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Why Some Men Fear A “Church” Woman



I tread on thin ice today. By the end of this post I am sure to ease the minds of all religious people. The title of this post isn’t exactly what you might think. Allow me to preface my post. I think if you’re a woman and you’re spiritual that’s great. I believe in God myself and that’s well and good. That’s not something that ever needs changing.

Recently I participated in @Iamjaymayo ‘s “Women’s Empowerment Month” on up4discussion.org. The post I wrote for the site was based on the importance of being balanced. You can read it here. I basically say that men are likely to take a woman more seriously if she’s more interesting. I feel that if you present an interest in a variety of things and don’t bombard a guy with just one interest then he’ll enjoy you more.

I think that many guys might be put off by an extra religious woman.

Women know this as well, take this clip for example:


Kelly Rowland’s character used that line to try and deter Kevin Hart. That small cameo is an experience a lot of guys have had one way or another. Usually a guy would be put off by that comment. The woman might also make that comment without wanting to put that guy off. So why would this freak us out?

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There’s a certain stigma attached to what I call a “churchy” woman. In other words, we’d call this person an over the top fanatic. The stigma is that a churchy woman isn’t fun. That she is uptight. She could possibly be bitter. Lastly a guy might also think that he couldn’t ever get any buns with you while dating.That’s a real concern for many.  All of the above could absolutely be untrue.  In  fact, Dr. J touched on a similar subject here. You could be a woman that’s into everything equally. You just have to show that.

Men are very lighthearted people.

We dream of a woman we can just be easy with. It’s why we dream of the impossible woman that’ll never stress us. Since we know we can’t have that we look for the lady who stresses us the least. In turn that woman should be who we have the most fun with. Now there may be men reading this who say “I need me a God fearing woman!” I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with that. Whoever we decide to share our lives with needs to be in sync with our beliefs. I will say that if you want your girl solely preaching all the time then you’re in the minority. If you want a woman who doesn’t like to have fun you’re in the minority.

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I’m just looking to help. If there are any single religious ladies reading this, know that I want you to be encouraged. If you’re heavy in church and what not it’s fine. Ease us into that side of you. You have got to snag us with your personality. You have to exemplify balance. To the ladies who are religious but don’t bombard someone with your beliefs initially, you’re appreciated. In fact, I would like to know your levels of success in dating. Because in a guy’s mind, if all your instagram posts are Bible verses, then he’ll likely think that’s all you have to talk about.

If  your statuses harken that you need no man then it’ll turn us off. That’s the last thing we want ladies. We have got to see some balance in who you are. Balance in your interests. Guys may take your expression of spirituality the wrong way. It could come off as if you don’t want to find that happiness with someone. Guys hate feeling not needed. It’s a substantial reason why a man may have reservations for a “church woman. There’s no need to ever change your faith. There’s no need  for a guy to influence how you praise or anything. But upon meeting someone, I believe easing someone into who you are in that realm would do you more good than harm.

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To my fellas, do you agree with my sentiment? Are there any ladies who think they’ve scared men off this way? Well let’s get into it.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status




  1. Yeah I think you are pretty much on point, I think a woman who seems to be a one dimensional church fanatic does not attract me. Church/Religion/Fear of God is great but do not make it seem like you poo while reading a bible and say a prayer before you pee, the bible is not against fun! Show me you have a good head on your shoulders, you're not judgemental, you have a sense of humor and are fun to be with and I would not mind if you were a pastor.
    My recent post The Four Horsemen of The Love Eternal

  2. I get turned off quickly by ladies who claim "the Lord is their boyfriend/husband/etc." It always sounds like a defense mechanism to me. Denial is not just a river in Egypt,

  3. As an Agnostic I don't have too much concern over Religious Women, but because I'm Agnostic the same annoyances I see and hear in general from Any/All faiths I don't want to deal with in a relationship. Some Women are already Prunish, Snobby via education and/or with their jobs and other turn-offs w/o being overly religious so having God-Jesus/Jehovah/Muhammad or whomever be the basis or reinforce that, as well as to try and demean, dismiss, or condemn somebody, To Me, comes off as there are issues that She/They have not resolved and are only going to add to the divide

  4. It is a defense mechanism, like careers, degrees, its something that’s laudable that ppl far too often use to try to separate themselves, and its usually because their personalities don’t do so.

