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On Men’s Condomlessness and the Side Piece Baby Boom

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Rachel Uchitel Pregnant

As of late, stories of side chick pregnancies and simultaneous engagements have become commonplace.  I personally know a woman who was sexually involved with a man who later told her that around the same time they were sexually involved, he had gotten engaged to another woman. The latest story from Ebony editor, Jamliah Lemieux, compelled me to write about this issue. The issue with the pregnancy jumpoffs and the unfaithful man.

Long story short, Lemieux was in a relationship with a man for two years. Although their relationship was “on the rocks,” they continued to engage in intercourse. Five months into her pregnancy, he became engaged to another woman.  Can you say messy?!  This story, coupled with my friends’ stories (more than one of my friends has experienced this), and Gabrielle Union’s and Eudoxie’s stories beg the question, is this the new normal?

These situations also led to further questions like…

1)      If a man is in a relationship with one woman that he feels will lead to marriage, why not break it off with the other?

2)      If a man is in a relationship that will lead to marriage, does he think it is ok to have sex with other women until or unless he is married?  Does he not consider this cheating?

See Also:  Most Men Will Never Abuse A Woman

3)      What makes a man decide to marry one woman and not another if he still obviously has the strong desire to be in relationship with both?

To put it simply, this is not ok.  Men often justify this behavior by either saying the man was obviously not feeling the girl he did not propose to, or that the other woman wasn’t his “girlfriend.”  What does a title have to do with it if the “other” woman is getting girlfriend privileges?  Furthermore, simply avoiding a title doesn’t change anything in terms responsibility.

Many female commenters attacked Lemieux for not knowing she was the side chick, or that her ex was that serious about someone else. It is likely that Lemieux wanted to be pregnant by her ex, but if the ex did not want the same, why continue to have unprotected sex with her and give her false hope?  He knew she was in love with him , so why not have enough respect for her (and your new chick) to say, “you’re not the person I want to be with,” and bounce?

At what point does a man’s behavior speak to his character rather than being excused because “he’s a man” or because the woman he dissed wasn’t “wife material?”  Furthermore, why is this not a deal breaker for the women these men are engaged to?

See Also:  The 10 Signs She’s The Perfect Side-Piece

Gabrielle Union, in a recent article, referred to Wade as “honest.”  Is she delusional?  If Wade is considered “honest,” what on earth is dishonesty? The fact that he told her he got someone else pregnant instead of her finding out? Or, is it because they were on a “break” when it happened?

I can understand why Eudoxie might stay with Ludacris.  She likely enjoys the fame and benefits of being Ludacris’s girl, but have these women no dignity? Cheaters are dishonest and selfish people.  Dishonesty is a characteristic that can negatively affect many aspects of our lives, not just our relationships.  If a man has unprotected sex with another woman outside of his purportedly monogamous relationship, he is putting himself and you at risk for far more than just unwanted pregnancy jumpoffs.

At least if you’re going to have your dalliances, wear a condom or take precautions that will save your “main chick” the embarrassment of explaining why she’s going to stay with your raggedy a** after you were unfaithful, or worse, having to make regular visits to the clinic because she has contracted yet another disease (as a self-proclaimed hypochondriac, this is my main concern with infidelity).

I’m sure this is nothing new, but for whatever reason, this seems to be prevalent at this particular moment in time.  For some reason, Jamliah’s story touched me, and my heart goes out to her and other women who might find themselves in her position.

See Also:  BPR - The Bad P Report

“Men will only do what you allow them to do” – a common, yet sad declaration accepted by all, lamented by none.

Miriam is the founder and creator of 30thoughts.com, a contemporary blog focusing on relationships, career, fashion and entertainment, from a 30-something’s point of view. She currently resides in southern California – moonlighting as a writer and serving the legal community by day.
30thoughts.com, Twitter: @thirtythoughts, Facebook: 30thoughts

Comment(61)

  1. I agree with this all. These men are out here having sex with women they barely know and not wearing a condom. Then when a baby comes into the picture they want all the sympathy. They need to get it together and learn how to be faithful. We women need to stop letting them off the hook too.

