Home Featured The Valentine’s Day Chronicles: Robin Givens Livin’

The Valentine’s Day Chronicles: Robin Givens Livin’

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A lot can change in the span of a year. That phrase wasn’t lost on me. It’s now exactly one year since part one of this story. In that one year, the biggest change was that I had began regularly dating another young lady. This was actually a person I had become friends with a year prior. I’d say that there was always a mutual attraction that we had for one another. I think that attraction lasts ’til this day. For one reason or another it took us about a year for things to go to the next level. Once they did, everything either of us did was amplified. We shared a very strong connection. I valued it then and I always will.

With such a strong bond, there was no doubt I wanted to do it up for Valentine’s Day. The only issue on my end was having the funds. You see, a year prior I was actually working on campus. I was working quite frequently and my schedule allowed that. A year later I was taking on more credits and decided to not work as much. So what was I to do? How can I make this special? What we ended up doing was a joint effort. We put our heads together and decided to plan our Valentine’s Day. In truth, we were both broke so this probably made the most sense. A cool fun fact about me is that I enjoy jazz. It just so happened that there was a jazz concert on campus on V-Day night. I suggested to my lady that maybe we should go. To my delight she agreed. I was delighted simply because I knew many women wouldn’t be interested in going to a jazz concert at that time.

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It was all about keeping things simple and special

I wanted whatever we did that evening to have purpose. With all the extra-extra that others were doing, it was important for me to go a different route.  As much as I wanted that I would go on to drop the ball a bit. We’ll touch on that a bit later. So myself and my lady went to the concert, we had a great time. The show was great. It was a different experience for the both of us, but it was real cute. I even wore a sweater she bought me for my birthday on that date. Shit I still wear that sweater these days…what?  It’s a nice ass sweater! After the concert, we parted for a little while. You see, it was my job to handle the first leg of the night. It was her job to handle the second.

She spent the the prior days convincing my roommate to please give us the room for that night. Once he obliged she was able to put her plan into action. I headed back to my room and got comfortable. Eventually I got a knock at my door. I open it to find this woman in a long pea coat. I let her in with the quickness (obviously). I see that she has on heels as well. I simply said in my head “oh shit.” My inquiring mind and hands were in agreement and I opened the pea coat to find that I just got boomeranged. If anyone has seen “Boomerang” then you know exactly what I mean. If not, please reference the photo above. Shorty came to my door with damn near nothing on. Just that coat.

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Well what did I do to deserve this?!

Who cares, I loved it and I loved her. Needless to say I was more than ready to turn the lights down. Before I did though, she handed me a card. The card had a handwritten note inside of it. What was written were beautiful words from a very special place. They were words of appreciation mainly. In hindsight, she was so much more aware of her emotions and how to channel them than I was. It was evident by the reaction I gave. I was overwhelmed. A woman had never expressed so many special thoughts with me. I responded to the effect of “wow this is really nice, thank you.” I believe that’s what I said. It came out sounding pretty generic and void of the emotion I really felt. It threw her off and she was down about it. Maybe she was more disappointed than anything. I had to apologize. I had to explain that I just wasn’t good at expressing myself and my emotions so well yet. She deserved more emotionally from me and I didn’t know how to get it out. Know what I mean?

I was able to pacify the situation a bit

We continued our evening. I gave out rounds way before Drake decided to speak on them. What was most perfect of it all was that in the middle of the night we just took a break. We caught our breath and we played (NBA) 2k. Nothing might be sexier than having your lady naked playing 2k with you. She was really down for me and I loved that about her.

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There were many memorable moments of that night. My one regret is that I couldn’t express myself better when it mattered. I still have that note she wrote me. It’s folded in some cool triangle way. I have no idea how she did that. I never reopened it. I fear that if I read it again it would just depress me. So nowadays i remember this date for the good things. The love that we shared was unparalleled. Our chemistry can’t be duplicated. And cool moments like just playing 2k together wouldn’t mean the same with someone else. This Valentine’s Day was simple. Sometimes simple is exactly what you need.

Ever had a V-Day go wrong? Tell me all about it.