  5. It is a defense mechanism, like careers, degrees, its something that’s laudable that ppl far too often use to try to separate themselves, and its usually because their personalities don’t do so.

  6. It is a defense mechanism, like careers, degrees, its something that’s laudable that ppl far too often use to try to separate themselves, and its usually because their personalities don’t do so.

  7. It is a defense mechanism, like careers, degrees, its something that’s laudable that ppl far too often use to try to separate themselves, and its usually because their personalities don’t do so.

  8. The immature, newly saved, or fanatical ones are the obvious turn-offs. Passion (albeit very positive) about anything can be off-putting. I’ve always said that fanatics of any kind shouldn’t date until they calm that ish down.

    I gotta say…..WELL ROUNDED church women are awesome. They contrast my personality in a positive way. I’d date them exclusively if I could.

    ….which means I’d have to meet more church women
    …which means I’d actually have to attend church.
    …I should work on that.
    …and how exactly do you holla at a woman at church anyway?

    1. smdh & lol…High Five u do not "holla" at women at church. U simply say hello, pay a compliment and make small talk as you would if saw her anywhere else.

  9. I think the "light-hearted" part hit the nail on the head. It's not so much that seriously religious men and women aren't "fun", persay, it's that they tend to date with intent and purpose-sometimes, TOO much intent and purpose. Especially if I'm dating a stranger (as in, no prolonged interaction via social or other media beforehand) the first few dates are simply to enjoy company and learn about a person, not throw all my cards and demands on the table full stop. Sometimes people take that "I'm not wasting any time with someone who isn't wife/hubby material" thing too far. A few days with a person who's otherwise fun just not maybe right for you romantically won't deter you from your pre-ordained path.
    My recent post This Lent, I’m Giving Up Hope

    1. Sometimes people take that "I'm not wasting any time with someone who isn't wife/hubby material" thing too far.” <<<<this

      Yes, people really take the fun out of dating sometimes when they jump the gun like this. A few dates with someone you enjoy but you may not click romantically “will not kill you” you may actually learn some new things.

  10. "we look for the lady who stresses us the least" Good luck with that…lol 🙂
    Life in and of itself is stressful, whether your single and alone, or in a relationship.
    When in stressful situations, people will be stressed out. It's human nature.
    How they handle the stress, is what's important and should be mentally noted.
    How about seeking someone who can handle the stresses of life fairly well, as opposed
    to someone who can't handle stress very well. I think that's the key to solving the root
    of this issue.

  11. I think fear should be in quotes and not church. I don't fear heavily religious women just annoyed by them.
    They come off overly judgmental, sheltered, and are often naive in how relationships function and how to truly reach a happy ending with someone (or least the start of). In addition their close-mindedness is frustrating they paint the world in (absence of color) and white if it doesn't fit their model of the world then it doesn't exist, they're too deep to recognize they're own shallowness and its a shame its some bad little biddies chillin in the pews.

  12. Very nice post, I liked the trail of humour you incorporated in writing your thoughts.

    Valid points have been raised here and figuratively speaking I’ve had the fear of God instilled in my values too but like you….dude, some church women scare
    me too. It’s the overly scantimoneous bs that gets me the most.

    I think getting the right balance in a relationship is about attracting the right attitude too. Men say they want a woman who won’t stress them, but the reality
    is finding someone who compliments and brings out the best in YOU. If you find that then, the world is your oyster and FUN all the way.

  13. If we were to be "really real" about this so called fear of church women. It seems to be more deeply rooted in the fact that "church women" have more rules, standards, things they don't do, places they don't go, and adhere to the commandments of the bible.
    By saying many men don't want to date "church women" in essence your saying that men don't want to date women with high standards, who don't smoke, don't drink, don't believe in premarital sex, don't go to clubs and party, doesn't curse, primarily listen to gospel music, and do their best to adhere to the bibles commandments and teachings.
    I'm just curious as to why this is deemed as "bad?" Now if a woman drank too much, smoked too much, was all loosey goosey, partied too much, only listened to rap/hip-hop, cursed too much she would be deemed as ghetto and that would not be good either.
    It's understandable to desire someone that has a "middle-ground." The problem is individual definitions of what a middle ground specifically is and what it means to each person. The reality is, many people have a very difficult time finding a middle ground. They're damned if they do, and damned if they don't.
    And even they're middle ground may not sit well with certain people.