      1. THIS. I think when you do some digging you'll see a far longer history than they let on. Look at Wayde's case. Aja went from a "short-lived fling" to a "long-term friend" in one week. Men are just geting caught out there and deciding at that point who "matters".
        My recent post Moda por Menos-the Lupita Edition!!!

  2. It is possible some of these people are in open relationships or at best the “main” is aware of the “side”…idiot terms. Why else would the behavior be rewarded with engagement? The engagement pacify’s the “main” and declares her position with the guy. This undoubtedly hurts the female in 2nd place because they are fighting for that main position. Hurt turns into anger which is coupled with hormonal pregnancy is the beginning to a disastrous support and child fight, at least until the sting goes away.

    Women should take more pride and become more aware of where/who their “man” is sharing himself. Every person should use and demand protection. Men need to stop over sharing themselves and use protection.

  3. Cheaters and Game Players are people who simply have not found the courage to openly express their truths. For most people, who are truly in tune with themselves, honesty and openness is held above all things in life, regardless how hard they may be in communicating them. I recently ended a relationship with a guy who continually flirted, text'd, and inboxed women although he never physically cheated on me to my knowledge. The lack of respect and inability to remain open and honest was just as bad as the act itself in my opinion

  4. “ Long story short, Lemieux was in a relationship with a man for two years. Although their relationship was “on the rocks,” they continued to engage in intercourse. Five months into her pregnancy, he became engaged to another woman.”

    What’s on the rocks? Were they on break or broken up but still having sex, if that’s the case then why continue sleeping with him. I feel some sympathy for the woman in this situation because I’ve been there (not pregnant) but messing with someone who I should have just let it go with, but sleeping with him unprotected and then not having any birth control of your own, that’s one of those it takes two and both people are at fault. He’s still a piece of crap.

    I just don’t know why some women expect men with “ain’t shit” character traits to do things that only a man with good character traits would do.

    1. “What does a title have to do with it if the “other” woman is getting girlfriend privileges”

      Title means nothing if the person that gives it to you has any character. Some women are so worried about the title they don’t pay attention to the actions of the person whose giving it to them. Also what are girlfriend privileges in cases like this when things are on the rocks, I think what this is, is women acting like girlfriends when they’re not and then what ever treatment or attention he gives in return (and raw sex) they chalk it up to gf privileges.

      1. Now, just on Monday damn near ALL of you ladies were saying Titles= Character, but apparently, when it comes to Titles and Men, what I, Cortino and others "makes sense"??? The Hypocrisy is AMAZING!!!!

        Title or No Title, folks just want Respect, Honesty, and others to be Themselves, NOT Front or Pacify. I feel "somewhat" bad for Miss Jamilah, but UNLESS there was Clear Communications AND/OR Acknowledgement of the relationship (it was "on the rocks", she knew EXACTLY what she was getting into and what the Guy was about….

        1. NO I didn’t say titles equal character; I never said that, I said titles give direction, and set expectations. I also agreed with a comment that said titles don’t matter unless the person has character.

    2. Yeah I think we all know what "on the rocks" entails. It's that gray area where both parties have one foot out and one foot in the door. Either way, we've all been there, but men KNOW these women have no issue with having a baby by them, so if you are the one who doesn't want a baby by that person, then you need to be the one to take the proper precautions.

      It is clear that when they were on the rocks, she was still in love with him, so I understand why she kept having sex with HIM (not that I condone it), BUT he had already determined (by getting with the other chick) that he did not want to be with Lemieux any longer and even that he wanted to be married to the other woman! Granted, Lemieux can't be mad that he doesn't want to be with her, but I'm essentially concerned with the fact that they have chosen the woman they want to be with long term (even if only in their minds), yet they are still procreating with another woman.

      I also don't understand why the other woman who got the ring isn't aware that this behavior speaks to his character.

