I don’t expect anyone to have noticed my absence from the internet over the last few days. This week for the most part, I’ve been on a deathbed. It may have had something to do with being in Syracuse last weekend to watch my alma mater beat Duke (Go Orange!) or it may have something to do with thinking that I could come back to DC and go straight into a bar to watch the Super Bowl. Whatever it was, I’m just glad that sometime around 3AM on Thursday my fever of 101 degrees broke with the help of a good night’s sweat.
I’m not sure any of you has ever been home on bed rest before but it’s not much to do. I swear it used to seem like a good idea to play hooky but as I’ve gotten older I realized that playing hooky alone is boring. I mean seriously the only thing that there was to do was watch ESPN, movies and TV; online or on the television. In my position of in and out of the ability to stay awake I accomplished one thing; I caught up on all of my shows.
I’m a Showtime guy. Most of my favorite shows are there, I respect it more, it’s not as fashionable and trendy as HBO and like I recently heard on Community, “I don’t start watching shows until they’re so old that it’s no longer a statement to watch them.” Yep, that’s a shot at all of you who watch HBO. Therefore, two of my favorite shows right now are on; House of Lies and Shameless. And since I was bored a couple years ago, I started watching Girls. (HBO’s weird attempt to have a show with great writing that didn’t appeal to the masses but only to a niche market which in turn forces the masses to watch because it would be rude not to watch. Don’t worry that will all make sense much later in life.)
With all that TV watching, I was bound to come up with a few takeaways, seven to be exact:
(Full disclosure: I haven’t been around many people or read a lot of blogs to have a ton of material for this week’s post, TV was my muse.)
- Women do messed up shit too – Fiona (Shameless) is a hoe. That girl has the uncanny ability to always mess up a good thing with her horrible vag politics. I won’t come down too hard on Fiona because it’s less about her and more about the need for men to remember that we aren’t the only ones who do dirt.
- Sometimes the most simplistic and archaic men can be the best men – Isn’t Adam (Girls) the best? It may be that he’s surrounded by a ton of crazy, psychotic, indecisive and annoying characters but there’s something about Adam that makes him our favorite.
- Women have a sweet spot for the inherently flawed man – [opens can of beer] Welp, my dad always said, I’d land on my feet. Just kidding, lol. If you’ve seen the shows you know that most of the male characters have some inherent flaws. Whether it’s their inability to share their real feelings or their inability to share the feelings with tact, it’s a flaw for which women have a sweet spot.
- If you tell a woman the absolute truth, she either sleeps with you, slaps you in the face or slaps you in the face and then sleeps with you – In both Shameless and Girls two of the main female characters receive real feedback from the men around them about themselves and then they sleep with the men anyway. Well damn, I wish I had known that a long time ago.
- Women think they can hide their true feelings by acting like a bitch – Jeannie (House of Lies) can keep acting like she doesn’t have feelings for Marty. She can do that all season as annoying as it may be but it just makes it painfully obvious to everyone (but Marty) that she is still madly in love with him.
- Love doesn’t need to make sense to anyone but the people in it – If there is anything that is a silver lining between all three shows it the fact that some of these relationships do not make any sense. I can’t seem to wrap my head around a boy who likes boys, who is in a relationship with a girl who thinks she’s a boy. You know what? I don’t have to do that though.
- Our kids are growing up way too fast – In all seriousness, a lot of the things that happen to the kids on Shameless and House of Lies to some extent is happening way too early. Over the holidays I’ve been in a constant half-serious conversation with friends about when to start talking about sex with their children. These shows make it painfully obvious that when we’re a parent that’s probably going to need to be age 10.