    1. Thank you, now I recently have told a couple of guys I started talking too that I am a Christian woman, I do go to church and there are some things I don't do however I am still fun…Now they were cool until I got to the no premarital sex part…This doesn't mean I am not fun or "too churchy"…most men are so used to women giving it up they cant even bring themselves to try something different…maybe the relationship would be stronger if you focus on who I am rather than what I can do physically for you

      1. I agree with you, you make valid points, but this article isn't solely about sex. Why is that always harped on. It's only part of a list of concerns. There are simply bland women out there who just won't grab a guy's interest. Above all else that's how you keep someone. That's all I mean. Now if a guy wants to have sex and you don't. Then cool he left and you wash your hands. That's no biggie. The issue here is how do you find a well rounded woman, the easy going woman you know? Straitlaced to me would take the fun out of just normal interactions.

        1. Well for me it came down to sex…now one I don't talk too but the other claimed to understand yet keeps bringing up sexual things. They find me attractive with a great personality and hanging out we connect, it is only when I mentioned no sex or anything sexual for that matter is when there became a problem.

    2. Here,here! I know I'm late to this party, but I also don't understand the correlation between high morals and lack of "fun-ness". Men always like to school women on how to loosen up to be more like men. 🙂 a woman who cares only about having fun, no regard to learning about your feelings on the important aspects of life, no regard for the future…those are women men should probably be running from.
      There's a reason a lot of women turn to The Lord and it often has to do with the aftermath of having been used and abused by good time men who only wanted the fun and none of the responsibility of being grown-ups. The church addresses just those issues.

      It's interesting to me that the writer never made any reference to religious men. I think there's a bigger story in why men don't turn to religion.

      1. I mean my experiences in dating are with women. I can only speak on interactions myself and fellow men have had with women. I don't have many overly religious guy friends. That's a post better left for someone else. My point in all of this (which I stated) is balance. It isn't about a woman who only wants to have fun all the time. It's a woman who isn't too much of any one thing. Is a guy seeking that so wrong?

        1. @DamnPops–What you are seeking is on point and I enjoyed reading your post. I try to be one of those women who have balance. I am spiritual, not religious. I love having fun, laughing and enjoying the company of a man. I love supporting, respecting, valuing, helping, and encouraging the men I know. They all tell me I am a great woman, they even tell me I am pretty, BUT, and this is a big BUT for the men I have met, I don't believe in sex outside of marriage, so for all my balance and wonderful qualities (as these men put it) I am not worth being with without sex.

          If I sleep around, I am a hypocrite (not practicing what I preach) it is also contrary to my spiritual beliefs. However, if I don't have sex with a man, I have no value…not worth a relationship. Is it impossible to find a guy with this kind of balance you speak of concerning women? Is it wrong for a woman to expect this type of man?

  14. Every religion has it's own set of doctrines, standards, commandments and rules. Many of them much more strict than Christianity. Read up on Catholicism & Islam.
    I think these fears stem from men not wanting a woman who will let them freely do whatever they want, and be whomever they want in dating and relationships, regardless of whether it's right or wrong.
    Many men want to be able to get it when they want it, and they want a woman who's not going to say no, put up a fight and argue, even if she has very good reason to, and her points are valid. If it doesn't align with what that man wants, then it's irrelevant to him. Because at the end of the day, he just wants what he wants. Not saying all men are like this. However, if you feel like "church women" are too judgemental towards the secular world, what exactly is the secular world towards them?

    1. Never said religious people were judgmental to those who aren't as heavy in a religion. I'm only saying that if that's who you are cool, but don't throw all of that at someone from the onset. let us be able to enjoy different aspects of you. Ease us into that other side thats religious and what not, but also show that you're fun etc. That's all I'm saying

      1. Gotcha Pops…But not everyone is multi-faceted. Some people are passionate about and consumed with just 1 or 2 specific things. No different than a person whose work is their life, or whose children is their life. To each his/her own. If you want someone who is multi-faceted, then it's up to the individual to ask the right kinds of questions to find out about that persons lifestyle. Either way, imo it's all personal choice. No right or wrong. Just whats right for the individual.

