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Can You Be Satisfied From No Strings Attached Sex?



So, I read this article recently that discussed whether or not women are capable of enjoying No Strings Attached (NSA) Sex.

Now, I take issue with the theme of this article for one critical reason: the title assumes and generalizes that all men enjoy NSA. The article itself touched on the point that many men do not enjoy NSA sex, yet women were still the only ones put into question which I find absurd.

Anyway, to answer the question, physically and biologically speaking, ofcourse women can enjoy NSA Sex – in that moment. A more appropriate question would probably be do we enjoy it as much as men? And do we feel as good afterwards? Now, that i’m not sure of, quite frankly.

A hook-up is “any sexual encounter that is unplanned, casual and has no promise of a future.”

As I explained in a previous article, women get aroused in a different way, in a slow build. Men are more like an on-off switch when it comes to sexual arousal.

We have to acknowledge these biological differences because they have a huge impact on whether or not we’re cut out for NSA sex and if we truly enjoy it. Hook-ups by definition lack that build up and emotional stimulation that many (not all!) women need in order to be fully sexually satisfied.

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Generally speaking, women taker longer to warm up (and lube up) for sex and we are more connected to sex mentally as opposed to visually (I am not saying we don’t get turned on visually because we absolutely do, but that’s probably more of an added perk as opposed to the main attraction it is for men).  The fact is, women are women. And biologically speaking, us women are different from men. We view, treat, and enjoy sex differently. Let’s stop debating this, this is fact.

Now here’s an interesting quote I got from the article: “Although both women and men reported feeling dissatisfied with a lot of the hooking up they did do, women were particularly dissatisfied, probably related to the fact that their pleasure was secondary to the man’s.”

It is only natural and almost inevitable that a woman’s pleasure would be secondary to a man’s in a NSA situation. This is most likely due to the fact that our arousal takes too much time and effort for a man that is not invested in us to cater to.

Studies have shown that during hookups, most men are not as focused on the woman’s pleasure as they are with someone they love or feel strongly about. They are more focused on their own enjoyment. The nature of the sex often times reflects this. In a study where female college students were asked about their most recent hookups, more frequently than not, the women had not experienced an orgasm. In several other cases, no vaginal penetration took place at all. Instead, many times, the hookup only consisted of the woman performing oral sex on her sex partner.

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During NSA sex, women’s pleasure is often times neglected, this fact in itself will prevent women from enjoying hook-ups as much as men.

That said, if as a woman, you choose to engage in NSA, to ensure your fullest enjoyment, be proactive about having your needs met during the act. The only way women will get satisfaction is if we acknowledge our differences in sexual arousal and advocate for them instead of basing our sexual attitudes on pleasing men and in trying to prove that we are identical to them in every way. If he’s getting oral, why aren’t you getting some too? If he’s getting an orgasm, don’t you deserve yours too?

Men, (if you care enough to) in the situation, make sure she gets hers too. Mutual respect and consideration is critical to any satisfctory sexual experience.

In a nutshell:

  • Men and women both enjoy the act itself.
  • Men probably enjoy it more because the speedy nature of their sexual arousal is more compatible with NSA sex (and also because for the most part, they’re getting their rocks off while their partner isn’t).
  • Both tend to feel cheap or have a lower sense of self after the act with women feeling it more because of the stigma attached to women’s sexual activity.
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Do what you will with this information. If you’re considering NSA, contemplate whether or not you will fully enjoy it. Not only during the act itself (because obviously it’ll most likely feel great!) but also before and most importantly afterwards. A couple of minutes of pleasure is not worth giving up your sense of worth, reputation, or a portion of your check to child support payments.

“When it comes to sex, if it feels good do it (safely), but if it does not feel good then why bother?”

Twitter: @GeeHooks


  1. Compromise and Communication are definitely paramount, however sometimes its just a matter of biology. Most women have a harder time having an orgasm and for some it takes an act of congress, so it's not always us guys being selfish.

    1. That's why I am a firm advocate of masturbation. Get to know your body. A lot of women don't know know their spots. Some women climax via stimulation of their clitoris and others have a different spot. Explore.

