Home Dating & Relationships Dating She Didn’t Want To Date Me, Because I Was A Black Greek

She Didn’t Want To Date Me, Because I Was A Black Greek

38

 

schooldaze

I did not emerge into the confident man I am today until after experiencing what life was like in West Africa. Not after I joined a Black Greek-lettered organization (BGLO). I have never been one of those guys to throw my fraternity around in order to scoop women. We should be judged by the work that we do, but the college environment has no shame in labeling men who join fraternities while in college. It ranges from male whore to extremely arrogant, just to name a few.

Which is why when I found myself on the #2 train in NYC many years ago, I noticed this beautiful Black woman off in the corner all by herself. For some reason I was feeling very confident, asked to sit next to her, and proceeded to spark up a conversation. It was flowing. We were both smiling and laughing, and I felt as if a connection was being made. Before she got off train, we exchanged phone numbers and I realized I missed my stop.

On my way back home (a few blocks from my humble abode), I got a phone call. She informed me that she looked me up on Facebook, and my profile is public. She saw everything (not that I had anything to hide), noting that I was in a particular BGLO. She never went into depth as to why we could no longer continue whatever it is we started, but someone broke her heart or something far worse. After that phone call is was a wrap. She made that clear. I was at a loss for words, but I got over it real quick.

See Also:  Are Women More Loyal Than Men?

I never met someone in my life that shared a mutual level of attraction, later cut ties with me off of mere association with a person, group, or organization. In this case a BGLO.

I didn’t come off being thirsty, as GeeHooks stated, “I explained the upperhand a man could get by not being thirsty or in other words by being hard to impress.” I was unpredictable and in control, but unlike Ahyiana Angel, who experienced “a man that wanted to date her job and not her,” I was a victim of a woman who wanted to date me, but not my BGLO.

You live and you learn.

By Alacrity Amir

Amir is a research scientist and community activist, who is also inspired to not only see growth in himself, but those he comes in contact with.

Twitter: http://twitter.com/AlacrityAmir
Instagram: http://instagram.com/Alacritymir

Comment(38)

  1. Wow, BGLOs all have their stigmas (Deltas, Kappas) but I never heard of anyone taking them seriously. Its an organization that promotes brotherhood and scholarship, its not like a gang or something… Or maybe that's what she wants, thug life.

    1. problem is some brothers treat like a gang. Idk how many fights I’ve seen breakout over letters its ridiculous. My dad was a Que and thats all i wanted to be when I went off too school. Got there and was appalled at the way they acted. My city was once filled with gangs young ninjas fighting and killing each other over colors as soon as I made the parallel between greek and gang life I was disinterested. They once stood for allot ( some still do rep the community and service aspect pretty hard) but now all i see is a bunch of ninjas tryna get some cut.

    2. problem is some brothers treat like a gang. Idk how many fights I’ve seen breakout over letters its ridiculous. My dad was a Que and thats all i wanted to be when I went off too school. Got there and was appalled at the way they acted. My city was once filled with gangs young ninjas fighting and killing each other over colors as soon as I made the parallel between greek and gang life I was disinterested. They once stood for allot ( some still do rep the community and service aspect pretty hard) but now all i see is a bunch of ninjas tryna get some cut.

      1. I have seen this behavior as well. Just like membership to any other organization people can associate you with its positives or its negatives. It may not be right but it happens. A woman may choose to not date you if you identify yourself as "Christian" or "Republican" based off of her beliefs or past experiences. While being rejected due to your affiliation may not be as serious as the two mentioned in my example, I don't see this situation as any different.

    3. problem is some brothers treat like a gang. Idk how many fights I’ve seen breakout over letters its ridiculous. My dad was a Que and thats all i wanted to be when I went off too school. Got there and was appalled at the way they acted. My city was once filled with gangs young ninjas fighting and killing each other over colors as soon as I made the parallel between greek and gang life I was disinterested. They once stood for allot ( some still do rep the community and service aspect pretty hard) but now all i see is a bunch of ninjas tryna get some cut.

      1. You ain't never lied …. no other other orgs on my campus were involved in countless fist fights like the frats and on two occasions the sororities (over my 4 yrs). Almost every homecoming, every Spring Fest, every couple months it seems I saw or heard about greeks fighting or even shooting. All the repulsive behavior from these frats I witness almost immediately once I ended up on campus. And what is almost even worst is the number of insecure people I met who lusts after membership seeking validation and to fill a void (which truly only makes it worse, only Christ can fill it). I learned this firsthand talking to several ex-greeks who left to be filled by Christ and Him alone.