        1. Oh and I know you never said religious people were judgemental, (they are though) someone else said that, and my comment was directed towards their.

    2. It seems relationships today operate solely on pleasing the man and giving him what he wants when he wants it. Forget about the woman's needs being met. Sounds like a spoiled brat to me. I'll gladly pass and stay single. This may be a man's world but this is still MY body.

  15. Using the Church/Lord as a defense mechanism is a real thing. I’ve also known of women who use their children in the same manner (ex. Their son is the “man of the house” as opposed to the mother actually having an adult male that is not her progeny present). Listen, most of our people love the Lord but very few of us like fanatics involved in any aspects of our lives because it screams that you have an unhealthy mental status. Remember, the word of the day (actually, make that a lifetime) is “balance”. Have a blessed day.

  16. Many BM complain Church BW rely too much on preachers and allow them to meddle in their personal lives and relationships.

    Moreover, BM criticize churches because the churches, lead by male pastors, co-sign the f*ckery of many BW in their dealings with men while blaming and ostracizing BM as the source of everything wrong in marriages and relationships. Let some pastors/preachers tell it, BW can behave just how they wish and BM must "man up" or step up to clean the mess.

    1. Why is it that BM don't attend church as BW do? Seems to me that men like to wallow in 'sin' don't attend church or date churchy women.

  17. Problem today is that there are too many "church folk" and not enough spiritual people in the world! Not behaving in a certain way, going certain places, or saying certain things, does not a spiritual person make.

  18. [We dream of a woman we can just be easy with. It’s why we dream of the impossible woman that’ll never stress us. Since we know we can’t have that we look for the lady who stresses us the least.]

    That statement jumped out at me, since 1 of the SBM's most popular posts is about how a man will only let a woman stress him out if he truly loves her.

    Anyway, like some of previous commenters have said, it's all about balance. I think what some guys run into the new Christian woman. Meaning she just got saved because she spent X amount of time being mad unGodly. Those are the types that tend to force religion down a dude's throat as a defense mechanism. Just because religion and God is the center of your life doesn't mean you have to demand that of a man. You can date with a purpose without being overbearing.

    I also believe that church/religion is an extension of a person's personality. For example, if you have a lackluster personality, church likely is going to be where you get all of your social interaction which means all you talk about is God. On the flip side, if you're a social butterfly and keep a variety of friends/interests, your religious life is of importance but it doesn't dominate you; if that makes sense.
    My recent post Forgiveness Isn’t A Manly Thing To Do

    1. Makes a hell of a lot of sense. In regards to your first quote though, I have a theory. Men will only allow a woman he loves to stress him. I deem that true. But we internalize that stress differently than from someone we're not in love with. When you'r not in love stress feels even more stressful. Stress with a loved one for me at least, I internalize it as more of a test or something we have to get through. In turn I don't see it as stressful I guess. Not sure if that makes sense lol. But great comment thank you for reading.

    2. jdouble, for people who are truly spiritual and truly do put God first in every aspect of their lives; religion is much more than just an extension of that persons personality. Religion and Spirituality is that persons life. You see God in them through their life and lifestyle. If two people are dating and only one person is spiritual and/or religious there will be problems within that relationship for obvious reasons. I believe this is why the bible warns about not being "unequally yoked." This is why it's so imperative that both people be on the same page in as many aspects of life as possible, including religion. Even if your dating a person who isn't overly zealous in their praise & worship; nine times out of 10 whatever religion they subscribe to will be a part of most, or all aspects of their lives, and thinking. Nine times out of 10, a Jewish person will want their children to go to a Jewish, school, have a Jewish name, participate in and acknowledge Jewish events and holidays, learn Hebrew, and they will want them to be raised as Jewish. A Catholic person will want their child to go to a catholic school, go to catholic church, be baptized and raised as Catholic, and celebrate Christmas. So definitely further down the line, serious compromises would have to be reached, and sacrifices made. If not, this would create a slew of very serious issues that could inevitably contribute to the break down of the family unit. It takes a certain type of person to seriously be able to date someone of a very religious and spiritual person, when they are not. In order for the relationship to be a long lasting one, someone would eventually have to concede for the greater good of everyone involved.

