Home Featured How A Man Can Avoid The Friend-Zone

How A Man Can Avoid The Friend-Zone

36

friends zone

Men get friend zoned for one reason and one reason only: they’re too available. When you’re friend-zoned by someone, they know that no matter what, they can always depend on you as a plan B if all of their other less available options don’t work out. Whether we like it or not, that’s just the way it is for both men and women. How can we fix this? By not being so predictable and available.

Us women pretty much know within the first few minutes to what extent we’ll allow our future interactions with a man to go. You are usually friend-zoned within the first few minutes of meeting based on whether we feel that spark of attraction or not. And if we do feel that spark, we know whether you’ll be a friend or a lover based on how intense that spark is and how long it lasts. So wouldn’t it make sense for a man to use those first few minutes to their advantage by learning how to get control of that spark?

In technical terms, this spark is simply a spike in adrenaline that most people get when they connect eyes with someone that they’re physically attracted to. In our initial interactions with a new potential love interest, some women attempt to control that spark by being flirtatiously elusive and playing hard to get. Men can perform an equally effective technique: playing hard to impress.

See Also:  SBM Participates in EBONY's MANIFEST Discussion Series

The secret behind the “hard to impress” approach is that after getting that initial, reflexive adrenaline spike out of her, you find a way to keep the intensity and duration of that spike heightened. By doing this, you’re pretty much guaranteeing yourself a spot far away from the friend zone. You’re just simply relying on another way aside from pure mutual attraction to keep her adrenaline spiked for a longer period of time. This will result in her feeling a more intense spark for you.

The idea behind this technique was vaguely alluded to in my last two articles, How To Turn Her On and How To Tell If A Man Is Bad In Bed Using Social Media where I explained that women appreciate strength of character and are most attracted to men that aren’t overly swayed by superficiality. A man that is difficult to impress is very rare in this age of excessive thirst. Therefore, a man that is hard to impress is a novelty for many women. It is a rare commodity, very refreshing, and very intriguing. A man that is hard to impress stands a notch above the rest in the eyes of women.

So the question is, how could a man go about being hard to impress?

Well, it’s pretty self-explanatory. As I already explained, you do this by not being overly predictable or overly excitable.

See Also:  Melyssa Ford Says She May Have Provoked A Man To Punch Her

Studies show that being in an unpredictable situation causes everyone’s adrenaline to rise and to feel those all too familiar butterflies in the stomach. These are the same butterflies we feel when we really spark with someone. You can use this information as a cheat into standing out from the crowd and in influencing a woman’s psyche.  All you have to do is occasionally find ways to be slightly unpredictable while pursuing women.

Just like men, women enjoy finding a rare prize and capturing it. Women enjoy the chase just as much as men, only in a different way. We enjoy the control that we feel by looking appealing and reeling a guy in with our feminine wiles. We find that whole process of pursuing and being pursued so much more stimulating when we find someone that isn’t thirsty or easily impressed by whomever, wherever but instead shows that he has high and discriminating standards.

In Part 2 of this article, we will check out a scenario where a man could show that he is hard to impress and the effect that this technique has on women. Look out for it next week.

 

Comment(36)

  1. I can vouch for the veracity of this information.

    A quick way to give her the vagnier tingles is to get physical with her. There's something special about touch and physicality that really goes far in establishing an emotional connection. You'd be surprised how many dudes just talk to girls without touching them. Hugs, pushes, high fives, etc. thrown naturally into the interaction will give her the tingles for sure.

      1. Timing is important, but the sooner you physically escalate, the better. Even if it makes her uncomfortable, you establish that you aren't there just to shoot the breeze. If she's attracted to you, then its really easy to recover from touching her before she's comfortable with it. She's not gonna punch you or run away.

        If she tenses up or gives you a strange look, quickly acknowledge the faux pas, change the subject, and try again in 3 minutes. But for real, only a chick with severe body odor won't accept a side-hug.

  2. This article speaks to me all day. I make sure that I do me and keep things light with women of all ages. This seems to intrigue them more than the average man. Engage them but don’t give them too much is the game…then once they think they know you…you switch it up and give em something they never expected you to give….that look and that touch 🙂

    If i’m in that friend zone, it’s because I want to be there.

  3. totally agree with Ihatcher..You have to play the role of the magician. You have to be mysterious and keep her wanting more. Does a magician show you all his tricks in the first act or first show..nope. Also if you have a chance to get physical, do it a woman doesn't want to get physical with someone she views as strictly as a friend so don't put yourself there. You can play the 'gentleman' role without being too nice for too long. If she's offering cutty, take it. Don't make yourself too available and don't engage in 'friend' conversations with her, keep the, short and sweet, unless you know you got it (her) then you can 'make love on the phone'
    My recent post 8 Ways To Say It Loud, I’m Black and I’m Proud!

  4. Or maybe the woman just isn’t interested in you, or has other options that are better than you. This slightly sounds like “act like an a-hole aka magician” and then she’ll like you because we all know women love a-holes who pay them no mind right!!!!!!

    If a woman isn’t attracted to you, she isn’t attracted too you. Any woman who has paid more attention to you once you ignored her or became distant is either 1) can’t get her first option so now she’s circling back around because she doesn’t want to lose you as a steady back up 2) she was playing games in the first place. Yes there are those occasions were sometimes we don’t notice what a guy brings to the table at first but once we get to know him we give him a second look, but trust that dude wasn’t in the friend zone in the first place more like a gray area.

    1. SMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      I was just coming here to pretty much say all of this!!!!!!!!!!

      Now, there are a few exceptions, yes. But, for the most part, if you're in the so called "friend-zone", it's simply cause she's not attracted to you like that…and it's better to use the "friend-zone" excuse than make you feel like crap. It's her letting you down easy…so she can still get the benefits of you digging her. Sounds familiar, right? LOLOL…

      E'rybody got game!