        And many of the fraternities have "Deadly", "Bloody", "Gangsta" before their chapter names so they act accordingly. There was nothing collegiate about them, the community service they all did was eclipsed by their debauchery and dysfunction.

        This isn't slander or hate, this is the truth. An honest observation and I speak it out of love when the opportunity presents itself to help save lives. It's that serious …. if you don't think so please research Donnie Wade Jr., Michael Deng, David Bogenberger, Joel Harris, Braylon Curry. I can go on and on even though many serious hazing injuries and deaths still go unreported.

  2. She's probably had a bad experience or have heard too many negative stories with one or more of them so she wants to avoid that lifestyle/association altogether. Same way I am when I rappers, athletes, or party promoters try and talk to me. No thank you!

  3. Shows you how skeptical I am, my brain immediately went to the worst outcome regarding her past with that organization. Sigh.
    However…I have no idea why she chose to announce it. Or that she looked you up on facebook or google or whatever so FAST. That's just…odd.
    My recent post Moda por Menos-the Lupita Edition!!!

  4. At the end of the day, you got away. Let's not even look at the fact that she didnt want to date a black greek. Lets look the fact, she was doing a background check on you or what I like to call it, Social Media stalking. I mean thats a red flag in my book. Its obvious she got some baggage and she hasnt dealt with it yet or hasnt grown from the experience. And I cant blame her, we dont know what she went through, it could have been a horrendous situation that has changed her drastically. So, I say you got away. I mean if she didnt find out about you being a black greek, you might have been in a frustrating and stressful situation with this young lady. This is not a L, its a blessing in disguise.

  5. I’ll call you Neo…you dodged a bullet. Generally I find that people in BGLOS care more about you being in one than everybody else. That was not the real reason…

  6. I think the fact that she ran a “background check” on you is def a red flag…and so quickly at that! You didn’t even make it home yet before the young lady called you to end things?!

    I think that is completely an immature mindset and you have definitely dodged a bullet. She may have dropped a line. Forget the fact that she may have talked to a greek male…she may have tried to enter the greek world and it went bad for her. The greek world, especially BGLOs, is small so she probably had some sort of experience in it and didn’t want it to come up again while dealing with you. That sucks though because something could have really been there. Not many people connect on an NYC train so easily lol.

  7. Trust me, women have turned men down for much goofier reasons.

    Women turn men down, BECAUSE THEY CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. She probably was "Well Known" in them Greek circles and didn't want you to find out, lmaoooooooooooooooooo!!

    She's going to be forever alone with that mentality. You straight bruh!

  9. it's crazy as a greek myself I actually prefer a guy who is greek a man who became greek in college is one whom is driven, understands the importance of brotherhood and has an unlimited amount of connections. This type of man will understand why I am still involved in the alumnae chapter of my organizations three years past graduation. People who aren't greek rarely understand what being greek is all about. Not dating a guy because you think he had a bunch of groupies in college is foolish.

    1. That's a good point. Not saying that it should only be that way, but I wouldn't be surprised to see statistical analysis showing that most couples are both in greek organizations, as opposed to only one.

  10. Quote:

    The (improved) Professional Woman’s Ode

    alpha fucks and beta bucks

    that is how we roll

    the thug ass cocks we fuck and suck

    despoiling our wretched butts / cunts

    alpha fucks and beta bucks

    it is the way to be fed

    to transfer assets to our lovers

    while cuckolding those paying for our bread

    beta bucks and alpha fucks

    it’s what we’re entitled to

    the assets from betas we pluck

    after alphas used us as spittoons

    as we spat out thuglings from our wombs

    hahahahahaha / woooooooo / oooo oooo, oooo oooo (high pitch party girl’s voice at a nightclub)

    cuckold the betas cockhold the alphas

    independent till the end

    forever longing for Mr big

    to save us from the wall we just hit

    alpha fucks and beta bucks

    scraping by the barrel

    male privilege sucks

    Mr bigglesworth’s shits too much

    forever fighting our way back into the kitchen

    alpha bucks and betas suck

    where have all the “good men” gone?

    They prefer young kittens to old hags

    And all appear to be Schrodinger rapists

    Alpha fucks and betas suck

    Don’t you dare judge us (collectively and repeatedly stamp their feet 3 times in unison)

    As we will always pine for our misspent youth

    With not a single shred of remorse.

  11. As odd as her reasoning is it’s still her choice… It’s silly that she didn’t give you a chance to see if she liked you for you, despite your affiliation. However, worrying about why people make the choices they make is unnecessary. One less person to waste your time on.

