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What’s Up With Guys Women “Don’t Count?”

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Many if not all guys have been there. We have gotten to know different women. In that process we learn about a lady’s history with men. The good, the bad, and hopefully not too ugly. Many times in speaking to  women they’ll allude to a man they wish they hadn’t met. On many occasions that woman also slept with that man. After that the same woman might say that he “didn’t count.” What do you mean he didn’t count? I mean I get it, don’t get me wrong. The thing is that it’s just a bit jocular to me. I’ve heard this from many ladies over the years. Today I simply ask them why?

I thought it was important to bring this subject to the front steps of women.

So that’s exactly what I did. When I wrote for my school newspaper a few years ago, I used to interview students weekly on a topic. Today I go back to my roots. And ladies, please comment and let me know if these young women mirror your experiences. I will make up names for  for anonymity purposes:

Damnpops: Have You slept with anyone that you regret?

Stacy: I don’t believe in regrets.

Janita: Yes, I regret it because of how he acted after.

Damnpops: Why did you give them a chance?

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Stacy: Pity.  We get tired of choosing the wrong guy. We have to let go of the good guy, bad guy mentality.

Janita: It felt right in the moment. Women get got. We’ve all gone out on dates out of pity for a guy.

Damnpops: Was it good?

Stacy: No

Janita: One guy was alright and one guy was horrible and killed the mood.

Damnpops: What made these guys losers ultimately?

Stacy: Physical attraction lacked. We had no real connection, I didn’t care for him.

Janita: I wasn’t attracted to him like I thought I was.

Damnpops: Do most women have guys that they don’t count in their sexual history?

Stacy: Yes

Janita: Yes

Damnpops: Why?

Stacy: Bad Experience

Janita: Embarrassment

Damnpops: Were you hurt by any of these guys?

Stacy: Yes, because friendships change.

Janita: Yes

Another regret these ladies had was that they thought they let these men “hit” too quickly. Stacy went on to say that these experiences are necessary. She also said that the whole world of dating is there to help you grow.

Obviously there’s no foolproof way of getting it all right. Dating is a game of craps. It was good to find out why women make some of the decisions they do. Many of the men see those decisions as plain old stupid. The irony of it all is that they end up giving someone stupid a chance in the process. Some would call this poetic justice.

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Ladies, have you been with a guy you regret? Why?

Thanks to the ladies above for their transparency. It’s much appreciated.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status.

Comment(28)

  1. A miserable experience is still an experience. As a female I’ve dated men regretfully, and even kissed them regretfully but they’ve never not counted. Sex never happened because I knew the guys were not my type early on, but I kept trying because they did have some good qualities. I should have followed my initial gut instinct. I think it’s a young or insecure woman’s comment.

  2. We all have dudes we regret messing with, sexually or not. I wouldn't say upon meeting new guys I have said those in my past didn't count per say, but rather were more so irrelevant. I believe the only guys who should stay relevant to your dating history are those you emotionally invested in. If things did happen to go sour with a particular guy, I simply shrugged it off and chucked it up as a loss. Unless I was really feeling him and our interactions shaped my future behavior towards men and relationships in general, it really has no bearing on my life. Oh well. Moving on, NEXT!

  3. Lol. I definitely count all of my bad experiences. I relive them daily, to remind myself not to repeat my mistakes. I’m engaged but there is still room for reflection. Never know when I might be thrown back into the dating game.

  4. You don't get to "not count" even if was a mistake or regret…and especially if it just wasn't good. Doubt people really go in thinking I’m only going to do this once, but after the actually experience things can definitely change. I understand we all have experiences we've rather not relive or bring up, but if someone asks about your body count its only fair to give the real answer. Not the one adjusted for inflation and hindsight. Question really is: Should the count even matter?
    My recent post Fight or Flight: The Break Up Reflex

    1. We always revisit the body count issue lol. It becomes a classic case of different strokes for different folks. Let's say they do matter. Someone can always give you a lower number regardless. You have the discretion to do the same. So in hindsight maybe they really don't. But to people who feel the need to know, they'd like to convince themselves that it's necessary to know. It just depends.

      1. Relationships are built on trust. If she told me 10 then I end up in her home town and EVERBODY giving me the "I hit your girl" look I going to be a little concerned. But as long as there is a clean bill of health, I could deal with it. I just dont want to be lied to.

        Truth is we all have a past, and should have learned from it. But I still want to know about it so I'm not surprised when it comes out…because it will come out. We live in the facebook/instagram age. Better I hear it from her than the streets. It can also be a question of embarrassment to others. We've all seen "Best Man Holiday" by now. Dude didn’t care his wife used to be a stripper, but he definitely cared that everyone else knew. When you date someone they become a representative/reflection of you.
        My recent post Praying For Closed Doors

    1. That MSU jab hurt, yo, lolol…

      But, I never stayed on campus so I can neither confirm or deny, lol…

      Def a solid break down though…

    2. I remember reading that a while ago. I'm with you on breaking the plane. If I walked in on two people and the plane was broken, I would say they were having sex. You could'nt convince me otherwise.