      1. I probably didn't word my point correctly. Basically what I meant by saying religion/spirituality is an extension of a person's personality in that that's not all they bring to the table. A Jew, a Muslim, a Catholic will be firm in all of the directives of their religion. That's perfectly fine. But that's not ALL they talk about. They don't feel the need to inject religion into every single conversation. Why? Because they have other interests and other things that also have value to them. For some church women, everything is "because the Bible/Qu'ran/Torah says…". I mean last thing I want to hear is a lecture about swine when I'm about to eat a double-decker BLT.

        Also, I took DamnPOPS's post as talking about the early stage of dating or just meeting someone, not the relationship phase. Nobody should be dating a person that isn't of common faith or unwilling to convert should marriage occur.
        My recent post Forgiveness Isn’t A Manly Thing To Do

      2. I couldn't agree with you more Bree and I love the way that you have so graciously stated your posts on this article! God Bless 🙂

  19. Pops what u said makes perfect sense. The level of love, (and "in love) makes a world of difference in what one deems as "stressful," and how it's handled.

  20. To the point about the genders and stress. We definitely process them differently. Case in point, Women do more lamenting over the actions, mannerisms, etc. of men than vice versa. Men tend to internalize more, we discuss our angst with the ladies in certain settings. The barber shop, boys night out, etc., but almost always with other men. We generally tend not to whine to the opposite sex about the opposite sex.

  21. I agree with this part most of all "Lastly a guy might also think that he couldn’t ever get any buns with you while dating". In fact I believe that that is probably the biggest concern of many dudes.
    But as for the other reasons, such as church people being boring, that is something that ALL "church folk" deal with in all areas. If you were told you were being brought to hang out with some churchy people you'd probably assume it was going to be boring. If you were told you were going to play in a basketball tourny and you next game was versus a church team many would assume they were soft. Its a stigma put on all "churchy" people; boring, soft, uninteresting, etc

    1. A BM wanting a relationship should not be interested in 'getting buns' unless he has made that intention clear to the woman and has fallen in love with her. BM who don't want a relationship should not be trying to holler at a church woman.

      1. What a black man "should" or "shouldn't" be interested in when oursuing a church girl is not the point of my comment. Thats for them to deal with. My point is speaking on the "why" regardless of whether its right or wrong.

  22. Most of the guys are secretly worried about the sex. That being said, there are guys who are out there who would date a church girl but can't because they're afraid they'd be listening to religious conversation all day. Not all devout believers are like that of course, but you do get some highly judgmental people from time to time. I remember being told by a girl I was talking to casually I was going to hell for being an atheist. She asked me if I went to church and I said no and she asked why. I wasn't going to lie about it. But that was unnecessary.
    I prefer to have someone who likes to have fun, is chill, doesn't stress over insignificant things, and preferably likes to have sex. Though if a girl said she wanted to wait I wouldn't mind waiting with her if she was nice enough. She can be of whatever religion she wants. I'll respect it.

  23. Using the same evolutionary basis, women aim as high as they can and then try and get the best one they can to commit. It’s hard for women to know their league because guys above her will still date her for sex, but not consider her for commitment.

    Basically women can “date up” but they have to “marry down,” and men will “date down” but will only “marry up”. Men realize this from a young age because to get sex we have to drop our standards. It often takes women a lot longer to realize that in order to get married she will eventually have to “marry down” (settle) or stay single. The longer she waits, the older she gets and the more she will have to compromise.

    That’s why women find dating so difficult.

  24. But when does a Church BW/BM go too far? When does our faith lead us astray?

    Just recently, I was dating a religious girl who was a member of Church of Christ. I, myself, am a Catholic. After a couple of months, the subject of our religious faith arose and she basically demonized Catholicism. In short, she called it the faith of corruption and greed. I was stunned and offended. Needless to say, we didn't last.

    But it made me wonder: Is it worth it to date an otherwise good, church girl who is condescending towards your religious faith? Or am I being too sensitive for refusing to take her seriously once she made those comments?

