Home Dating & Relationships Dating Why Men Hate Dates: The Dishonest Woman

Why Men Hate Dates: The Dishonest Woman

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We’re finally past the lovey dovey hoopla that Valentine’s Day offers up. It’s well documented that I enjoy the vibe of the holiday. You all got a little look into some dates I’ve went on in past holidays. What we all witnessed last week were great acts of love. Instagram was overloaded with happy women and bitter women who longed to be just like them. I haven’t forgotten about the ladies who could care less. You all are in abundance as well. But this week’s discussion contrasts the previous.

You see, sometimes men hate taking a woman out

We’re alike much more than we’re different. Women may worry about being used. They might also worry about being lied to in regards to a guy’s intentions. The truth is that men are aware of the same. That’s where the Groupme chat with the fellas and myself gets interesting. Sometimes our discussions provide me with great inspiration. Last week a couple of the guys felt a way about women they were talking to. To be brief, they weren’t on the same page.

My guys were introduced to ladies who simply crave attention

Many of us (men) have met the women who just wants to “hang out.” Some guys get duped into these situations. They may not ask the right questions before he realizes that maybe she isn’t interested. There are men who would go out with these women albeit their skepticism. Luckily for my friends they did ask the right questions. That’s why they’re allowed to vent. It’s also what allowed me to want to bring this discussion to you.

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The ladies my fellas were speaking to weren’t clear with what they wanted. They flip flopped every few texts. Sometimes they just wanted to be friends. There were other times where they wanted to see where things would go. All the while these women had no intention of paying anything upon “hanging out.” It wasn’t until one of my friends brought this to one of the ladies attention that she then offered to go half.

Now in my mind, if it were me I would’ve suggested going dutch from the start. There are women who simply just want to be taken out on someone else’s bill. It pisses men off. I know there are a bunch of things women could check us on. Maybe about forty percent of it is on Nicki’s “Looking Ass Nigga” track. But today is about my guys. We simply want to know why?

Women have admitted to me that they have gone out with guys just for the free meal

We just want to know why some women won’t keep it funky from the start. A hard working guy wants to take you out, but you’re not feeling him? Don’t waste his hard earned money. In his mind he’s making a sacrifice and possible investment in you. That time could be better spent with a more deserving person is all I’m saying.

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To the guys that have dealt with this, we feel you.

Any of you ladies ever gone on dates just because? Have you had guys go through hoops with no intention of pursuing things further?

I’m curious. Let’s talk about it.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status

Comment(53)

  1. I totally have gone out on dates just for the sake of having something to do. Not saying it's right, but I'm not saying it's wrong either. It just is I guess. To me, many (<–didn't say all) men shouldn't even be pissed by it. The same logic applies when men wine and dine women (pretending to really be interested in more) for the sake of getting under their skirts, with no intention of becoming her man…ever. If she told you up front that she just wanted to be shown a great time (in women's terms) then you wouldn't even bother. Same goes for if a man said all he wanted was to hit and that's it, she'd immediately dismiss you (maybe even slap you in the face for suggesting it). Looks about fair to me. 🙂

    1. False, some ppl like to have a Good Time as well, hence the whole "I'm not Ready for a Relationship" phrase that is said. Not all men have ulterior motives and merely Just want to Hang Out……….

  2. Complaining about going on a date with a woman is like complaining about having to put gas in a car. Sometimes if you want to hop behind the wheel it takes some fuel to get the wheels moving. Women aren't like us, they have society telling them "if you just sleep with him immediately you're a hoe!" so they have to do things like go on dates etc… to make it so they're legitimately dating and not just sleeping around. I understand cuz that stuff is a sensitive topic.

    As a dude you gotta take the L for date 1 and pay, but your job is to also make sure she knows that you're trying to be with/sleep with her as well too tho. That it's not just some "hang out" that she would have with her BFF. That's how ya'll keep getting friend zoned all the time, dudes are scared to let a female know that they're trying to be more than a friend and waste time. There's no way in hell I would take a woman on a date after she said "lets be friends" that's retarded.

    1. You're right on all counts. The brass tacks I really wanted to get to is why would a woman still assume or suggest a guy still pay to "hang out" even after you pretty much told him you didn't want things to go further. I'm just trying to understand some ladies logic is all.

