Home Dating & Relationships Dating You Pray That Doors Open, I Pray That They Close

You Pray That Doors Open, I Pray That They Close

24

Bobby-Valentino

These days most people are praying for doors to be opened. Whether it’s in their professional life, family life, personal life or relationships, people are looking for and asking God for an abundance of opportunities to get them out of their current circumstances. If you hate your job, you pray to get an offer from a better company with better pay and benefits. If the family is behind on the mortgage, you pray for God to make a way to avoid foreclosure and eviction. If your car sucks and you’re broke, you pray for an unbelievable deal on a good car. If a friend is going though something, you pray for their healing and deliverance. In essence, we are praying for options. We want to have the choice to get out of our current situation. No one wants to be stuck and be a bystander in their own life. We want control. I’m definitely a fan of having options, except in one area: relationships.

Going into college, I was the one-woman type dude. When I found someone I liked, I was 100% full steam ahead. I didn’t want to talk to anyone else, kick it with anyone else, hang out with anyone else, chill with anyone else – and this was all before we were even official. I would be dedicated to earning her time and attention. Then, I stepped on the college campus – women everywhere. Short ones, tall ones, big ones, small ones – it was almost a page out of a Dr. Seuss book. There was something for everyone. There were options, too many options.

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When I dated, I started to always wonder, “what if?” I could have a date lined up and get a “what you doing?” text from someone else and start questioning if I was missing out on something better. Sometimes it was so bad that if I was on the date and got a text, I might try to wrap it up early so I could see “what’s up.” Sad I know. All the options were a distraction and dating multiple women was a headache (and I wasn’t the best at multitasking). Don’t be fooled, it was the same for the women; they had their pick at school too. There were plenty of times I asked a girl out and she would already have plans with someone else.  Like I said, there were options.

Fast forward past graduation and we enter the real world. No incoming freshmen girls every year and depending on the size of the city you’re in, the dating pool may be pretty small and stagnant. But old habits die hard. There’s definitely less options, but they’re still there. New ones walk down the aisle at church, show up for happy hour at Applebee’s, and shop at the mall. Old ones still text out of the blue, bump into you at Wal-Mart, and give you that beautiful smile that you originally fell for and soon you’re back to wondering “what if?”

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These days I don’t need or want that distraction. These days I’m constantly praying for gifts of discernment, recognition, and closed doors. That’s right, closed doors. I want to be wise enough to recognize and pursue a quality woman – that’s the work I have to put in. But I need help with the distractions. I’m actually asking for and wanting God to close doors that lead to dead ends or would be a distraction to my current situation. I want to date a woman, one, singular. I want to meet her, court her, get to know her and follow through to see where the situation goes. I don’t want to be multitasking women, especially since I’m still not good at it. I want to be 100% in again, I want to give it a good try, un-jaded by my past. I want to have a singular focus on one woman to see if it could work out. If it doesn’t that’s fine too, I should have learned something from it.

So obviously these closed doors could be dead end distractions, I’m sure some of you reading this agree. Then there are those that are reading that question that you may just be wasting time on the wrong person if you don’t explore other options. I understand the dilemma, but that’s where your maturity and faith comes in. You have to trust that the person you’re with is the one God is meant for you to be with at the moment (not sexually though, God doesn’t like that). Whether it’s for a season or a lifetime, there should be something to gain from the experience and pray for wisdom throughout the experience.

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After a lot of attempted multitasking, I’m ready to leave the college ways alone and date in the singular. I encourage the other men out there to do the same. Distractions are just that, distractions. Focus on the goal, what’s sitting in front of you.

-Trans

Trans-ParenSEE is a 30 yr old southern gentleman with a sharp mind and a sarcastic tongue. This poet and blogger is a realistic but hopeless romantic that that writes about real life from his prospective. Writing is his therapeutic escape to reality.

Website: Trans-ParenSEE.blogspot.com
Email: [email protected]
Twitter: @Transparensee06

Comment(24)

  1. closed doors?

    this sounds like good advice. its easy to get caught up these days, sometimes that closed door is a blessing in disguise, leading to new possibilities one would have missed otherwise.