      "I just don’t know why some women expect men with “ain’t shit” character traits to do things that only a man with good character traits would do." THIS is what confuses me! It seems these women are just happy they got chosen smh

      1. "It is clear that when they were on the rocks, she was still in love with him, so I understand why she kept having sex with HIM (not that I condone it), BUT he had already determined (by getting with the other chick) that he did not want to be with Lemieux any longer and even that he wanted to be married to the other woman! Granted, Lemieux can't be mad that he doesn't want to be with her, but I'm essentially concerned with the fact that they have chosen the woman they want to be with long term (even if only in their minds), yet they are still procreating with another woman."

        Again, WHY are Women ALLOWING Raw Sex???!!! This is all on Miss Jamilah- We can go back and forth about Folks "looking out for themselves" and yet all I hear is Men Need to Do This or Men Should Do That——- What do Women NEED to Do or SHOULD Do??? Last i checked Nobody is/was/are Forcing Women to be Side Pieces: they Choose to or Are w/o Asking Questions or A$$uming things, Just.Like.Men A$$ume

        1. Why are women allowing raw sex? "I addressed this another reply, but the women WANT the babies by these men more than likely. The issue is THE MEN DON'T"

          This is my 3rd time answering this ^^^ question. The men are the ones complaining about paying high amounts of child support to "side pieces" who fathered their, yet they're not doing anything to ensure the side piece doesn't get pregnant.

          In Jamliah's situation, she was not a side piece, and even if she was, she certainly didn't know it! If you're going to go and propose to another woman, why are still having unprotected sex with your ex?? Because you're trifling…plain and simple.

        2. Jer Ex owed her Zero Explanation UNLESS she Asked and he Lied about Dating another Woman and then Proposing to her (which she never said nor bothered to say in the comment section of her own version of her situation, the Huffington Post version of her situation, or this version that you linked to in your guest post). If he's Trifling then so is She for Continuing to Sleep with him, THAT'S what I'm getting at. This Lady is NOT INNOCENT in her situation Or the Result of her Sexual Escapades with a man that was No Longer her Boyfriend…. Plain and Simple.

        3. Miss Jamilah KNEW the risks of Unprotected Sex just like her Ex; obviously by the time the Baby was born not only did she know he had been dating somebody else but he Probably Wasn't keen on being a father either….. I don't Defend Deadbeats or Foul Men so what is this urgent need or fascination with Cosigning or giving Passes to Women who Mess Up or are Messy as well?????

  5. For every man actually raw dogging some chick, most are just dating other people. They are telling them they love them, establishing trust, which is why when these scandals break the mother is just as hurt as the wife. Every one of Tiger's chicks thought they were the only other one, Gabrielle and Wade were dating while he was with someone else #karma.
    My recent post Today’s Word is… DESENSITIZED

  6. Ok I just have a question. Why does other people’s names and emails (Tristan) get filled out when I am trying to comment? Like I have Tristan’s name, email, and website filled out already. This has happened twice. I’m asking because I’m wondering if my info has been filled out on somebody else’s page. Thanks in advance.

  7. Oops my apologies Tristan. I forgot to delete your info when I posted that last comment. I am getting other people’s info already filled out. Good thing I’m not evil lol.

    1. Yes, Men should not plan on or go to have Raw Sex, but the other question gets Unasked and Skipped; WHY ARE WOMEN ALLOWING RAW SEX???!!!! Are Men Forcing Condomless Sex on ya'll Ladies OR are you Accepting it??!!! Seems to me it is the Latter, Regardless if a Woman "knows" a Man's Character. If the Peen isn't Wrapped- DO NOT RIDE OR HAVE IT IN YOU!!! This stuff is a Two-Way Street and Women need to hold themselves Accountable to the Sorry State that is Relationships in 2014

      1. I addressed this another reply, but the women WANT the babies by these men more than likely. The issue is THE MEN DON'T. If YOU don't want a child by a side chick or whomever, YOU need to take the proper precautions. Classic example is Mathew Knowles, Beyonce's dad. The woman he reproduced with is now going public with her child support woes. Of course she wants a baby by him! That's Beyonce's dad, but if he didn't want a baby by her (which clearly he didn't because he doesn't see the child), WHY is he having unprotected sex with her. He, along with these other men, need to start thinking with their big head instead of the smaller one. Besides, running up in multiple women (with or without protection), at the same time is just nasty, and any man that does so is nasty.

