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Is Cheating a Sign of Weakness?

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Ahyiana Angel Is Cheating a Sign of Weakness?

There is a big bowl of soft, delicious, aromatic, fresh baked bread in your line of sight ready for you to dig in. You salivate at the thought of the bread and butter melting in your mouth. You can taste it. You’ve been on a carb free diet for the last month. Your hunger makes you want to lunge across the table showing no shame for your lack of etiquette. You are starving, yearning for the fresh morsel of bread. To hell with who thinks what. You fall victim to weakness.

I can only imagine that this must be the same sensation that a cheater feels when they jump head first into a situation, which is without a doubt disrespectful to their partner. There is a desire and they act on it. Their impulse leads the way.

So that’s how your man must have felt when that big voluptuous butt came swinging his way at the club. He couldn’t resist, right? He was yearning for a fix. She knew what she was doing when she somehow wrapped your man into a trance without saying a word. The same way that the fresh baked bread locked you into a trance. It played to your weakness, right?

Well, it could have been that or any number of other reasons. The point, we all have our triggers. There will always be something that will tempt you to cross the imaginary boundary line that you have established for yourself. The question: will you fall to the temptation? Succumbing to the temptation is the easy way out. It takes mental and emotional strength to resist some of the things that we want most in life.

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A man once shared with me that he is faithful in his relationship by choice. We all have that choice. That seems to be something that we forget. There will always be opportunities to do wrong. He stated that the reason for him not slipping out and disrespecting his relationship is due to the fact that he decided to be committed to his lover.  It was a decision that he planned on sticking to regardless of the circumstances. Let me add that based off of his looks, this man could likely pull some fly chicks, but that was no longer his angle. There have probably been days where he has had to tap into his willpower to avoid making an irreversible mistake.

People treat cheating as a simple mistake or lapse in judgment. We can all make excuses for cheating, but is it a sign of a larger character flaw?

I was watching recent episodes of Couples Therapy on VH1 the other night. Admittedly, I only watch because of Ghost Face. If you were wondering, his storyline is messier than a two-year-old eating ice cream. But it began to heat up even more when his girlfriend arrived. So yes, he is on the show with one woman doing couples therapy, but claiming another as his girlfriend. He presented the situation as though he was confused about which lady he truly wanted to be with.

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This is what raised my eyebrow; the girlfriend was satisfying him from the way that he presented her. He seemed to really lover her. There were no complaints about what she was or wasn’t doing. The problem appeared to be his weakness. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too (literally but we won’t talk about the weight he has gained and how he should think of asking Chub Rock if he can use his rap name now).

Anyway, I could tell that he felt some type of way at a point during the session with Dr. Jenn. It was like he did not want to be categorized as a bad guy or a cheater. Okay Ghost, maybe you are not a bad guy, but your decision-making is questionable and you seem to be easily swayed or tempted.

Character is defined as the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person. Naturally people like to hold themselves in high regard, but what if people knew that you were a cheater? Would they think that you were easily swayed or influenced, better yet, that you are weak? Employers run credit checks for some jobs to help determine the character of the person that they are looking to employ. What if a person’s cheating status were displayed in that background check. I wonder if that would make people take the act of cheating with relation to their character more seriously. Yes women cheat too, but it’s funny that men pride themselves on the idea of their superior strength, but I bet many don’t realize how weak they are when they cheat.

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xoxo

Ahyiana Angel

About the Author: Ahyiana Angel is a Cali girl who has turned the Manhattan streets into her playground. This sassy storyteller—a former sports entertainment publicist at the National Basketball Association (NBA)—is anticipating the release of her first novel, Preseason Love (October 2014), about dating in New York, coveted careers, complicated relationships, and ultimate deception. Angel is the creator of the salacious and popular blog Life According to Her. It’s contrived like reality TV, fictionalized for fun (also to protect the innocent), and sensationalized for your entertainment.

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Comment(26)

  1. Definitely! If you are unhappy or feeling unsatisfied in a relationship, why is it so hard for you to speak your truth? People are quick to call themselves grown but don't possess the traits that equate with being a mature and grown individual which are honesty, integrity, responsibility, and personal accountability. It is ssssooo much easier to just say "I'm enjoying my freedom and the ability to date as many people as I wish" instead of deleting texts trying to remember your lies.

