Home Dating & Relationships Dating Pillow Talk: How Many Partners is Too Many?

Pillow Talk: How Many Partners is Too Many?


TheSUNK shares his opinion on Clutch Magazine about how many partners he would want his significant other to have, many women disagreed and others side-stepped out of the discussion completely. Read his thoughts below and join the discussion:

First let me start off by saying my opinion will probably be unpopular. Some women might respond to my answer screeching in agreeable elation or repulse with frumpy looks of disgust.

A woman between the ages of 23-40 with  between 5 and 25 partners is okay with me, you could perhaps even have more than that; I’ve never been quick to judge. I prefer my significant other to be skilled in our palace of pleasure, however I do understand that the number of partners does not equate to skill level- but it could.It’s 2014 women have degrees, bread, careers, and women be traveling. What do all of these things represent? Desire. A desire to have more than what they inherited when they were born. A desire to do as they please without regard for judgement.

As an epicurean, I understand desire and sensual pleasure. The difference between a woman that sleeps with a fair number of men and a woman deemed as a h*e is a list of things, but the greatest would be discretion.The ability to discern between a gentleman/man with great character or one with lack thereof. Also the ability to choose partners that won’t discuss everything that happens between the sheets with whomever will listen.  To the contrary, I also know that discretion could be used to decide to not lay with a handful of partners, but I gave you my range and we’ll stick with that for today. My only true advice would be to; live out your fantasies, seek pleasure and be safe while you’re doing it. And if you can conquer all three with one partner, than more power to you.I just truly don’t agree with a lot of gender stereotypes when it comes to sex. I believe that women should be able to get it popping just like the fellas or both sexes should regard themselves in high enough esteem not to be easy as a whole.

Either way sinner or saint, both genders should be able to do as the other does. Of course we do not live in a society that believes what I believe. It’s acceptable for men to philander, but not for women- there are things physiologically that point to why men almost need to fornicate and replicate. However from a spiritual standpoint man or woman when you give yourself to someone sexually they hold a piece of you forever rather you call, text, continue to have sex, or even remember them or not. So it’s definitely up to you to decide who you want holding a piece of you and what memories you want them to have of you.Ladies, if you have a sexually bucket list; public sex, threesome(with two men instead of the standard w-w-m men force on you), want to be DP’ed, BDSM, role playing, want to be watched- do them.


How many past partners would you want your partner to have? How many partners is too many? Does it even matter? Is it different for women and men? Ladies, can a man have a number that he’s slept with that would make you pass him up? Ladies, are you tired of hearing men’s opinions on your body count or should we be apart of the discussion? Fellas, would you date a woman that had as many partners as you?


  1. Don't want a woman who has slept with a bunch of men. Anything over 20 in her whole lifetime is too much honestly. And more than the actual number is the mindset behind what she does. Alot of those type of women who sleep around are looking for father figures, not actual significant others. They sleep with these men to try and gain favor. Then it becomes a game of pleasure. To the statement that says women should be able to do the same thing men do, i whole-heartedly disagree. Why would a man want a woman who does the same thing as him? He might as well get with another man then.

    1. "I believe that women should be able to get it popping just like the fellas or both sexes should regard themselves in high enough esteem not to be easy as a whole."

      Everyone has a right to deem with is too much for them. But it’s usually the men who have slept with everyone under the sun that hold women to these extreme body count standards. Some men out here have been with 50 women, but don’t want a woman with 10 bodies. And who said what men are doing is right or healthy, men who sleep with a whole lot of women usually have some type of emotional issue as well, sleeping their way through heartbreak, insecurity and mommy issues.