  2. Dawgs, re-adjusting to dating after college is much how you desribed! we just out here tryna get it right man. I never worded it like this in my head, but longing for less distraction is a good point. For those who want more at this stage in life, less distraction in terms of dating seems imperative. great stuff.

  3. Distractions take your attention away from what really matters…the grass on the other side also has to be maintained….having been cheated on recently, I understand that men have the issue with lust and desire…I just wish that you guys would really value the good women out here instead of sacrificing your relationship for sluts.

  4. Trans, this is an amazing and awesome post. I agree with you 150%. If only more people, (men and women) had a similar mentality in this respect. Too many of us always seem to think more is better. Many times less is actually more. Unfortunately, some people's maturation process takes much longer than others. So they will maintain that college mentality for many years to come, long after graduation day.
    I also suggest you pray that God will prepare you for the right woman. Many times we are not prepared for the very people we pray for. Notwithstanding "tangible" preparation, ie money, financial independence, good credit, home ownership, etc etc etc; we aren't prepared mentally, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually for that "perfect" person. I've always prayed that God would prepare me for the right man. I prayed that he would make me a woman who was deserving of the "perfect" man he blessed me with, and all of the wonderful qualities that he would possess.
    It's been stated in previous posts that much of the root of the problem is that we go into relationships thinking we're the sh** ,and whomever we date is extremely lucky, and blessed & highly favored to be with us. Forgetting that it's a 2-way street; and that we should always be mindful of how lucky and blessed we are to have that person as well.

    1. I agree with you completely and I do continuously pray that God prepares me and my mate to be ready for each other. Many times people find "perfect" mates and just aren't ready for them. What's worse, we expect people to wait while we get ourselves together while in reality, we have no business messing with them in the first place.
      My recent post Questions of Forgiveness

  5. I can soooo identify with this post!!!! LOL.

    But, God has me in a place now where, instead of closing doors (…although I'm still begging Him to, lol), I shut the door myself because I've discerned that a situation isn't right for me. He's not closing anything in this season. It's so frustrating, lol. It'd be so much easier if He'd just shut doors. But, in the words of a close friend, "God wants us to choose Him." Put another way, God wants us to choose to do the right thing…and not be forced into doing it cause it was no longer an option.

  6. "God wants us to choose to do the right thing…and not be forced into doing it cause it was no longer an option." Couldn't be more truer words of wisdom Cyn.
    I'm a living witness that if we pray enough for it, and then actively and regularly exercise the discernment ie (common sense, and intuition) that God blesses us with, it comes right on time. 🙂

  7. This was a great perspective on this subject. However, instead of driving myself into cliché-ville, it sparked a slightly different thought.

    At least for me, to be content in one area is to be content in all areas. This obviously poses a problem. I can’t fathom being content in my health, career, education or even my (currently inefficient) swimming stroke. People like this are always looking to improve even if it isn’t in our best interest to do so.

    Before the eyes start rolling, imagine if you will, if that man or woman that you want to be content in your relationship, suddenly became content in EVERYTHING. (hygiene, sex, finances, status, attiude..etc)

    Scary isn’t it?

    Some people have an inability to section off contentment for relationships and yet remain discontent about everything else. This doesn’t excuse ratchet behavior of any kind but on some level, I think this explains a lot. You can condescendingly call it immaturity but by that view, so is every other relationship issue.

    I too pray for closed doors but I still keep looking for all kinds of doors.

    1. High_Five I believe there is beauty in being content and it's something we as humans strive for daily. Contentment in every aspect of our lives. However, just because your content doesn't mean you no longer want more out of life. Nor does it mean we should ever stop wanting to improve ourselves. No matter how old we get, we should never stop, or want to stop growing, improving, maturing and learning. Contentment is simply being satisfied and thankful for your blessings, and not being envious and jealous of others who may have more. We don't have to be discontent to desire more good, positive, and meaningful things and experiences out of life.

      1. “Contentment is simply being satisfied and thankful for your blessings,”

        No it isn’t…you just made that up.

        Contentment is acceptance of your current state of being.