I’ll see you all next week for the finale.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status

 

 

Comment(42)

  1. Man Tip #4

    On this romantic holiday, reciprocation is required. While planning every small detail this day, from meals (reservations), entertainment (tickets), travel (hoping you arrived safely with minimal traffic). This day could be exhausting and daunting. Make sure that you require the same amount of detail and foresight with the gift receive. THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE SEX. Sex is not a gift, it's a shared experience.

    When you give the best of yourself, you can required the best from others. If they consistently fall
    short – allow them to fall off.

  2. “I responded to the effect of “wow this is really nice, thank you.”
    Don’t beat yourself up. I ain’t grown out of that (awkward-ness after an emotional gesture) phase yet…and I’m quite grown.

    Dorm love was amazing, wasn’t it? Nobody had anything, so everything was from the heart. Your stories of Valentine’s Day sends a brother back to the simpler times (blinking away a tear)…back before this one sided “celebration of love” became the bane of my Black History Month.

    Like you, I try to shoo the “Ghost of Valentine’s Day Past”. It can be depressing.

    1. I would’ve told her that at the time she really showed me what love was about through her action. And that if I could do more for her I would. And if her beauty was measured in time hers would be an eternity.

      1. *swoons*

        …yeah, that would've worked, LOL.

        Girrrrrrrl, I hope you're reading this. I think Pops is still feeling some kind of way! MmmHmm!

        1. Lol who knows, hindsight is 20/20 this is almost 4 years ago now lol I had better learned how to speak my thoughts better by now

  3. Some women have no real regard for self. You shouldn’t show up at any dude’s place naked, especially if you’re not in a committed relationship with him or married. It’s great that you all had a “good” time and all, but it really baffles me that some women are very easy. You all give out your bodies to anybody smh. No man friend deserves that kind of gift, especially if he isn’t committed to you. It’s also sad that some women feel that the only gift they can give a man is their body. Out of all the gifts she could have given him (for free), she decided to do what was easiest. I am sure she has done this for many men.

    1. I say….damn…..

      I’m all for the SUPA- moral, SUPA judgmental, “I’d NEVER do that” kinda comments some of y’all (holier than thou) people post. It makes for good discussion, but did you have to attack em both personally like that?

      I’m also for the antagonistic view that I can bring out of an otherwise sweet (yeah I said “sweet”, what of it?) post, but…

      ”I am sure she has done this for many men.”

      WTH mane?

      If I were DamnPops, I’d give you the finger for pouring salt on my “teenage love “like that…better yet, take that index finger that God gave you (right or left) and point that judgmental tool right back at ya-self!

      No mirror.

      1. She's entitled to her views. I wrote honestly and from the heart, nothing she says could ever tarnish that. I'm all good, but good looks though!

      2. Why didn't the relationship work out then? Why is it that you men will not marry these types of women?? Ya'll already know what's up.

        1. I don’t know. But, don’t act like you know either. That’s a DamnPops question.

          Maybe he cheated, she cheated, parents didn’t like ‘em, grades started slippin, one of ‘em transferred, old boyfriend came back, wanted different things, studying abroad, big dumb-ass fight….etc

          Correlation is not causation. If it were, then all “good women” would be married. Sinners would all be dead, and those who ordered the “prayer hanky” would be rich (praise Kearney, TD Jakes and Creflo).

          I do see your question tho, it’s just based on flawed logic. If a man writes that a woman is special, I tend to believe that she was worthy of that title. I’m so hard on these ho’s out here that I’d never,( as you did), jump to judge a woman in such a young and decent story.

          There is no blueprint to who gets married and who doesn’t. Oh, you gon act like you ain’t ever seen a straight up ho get married? How’d that happen?

        2. Well I was in undergrad for one, and academically I had some obligations. That took precedent for me at the time. She essentially grew tired of waiting til I got this together and wanted something secured by a title. So some of it is on me if you must know. But make no mistake, I have paramount respect for her. Don't paint with such a broad brush.

    2. So….what if she only did it because **gasp** she wanted to??

      What if she believed that her body **isn't** the "most precious gift" she has (the horror!)?