    2. I'd have to disagree with you Anthony. A key word in your comment was that "alot" of women who sleep around are looking for….which means there are a significant amount of women who are not having some internal complex. They just enjoy sex. I'm not understanding why that's a problem, and how you can put such a hard number on it. If you meet a woman that has many of the qualities you're looking for, but just so happens to have a "high" body count, I don't think the number says anything but that she was enjoying herself until the opportunity for a relationship came along. And I don't believe that men/women should be equal in every aspect of life, and I didn't read SUNK's article interpreting him saying that. But in the aspect of body count specifically, yes I believe the standards should be the same. Why should women be expected to have more discretion than men?

      1. women are supposed to be the smart ones. why would a woman lower the level of her own intellect to match a man? sounds like somebody is missing something internally to me. i speak on what i speak on from personal life experience. i been in the street for many years done dealt with all type of women in one way or another. anytime you see a woman with a high level of sexual partners, there is always an underlying problem. 9 times out of 10 its a daddy issue. a big time daddy issue at that.

        1. The men that are out there sleeping with any and everyone usually have serious underlying problems as well. Promiscuity is considered reckless behavior in this day and age with the prevalence of deadly std's and child-support wage earners. Anyone engaging in reckless behavior usually have some emotional demons, regardless of gender.

          And why would you think so low of yourself, don't believe men are as smart as women?

        2. @ Gee, that was classic deflection. Defensive tactic. Also, I don't think low of myself at all. I just think highly of women and respect them. Judging by the amount of thumbs down my comment got, I guess that's not a good thing to do in 2014 huh?

        3. I agree. and I’m speaking from personal experience. But I question to what extent a woman’s body count determine whether she’s a good or bad girl.

        4. @Gee

          Your weak attempt at deflection is noted. And we've already been through this. Although unfair (but is it really?), men can sleep around with multiple partners without being adversely labelled. This is partly due to the fact that sex for the majority of men is not readily accessible. The majority of women, on the other hand, have been propositioned for sex ever since they've hit puberty. So, in a sense, women who engage in frequent, casual sex are viewed as lacking control and being loose. The c*ck carousel activity shows a true greed/avarice on the part of women who behave in that manner.

          A lock that's opened by different keys is a bad lock. A key that unlocks multiple locks is a great key.

        5. @beeserendipiry

          It determines more than you think.

          If you're a woman that has a high number of sexual partners (10+), there's no way on God's green earth that you can claim you're a good girl. You're engaging in casual sex with multiple men multiple times. The behavior also shows that, subconsciously, you want to fit in with the bad girls and get attention from men.

          Aside from that, you endanger yourself and the health of others with the risk of STDs and pregnancies. Granted, women with lower numbers of partners can pose the same risks to herself and others BUT their chances of risk are much lower b/c of their lower numbers and less frequent activity.

          Women, stop approaching sex with a male mentality.

    3. Anthony, I'm 100% behind you. But, I disagree on one thing: for a woman, anything over 10 in her lifetime is too much for me.

      Girls need to understand that engaging in casual sex with the mentality of men is not fruitful to them in any stretch of the imagination. And the girls who use sex to keep a man are foolish because they claim that no good men exist while giving up the goods to men who wouldn't be with them but for the sex. It makes no sense. All the while, many girls reject men who offer more than sex b/c of "no swag", "short money" or b/c "he's corny." Feminism has done more harm to women in our community than good. Women really do need to be more responsible with themselves and be accountable for their actions.

      There's a difference between the kind of woman a man will bone and the kind of woman who gets the wedding band.

      Women, you can't complain when you're 35+ and have no serious relationship prospects after you've slept with 20+ dudes.

        1. No it's not. It's how biology and society work.

          But of course, anybody or any idea that holds women accountable for their actions is sexist. [/sarcasm]

  2. I haven't placed great weight on the number of past partners, I am more concerned with a clean bill of health. That being said, I don't think anyone would say there isn't a double standard for men and women. Due to social circle "overlappage," I have often known the range in which folk numbers existed. Between past relationships and all things that come with going away to college, there have been times I could name a few names. Nonetheless, I am not sure what knowing the actual number would do for me personally. No numbers to date have scared me off.