    2. I don't know about this. I agree with the premise, however to a point. Its not so much about complaining(dismissive) as it is coming to a realization that certain practices may not necessarily be the best practices.

      I don't believe any man or woman should have to take an "L" for anything, date or otherwise. Thats nonsense. Date 1 is an opportunity for both individuals to mutually discover if there is a interest, chemistry and connection there. If one person is already cognizant of their own disinterest, then clearly their intent for agreeing to a date is to primarily be entertained…on someone else's dime. Date 1 should be dutch all day. That is the sensible approach. Taking an "L" shouldn't be an option, but unfortunately, it is the reality for many men – primarily those stuck in super save 'em/chivalry/or as you stated, "scared to let a female know they're trying to more than a friend…" mode.

      Mr. SoBo
      OpinionatedMale.com

      Post Worth Reading: Love Conundrum: Is It Really Unconditional?

      My recent post Should A Woman’s Salty Past Be A Deal Breaker?

    3. No you do not. In this day and age there are plenty of women that would rather get straight to the bottom line. Even more people appreciate the up front approach. We are were we are because ulterior motives. I would hate to have my money wasted and as such don't waste anyone's time. Try it works. You aren't going to bed every woman you spend money on anyway.

  3. I can't speak for anyone else, but I value my time and I respect my own truth…as well as others. So, I don't do this. If I'm not really interested in a guy, I do not accept his invitation to go on a date/chill, etc. and I limit our interactions until he's accepted how I feel (which generally makes him go away). Now, if it's clear that we're just friends and that's all that's on the table, I go and, when the bill comes, I pull out my card to pay my share. Now, if he insists on paying, I do NOT block my blessing, lol.

    I have male friends that are down to hang when I need male company. No expectations and no extra "so wussup" stuff. And, sometimes, my male friends insist on paying anyway…cause I'm a good friend and they want to be nice. 🙂

    1. All of this. 100% agree. I don’t like leading people on because I don’t like to be lead on. I have a male friend who I hang out with. Sometimes he pays, sometimes I pay and sometimes we split the bill.

      Also there’s a difference between a woman using you for “just a free meal” and you going out on 2 or three dates with a woman and things not working out. Sometimes you hang out with a guy 2 or three times and figure out, your not that interested in him past a friendship. Just because things don’t work out in your favor, doesn’t mean you were used.

    2. "I can't speak for anyone else, but I value my time…"

      THIS.THIS RIGHT HERE.

      Who are these women who go out with men they are not interested in? Is food worth THAT MUCH? I can't see myself spending hours (HOURS!!) with someone I DO NOT LIKE. I don't have that kind of time! I don't have that level of need! The closest I've ever gotten to that was going out with someone I was on the fence with in the hopes that some more time together would reveal their better side. But to sit…for HOURS…with a person I can barely tolerate? That what work lunches are for!
      (PS- I really do believe that half of these "free meal" dates are women spending time with men they were on the fence with, determining they were right the first time, and saying in hindsight, "well at least I had a nice meal" and the men took it as the only reason they were there.)
      My recent post Moda por Menos-the Lupita Edition!!!

  4. " A hard working guy wants to take you out, but you’re not feeling him? Don’t waste his hard earned money. In his mind he’s making a sacrifice and possible investment in you. That time could be better spent with a more deserving person is all I’m saying." Pops I couldn't agree with you more. Bottom line, wrong is wrong.

    Any of you ladies ever gone on dates just because? No never. If I was a man I wouldn't want this done to me. What goes around comes around. Karma is real. So I don't do unto others what I wouldn't want done to myself. I'm with Cyn in that my time is just as valuable as the mans time. Therefore I only go out with men that I really want to. Times that I have not been physically attracted to the man but loved his personality I told him the truth. I also offered to go dutch or pay for movie tickets or some other activity. No matter how broke I've been I've always had at least $20.00 to spare. Most times the man declined this offer and wanted to treat.
    Have you had guys go through hoops with no intention of pursuing things further? A few times yes. Complete waste of time and can't understand why it's done, unless the man just wants sex. But even then, no sex is worth going through hoops for.