    1. I feel you on that. That's why I quickly moved on, but it was sure an experience. Glad I could share it. Hopefully in my sharing, I might help another shift in their own reasoning.

  12. After my sophomore year in college i vowed to not ever date another greek woman, she was going around sleeping with 3 other dudes and all her line sisters were lying to my face about it. They are taught to deceive, exploit, and lie.. never again

  13. I would be careful no to draw too many conclusions regarding this woman and her preferences. Her desire not to pursue further contact with you could be for any number of reasons. I am not inclined to dismiss her actions as irrational or stalker-ish as some have suggested here, and it is presumptuous to conclude that she has somehow been scarred by a bad relationship with a member of a BGLO in the past. A few points about the article and its comments:

    1. Checking someone’s social media accounts does not make one a stalker. Prospective employers do it everyday and it is a good way to get a general glimpse at what a person is about. The author is, after all, a random stranger. I would have done the same thing.
    2. In my lifetime, I’ve meet a number of men who have done everything from allowing themselves to be severely beaten to stripping naked, bending over and allowing another man to paddle them nude. This was all in the name of brotherhood. And while, Greeks may claim that outsiders don’t understand or that those are just rare occurrences that don’t represent the entire organization, it doesn’t change the fact that people have a right to abhor that kind of behavior. Hazing may not happen to everyone, but it has happened enough to make national headlines over the past 30 years. Bottom line: non- Greeks may not feel comfortable dating a Greek because they don’t know how far that person was willing to go to get in.
    3. There are a number of people who are opposed to BGLO’s because it conflicts with their religious/moral beliefs. The association of BGLO’s with Greek and or Egyptian mythology is unsettling to some and can be in direct conflict with a person’s belief system.

    The author has every right to be proud of his organization, and I can understand why being cut off so abruptly might be confusing. Nonetheless, everyone does not view being a part of these organizations as attractive or honorable and this woman is not necessarily unreasonable for declining to move forward with the author.

  14. Basically women can “date up” but they have to “marry down,” and men will “date down” but will only “marry up”. Men realize this from a young age because to get sex we have to drop our standards. It often takes women a lot longer to realize that in order to get married she will eventually have to “marry down” (settle) or stay single. The longer she waits, the older she gets and the more she will have to compromise.

    That’s why women find dating so difficult.

  15. Using the same evolutionary basis, women aim as high as they can and then try and get the best one they can to commit. It’s hard for women to know their league because guys above her will still date her for sex, but not consider her for commitment.

  16. Using the same evolutionary basis, women aim as high as they can and then try and get the best one they can to commit. It’s hard for women to know their league because guys above her will still date her for sex, but not consider her for commitment.

    Basically women can “date up” but they have to “marry down,” and men will “date down” but will only “marry up”. Men realize this from a young age because to get sex we have to drop our standards. It often takes women a lot longer to realize that in order to get married she will eventually have to “marry down” (settle) or stay single. The longer she waits, the older she gets and the more she will have to compromise.

    That’s why women find dating so difficult.

  17. He was probably a Que. They are the most immature ridiculous frat that never grows up. I have lived in many cities and see they all act the same, well into their middle age. They are obsessed with women, hang out with each other as if they are still undergrads, go to set into the 40s and still mule kick at parties. I agree with the woman, I cant take Ques seriously and am turned off when I find out.

  18. I'm with her …. I have turned down several women only b/c they're in sororities. It's refreshing to see other people who are not falling for the sophistry of the NHPC and see the truth and the danger they bring throughout.

    1.) Women in sororities annoy & bore me with their obsession with greek life and I know it will interfere with our love life and raising the kids. Their obsession (I've witness) leads to unnecessary bad spending and misplacement of priorities … which is why most I know are not marriage material and settle for dysfunctional relationships (all show with no substance). I have a greek female friend who married this guy and the first thing she's sure to mention is he's a kappa when asked about him … but she doesn't first mention their compatibility, his personality, how he treat's her and that's b/c the dude is such an asshole & self-absorbed and is obviously using her for his gain b/c we all can see he's likely not monogamous nor deeply in love.

    2.) It will interfere with raising the kids b/c I don't want my kids brainwashed that this stuff is Godly and worth while. AKAs gravitate towards me and I know I will not be happy if I see my beautiful daughter at some silly probate talking about how she's so stuck up & acting arrogant, and how she's so sidity, and violently shaking her head like she's possessed at the cheers of a large band of ignorant supporters. I would feel like such a failure as a father, I don't want a daughter who thinks that foolishness is admirable and cool or is linked to an organization that does.

