Home Dating & Relationships Dating For Women: The DIY Dating Style

For Women: The DIY Dating Style


black girl long curly hair cell phone

After watching a dating segment on Bethenny (don’t judge), I became perplexed by the amount of dating rules discussed. There was one rule in particular that sent my eyebrows into a fury. The two female panelists suggested that after a man’s initial text, a woman should wait at least four hours before responding! Hmmm… I understood their thought process behind this rule, yet, it gave me pause. Which got me to wondering, do people really take to heart all of these rules? How many rules are there?!

I googled (this really shouldn’t be a verb) dating dos and don’ts followed by dating do’s and don’t’s books, in less than a minute, 309,000+ total results appeared on dating rules. I pray, no one in their right mind is reading all of this. If you are, email me, let us talk. Anyhow, according to Mrs. Carter, we (by we I mean women) can be Crazy In Love, Dangerously In Love, AND Drunk In Love (my personal fave and not for its ingenious juxtaposition to feminism intended or not), are these rules too? I digress.


If you are grown, make your own rules. STOP calling your girlfriends to run your every idea by them. Grown folks don’t need validation.

See Also:  4 Ways To Ruin Your Perfect Match On A First Date

If you don’t believe in waiting to be fresh, or simply ignore that part of your faith, don’t deny, don’t defend. Do it. Don’t discuss.

If you choose to be the side chick knowingly, don’t say he’s leaving his girl/significant-other/wife. Be the quiet side chick. Alternatively, you could just not be a side chick. You’re worth more. You deserve better.

If you are the modern day Susie homemaker, let your friends tease you. Your man ain’t mad. But if your friends are single…teach them how to make something.

If you meet someone at 2:10 pm, and at 2:11pm on the same calendar day, you are naming future babies in your head, go right ahead. No need to call a friend so she can corroborate crazy.

If you choose to sleep with everyone you date, no one can call you judgmental names, if you don’t share details.

Women share, but there is a difference between sharing and looking for a friend to endorse one’s dating life. I am a woman. I share. Yes, there are times strategically chosen friends are asked to chime in, to answer specific questions only. But this isn’t a ritual. It is MY dating life. Possessive pronouns were made for this.

At the end of the day, with all these rules floating around, at some point, it would behoove every woman (me included) to sit down (alone), analyze her dating life, see what has worked, see what can use a little improvement, and adjust accordingly. When one reflects, it should be comprised of one’s own experience, their reality, no one else. Now, if you are in denial need help, then ask a friend: In your opinion, what are my best traits? In your opinion, what can I improve? That is vastly different then asking, should I wait to text him back or not. Spare her. She’s probably doing grown woman thangs anyway.

See Also:  Work & Love

Remember not one of those people producing 309,000 results personally interviewed you. Self-reflection is a beautiful thing. Best part is… you can do it yourself. Think on it. Literally.

Do you make your own dating rules? If so, what are they? Do you recommend others use them? If so, why?

Sable B. founder and creator of Fly & Fierce Boutique. You can check out her passion for fashion at www.flyandfierce.com. Twitter @FlyAndFierce.



  1. Google is a verb, deal with it. The rules and regulations are what's killing dating; every action or word spoken is some kinda precedent because some blog said so. Dating should be fun, the goal being getting to know someone better in a certain setting, when you go into it trying to get chose or make sure this one isn't like ur ex, you're doing it wrong
    My recent post Today’s Word is… INDEBTED

    1. I definitely agree! One thing that I've figured out as I've grown into my womanhood is that when it comes to dating, you never find what you are looking for when you're actively looking. It's usually when a woman cuts the rules out, relaxes a little and has fun that the Universe places someone in our life.

      1. People take dating way too serious. I’m guilty of it as well, over thinking, calling my friend about a text message and how I should respond, worrying about things that I shouldn’t even be worrying about.

        Dating is just two people getting to know each other with the possibility of anything happening. That’s it I think people make dating this very loaded term, they make it seem like more than what it is. I also agree with @RaeyolaTheRebel . I notice when I’m not really looking, and just being myself and not worrying about dating rules, I’m a lot more fun and it makes it easier for me to get to know people and for people to get to know me. It makes it a lot easier to meet someone.

  2. I hate rules. Too many of them to remember. Best advice is to do what feels right without going overboard or coming off as rude. Too many people think rules are the end all be all re dating, which has people reading into things that really don't matter. Just be comfortable and have fun – and make sure the other person is as well.

  3. Not sharing a lot of details about my relationship with my friends is something that I'm learning to do every day. Picking up the phone and calling my bff to tell her what my boyfriend just did has to stop. It's not healthy, and your loved ones never forget what he did or said to hurt you, even after you've forgiven him.

  4. "Grown folks don’t need validation."

    End of discussion.

    Do what you want, go with the flow, whatever you want to call it.


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This