    I understand why some people claim that religion does more to divide than unite.

    1. I would've been put off as well. For her to condemn you essentially is uncalled for. She also might've not been taught properly. Either way you seeking your way out was the way to go.

  25. Here's the thing: One, there's a difference between being scared and turned off, too many people get the two twisted. Two, if all the things she talks about in her faith doesn't translate into her actions, instant loss of respect. Three, nobody is spiritual all day, every day. There's a natural aspect that has to be taken care of as well, and failure to acknowledge that leads to failure in doing so, which becomes a liability to relationships.
    My recent post New friends

  26. I feel as this, I don't think men are necessarily put off by a church woman as long as she isn't a walking bible. Forgive me for being blasphemous in any way because I am not, but I think I can speak for most when I say men want a woman who is spiritual not overly religious to the point where you can't even have a normal conversation, or have any fun without resorting to the constant holier than thou image. I for one have no problem with a christian woman but I also want a woman who likes to have fun and live life. She doesn't even have to necessarily drink with me or whatever, just live love laugh.
    My recent post Yay or Nay: Should A Man’s Salty Past Drive A Woman Away?

  27. If men want to date a woman who will stress them less, then chose one who is not religious, has low self esteem, will not argue or fight for her own opinion, has no dreams or goals, just wants to please a man sexually and make him happy. That woman is not me.

  28. I think that only men who are not Christians have this opinion and this is fine. I know plenty of Christian women who love to have fun. When you give your life to Christ, some things that were fun before lose their flavor(drugs,smoking, getting drunk, sleeping around, using vulgar language, etc), because you have changed, but not everything stopped. I love amusement parks, dancing, world travel, movies (especially comedies), and am a huge foodie. To put Christian women in this fanatic box is so close-minded. I am multifaceted and always have been, that didn't change because I gave my life to Christ. Being a Christian means that you have a goal to be like Jesus, that is every part of you.
    Abstinence is a way of life for me as it should be for all real Christians with a biblical worldview because sex outside of marriage is not God's will and if that were to drive a man away then that is GREAT, he's not fit to be my man. I met a brother once who showed interest in me and lost interest in me when I made it clear that sex was not an option, thankfully I met a handsome, well-educated, Christian man two weeks later and we have been in a committed relationship for 2 years now, with NO SEX. We love each other very much, so please don't let this article discourage you from living for God fully and wholeheartedly. When you live for God, then what pleases God matters to you most and know that God has your best interest in mind. If you meet a man that can't understand your
    Christian-ese! (LOL) Trust that God will put you on the path to meet a man who speaks the same language as you, and a man who is not afraid to say "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord". If my relationship were to end and I have to go back into the dating game, I would still require a man who has a biblical worldview, it would never work out otherwise. If my relationship with God and discussions about scripture is a turn off to a man, that's a turn off to me. I need a Christian man in my life and since I know what its like to be loved by one, I will never settle for less. God bless 🙂

    1. Amen ! I hope to have an experience like yours soon and meet a Christian man. If men don't want to date me that's alright because I prefer a man of faith pursue me anyway. I was playing games before thinking if I had my differences in a relationship its alright (differences meaning atheism, agnostic,) but it isn't. If God is everything to me, how can I allow a man who thinks God isn't anything be my potential partner. It doesn't make sense.

      What is fun any way? Because if partying, clubbing, heavy drinking, smoking, foul language , and promiscuity is fun then I understand because these are things a Christian woman won't do. These are all things I hope a mature woman won't do regardless of her religion or lack thereof.

    2. Also, I’m not coming at anyone who is abstinent. I’m only highlighting hang ups or preoccupations many men may have, that’s all miss. I respect how anyone lives.

    3. I talk a lot about balance which the bible talks about too.I do not care about your religious beliefs. That a man needs to stay for 2 years without sex to prove he loves you sounds like that man is paying for stuff he did not do. The same bible says that let no man stay on fire for extended periods of time and rather marry than entertain sin in his mind all day long.
      2 years ? That's something else that is truly psychological.