    3.) I'm turned on and admire beautiful professional women I meet who did not fall for the propaganda of a greek organization. To me they tend to be more fun, more well-rounded, more interesting, more Godly, more mature, and just overall more pleasant to be around b/c they have more of an unique identity and free. They were never brainwashed and in bondage to think and act like the thousands of other AKAs, Deltas, etc …. they were totally free to walk more in their own truth which allows them to flourish mentally as women.

    The greek system is a joke that isn't funny. Despite all the community service, celebrities in it, and so-called acts of "brotherhood" and "sisterhood" displayed … it will always be overshadowed by the endless hazing, endless acts of false brotherhood and sisterhood, lawsuits, wild partying, crazy probates/death marches, fighting, desperate cry for attention by obviously insecure members, obnoxious behavior (on my campus they would often times harass ppl for wearing "their" colors), false humility, cult-like behavior, and suspensions/expulsions on college campuses across the country.

    Every since undergrad, nothing but AKAs seem to gravitate towards but I always turned them down b/c I don't want my daughter to think being sidity and haughty is an admirable characteristic

  19. ‘Thirsty’ Theodore approaches a girl on the street by running after her as she passes him on the opposite side of the street. He dashes through traffic, narrowly avoiding being crushed by a public transit bus, in the hopes of catching up to the ‘cute’ girl in tight yoga pants.

    Alpha Adam happened to be walking down the same street at the same time and notices a guy (Theodore) panting out of breath dashing through traffic to reach an average looking girl in tight yoga pants. He continues walking headed to the gym. He has allotted specific time to workout and nothing gets in the way. Especially not an average girl in tight yoga pants walking on the opposite side of the street.

    Adam check-ins at the front desk to his local gym and then proceeds to blast through a workout focused solely on himself. He’s made such improvement in the gym, he barely notices the hotties in the gym who continually eye fuck him as he works out. Adam notices, but his workout comes first. Adam finishes his workout feeling pumped and on top of the world.

    He walks out of the gym and approaches the crosswalk, where a hot girl in tight yoga pants is waiting for the cross signal. He casually looks over at her and a small smile escapes his lips. She smiles back. “I’m Adam, what’s your name?” “Michelle. Just get done working out?” she asks. “No. I normally wear workout clothes and walk around sweating like a whore in church”, Adam retorts with a smirk and a wink. Michelle giggles and punches Adam’s arm softly, an obvious indicator of interest. Just then the cross signal flashes ‘Walk’ and Michelle starts to cross the street.

    Adam continues his confident gait, but doesn’t scurry to keep up with Michelle. He’s walking on his terms, living his life and Michelle just passed through it. “Slow down Ms. Michelle”, Adam barks and Michelle looks back slightly surprised, but clearly happy that Adam was dominate enough to command her attention. She stops in her tracks waiting for Adam to meander up to her. Now in unison, they finish crossing the street. Adam already has his phone out and puts it in Michelle’s hand. “Put your number in. If you can keep up we’ll grab a drink sometime”. Michelle’s face lights up and she promptly types her number, first and last name into his phone. Adam already knows when a girl puts her last name in your phone too, this is another Indicator of Interest. “Cool”, Adam says. He turns to go leaving Michelle standing there basking in the glow of encountering an Alpha In The ‘Wild’.

    Meanwhile, Theodore is sitting in a Starbucks dejected contemplating his last pitiful approach. Let’s rewind and see what happened with his ‘thirsty’ approach.

    Last time we saw Theodore he was dashing through traffic and narrowly avoided getting killed by a public transit bus. He catches up to the average (but in his eyes ‘cute’ girl) in tight yoga pants. “Excuse me miss!”, Theodore yells out of breath. The average girl stops and turns. “Yes?” Theodore pauses for a couple of seconds to catch his breath. “I noticed you walking from across the street and would like to take you on a date sometime”. “Umm I don’t really do dates”, the girl responds. “Well, it doesn’t have to be a date, but if you allow me to take you out, then I can prove to you I can show you a great time. See I’m an investment banker and I-”, she cuts him off before he can finish. “I have a boyfriend, so no that’s not going to happen”. Theodore’s face falls and before he can respond, she turns on her heel and saunters off. If Theodore wasn’t so blinded by his ‘thirst’, he would have noticed the extra ten pounds of fat squeezing through her tight yoga pants. Theodore watches her walk away, before hanging his head and ducking into the Starbucks adjacent to the street.

LEAVE YOUR COMMENT

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Shares
Share This