    1. I'm of the same thought of the latter lol unless we talking Sanaa Lathan, Regina Hall, Nia Long, or Skylar Diggins…. but I digress lol

  5. I had a guy take me out one time & it went grt. Sooner than later he complained & whined that he wants to be taking out to a dinner. That’s what turned me OFF. I have no issue taking a guy out but I DO have an issue with 1) a guy with the tit for tat attitude, now I feel like he only took me out so he can get a free meal. I want a guy to take me out because he wants too NOT because he feels like he’s going to get a reward after 2) a guy with no patience who automatically assumes I have an issue taking a man out 3) a guy who tries to play the guilt card for a date so pathetic smh

    Am I misinterpreting things or is this guy as pathetic as I feel he is?

    1. You're not in the wrong. My qualm is with women who state they're not really feeling someone romantically, but still want to hang out on the guy's bill. That blows our minds as men lol.

      1. Yeah, that's pretty manipulative, not right at all. If she's not into you romantically and only enjoys being with you on a platonic basis, that makes you friends and she should most definitely pay her own way. That is unless, as friends, you decide to treat each other here and there.

    2. stupid bitch.

      you out here wasting niggas money on sushi dates when the price of fish doubles because of the radiation Japan pisses into the sea.

      fuck you, sluts like you deserve to be shit on.

      1. I really don't want to have to turn back on the filter for foul language.

        I think what you were trying to say, Young Ghostface is:

        "She's wasting his money and with rising costs it's foolish to take offense when he asks you to pay sometimes. For that reason, if a guy chooses to stop talking to you because he feels you don't pay anything, don't be surprised."

        Now was that so hard, Dontavioun?

  6. Hey fellas, I’m not a trump but I’ve always enjoyed a woman’s company and didn’t mind paying. I’ve never gone Dutch….and they weren’t paying with pussy. I feel like u deserve to get got if it’s quid pro quo. And where’s ur radar, u can’t tell if a woman isn’t into u? Can’t blame them if ur asleep at the wheel

  7. I think the only men in 2014 that have a problem with "dating" in 2014 are broke or medium-income ninjas who want and expect GUARANTEED PUNANI at the end of every outing. Brothers who have no concern about this, who date with the right intentions and who more IMPORTANTLY know that if you are not IN the game, then you are OUT, don't worry about trivial shit like this.
    A Group meet to discuss women and dating really? While real men are out ACTUALLY DATING those same women you are complaining about? SMDH!!! Sad!!!

    1. Ok Ms. , our Groupme isn't solely for discussing women and dating lol. We're all friends and we speak as friends do. Of course relationships come up in conversation. As would current events, sports and our professional lives. Please don't make that idea out to be so farfetched. I agree with your initial sentiment. This isn't about getting guaranteed punani. This is about women who express that they're not romantically interested yet still look for a man to pay for their outing. Without even thinking of splitting it. Now it's at a man's discretion in that scenario to pay, but it should be an option not an obligation. I bring this point up because i know WOMEN who have done such things.

      Again, no one here is knocking courting, that's necessary. Its this other point I was trying to highlight.

      1. I will admit that in moments of weakness and/ or loneliness I have spent time with men that I didn't really care about. I can't speak for any other woman that has done this but for me it has always served as a reminder that I need to maintain my standards at all times. These guys are usually not my type or I find them undesirable but at that moment in time I'm going through some things (break up, gained 5 lbs, work stress). It's like they can smell it on me that I've lowered my defences. My advice to your friends would be check themselves and see if they keep pursuing women that they feel they have a chance with because of their present situation that they wouldn't ordinarily have a chance with. If they didn't have the courage to approach her at the top of her game, they should be extremely careful approaching her when she's down. A woman never forgets what kind of man she is capable of pulling, and she will not invest emotionally or financially in a relationship she feels is beneath her. Your mother and friends may gas you up, but please be honest with yourself. You may not be the fascinating Adonis that you think you are. If this is putting financial stress on you, stay at home and work on your resume. Dates don't cost that much, so your current job must not be adequate.

        I know a lot of the other ladies will jump down my throat and say I don't speak for all women and they are absolutely correct. Just remember that the world is made up of different personalities, you can have the sweetest humblest woman or a stone cold bitch and everything in between. One woman can cover the entire spectrum depending on who she's dealing with.