    4. That's why we are seeing the kind of immorality in the church that we see today .I'd rather prefer people getting married than someone bragging that she has kept a man waiting for sex for three years straight in an attempt to prove some ecclesiastical point. So he creeps to other places and gets it and then comes smiling in front of you. Years later as a Pastor he is caught in fornication with a prostitute. A habit he formed based on your funny attempt to make him pay for a point he does not need to pay for.

  29. Generally speaking we all make presumptions about what is most foreign to us, which could be things we’ve always heard, or items that we’ve had bad experiences with prior.

    Our perception of any event can wholeheartedly ruin the experience if we’re expecting the worst. I’ve had men who initially assumed I was one way, to later get to know me and find out I was nothing like they assumed. The mere act of creating this and other obstacles could be the very things separating one from love.

  30. “The reason women can’t get what they think they deserve is that we (men and women alike) always peg our standards to what we know we can be, not to what we are, while members of the opposite sex judge us – understandably – only on what we are currently.”

  31. Great Post! I understand this fear as well. To be honest, I am a Christian woman and I fear "church" people myself…I'm talking about people who are so sanctified and holy that they are no longer relate-able or down to earth. That's ironic considering Jesus (whom they believe in) was one of the most down to earth beings that ever existed. I think the stigmas put on us Christian women start with the stigmas we place on ourselves…we act as if to be God-fearing is to be boring and banal. So untrue, since the God we serve is so full of wonder…shouldn't we reflect the same? Again, great post.

  32. Another question I have concerning this post (well, concerning the picture) is:

    Why do we tend to be so extra when it comes to going to Church? Whether it's how BM and BW dress for Mass/Service, how the preacher/pastor delivers his/her sermon, or how the church audience responds in Church, we are very distinct in how we engage ourselves in Church.

    I just don't understand.

    1. Well those who have experienced it first hand will tell you the reactions come from the hole spirit in you. I, as you have never experienced such a thing. I'm usually pretty laid back in church. I don't really try to understand it though. I let people do them and I'll do me. I think the idea of dressing over the top has come from tradition. Also the idea that you should put on your best as if you're really "going to see" the Lord. the idea being to look the best in his presence while praising him. These are all guesses from some of my experiences, but I'm certainly no pro at this.

  33. I understand what the writer means by finding a balance. I know women who make EVERYTHING about God. "God told me to turn left, God told me to buy the bread on the right and not on the left. God made them win that basketball game." The thing is, people like this don't know how to let their actions speak louder than their words. These people are usually those who have been severely hurt emotionally, and use God as a pit bull to guard their hearts. They then forget how to interact with people period, and have regular conversations. These people put God in a box out of fear, and many including me aren't here for that. I DO appreciate a man who believes in God as I do, because my relationship with Him is a big part of my life. However, I don't necessarily want to date the Pastor either, feel me?

    What I'd say to the author and men is this; don't initially count a woman out just because you know she is involved in church. There are balanced women who love God and life as well. You just have to get to know the woman as you would anyone else, to see if what she has going on fits you.

    I am a believer and LOVE God with all my heart, so naturally there are things I try not to engage in to keep that spiritual relationship pure and open. So I can hear his spirit speaking within me, so I can make good decisions. I choose to believe in him, and try my best to live that way, I try and encourage and inspire others to do the same. Although I am not brow beating people with bible verses all day, I'm not ashamed to tell people about how my relationship with God has helped me. However, I know that my relationship with him isn't dependent upon how much I say, it is more about what I do.

  34. It seems that most people who've commented about this post are coming from the same angle. I'm going to give a fresh side. I'm in the UK, male and black and I wouldn't date any church woman again, unless she was an open minded church goer, who could live with my constant sinning, and thats not possible is it. The post is good. It breaks down what men want from any woman they date, but I am a non believer in a country which is majority secular. The first thing is, I wouldn't be able to sit there and listen to anyone, especially my woman, talk about church or god because I don't believe and there's no middle ground with this. I have no fear of Church women, but I know I would offend her on a regular basis becasue my opinions are a bit too raw and I don't censor in real life. So, to reiterate, I don't fear Church women. I can understand why a lot of men would and I think the concept of church people is honourable, but I'm going to take it a step back. I don't even think a believer and non-believer can be in a real relationship. This is defo one of those moments when 'Stick to your own' becomes absolute.


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