      Also…if she can't be comfortable and uninhibited with a man she has known and shared intimate information with for OVER A YEAR….not just "anybody"…then exactly who and when?

      Also…why would you ruin your chance at a good woman being your freak as well by openly judging her just because she decided to do something "unconventional" with YOU? I swear some men get it so backwards.

      1. It's easy to spot the h03s on this board. Your explanation is the reason why you, and many other women, are single and unmarried in your late 30s. All the dudes that came across you refused to put a ring (and keep that ring) on your finger. There's always an untold reason. Most men know what a vag!na looks like. Stop thinking yours is any better than the next females. Give the man something different for a change. That is the only way you can stand out.

        1. Please note where I spoke on my body parts. Or referred them as special or golden, lol.
          And I’m sorry. No woman should place her entire self-worth between her legs.

        2. Don't really see how this makes her a h03. "She" is with dude for a year and "she" not anyone else feels that "she" wants to share something special with him. I don't think that makes her a h03's. Its just a choice she made.

          I'm happy for you that you and your wife were virgin's when you married her. So you didn't have to experience these "h03's" in the world.

  4. I still think shorty was realllllly risking by being so bold on a college campus LOL but hey its college, why not live life daringly, turn up, and make memories! BUT I think it was so great that you both were able to connect even after the good time and that it meant something to you…because after all, that's what really matters 🙂
    It is so sweet that you kept the note too. Do you think you are able to express yourself in words better now? I hope she reads this little ode to her!

    1. I'm definitely better at expressing myself now, it's been almost 4 years since. I've grown in some important areas so I know faced with the scenario in this time I could receive those words much better. I's also be able to expres my gratitude in a more deserving way.

  5. It's interesting that none of the Valentine's Day posts mentioned getting the woman a gift, like jewelry or shoes (if she's a shoe woman). I always thought most couples spent time together and exchanged gifts, but gifts are really only the icing on the cake for material reasons. They are not the cake or anything close.

    You had an amazing Valentine's Day just because you were with that person and she told you everything she wanted to say that she had/hadn't said before (and you tried, lol) and should anything happen she told you just how much she cared about you and enjoyed the year she spent with you. That sounds like a one year anniversary to me. Seriously, isn't Valentine's Day like an anniversary with all of the thought and love that goes into it?!

    Now, it seems funny (but sweet, nonetheless) that we all have our anniversary on the same day. Imagine if the above story happened and it wasn't on Valentine's Day, just a regular day that you too were really in the mood. Sweet memories like this 6-12x a year! To the above commentator, this could take all of the exhaustion and planning out of Valentine's Day. When it finally rolls around again, you can just take her out to dinner and spend the night with her and say "We did that last week" lol 🙂

    Yea, I'm just thinking

    1. Note: The line "We did that last week" only works if you actually did something romantic last week. If you didn't do anything within the last two weeks, take advantage of Valentine's to do something nice for your partner. If you didn't do anything last year, smh. Forget Valentine's Day

    2. Forgive me if your comment was NOT meant for me.

      Now, don't get me wrong, I understand relationships are islands built for two. However, we also know that Valentine's Day and the media blitz that surrounds it, permeates all romantic relationships. So from the man's perspective this day is pressurized, even if throughout the year you are showing affection to your lady.

      Now, while all relationships aren't the same, we men have to make sure to put Valentine's Day in perspective (within our relationships) and NOT pick one day out of the year to go all out.

      Balance + Consistency = You bout dat life.

      1. The last three sentences of my post were in fact inspired by your comment. And yes, I do think men should do something for Valentine's Day even if they have been showing affection throughout the year, hence why I said he should still at least take her out to dinner and stay the night with her. Valentine's Day is one of the few holidays I actually feel compelled to celebrate. However, I wouldn't want my partner to feel exhausted or nervous or pressured about what he has planned for that one arbitrary day. My friends might ask what we did and I might tell, but there's no comparison involved as long as I'm satisfied. If I love/ like my partner, chances are I'll be happy just spending time with him doing simple stuff (the above story included). Besides, if the guy has been making spontaneous, romantic gestures year round, what my girlfriends did on Valentine's Day, we did something comparable two weeks ago, two months ago. I'm speaking for myself as a person who doesn't care much for holidays that should be everyday (this one is an exception).

