?
I wouldn't agree with that. I answered the questions but I don't think that makes me some type of source of any kind. You ask a question, I answer, most women have to know, "These are Dr. J's answers not anyone else's." And maybe some people will agree with it, and others might disagree which is fine.
I needed this lol
I used to beat off everyday. Until i did some research and verified myself that masturbating is unhealthier than just having sex.
your body can tell when you bust a masturbatory nut. As a man, you dont get the testosterone boost or decreased cortisol or anything.
Good answers, sir…comedy.
Great article, but the reality of the situation is, women and (men too sometimes) get too worried about the trivial stuff, unless you're a hopeless romantic biological clock is ticking or whaetver the case is, I recommend going with the flow of things and let the chips fall where they may. Life is too short to be bogging yourself down with questions. I know it's hard sometimes after you've caught feelings fr the person but let it flow, sometimes the best relationships happen that way.
My recent post Why Daddy?? – Growing Up Fatherless
Haa that will be me..Lol,I needed
to read this though.
Love the answers, but can someone please explain #28?
I can't explain that any further than I already did.
I would be in violation of every man code in the book.
I've googled myself and found…nothing. what does google actually FIND and SHOW you about people? I'm curious now.
Sex offender registry pics. A call girl website (linked to a woman dude met on Match.com). A work article that mentioned a wife a man forgot to mention.
These are just a few true stories, lol…
Good list bro
Ooooh…NO WONDER I didn't see anything for myself. LOL….and thats a good thing.
11. Define cheating
no no no… we know what it is!!!
It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and
it’s time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I
desire to suggest you few interesting things or suggestions.
Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article.
I want to read more things about it!