  8. I've never had this problem IN MY LIFE!. Reason being, As a man I ask the proper question that reveal intentions. Most men are guilty with avoiding asking questions because they fear that they may talk themselves out of some good nu-nu. I say F**K THAT!!! Men have to stop being afraid of losing a decent f**k and be more aggressive with their questioning. If you take this approach at first it might seem like more women aren't going to want to f**k with you but really you win in the end because those chicks weren't really going to f**k with you or F**K YOU to begin with.

  9. I have never done this but I do know a girl that goes out with guys just because she is bored and/or for the free meal. This same girl also believes that men should pay for the first 5-6 dates

  10. My thing is if you don't eat at a 4/5 star place or buy up the movie snack bar on your dime, why would you spend time w/ a stranger you don't like just to do that? I don't think we'll ever get a straight answer to that brother.

    On another note, I think a lot of these complaints would be avoided if people clearly defined what's hanging out vs. what's a date.
    My recent post Agent Diaries: When A Client Doesn’t Fit The Mold

  11. I'll use a simile. A wallet is to a man what a vagina is to a woman. Both are important to their respective genders and both get pissed when it's used & abused by the wrong person. Ladies (should) keep their legs closed until they determine if the guy is dating/f**kable material so it's more straight forward. Guys, we are expected to open our wallets (the male equivalent of a woman opening her legs) right from the jump if we ask a woman out on a date which is cool, but honestly, it only took me one date to determine chemistry or not. If it was there, the dates continued and improved. If not then good luck and nice to know ya.

    1. Truth be told, it took a phone conversation or two for me to find out. I've heard the "well, I'm not good at talking on the phone" lines before, and I'm generally kicking that to the curb. If I don't like what I'm hearing in a conversation or what I'm not hearing, why go on a date? Nah…
      My recent post New friends

  12. i dont like dating because its really just an un necessary expense. we dont have to go on "dates" to get to know each other. furthermore, alot of women you meet want to give it up from the beginning and go on three dates with you just so they wont feel bad about giving it to you. in my mind im like we're grown, whats up with all the game playing? lets cut to the chase or let's not.

  13. Nobody should internationally use anybody. My thing is that men and women been playing games since the beginning of time. I wouldn't go out on a date with anybody I'm not interested in but during the dating process I can lose interest. It happens! A man can feel I was just using for a dates because men don't like rejection. It's a lot of men that date to get in women pants so I really don't see what's the big fuss is about. You all are just as bad.

  14. Good read! Funny that you decided to write about this. Me and my girlfriend were having a discussion on dating just the other night, and this topic came up. I know many females who feel this way- even if they are not feeling guy, they agree to hang because it is “something to do”.
    Myself on the other hand do not agree. In the past when offered to go on a date by someone I simply could not see anything beyond a friendship with i simply dont go through with it. Why waste both of our times if i dont see anything in the forecast, just not right in my opinion. I have always been the type to take the whole dating scene pretty seriously and dont believe in dating just because. All in all if I had agreed to go on a date, it was because I was interested and wanted to get to know guy beyond a phone call, messgage, or text.
    Just got to work on my “politely declining method” since I have always been more content with avoiding the offer/person all together. I mean better than spending his time and money, right?:/

  15. Good read! Funny that you decided to write about this. Me and my girlfriend were having a discussion on dating just the other night, and this topic came up. I know many females who feel this way- even if they are not feeling guy, they agree to hang because it is “something to do”.
    Myself on the other hand do not agree. In the past when offered to go on a date by someone I simply could not see anything beyond a friendship with i simply dont go through with it. Why waste both of our times if i dont see anything in the forecast, just not right in my opinion. I have always been the type to take the whole dating scene pretty seriously and dont believe in dating just because. All in all if I had agreed to go on a date, it was because I was interested and wanted to get to know guy beyond a phone call, messgage, or text.
    Just got to work on my “politely declining method” since I have always been more content with avoiding the offer/person all together. I mean better than spending his time and money, right?:/

  16. I got whacked for a couple dates like this in college. I remember I wanted this girl sooo bad I was like "I'm a take her to Chili's AND to the movies" (college days were rough bruh)

    So we go to chili's, I'm all geeked and hungry. She starts just checking away at the menu… appetizer, ribs, dessert. I had a water I think. The entire dinner was filled with awkward silence. I mean she was terrible.