      2. Bellatric1 makes a great point. I'm all for equal responsibility. But if you are male who does not want kids, i would think it would be in YOUR best interests to protect YOURself. True enough she shouldn't complain about getting pregnant because she is responsible for her body as well, however, if you went along with it I have no sympathy for it. If you have a lot of assets, or just not in the business of wanting to have a kid by a woman who you have no intentions of being with, then as a man, you should wrap it up because obviously she doesn't give a dang about herself. I would say the same thing if a woman has various baby daddies that do not do anything for her kid.

        All you can do is control yourself. These men may not be able to control if she wants to protect herself, but they can can control their safety in the process.
        My recent post Being friends with someone who wants more..You can’t save every friendship

  8. The wifey is the sidechick with a title. The sidechick is wifey without a title. I will never understand the need for games. If you want to sleep around and get benefits from many women, why not just be honest about it.There are plenty of sl*ts online waiting for some attention. There is no longer a need to lie, like back in the civil rights days. There are women out here (like myself) who are into polygamy. There are just too many options for all these lies.

  9. I blame Olivia Pope and Mary Jane for this current "side chick" mentality. We (the media, culture, etc) have made the side chick commonplace and glorified. Women are actually OK with being the side chick. Not giving the guys a free pass though. Most are not honest with their intentions and actions but unless the partners have had a conversation, it’s pretty fair to assume the other person is doing as they please. That’s why it’s important to have those conversations. At least if you’re not officially in a relationship with a title you can agree to be sexually monogamous. These conversations need to be had and we are afraid to have them.
    My recent post Praying For Closed Doors

    1. I think we've gotta chill with blaming fictional characters for real life happenings. If we're gonna go that route, we might as well blame rappers, Beyonce, and any movie about anything for leading to someone taking an unsavory action. I doubt there are many women who were leading noble lives, started watching Scandal, then decided they wanted to be sidepieces. This stuff was going on way before either of the shows you cited came out. We just talk about it more now because the media talks about it now (there also weren't all these blogs, twitter, etc.). If your point there was that media is making these discussions more commonplace and acceptable, then I agree.
      My recent post 013: Men Just Wanna Have Fun

      1. We already do (SEE-Congressional hearings, SEE- Trayvon/Jordan Davis Murder trials, SEE- NFL/N-Word controvesy, SEE- Beyonce/FeminismThink Pieces, etc)……

        If you can blame Video Games for Mass Shootings, Music for "thug culture' and Reality shows for Ratchetness of Black Women, then YES, Scandal and Being Mary Jane is just another add-on to Non-Self Accountability

    2. "That’s why it’s important to have those conversations. At least if you’re not officially in a relationship with a title you can agree to be sexually monogamous. These conversations need to be had and we are afraid to have them"

      i agree 1000%

    3. I think TV shows and the media can have some affect on our psyche, especially on young people. If you see that "sometimes" side chicks win, you may be inclined to hang on as the side chick until the guy comes around.

      Young people are influenced by many things and TV is one of them. So, I wouldn't write these shows off as a non factor in generating women with a side chick mentality. Yes, side chickdom existed before, but TV and media are definitely playing a role in keeping it alive and making it commonplace.

        1. @paynewell. They SHOULD have a strong role model, but many of them don't. This could also be a result of men having babies with women they didn't want to be with in the first place and becoming absentee fathers.

          An absentee father is an absentee father, regardless of the circumstances. Just because you got a one night stand knocked up and decided not to be in the child's life will not excuse you from getting the side eye. I would not knowingly get with a man who isn't in his child's life because it speaks volumes as to his character, and if he'll do it to her, he'll do it to you, whether or not he loved either one of you. His character is who he IS.