        I agree that relationship contentment is a beautiful thing. I don’t see it that often and I’m glad I don’t. Acceptance inhibits action. However, discontent fuels action. There’s no relationship growth without discontent. My point (maybe, not well made) was to illustrate the issues that can come from the beauty of TRUE contentment.

        Most of us will never get 2 seconds of true contentment, so we (and church) create a new definition, where you can be content and progressing at the same time. I don’t believe it works that way. It’s ok not to be content…ever.

    2. You know I had this whole response typed up that I had to delete once I saw Bree's comment, LOL!

      What she said, lol. I'm content when I'm moving forward/growing/progressing. I'm discontent when I'm stagnant. When relationships become stagnant, I'm out…and looking for another open door. Relationships work best for me when we are progressing…individually and together…setting goals and reaching them.

      1. My comment wasn’t a commercial for people to constantly search for someone better than their involved with. I was pointing out that my contentment can't always be compartmentalized, and that this could be an underlying issue for relationships ie. "growing apart syndrome"

        “I'm content when I'm moving forward/growing/progressing… Relationships work best for me when we are progressing…individually and together…setting goals and reaching them.”

        Circular. That’s like saying “I’m happy when I’m making myself happy”. Contentment requires acceptance of your current state so if you’re progressing toward (b) then you weren’t all that content with (a).
        I think the (dis) carries a negative connotation. There’s nothing wrong with discontent. It is the driver of progression and goals.

        1. "I think the (dis) carries a negative connotation. There’s nothing wrong with discontent. It is the driver of progression and goals."

          I 1000% agree with that statement. All while still standing by my comment, lol. When I used the term content, I was referring to the "pleased and satisfied" part of the definition. I am pleased and satisfied when I am working toward/reaching goals that I set for myself (or my relationship). This is possible. We can agree to disagree on that, lol.

          Discontentment can be bad if it doesn't have any boundaries or limitations ever though. For instance, no woman ever pleases/satisfies you, you can't stay at a job more than 9 mos., you move every 12 mos., etc.. There can be a harmful extreme (constantly needing more) to being discontent…as is the case with contentment (never wanting more) as well. As with most things in life, balance is key. How that balance plays out in our lives def varies though.

        2. High_Five, I totally get the point your making. However, I believe the word to make your point is Complacency, not contentment. There is a big difference between Complacency and Contentment. Nothing is wrong with being content. As Cyn pointed out, discontentment can be counterproductive, and inevitably self-destructive, and unhealthy. God said in his word, "I come that you might have life, and that you might have it more abundantly." I believe God wants us all to and created us to be contentment in our lives. However, we should never be Complacent. I agree that we should never stop growing, learning, wanting to be empowered, wanting more fruitful things out of life. You can do that and still be content and satisfied with where you are and what you have. Complacency though = Stagnant and laziness. Those are the things that unfruitful.

  8. This is a great post.
    The thing is, you have to build up the mental fortitude take the bull by the horns and close the doors yourself. You have to take yourself to that mental place where you're just like "this is what i got, i made a great choice, and I'm sticking with this. I don't care what else is out there, I have everything I need right here." It's about not being greedy and spoiled which admittedly, our generation is. We always want bigger and better and we're so used to always getting that and it spills over into the way we date.

  9. I have been praying for you to come to sbm!! Thank the Lord for a strong Christian male voice. I pray the Lord continues to help you grow in Him and encourage others to do so as well.

  10. Most men have zero options. The grass is green for 20%men n 99% women. Most men just cant get a date no matter what they do. Usually sluts will pick these guys up n cuff them. These girls who slept with tons of guys will say nice guys win. We all know if women n men approached n asked people on date, women will get more dates. Women have unlimited choices in dating. So unlimited that they start having unrealistic expectations like 6’10 guy who doesn’t wear sperry boat shoes. Take tiger woods. No way on earth tiger would get a date if he was a regular guy. Tiger hasn’t had this much option in pussy his whole life. Women have unlimited options from day 1. Majority women can b boring n get dates and expect guys to b charismatic. Male celebrities usually leave their girl or get divorced when they become famous. These guys couldn’t get a date for the life of them n now they can b there boring self with fame n girls chase them like crazy. A boring girl with no personality can get dates, get married, but a boring guy might as well end his life

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