    My recent post Letter to my First Love

  3. A high body count doesn't bode well to me be you man or woman. Flat out too many communicable infections and diseases to be playing around like that. It's not so much the sex as it is your health. It's so bad even one can be one too many.

  4. Also I do feel like it can be too much sex too. No different from eating too much there is some unfulfilling factor in your life you're compensating for be you man or woman. The lesson is moderation.

  5. I'm not understanding why it's so wrong for women to enjoy sex. Just use good judgment. I don't care about the number. Just don't let anyone record you having sex.

  6. It's hard to treat a woman like a queen when she has a high body count. I would question her judgement and her ability to be faithful in a relationship. Sex is good for both men and women but don't give it up to the football or basketball team. Oh and those around the way girls……

    1. What many men don't understand, is that this same rule also applies to them. We would question your ability to remain faithful as well. Queens aren't looking for men that's been around the block sleeping with just anyone

      1. Stop going after the men that actually are known for being promiscuous and look for those who behave appropriately.

        Women talk about a select group of men and apply that to the entire gender. Ridiculous.

  7. You attract what you put out.

    If you're out there giving it up to the cheerleading squad, you're going to attract girls that think nothing of giving it up to the basketball team.

    Therefore, be what you seek to attract. Simple.

    1. Not too sure about this. The over-used adage that you are what you attract is not necessarily true in many cases. Opposites attract, simply because people tend to gravitate toward others who have qualities that they are lacking in themselves. Also, I've seen too many situations where a good woman will marry a man-hoe, thinking that she will be the one to "tame him" (which never happens). Or cases where a decent dude will marry a hoe, thinking that a ring will turn her into a model housewife he can take to company functions (also never happens).

  8. You guys are silly , unless you run in her circle and have known her for all her “sexually active” life you cannot estimate her body count unless she tells you! Even if you know her there are bodies she will take to the grave because they were on the low, my joint is so tight any bf i have will easily take whatever number i choose to tell him and as the feminist that i am i do not entertain that question. All you need to see is my clean bill if health and focus on what you are getting: an open and experienced woman rocking your world in everyway possible

    1. How appropriate from somebody with the name "vixen" in her name.

      Guys don't like used (or worn) goods. It's that simple. Health matters a great deal to men but it's not the bottom line. Men want to know that the women they're dating are quality women with self-control and respect for herself.

      Women lose respect from men (save the simps) for buying into that feminist mentality that they can and should do everything men do when it comes to sex. Why would a man want to marry a vixen?

  9. I don't know why people get so "uptight" about this number shit, especially women. Ladies just stop telling your number because whether it's fair or not chances are I'm not waiting to "court" a women who's fucked 30 men and all of a sudden decided I need to treat her like "The queen that she is"…FUCK THAT SHIT. I think that's the reason men want to know the number, we don't feel like courting aka paying for something everybody else has had for free…it just makes you look like a sucker.

  10. I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married, we marry, like, one girl, ’cause we’re resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think, “I’d be an idiot if I didn’t marry this girl. She’s so great”. But it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option… ‘Oh he’s got a good job.’ I mean they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming and then they marry the guy who’s got a good job and is gonna stick around.

  11. From experience, even if the body count is low, men will not believe you! I'm 28 and only at number 4. Men who do ask or bring it up, laugh and tell me I'm lying and assume I'm hiding a double digit number. Soooo…. what is even the point in disclosing that information to men? Why do men ask? WHy do women ask? How will you know if they're telling the truth or not anyway?

  12. After 30, you stop asking what many people each other has slept with. The better question is, how many people are you sleeping with RIGHT NOW.

    1. >>>>*DING DING DING DING*<<<< and we have a winner right here!!
      Very simple and very relevant, Yasmeen.
      We need to stop trying to define and judge folks by their past.

      Thank you for your post

      1. Women generally judge and evaluate men based on their past for purposes of dating marriage. They do so with asking men a million and one questions, gossiping with their girls, "befriending" men's ex girlfriends, and stalking men through social media.