  5. I only have one dude that I don't count and that's because I swear he didn't penetrate me and he just thought he did and was humping away. I couldn't feel a thing so I just assume that there was nothing there to feel so I just leave him off my list. I'm not ashamed of any sexual experience I've had bad or not. I've had some bad sexual experiences that I still count because it just is what it is. It's a risk you take and it doesn't always come with a reward. I don't spend a lot of time agonizing over my body count because that's no one's business but mine and I don't ask about body counts. Do you have kids, do you have STDs, did you bang any of my friends or family members. If NO is the answer then who you slept with prior to me doesn't really matter.

    1. It would appear that men tend to be able to accept their own flaws and shortcomings much easier than women. The same with infidelity. Typically a cheating man – when caught – will acknowledge he was driven by his own temptation more or less. Women on the other hand who step out on their man by and large will place the blame on their man for why they did it… to the tune of,"You don't pay me enough attention. You're never home. You're mean to me." etc, etc.
      Generally speaking of course.

      Its easier to avoid taking personal responsibility it seems. A strange approach to life to say the least.

      Mr. SoBo
      OpinionatedMale.com

      My Post: Should A Woman's Salty Past Be A Deal Breaker?

      My recent post Yay or Nay: Should A Man’s Salty Past Drive A Woman Away?

  6. The thing that gets lost in these discussions is that people are trying to force their standard on somebody else. This whole "well, it doesn't matter to me, so it shouldn't matter to you" bit simply doesn't work because it's always used to the advantage of the person making the statement to cover up the fact that they know they're falling short of the expectation. I'm not dictating what should/shouldn't matter to people, because that's their choice, but I caution against using statements like because it is manipulation, plain and simple. Nothing will get a person hurt like the other person finding out there were lied to and played simply so they'd choose/stay with somebody.
    My recent post New friends

  7. I don't play by this notion and I know plenty of women that don't either. But I guess I understand why some women would though.
    I feel like this only occurs in instances where a woman felt pressured to have sex and was not fully into it. Not trying to place blame on the man, many women have sex for the wrong reasons (insecurity, low self-esteem, peer pressure, coercion, etc..) in which case they were ultimately ashamed of their actions and therefore afterwards will try to brush it under the rug.

    So if you find that you're brushing aside a lot of your sexual partners, there might be an underlying issue there, you're probably having most of your sex for very wrong reasons.

  8. Personally, every single sexual encounter counts. It's kind of like every person you lay with adds to your little (or big) book of sex…lessons learned about what you like and what you don't like, come with the territory! Lol, I kind of think it is something that should be embraced, and not make one feel ashamed or embarrassed. To each his/her own though.

  9. Quote:
    The (improved) Professional Woman’s Ode

    alpha fucks and beta bucks
    that is how we roll
    the thug ass cocks we fuck and suck
    despoiling our wretched butts / cunts
    alpha fucks and beta bucks
    it is the way to be fed
    to transfer assets to our lovers
    while cuckolding those paying for our bread
    beta bucks and alpha fucks
    it’s what we’re entitled to
    the assets from betas we pluck
    after alphas used us as spittoons
    as we spat out thuglings from our wombs
    hahahahahaha / woooooooo / oooo oooo, oooo oooo (high pitch party girl’s voice at a nightclub)
    cuckold the betas cockhold the alphas
    independent till the end
    forever longing for Mr big
    to save us from the wall we just hit
    alpha fucks and beta bucks
    scraping by the barrel
    male privilege sucks
    Mr bigglesworth’s shits too much
    forever fighting our way back into the kitchen
    alpha bucks and betas suck
    where have all the “good men” gone?
    They prefer young kittens to old hags
    And all appear to be Schrodinger rapists
    Alpha fucks and betas suck
    Don’t you dare judge us (collectively and repeatedly stamp their feet 3 times in unison)
    As we will always pine for our misspent youth
    With not a single shred of remorse.

  10. Unfortunately, one cannot erase life experiences. To do so is a feeble attempt at avoiding responsibility for one's actions/choices. Part of life is making poor decisions. That is how we evolve individually. Without those poor choices, how would we learn? Even if its an obvious stupid choice. Thats life. Accept it for what it is, the good, the ugly and the stupid.

    Bottom line:
    If the head goes in, you must count him.

    End of discussion.

    Mr. SoBo
    OpinionatedMale.com

    My recent post Should A Woman’s Salty Past Be A Deal Breaker?

  11. “The reason women can’t get what they think they deserve is that we (men and women alike) always peg our standards to what we know we can be, not to what we are, while members of the opposite sex judge us – understandably – only on what we are currently.”

  12. I love this article! Why? Because once when I was talking to a guy friend of mine about a about a past boyfriend, he said, "they don't count as a real relationship." That's funny to me because for me, everyone I've dated counts, whether it was a positive or negative experience. I understand how these women in this article may feel, but whether they "count" that person or not, that person did contribute to their experience one way or another!

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