        2. I think the idea of tv drawing from real life is an interesting one. I can go with that. I think the people doing shady things already had an inclination toward shady things, and there's probably something from their real lives that made them that way. That's the source. Not the shows in many cases.
          My recent post 013: Men Just Wanna Have Fun

  10. I won't get into the many arguments surrounding side chicks, men who cheat, and pregnancies. I just people used condoms for protection all of the time, no matter the morality of the intercourse at hand. The statistics for STIs and STDs are alarming, and have been alarming for far too long, especially in the African American community
    My recent post How To Be The Objective Friend

  11. Haha! Thanks. I’m engaged. So as long as he is happy, I couldn’t care less about the opinions of other men on my lifestyle. I said I was open to it, but we don’t participate in it. Thanks again lol.

    1. No this is about some men not being honest about the status of their relationship with their significant other / person they're sleeping with.

  12. These women do it to themselves, and now they are in a messed up rut, and then we ask men to pick up the slack.

    So much for feminism.

    P.S. I called that relationship in 2011, I have the receipts, I specifically asked both of them (Jamilah & Dave), why didn't they marry each other.

    And time has vindicated my fake concern.

    Feminists make horrible wives and Dave knew it, & moved on to greener pastures.

    "Women want the POWER of MEN, the PRIVILEGES of WOMEN, and the RESPONSIBILITY of NEITHER." – BDizzle

    I'll be poolside. Nah, I'll be in the water effin ish up!

    1. This has little to do with feminism and more to do with irresponsible, nasty men and the women who put up with it. My article asks the question why so many men are becoming sperm donors, creating babies they don't want and as a result never see. Let's address that.

      1. We (and I mean Men, Women and especially blogs like SBM) talk about this quite often, and specifically in the POV of Men being "sperm donors, creating babies they don't want and as a result never see". It's Tiring, Worn Out, and NEVER do we get to the other side of the line as to Why Women allow themselves to WANT to have a Child with Men who don't want to be Fathers…. We Rarely get around to it because either 10 Women Dodge, Deflect, Flip, or Omit that conversation, as if Only 1 Party is to Blame or Women can't be held Accountable

        1. Women want the babies for the reasons listed below:
          1) They love the man
          2) They want to be with the man
          3) The man is rich
          4) Her biological clock is ticking LOUDLY

          Men are not oblivious to these things. A man knows that if he is rich/powerful, women will try to trap him. Men also know that women of a certain age REALLY want kids, and may try to get pregnant. Men know when a woman is in love with them and still wants to be with him. Men know ALL these things.

          So, for the foregoing reasons, if you know that for one of the reasons listed above (or ones not listed), the woman you're sexing wouldn't care whether or not she became pregnant by you, then if YOU don't want a baby with her, you better take the steps necessary to avoid knocking her up! It's common sense really. Why is that so difficult for you to see?

        2. "Women want the babies for the reasons listed below:
          1) They love the man
          2) They want to be with the man
          3) The man is rich
          4) Her biological clock is ticking LOUDLY "

          and yet how many Madam Noire, Jexebel, XO Jane, Clutch, Essence, Ebony and other Feminist-Leaning posts, magazines, and articles state NONE of those will make a Man Stay or KEEP him w/ Women???

          There have been more than 5 SBM posts about this easily!!! Seriously, People either are Willfully Ignorant or Choose to dabble in Reckless Behavior, and this goes for Men & Women. The difference between Me and You is that I'm NOT making Excuses for Sh!tty Men, or Nice Guys who get placed in Friendzones, or any Negatives that Men have and/or TRY to Exploit but you seem to Do So for Women….

        3. You are missing the ENTIRE point. The subject of the post has nothing to do with the woman NOT getting the man she wants, it's about men going around hoeing and producing innocent children that they don't want to see or support. It's also not about who is to blame. Jamliah did not CHOOSE to be a side chick, she became one because she continued with a man who obviously had no respect for her or the woman he ultimately proposed to.

