As of late, stories of side chick pregnancies and simultaneous engagements have become commonplace. I personally know a woman who was sexually involved with a man who later told her that around the same time they were sexually involved, he had gotten engaged to another woman. The latest story from Ebony editor, Jamliah Lemieux, compelled me to write about this issue. The issue with the pregnancy jumpoffs and the unfaithful man.
Long story short, Lemieux was in a relationship with a man for two years. Although their relationship was “on the rocks,” they continued to engage in intercourse. Five months into her pregnancy, he became engaged to another woman. Can you say messy?! This story, coupled with my friends’ stories (more than one of my friends has experienced this), and Gabrielle Union’s and Eudoxie’s stories beg the question, is this the new normal?
These situations also led to further questions like…
1) If a man is in a relationship with one woman that he feels will lead to marriage, why not break it off with the other?
2) If a man is in a relationship that will lead to marriage, does he think it is ok to have sex with other women until or unless he is married? Does he not consider this cheating?
3) What makes a man decide to marry one woman and not another if he still obviously has the strong desire to be in relationship with both?
To put it simply, this is not ok. Men often justify this behavior by either saying the man was obviously not feeling the girl he did not propose to, or that the other woman wasn’t his “girlfriend.” What does a title have to do with it if the “other” woman is getting girlfriend privileges? Furthermore, simply avoiding a title doesn’t change anything in terms responsibility.
Many female commenters attacked Lemieux for not knowing she was the side chick, or that her ex was that serious about someone else. It is likely that Lemieux wanted to be pregnant by her ex, but if the ex did not want the same, why continue to have unprotected sex with her and give her false hope? He knew she was in love with him , so why not have enough respect for her (and your new chick) to say, “you’re not the person I want to be with,” and bounce?
At what point does a man’s behavior speak to his character rather than being excused because “he’s a man” or because the woman he dissed wasn’t “wife material?” Furthermore, why is this not a deal breaker for the women these men are engaged to?
Gabrielle Union, in a recent article, referred to Wade as “honest.” Is she delusional? If Wade is considered “honest,” what on earth is dishonesty? The fact that he told her he got someone else pregnant instead of her finding out? Or, is it because they were on a “break” when it happened?
I can understand why Eudoxie might stay with Ludacris. She likely enjoys the fame and benefits of being Ludacris’s girl, but have these women no dignity? Cheaters are dishonest and selfish people. Dishonesty is a characteristic that can negatively affect many aspects of our lives, not just our relationships. If a man has unprotected sex with another woman outside of his purportedly monogamous relationship, he is putting himself and you at risk for far more than just unwanted pregnancy jumpoffs.
At least if you’re going to have your dalliances, wear a condom or take precautions that will save your “main chick” the embarrassment of explaining why she’s going to stay with your raggedy a** after you were unfaithful, or worse, having to make regular visits to the clinic because she has contracted yet another disease (as a self-proclaimed hypochondriac, this is my main concern with infidelity).
I’m sure this is nothing new, but for whatever reason, this seems to be prevalent at this particular moment in time. For some reason, Jamliah’s story touched me, and my heart goes out to her and other women who might find themselves in her position.
“Men will only do what you allow them to do” – a common, yet sad declaration accepted by all, lamented by none.
Miriam is the founder and creator of 30thoughts.com, a contemporary blog focusing on relationships, career, fashion and entertainment, from a 30-something’s point of view. She currently resides in southern California – moonlighting as a writer and serving the legal community by day.
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