  2. That man you speak of is wise. Faithfulness does boil down to choice. It's simple. Maybe not so easy, but it's very simple. And at the same token, sexual temptation is no small matter. One of the reasons so many folks fall victim to infidelity is because they don't see it as a major threat.

    Unfortunately, you can't just rely on 'willpower' to avoid it, you have to be proactive about protecting your partnership as well. You put yourself in a vulnerable situation when you go to the club [to use your example] knowing that you'll be surrounded by a bunch of fine, half-naked women who are there to hook-up [not all, but some].

    We can all be a bit more proactive in protecting our relationships from infidelity by being honest about our weaknesses, putting in boundaries and sticking to them.

  3. As a Cheater, I look at Infidelity the way Society Defines the Justice System- the Message is one way but Going About it is Another.Let me Explain:

    When Someone commits an offense, they are Caught/Found, Tried, and Convicted ofsaid offense- so far so good. The Crux is that once a Punishment/Sentence is given the IDEA or PROMISE is that once that is served they are supposed to go back to Society a "new person" and expected to make something of themselves, Correct?? However, People with Criminal Records are dscriminated against for it, or Worse in the cases of Felons. They can't Do Better or even get the Chance(s) TO Do Better because of said Record and are shut out of resources that CAN allow him/her to be Producttive….. I see Cheating or the Allegation(s) of Being a Cheater as such.

    1. Some People can look past it but the phrase "Once a Cheater Always a Cheater" is exactly like the Stigma of Being a Felon or having a Criminal Record (minor or w/ Some Misdemeanors). We talk about Forgiveness but hardly ever practice it. I have been Forgiven by Some of my Exes but the Majority didn't, while I Myself have been Cheated on as well and the Cheaters went on to Repeat or Not Show Remorse. Some Infidelities are Worse than Others (though I think Emotional Cheatig doesn't Exist: you Can't deal with the Opposite Sex by seeking Advice from someone who is the Same Gender as You are)

  4. Cheating isn't a Weakness. Its a Choice.
    Rare is the ocassion where two people meet, one or both being in a relationship, they are attracted to each other and 10-20 minutes later they are having sex. Even if you factor in the very real chance that your mate will/may find someone other person physically/sexually appealing there is, in the vast majority of cases, an entire series of things that must take place first before the cheating begins. Initial meeting and conversation. Exchange of contact information. Further conversations. Planning and agreements to meet. And THEN you come to the actual cheating….at least physically. That entire process is not a "slip". At best that person can say they got caught up in their lust but still they made conscious and continual decisions that brought them to the point of cheating.

    1. I agree overall with your comment but I do believe there is a difference between Premeditate Decisions and Impluse Decisions; I have Cheated by both instances (as far as which one I commited more I honestly couldn't say).

      That which you said would be the Physical AND Emotional Infidelity, not just Sexual Interactions of Cheating. Being Deceptive and Lying then can't be separated and thus Cheating itself should be All of the Mental, Emotional and Physical decisions/choices included, Howver, it is Never Explained that way. This is not so Cut and Dry the way you described it and maybe, Just Maybe, more conversations can be had with this included

      1. Things are hardly ever black and white, we can go to so many levels with this….and I don't see why not. Great discussion.

    2. And I agree with most of what you said. However, it would seem to me that at some point you become weak. Like you said you have a choice, and if throughout that entire sequence of events that you listed you keep making the same ill choices that would lead me to believe that you are weak! This is how you allow yourself to continuously go against your better judgement…

      But hey, all of this is just my thoughts, questions, and observations put out there for people to take from it what they want :).
      My recent post Is Cheating a Sign of Weakness?

    3. Well put. Very well said.

      However, cheating goes beyond just the physical contact. It begins the very moment the individual makes his/herself available to another albeit, mentally, emotionally, conversationally, etc. The actual sex is the very last phase of that cheating process.

      The infidelity began the instant the person was receptive to the amorous advancements of the other.

      Mr. SoBo
      OpinionatedMale.com

      Should A Woman's Salty Past Be A Deal Breaker?

      My recent post Yay or Nay: Should A Man’s Salty Past Drive A Woman Away?

  5. “… it’s funny that men pride themselves on the idea of their superior strength, but I bet many don’t realize how weak they are when they cheat.”

    Bad premise.