  2. Women enjoy it, just not as many. It pretty much boils down to two things- biology, and company. Women who can get their rocks off during the same act that men can have a higher propensity to be less pressed about NSA relations (which, unfortunately, is anywhere from only 15-30% of the female population, boo). Those that require a second act, which not many men will bother with if they are not emotionally invested (some will, but another post), tend to not be as enthusiastic about it as, well..it's just not as fun.
    However, if you happen to be in company that makes you feel ashamed for either choice, none of the above applies. Let's hear it for the eradication of the Madonna/Wh*re dichotomy.
    My recent post This Lent, I’m Giving Up Hope

  3. “which, unfortunately, is anywhere from only 15-30% of the female population”

    I’m in the top 15th percentile at something for once. Whoo hoo. Men are selfish in sex unless they are emotionally attached. I don’t know why I didn’t think about this before but it explains a lot. *sighs*

  4. I read this and all I hear is yet another way to Diss Men and make us seem like Sex Fiends and Selfish. I've known More Women that can have sex without any Emotional Attachment than With; I've Dated and Been in a Relationship with quite a few myself- Been a Victim a few times as well………

    I can sleep with someone and not feel overly Intimate Feelings with them, but that is a Personal Thing, not because I'm a Man. Libido or whatever else that is "included" is just a misnomer to the Fact(s) that people Can Choose to Sleep w/o Emotional Attachment more often than not. If folks LIKE/LOVE Sex as much as they say then Making Sure the person you are having relations with ALSO gets Theirs is part of the Satisfaction for Oneself; I wouldn't be myself if a Woman doesn't Fall Asleep afterwards, Says she Can't Continue Anymore, etc

  5. It depends. If all I'm feeling the urge to let one off, NSA is fine.
    If I'm looking for that slow to fast, fast to slow, intimate, goin all out sex then I need someone I'm cool with and wouldnt mind hanging out with later on.

  6. Ladies please don't blame guys for not catering to your physical needs, if there isn't any connection. You chose to sleep with the guy based off physical attraction/chemistry/lust, so in that regard, buyer beware!

  7. Your posts kind of reads as if you are speaking for ALL women and how they feel towards NSA sex. However my personal experience tells me that you are incorrect. I know and have known women who greatly enjoyed NSA sex. In some cases these have been women that I was having NSA sex with. Not every woman feels cheap or bad about having a "hook-up". I've even had the experience of one woman tell me, "Yo listen. I hope you not catching any feelings. Because this is just a sex thing between us". That woman was more than happy to have just sex with me and nothing else.
    But let me switch gears a bit here. NSA (No Strings Attached) sex merely means that there is no committment towards one another. It doesn't mean that there are no feelings involved. So a woman can be both mentally and physically attracted to the man but merely not want to be "tied down" and prefer to maintain her singleness. Also NSA sex doesn't have to be just a one night stand type of hook-up. It can be an agreement to have ocassional, periodic and/or scheduled sex with someone. Think Robin Givens character in Boomerang. Women such as those do very much exist.

    1. Well said sir.

      Men are not having consistent, ongoing, casual sex with themselves. Clearly there are many, MANY women who have no qualms about engaging in such relations and repeatedly. Considering that the following phrases, "I'm just doin' me right now", "I'm just enjoying life", or "I'm just having fun right now", are phrases common among those women goes to show their conscious acceptance of such relations. Perhaps there is a sense of independence from 'taking control of their sexuality'. I do not know.

      At the end of the day, there is no mistaken these types of women enjoy it just as much as men…that is until they(women) begin to feel realize they are being used. At which point they will either demand a committed relationship or curtail the arrangement altogether. And in many cases will usually rinse, wash and repeat the entire process with the next guy.

      Mr. SoBo

      Post: Should A Woman's Salty Past Be A Deal Breaker

      My recent post Yay or Nay: Should A Man’s Salty Past Drive A Woman Away?

  8. Using the same evolutionary basis, women aim as high as they can and then try and get the best one they can to commit. It’s hard for women to know their league because guys above her will still date her for sex, but not consider her for commitment.

    Basically women can “date up” but they have to “marry down,” and men will “date down” but will only “marry up”. Men realize this from a young age because to get sex we have to drop our standards. It often takes women a lot longer to realize that in order to get married she will eventually have to “marry down” (settle) or stay single. The longer she waits, the older she gets and the more she will have to compromise.

    That’s why women find dating so difficult.

  9. You can be satisfied for a short while but eventually that walk of shame..the morning after or an hour after WILL get old. A woman eventually is gonna have a bad day and need some cuddling & emotional support. NSA is a deadend road.

  10. Yes and No…leaning more towards no. If a woman has no strings with a guy it's cool at first but check this: You meet him, he's a nice looking guy, has a good job/career, his own place, no children (I'm sure women prefer this) and he's good in bed. The first few times it's cool but because of all those parameters you're left wanting more than just sex. "You don't call me"…."All you want is sex/pu$$y" "Is this all" "You don't take me out" I can almost guarantee those phrases will be said. I don't care what anyone says once you see him with another woman chances are you won't like it. Period. The guys the same can hold true as well, especially if she does things to you in bed that you've never head or haven't in years. Some people can handle it, but dare say a lot of people can't.
    My recent post Yay or Nay: Should A Man’s Salty Past Drive A Woman Away?

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