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5 Ways to Prevent Self-Sabotage in Dating


5 way to prevent self-sabotage in dating

It’s clear that there are many dating faux pas out there. As culture advances, so must archaic dating customs. People must think more with their heads and not their instincts. Scientific research has proven that most of what governs people’s dating practices is linked to hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. Keeping this in mind, understand that technology and culture is evolving exponentially faster than what’s written into our genetics. To sum it up, don’t let your genetic makeup sabotage your dating experiences. The following old fashioned practices are setting you up for failure.

1. Following your instincts and not your head.

Yea I know he has swag, I know he’s a bad boy. I know that girl knows how to freak it on the dance floor and all your boys talk about how easy she is. But do you really want to risk having a child with him/her? Maybe this is based on prehistoric males seeking fertile females and women seeking protection and security for her and future seeds. But this is grossly outdated. Nowadays women work and can provide just as well as a man can. What’s more, diseases are all over the place. Time to leave swag alone.

2. Turning a blind eye to negative traits.

You knew how he/she was when you met him/her.  So throwing all these high expectations on the woman/man you just met in the club or bar is really unrealistic. If you know someone is irresponsible or unfaithful, well, why get romantically involved in the first place?

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3. Trying to change who you’re with.

Alot of people get into relationships expecting the other person to change. While everyone should always seek growth and improvement, this isn’t an absolute or for everyone. Maybe a hundred years ago people did, but now, being that people can lose themselves via transportation and communication, a child isn’t the end all be all that it used to be, especially with morals and the growing trend of single parent homes.

4. Letting those riches blind you.

Check out this YouTube video showing a Ferrari pick-up prank, where several young guys took turns picking up women just by saying “that’s my car.” Yeah, a fancy car and a nice job say a lot about a man or a woman, but don’t for one second think that the material possession correlates to how you will be treated or what you can get out of him or her.

5. Believing the hype.

Soul mates do not exist.
Soul mates do not exist.
Soul mates do not exist.

Let’s logically explore this one. So out of a whole world of people, your one true love, the one you were meant to be with forever, just happened to live in the town next to you.  Face it, the whole soul mate thing ends up forcing people to bear with a lot of unnecessary nonsense when they should have left. Now I’m all for giving your all for someone but understand, you are most likely compatible with tens of thousands of people across the planet. Keeping that in mind, if you are in a relationship that’s lost its spark, hell… move on.

See Also:  The House, The Boat, The Car: What Would You Be Willing to Have Sex For?

Frank Allen Barber is an aspiring author, finishing up his first manuscript. He’s very interested in all facets of the human condition and has a lot to say about everything. He predominantly analyzes entertainment and relationships in his blogs.

Twitter: @Tank2891
website: frankallenbarber.wordpress.com/


  1. #2, 3, 4 & 5 I can dig. However….

    …understand that technology and culture is evolving exponentially faster than what’s written into our genetics.”

    Yes we have made sound technological strides, but I think it’s a little too premature for us to start dating our cell phones regardless of how impressed we are with the latest iphone features. Besides, our genetics predates technology, so I’m inclined to think mother nature got this one.

    #1. “Maybe this is based on prehistoric males seeking fertile females and women seeking protection and security for her and future seeds. But this is grossly outdated.”

    Says who? Regardless of how romanticized our socialized view is on relationships, the idea of ‘love’, and this so called ‘progressive tought’, we are hard coded to satisfy our carnal needs to perpetuate the existence of humankind by seeking out the cream of the crop in a mate. Simple survival of the fittest.

    Sure, in these times having an accomplished partner serves its purpose, but it in no way overshadows the basic fundamentals of human attraction and instinct; nor should it. What do I mean? Simple – my wife’s degrees and successful career may pay the bills, but it doesn’t provide the warmth, values, nurturing and mother’s love our children require for their emotional development. My cushy job and 6 figure salary may keep gas in the car, but it doesn’t provide the fatherly love my family needs, nor the guidance and protection my children require. In other words, when sh*t hits the fan (i.e. sh*tty economy, job loss, zombie apocalypse, etc), my babies can’t eat those degrees. My scholastic accomplishment isn’t gonna blow my wife’s back out at nights or protect our children from threat, danger or desperation should those things arise. What does? The so called ‘prehistoric’ genetic instructions we have been given from birth instructing us to alwaysseek traits and characteristics in a partner that will ensure our survival individually, as a family unit and as a species when sh*t hits the fan.

    Those ‘outdated’ qualities have enabled our species (as well as all others) to survive and adapt our entire existence.

    Time to leave swag alone.

    Yes, because charm, charisma and personality are the bane of successful dating. The awkward anti-social bore sitting in the corner preoccupied with his virtual friend list on facebook is the ideal choice.

    I think the better advice is not to let technology sabotage your dating experiences, and let nature do its job.

    Mr. SoBo


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    1. "I think the better advice is not to let technology sabotage your dating experiences, and let nature do its job."

      TRUTH! Social media (specifically Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram) has diminished the mystery of dating and the thrill of getting to know someone layer by layer. A person knows so much about you (your parents' first name, what academic institutions you've attended, your blood type, etc.), by the time you do decide to go on a date, there's nothing much to talk about. It also promotes major disappointment due to high expectations held based on a person's page. It's easy to paint a picture in your mind of said person, then end up disappointed because they may not live up to the high ideals your mind, smh.

    2. I just wanted to add the counterpoint that maybe the author was getting at was that while a job and a degree won't won't help you raise children or survive a zombie apocalypse neither will a big booty or a six pack. You won' t know how to handle it till it happens which where looking beyond physical appeal and checking for character traits should take priority.

      In no way diminishing the importance of attraction.

  2. #3 is soooo true, we either have to accept somebody for who they are & stay or move on- attempting to change somebody to become who you want them to be is narcissistic, selfish & abusive – — that’s right, abusive. A hard rule I have followed for myself is that if my intuition is telling me a guy is a dog I move on & I do it quickly so dude doesn’t get to steal my good vibes & I leave myself available to be found by somebody worth my time.

    1. you’ve peaked my curiousity, you say you’ve never been in love….. do you normally date more than one woman at a time?

        1. lol, I always thought u were a man- no offense!!! lol. my job blocks the pictures so I can never tell! It always makes me wonder when people say they’ve never been in love but I definitely understand where you’re coming from, there’s a different between being in love vs. knowing without a shadow of a doubt that you were meant to be w/ somebody for life.

  3. Soul mates exist. There just isn't "one" single soulmate, and the concept exists separate from romantic love. Your soulmate can be your best friend from childhood that happens to be of the same sex. You're just two souls on a track that happened to run parallel for a bit so your minds are in synch.

    All existential babble aside, this list can be broken down into two sentences: trust your intuition, and deal with the human in front of you. If more people did that we would be in a much better place.
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  4. I don't follow dating principles. I am just myself and go with the flow. I am gonna be 100 with whomever I am going out with and I expect the same. If I can't gt that then i'm out…simple concept right? All of the practices mentioned above should be looked into when it comes to dating…but until a person matures and is really ready to settle down they aren't gonna come into play as much. I guess practice makes perfect?
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  5. I agree with the list overall only thing is number 5. It's a yes and no. I have never been in love but I do believe in soul mates. I don't believe they are easy to find or found on the first try. Some people will have sift through lots of bs to find someone that just makes things feel right. I also don't think your soulmate is some predestined person selected before you're born to be with.

    I'm gonna stop cuz I could write a paper but I do believe in soul mates I just don't believe you meet them everyday.


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