    The post equates dishonesty to weakness as if they are one in the same. They’re not. It’s faulty logic to say that one equals or even leads to the other. If this were true, then lying to get an upper hand at work, fudging tax returns, fake praying at church (when you’re really sleep) and what you do on “Cupcake Fridays”(with yo calorie countin a**) would all point to your weakness. These are examples are all “cake & eat it too” situations. None of which can fairly label a person weak.

    The author is practicing courthouse discretization. That’s great for a trial, but doesn’t work in real life. Just call a dishonest person dishonest. That carries more objective weight. The weakness tag adds an innaccurate subjectivity.

    1. **Pet Peeve, but the whole "have your cake and eat it too" is confusing to me- If it's My Cake, why Can't I Eat it? I would think the phrase would have been Having My Cake but Eating Someone Else's…….. Am I Right????

        1. BTW, what you said is a great point; Sometimes it's not What you Know but Who you Know. and in a Corporate environment the CEOs and Managers love a worker who will do whatever it takes -even if it means Bending or Crossing the Line a FEW TIMES- to get the job done; this Does Play Out in Real Life via Courtship (competition between Men to gain the favor of a Woman) and in ways Women's Appearances to get Attention and/or Use Sex to Get/Keep a Man

  6. Cheating isn't weakness. It's dishonesty. People don't realize that when you call cheating "weakness" you provide the ultimate excuse to cheaters. Weakness implies you have a problem and it was out of your control, not that you made a mistake.

    1. Truth Be Told, anything Good or Bad could be Dishonest and Subjective- Telling a Friend or Relative about some problems Outside/Inside a Relationship instead of your Partner, Omitting Things to Keep Peace or Spare Feelings, Falling Short of Expectations and being Willfully or Truly Ignorant of such, etc….

      Cheating is just Wrong, like anything that can be (considered) Dishonest. A 1-Time Cheater is not the same as a Habitual Cheater, and even Habitual Cheaters can be split between Cheating on Multiple S/Os or Cheating Multiple Times on a Single Person

    2. Totally agreed. It isn't a 'weakness'. One may become 'weak' with temptation, but it isn't a weakness per say. It is a conscious deliberate set of choices followed by conscious deliberate actions. I wouldn't even call cheating a mistake. A mistake implies there are unintended and unforeseen results/consequences to a course of action. We all know what the outcome is to cheating, we just hope to avoid the unfavorable outcome.

      Cheating is a purely selfish act. More accurately, cheating is a series of purely selfish choices and actions with the ultimate destination being the bedroom. There is no mistaking that.

      Mr. SoBo
      OpinionatedMale.com

      Recent Post: Should A Woman's Salty Past Be A Deal Breaker?

      My recent post Yay or Nay: Should A Man’s Salty Past Drive A Woman Away?

  7. Cheating can be broken down into 3 things. One: the man is getting everything he wants from his woman but he just needs to be greedy. Two: a man is getting next to nothing and is starving physically (even if everything is in tact) and he needs to be 'fed' so to speak. Three: Maybe, just maybe he doesn't feel great about himself and he needs to cheat to boost his ego. yes it's wrong on all levels but just like drinking, smoking, people do it. Yes it can be interpreted as a sign of weakness because you aren't 'strong' enough to overcome what ails your relationship.
    My recent post Yay or Nay: Should A Man’s Salty Past Drive A Woman Away?

  8. Yes, it is the sign of a weak individual. Life is about making choices, good or bad. Claiming to be so strong, good, protective, etc… yet can’t say no to what’s offered to them by a female or is unable to resist pursuing. WEAK! Of course it’s a choice but weak willed individuals will choose poorly.

  9. If there is temptation of cheating on your partner, then you're most likely not 100% committed to the relationship. If you respect your partner, or don't want to hurt them, be the bigger person and end the relationship before starting something else. That is an action that will command respect vs. turning into the villain.
    My recent post Dating Questions – 26 Questions To Help Your Date

  10. I believe cheating is a choice. It's a choice derived from one's own interests above the well-being of one's partner, a.k.a. selfishness. As someone else stated, cheating reveals character flaws, one's inability to maintain self control when tempted. I would say that someone's choice to cheat reveals a degree of weakness in their ability to maintain self control when tempted by the opposite sex.

  11. I had a thing for nothing but Ayana Angel scenes for like almost a whole summer a few years back. Wonder what happened to her…she was thick.

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