      1. Cyn we're >>>>here <<<< I need men to stop crying about the friend zone when they zone women all day everyday. Men have women they do certain things with, even if the woman wants more. Just like men tell women to have standards and dont settle for less, men who run in the friendzone, pick yourself up and move on. Stop chasing women who don't want what you want.

      2. I was gonna say the same thing….Any guy I've put in the friend zone is there because I have no physical attraction or chemistry with them. You can never be "too available" if a woman really likes you, but if there is no spark, you all of sudden not calling or playing hard to get isn't going to matter, she's just going to delete your number because you never were that interesting in the first place.

      3. So you'd rather bullshit a dude in order to placate your ego than be honest with him so he can decide if he wants to keep it moving?

        Yall talking about men need to "stop crying about the friend zone" but just admitted you don't tell a man that you're not interested in order to friend zone him anyway.

        You want men to stop crying about being friend-zoned then stop friend-zoning men. Simple, right?

        1. I'm sorry, you think I'm speaking of what I…CO81 do????

          Naw, I don't carry it like that at all. I don't string men along. I'm speaking in general concerning the women who do "friend zone" men…and based on how she responds here, I think Smilez is speaking in general as well.

        2. Fair enough.

          However, (speaking specifically to you CO81 and Smilez now) you're defending (or at least rationalizing) women who friend-zone men while saying men need to stop crying about it. That's my point of contention.

          Do you want men to stop crying over it or do you want women to stop doing it for men to cry over?

        3. I'm simply explaining what's happening out in these streets, lol. I don't condone this behavior.

          So, the answer to your question is that I want both women and men to be real about what they want/don't want and not string anyone along. I also want men and women to stop ALLOWING themselves to be strung along.

        4. Smoke: no one is holding these men hostage. The reason most men get friend zoned is the particular woman they are interested in, isn’t interested in them. That’s it nothing more nothing less. As a man if you are interested in a woman and you can tell she doesn’t have the same feelings for you/ she has stated she doesn’t have the same feelings for you, move on. Don’t accept being in the friend zone and get upset when you actually get looked at as just a friend. I am not advocating that a woman uses a man she knows is interested in her. I am simply saying stop making it seem like women plot and ploy to get men in the friend zone to use them.

        5. A lot of the time men who are in the friend zone haven’t even stated that they are interested. They don’t put it up front, they think they’ll creep in as a friend and slowly work they’re way up, instead of just being up front saying they’re interested and letting the chips fall. And if the chips fall and she says she only see’s you as a friend, the ball is in your court, if you actually enjoy her friendship cool if your not interested in being her friend( which you probably aren’t or you wouldn’t be upset about the fried zone) leave her alone.

        6. I think friend zone has some connotations for you. You may get mad but when it comes to men I'm not attracted to I don't shoot them down I just let them know I would rather be friends. A soft let down rather than be like ick get away. Sometimes the guy is cool people to hang with or funny you just don't feel enough to take it a relationship. Having been friend zoned plenty of times you only get strung along if you allow it. You two are friends so only do friend sh()t together enforce that boundary as hard as they do. The most you should doing together is lending rides and spotting for a meal every now and then.

  5. Idk man, this almost sounds a little bit like "wait 3 days to call her…" no point in not being genuine. You shouldn't have to do all this to stay out of the friend zone… just doesn't seem genuine. Now you run the risk of her putting you in the friend zone because you seem indifferent towards her by acting so hard to impress, when in reality, she knows damn well you impressed her otherwise you wouldn't have approached her and asked of for her number lol

  6. Great artcile, but after reading the article it seems to me as if the #1 reason men get friend-zoned is because they are too predictable; not necessarily available. I would agree with being unpredictable, and add turning off the thirst valve…LOL!

  7. Man Tip: #1
    If a woman is offering you a friend-zone position, decline the offer (if that's NOT what you want) – simple.

    Fellow men. Define what you want from a women, then define what your willing to accept or not accept from her, then weigh what's on the table and make a decision. After your decision is made, live with the outcome – and don't look back.

  8. I think a few things can happen with your interaction with a man. Either you guys have an instant chemistry, where him being available a lot is fine because you are into him and have that attraction. The other one is where maybe you don't have that instant chemistry but he's cool and you want to see where it goes. Depending on how his availability is played (i.e. always texting you, wants to go out several times a week, whatever it may be) it could go either way. Then there is the fact that you are like no this isn't going to work. She may want to give it another shot to make sure, but in the process him being so available becomes a complete turn off.
    My recent post Giving her the D don’t mean shiggedy

  9. I agree with many other women; if I'm feeling a guy and we're dating, he can never be "too available"….. scratch that, ALWAYS in my face gets annoying. However, this mysterious, "act like a jerk" stuff is not the business so men please stop it.

  10. I'm too straight forward for this game lol. I like you I'm going to show I like you by asking questions, learning about you and if you let me spend some downtime with you to see you, if I like TRES MUCHO I will step out my box and give you my number to call me if you want. Take it or leave it cuz I'm the all or nothing type if after all this I get a wish washy feeling I just let go obviously I was the only one with feelings no need to continue waste my energy. This might be the wrong approach cuz it's never worked but hey it's my personal policy. No games.

  11. It's ok to be in the friend zone as long as you don't have all your eggs in her basket. I'm in the friendzone with a few women and there are others that I'm not in the friendzone with that can be potentially serious relationships. The key is to understand where you stand with the woman. Be cognizant of your situation.

  12. Ignore her and start talking to her friends. Or get with a woman who looks better than she does.

    Remember: if she puts you in the friend zone, put her in the b*tch zone and treat her accordingly.

LEAVE YOUR COMMENT

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Shares
Share This