        In short, I guess I'm saying do the simple stuff on Valentine's Day and save the complicated gestures for another day. I just think it would be sooo much sweeter if it was done on a day other than Valentine's Day, because we are not expecting it and it doesn't feel like you are doing something because you are supposed to. On V Day, we don't know what to expect but we know to expect something. Any other day, we aren't expecting anything at all other than you and the usual. With all that planning, you might as well get the most bang and the most bang is when I'm surprised. I love surprises! Romantic surprises= Everything x10!!

        Valentine's Day= "Baby, this is soo beautiful.You went all out. Thank you, love you, etc."
        Same thing on a random day= SPEECHLESS (in mind: wth? Sh**, I don't know what to say)

        I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. Sorry for the long post. This is just me.

        1. You have made yourself clear, thank you.

          However, your post does inspire a question, to you and other female posters.
          Do you feel compelled with a heightened sense of urgency, to go all out creating a special moment or day (on V-Day) for your male mate.

          I ask because I don't get the sense there is reciprocation of doting in most cases. More expecting to receive, then expecting to give (non-sexual would be a challenge for some women).

          Sensual and sexual are not mutually exclusive.

        2. I do and I don't. I'm actually not a big V-day person, so if we don't do anything I'm not pressed. I'd rather get a surprise on a Tuesday that was thoughtful and something I liked than a random pre-packaged "valentine's gift" on a "supposed to" day. BUT that's just me. I tend to give more gifts than I receive. However, if he likes the day, then by all means I will work to make it special.
          My recent post Moda por Menos-the Lupita Edition!!!

        3. Thank you for your comment.
          It sounds like you understand relationships should be built on equal footing, I can respect that.

        4. I think your question is better posed to other female posters, who have been in longer relationships and celebrated a good amount of V Days. The opinion I posted previously is based on how I feel now, approaching my first V Day in a new long-distance relationship. Now, obviously since its a long-distance relationship we can't celebrate it how we would want to, but my above comment was based on how I would want to spend it.

          So for your question: do I feel a heightened sense of urgency to go all out on V Day? No. Just being together would be nice. Again, that's based on a number of factors in my relationship. Do I feel a heightened sense of urgency to go all out on a special moment? Idk if its an urgency, but I want to. I don't know what to do right now- maybe cook something, clean his room, attempt to do his hair (that'll be fun in itself!), have a basketball or soccer match (although I know he'd win)- but when the time comes I'll know exactly what I want to do and just do it. O, one thing I really wanna do is have a piggyback race, either against another couple or timing me running with him on my back and him running with me on his back. I gave him a piggyback ride when we first met, and it was actually fun to see him surprised that I was so strong for my size. He had to ask me to put him down, lol.

          Anyway, reading your question (although I thought about it before) made me think about the relationships I've seen in my life and how they may have (or not have) impacted my view on relationships now. Made me sad for a second, until I brought back a good memory. When we're 40/50, I want to take a page out of my parent's book and ask him to the club 🙂

        5. "…reading your question (although I thought about it before) made me think about the relationships I've seen in my life and how they may have (or not have) impacted my view on relationships now. Made me sad for a second, until I brought back a good memory. When we're 40/50, I want to take a page out of my parent's book and ask him to the club :)"

          I've completed a short-term mission, to ask a question that elicits deeper thought in how ladies re/act to their gentlemen.

          My sincerest gratitude.

    1. I agree.
      Men express emotion typically through actions.
      For an instance, warming her car up and cleaning off the snow every morning, these are actions of caring.

  6. Damn Lil!!! This one was deep. Thank you for sharing this intimate experience with us. The truth of the matter is that money and all the expensive gestures we make on Valentine’s day, take precedence over the moments – free, incomparable and heartfelt. I just hope that she reads this article and knows what you felt about that day and her.

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