          I'm saying these women are going to get pregnant by you regardless, so wrap it up. Have some decency. Quit hoeing and be real men. Be fathers to your children regardless of how or with whom they were conceived. Like @paynewell said 'YOU can only control your actions, not the actions of others.'

  13. OK, as a woman who has been in a relationship with my husband for nine years this is my take / my point of view on things.
    I for one am not accepting of this new normal. It is an embarrassment to women society as a whole, to be accepting of the trophy wife role but providing slave duties, ( yeah I said it slave duties: giving services to where we wont see the benefits until after Masser dies!) These women need to get a real and stop accusing another when something goes wrong. I am esp mad because even though this has been going on for years it looks worse now when a woman of such a celebutante status such as Ciara and Gabrielle Union making it look acceptable. These men that believes in statements such as "we were on a break", or "we aren't married yet" is ok to justify sleeping with another woman while in a very public monogamous relationship with another at the end of the day are selfish,disrespectful, and not a man at all, and when these played women accept these men disastrous decisions and continues a relationship with them are part of the problem of this so called new normal.
    So for women who do simple just that Love for Love, get it together, Realize that this is unacceptable and find a man that is worthy , and loyal to your love.

  14. Love itself is an on going excuse for idiotic behavior. IMO both man and woman are to blame. If guys are going to whine about not wanting the baby then guys need to protect themselves. (In this scenario the woman’s actions should not matter). If women don’t want to be used then they need to protect themselves including their heart. (In this scenario the man’s actions should not matter.) Be a bit selfish in order to make sure you are getting what you need from this relationship. Ladies we know the loser ass dudes we’re seeing, but we want to fit the status quo: marriage, family, etc… We get desperate when it doesn’t happen within a certain amount of time. Instead of dwelling on the non occurrence try evaluating self and ensure your happiness has importance within your agenda.

    Women are taught to accept this poor behavior and men know this so they take advantage… Men have convinced women (idiots!) this behavior is inevitable. I don’t like whining of any kind be it female or male. Own your place in your miserableness. If a relationship doesn’t feel right then why engage in behavior that’s reminiscent of one that feels right? You shouldn’t carry on without re-defining things.

    The relationship was on the rocks, which means she felt/knew/suspected he was seeing someone else. She just thought she was higher up in his rankings. Men are good liars but when their actions don’t match their words you have to accept it.

    Ladies STOP falling for BS and STOP being so damn desperate! Ladies and men stop complaining about your willfully engaged poor choices.

  15. men do not like to use condoms period, any man who made it to marriage without a baby by some chick is lucky, either he messed with the kind of women who were keen on birth control, enforced condoms or had abortions. As a man, the smartest thing you can do is to only mess with women who have something to lose, and who wants babies within the context of marriage, otherwise you will get caught out there. we women are the only ones holding down the fort on babies out of wedlock, anytime any of us would want to trap a man it would be easy as pie, once they get comfortable they want to go raw. they only think clearly after they nut. period. over and out

  16. :Sigh:

    This may catch a lot of heat, but I don't care.

    I kind of feel like men need to start taking more responsibility for their reproductivity.

    The way things are currently set up, us women are in FULL control of reproductivity. So if you are sharing your seed with a woman you know might be in it for your money or your dna, why would you knowingly put your life in her hands? You need to be smart about your behavior. You can't be going around spreading your seed to every gold digger or women with baby fever and then get mad and play the victim when one of them gets pregnant and cashes out.

    For the most part, if a woman is dead set against having children, she won't. She has many options to prevent that from happening before, during, and after conception. Men don't have that luxury, therefore it is in your best interest to act responsibly.

    Men, every time you bust, things are literally out of your hands and fully in your sex partner's control. Knowing this, why would you be so stupid and reckless about who you're having sex with and how you're having sex with them? Then when shit hits the fan you cry about it afterwards? It makes absolutely no sense to me.