    Count my pennies, pay the bill and get ready to head to the movies. I was one of the few with a whip as a sophomore so my car was a talking point. Yea a 2000 Ford Taurus was a talking point (in 2008). Get to the movies, realize it's sold out and just said forget it and headed home. Didn't hear from her for a few days. Get on FB to see a status from her like 2 weeks ago (before my date) professing her love for the guy back home. I see all the pics of them together and my little heart quivered. Talked to her about it and she says she just wanted to have dinner and hadn't been to chili's in awhile. Bruh

    1. oh and not to be spiteful but 19 year old me did get a good laugh about this part:

      Dude she was postin all over Facebook? He was engaged. Needless to say, I felt justice was served. I'm glad I grew out of this stage though.

  17. I find it rather interesting that in this day and age there are still many men who still suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune of what I consider to be common sense approaches to dating. If one is still concerned about being 'taken advantage of' in 2014 while dating, then clearly he is one who has not planted a firm foot down in reality and more importantly taken a firm stance in it so that he will not have such non-concerns concerns.

    At the same time, I understand everyone has their time to learn. Still though, for the fathers out there, hopefully you abandon the fairy tale ritual teachings and provide your son's some real life common sense dating advice.

    No brainer tip #1
    Have confidence and be unapologetic about your line of questioning.
    No brainer tip #2
    For the first date, do NOT seek out entertainment (i.e movies, play, lounge, etc). Instead do something free or inexpensive that allows you to converse and get to know one another. A cup of coffee, bowl of ice cream or a walk through the park with a fairly inexpensive meal along the way. Your objective is to identify if there is a mutual interest, declare your intentions as well identify what her intentions are (assuming you didn't spend any time at all before hand on the telephone sorting this out).

    Its not rocket science. Its 2014 gents. Stop tip toeing around women.

    Mr. SoBo
    OpinionatedMale.com

    Post Worth Reading: Love Conundrum: Is It REALLY Unconditional?
    My recent post Should A Woman’s Salty Past Be A Deal Breaker?

  18. Women can change the dating game for the entire country in just one month. If every woman in America decided to simultaneously refuse aloof advances alphas, and instead fuck men who only took them out to dinner, called them daily, and complimented their appearance, the result would be obvious. Even if you are the most alpha of alpha in your crew, you would be wining and dining girls like a simp to get vagina if that was the only way to score. But that’s not what the women want. They want the Skittles man and they want the man who texts like he has a 6th grade education. And as long as they prefer that, that’s all they’ll get.

  19. Women can change the dating game for the entire country in just one month. If every woman in America decided to simultaneously refuse aloof advances alphas, and instead fuck men who only took them out to dinner, called them daily, and complimented their appearance, the result would be obvious. Even if you are the most alpha of alpha in your crew, you would be wining and dining girls like a simp to get vagina if that was the only way to score. But that’s not what the women want. They want the Skittles man and they want the man who texts like he has a 6th grade education. And as long as they prefer that, that’s all they’ll get.

  20. Women can change the dating game for the entire country in just one month. If every woman in America decided to simultaneously refuse aloof advances alphas, and instead fuck men who only took them out to dinner, called them daily, and complimented their appearance, the result would be obvious. Even if you are the most alpha of alpha in your crew, you would be wining and dining girls like a simp to get vagina if that was the only way to score. But that’s not what the women want. They want the Skittles man and they want the man who texts like he has a 6th grade education. And as long as they prefer that, that’s all they’ll get.

  21. So I know this is going to sound so cliche, but I never go out with guys just to go. I really believe that you have to treat ppl the way you want to be treated and I wouldn’t want a guy misleading me. If I know I’m not interested there is no need for me to go out with you because I don’t like you. If it’s a guy I genuinely like in a friendly way, I’ll pay for my myself if need be. But I don’t like wasting my time or anyone else’s. The only exception to that is the occasional pity date. And that’s another topic entirely.

  22. Dating is EXPENSIVE, so I can definatelty agree with this post. Female friend of mine agreed with the the first comment to this blog, that men wine and dine with hopes of getting some. True it happens, but rebuttal is that we are taken the financial risk too. So if you already know you're not intersted or just want to hang out then don't expect me to waste my hard earned money. For the woman there is no financial risk… free dinner, free movie, etc. Some guys might be hoping for sex, but its not a requirement…us paying is!
    My recent post Praying For Closed Doors

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