        But men who want to know whether their girl or would-be girl is excessively promiscuous are defining and judging by their past? yeahOK…

        You can cosign the f*ckery of lots of women all you want but not I or any self-respecting man.

        Simptastic comment.

  13. What's the point of asking? A man will either think she's lying, or not approve of the number, no matter what it is. No one wants the neighborhood h0e, but if the number is something like 50, her reputation would likely precede her anyway.

    Sable B.: "That being said, I don't think anyone would say there isn't a double standard for men and women."

    Technically, there isn't. There's a different standard, not a double standard.

    1. I agree. I don't understand the point in asking myself, for both parties involved. I have also noticed from too many conversations about this topic, a "high" number is relative.

      As far as your technicality, I would say the difference in the standards is what leads to a double standard. Semantics and personal opinions aside, I wish the concentration was more on the importance of protected sex, irrespective of body count.
      My recent post Let’s Take it to the Streets

      1. "Semantics and personal opinions aside, I wish the concentration was more on the importance of protected sex, irrespective of body count."

        I agree, assuming the body count isn't something outlandish like 70. Said person needs to take several seats, male or female.

        The reason I say different standard is because dating conventions are different for men and women. Men do the approaching, the charming, we get permission to have $ex from you, all the way up to men doing the proposing. Generally, women simply accept or decline the offers. Many women on this site said they won't even strike up a conversation with a man, much less ask him out.

        So a man that has successfully charmed many women is looked at as accomplishing something, while a woman that sleeps with every man that hollered at her has not. Because women ultimately says yes or no to $ex, that is why women with a high body count are looked at as not being discerning (euphemism for being a h0e, although the label is often unfairly given).

  14. considering that Friday the 7th is National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness day…

    just get tested and know your status.


  15. I'm not going to ask. But if a found out she used to get gangbanged or ran threw a frat/sports team, I'm out.

  16. I, personally, don't ask. It really doesn't matter. Whether Male or Female … You Only Sleep With 2 People:

    the FIRST Person (you're a virgin and it happens) … and the NEXT Person (whether you're #2 or #200). Either Way, You Are Not the FIRST. All You Can Ever Be is NEXT. Just appreciate the "Love" you get and Make It the Best It Can Be With the Person You're With.

  17. I don’t care about a number- What I do care about is how he treats me, how he is with me, that he’s been tested before anything goes down & that he’s over his past.

  18. These comments are hilarious! I say as a grown woman I’d never ask a guy that and I wouldn’t want him to ask me.
    Everyone has a past and it could have nothing to do with who I am today. I have a high number but the guys I date will never know because the person I am today doesn’t sleep with guys I’m not in a relationship with.

  19. Might be unrealistic, but I CANNOT even thin about wifing a chick that has more than a 5 count. Women these days be trifling, so it's hard to find a girl in her 20's with less than that, but the good girls are out there you just need to look.

    No man wants to end up with a woman who has been tricked out by multiple others, and really minimizes that chances that she will have her best sexual experience with you.

    1. "No man wants to end up with a woman who has been tricked out by multiple others, and really minimizes that chances that she will have her best sexual experience with you."

      SAY IT LOUD so that the women HEAR you!

      But let the feminists tell it, they're enjoying their sexual freedom!

      1. How does a woman's number correspond with "her best sexual experience"? I figure the best way to gauge if someone's had a good time with you is to ask. Do you ask a woman if she had a good time or do you expect a woman to have her best sexual experience with you and only you? If the love and/or feelings are present and both parties are mature, the experience will be awesome, regardless of either parties' number.

        One more thing: the phrase "tricked out" sounds as if it is believed that any grown woman who decides of her own volition to have sex with men is nothing more than a cracked out prostitute and not worthy of anything more than being used for sex. It's as if she's no longer human and not deserving of compassion and kindness.


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This