    I kind of feel like anyone who participates in consensual raw sex, gets pregnant, and starts playing the victim role may need to reassess whether they're grown enough to be having sex in the first place. Point blank.

    At this point in your life, you should know what you're getting yourself into (pun intended).

    1. It's because of this FULL control of reproductively by women, that laws need to change. While there is a lot of validity to the point of men acting responsibly, women should not get the benefit of the doubt in these situations. If men and women can MUTUALLY agree to have sex (whether protected or unprotected), then why must women be the sole decision makers as to whether life comes into this messy world. In my opinion, a woman is acting just as irresponsibly for bringing a life into this world under non-optimal circumstances. If you know that dude ain't bout ish, can't or won't try to be a dad, then WHY in all that's holy would you have the child? I'll tell you why because this jacked up system encourages our community to perpetuate the cycle of broken families and ill-equipped children who more likely grow into adults that keep the cycle going. No one want's to have a real convo about that. I bet if Roe v Wade were on the table to be overturned, the Govt stop subsidizing single-parent households, and men weren't solely blamed for sexual misconduct, then I bet things would be a whole lot different. Having the sole legally protected decision to birthing puts equal responsibility in women's hands. We must not forget this FACT.

      1. Full control. That's ridiculous. The overwhelming majority should take precedence to those who are doing what they should be doing. I work in Social Service, and it the very options of many forms of welfare are as open to families as they are to single parents, which by the way is not a requirement, income is.

        Men are certainly not solely to blame but accountability for all is necessary. You should know your sexual partner pass her/his moans… Knowing how she feels about abortion should be beneficial. For instance, I don't believe in them. Therefore, you don't have a right to make me have an abortion. However, you have a right to protect yourself: condoms and vasectomy.

  17. It’s sad full stop. Both parties are are blame and the child will always have to pay. Stories like these need to end. Ladies lets not accept shit any longer cause we bare the consequences.

  18. All I can say is – a dude wanted me to be a "side chick" in his life claiming he was no longer messing with his daughter's mother like that. I didn't believe him and insisted condoms were not an "option" but a NECESSITY (I ain't havin' babies like that). He didn't like it & so he never got to touch me. Now when he sees me once in a while he tries again but my precautions haven't changed. I see why he had 8 kids (which I found out afterwards). Women are still falling for the lines my uncles warned me about in high school. It boils down to choices – you have them.

  19. “mess with the kind of women who were keen on birth control, enforced condoms or had abortions. As a man, the smartest thing you can do is to only mess with women who have something to lose, and who wants babies within the context of marriage, otherwise you will get caught out there”
    —-
    +1000

  20. I understand that most of our family units are broken down due to the economic disenfranchisement of the black male..but its very embarassing that we have the highest number of broken families. Our community seems like we are all just smashing like ANIMALS. Don’t be another statistic.

    1. I agree, I just wish that the choice not to be a statistic encompasses more than just "men wrapping it up"!

  21. So anyways….These articles deeply disturb me. First of all:
    It is not a womans job to teach a man right from wrong. If a woman wants to be the sidechick, then let her at it! A woman always knows/man when sometjings up. You ever seen a cheaters episode that DIDNT end with joey Greco pushed out thevway?!
    If a woman wants to avoid singledom so badly that shell turn her head to OBVIOUS signs, I cant feel sorry for her/him.
    Gabby union for example is a great example. Why are women so desperate to just “have a man?”
    Men do this because they know their women are so desperate to br coupled up that they will tolerate all madness, side chicks and baffonery for a ring, status, lifestyle. Dont feel sorry for these people, they know whats up. You see Kobes wife stayed, gabby stayed (with a baby!) Its foolish!
    A man is either moral and monogamous or not. And only his actions can prove it. Anytime you hear “complicated situation” or there is distance, know whats up. These women make it seem like were all just so desperate and helpless. Pahlease, and will you stop rocking these tarnished wedding bands! You need to leave if he cheats, if you stay its obvi its for ,status money, opportunity. And what does that say about “independent women.” Such a mess!

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