Home Featured Let’s Play the Blame Game

Let’s Play the Blame Game



Let’s play the blame game, I love you, more
Let’s play the blame game for sure
Let’s call out names, names, I hate you, more
Let’s call out names, names, for sure

Do you have that friend in your circle who’s a doctor, a nurse, or just overall knowledgeable about health issues? Well that’s me in my own circles. I am the one my friends call on with awkward questions about that uncomfortable discharge, rash, sore or bump.

We’ve all had those moments of the condom breaking, and our minds wandering to every known Sexually Transmitted Infection/Disease (STI/STD) that you can think of in that moment. Sometimes we can be so quick to hop in bed with someone that we don’t even think about taking the time to ask the appropriate questions –“Have you been tested? Any history of HIV or STIs/STDs?”

Imagine getting a call from your off-and-on-again shorty from Brazil. She was just in New York, and somehow returned home to notice a painful sore where she didn’t  expect. She calls you first since it was just a few days ago that you two were role-playing. She was Beyoncé and you were Jay-Z. She was eating watermelon, surfbortin’, and grindin’ on that wood. Now she’s asking you whether or not you gave her an STI/STD. Last time you checked, you were HIV-negative, as well as for any STIs/STDs.

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I’ll call you b*tch for short
As a last resort, and my first result
You call me motherf*cker for long
At the end of it you know we both were wrong

Who’s to blame? Is she right to assume her symptoms are a direct result of her most recent sexual experience with you?

The easiest response is to push blame on the other, as opposed to thinking about the ways you may have contributed to the problem. For instance, it has been reported that roughly 70 percent of Americans are infected with Herpes Simplex Virus 1 (HSV-1), which is a reason why clinicians normally don’t test for it unless you request to do so. Most STI’s don’t have any visible symptoms, so you can never be 100% sure who you might have acquired something from, unless your sexual history is fairly short.

You don’t want to play the blame game, though. You should claim responsibility for your own sexual health, and in turn protect not only you, but those you choose to be intimate with. This way, instead of seeing yourself as the victim, you are empowered.

By reading this, you are now informed… and thus, empowered.

This is the first installment of a five-part series, where you will have the opportunity to win $50 worth of gift cards for STDCheck.com’s testing services. Two readers who comment and provide the answer to either of the questions below will win the prizes. Once you win you can visit the site and specify what tests you would like to have taken. Then they will guide you to a nearby site, and your results will soon follow.

  1. What STD currently doesn’t have an official test, but has an available vaccine?
  2. What are the different routes of transmission of HIV?
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You are not a victim, but responsible for your own health.
Get tested, know your HIV & STI/STD status, and choose wisely.

By Alacrity Amir

Amir is a research scientist and community activist, who is also inspired to not only see growth in himself, but those he comes in contact with.

Twitter: http://twitter.com/AlacrityAmir
Instagram: http://instagram.com/AlacrityAmir



  1. 1. HPV I believe has no test but there is a vaccine.

    2. You can get HIV through blood transfusion, or sexual intercourse. HIV can still be passed orally through open sores or cuts as well.

    And thanks for a post like this. It's always a good reminder to try and remain responsible as we navigate this world sexually. This info is vital.

  2. I totally agree. If you aren't (faithfully) married or in a (faithful) long-term committment, then you shouldn't be putting all the blame onto them. (Unpopular Opinion, I know 🙁 )
    Being upset with your s*x partner for contracting an STI/STD? Wrong. It takes two. Blame yourself for having unprotected sex (some people forget birth control does not prevent infections), if anybody.
    Though, I don't want anyone to feel "at fault" or the pain of blaming theirselves, but you should take responsibility. Condoms and other forms of protection are your friends. Abstinence and masturbation are your BFF's.

  3. I think it should be further explained that there is Herpes Simplex Virus 1 (HSV-1) and Herpes Simplex Virus 2 (HSV-2). The difference between the two are not that great. However, it should be emphasize that HSV-1 are commonly known as cold sores or fever blisters. So, if anyone has ever had a cold sore or fever blister when they were sick with a cold or flu, then you have herpes, HSV 1. HSV-1 is the most common because it can be spread by simply kissing on the cheeks, kissing on the lips with a cold sore present (young children are common infected this way), thats why 70% have HSV-1 and dont break out in sores or blisters. After a while of being infected, most people will have developed a strong immune response to HSV-1. But there is a catch, you can be infected genitally with HSV-1 through unprotected oral sex. Thats actually the more recents cases of Herpes, GHSV-1.
    HSV-2 is commonly known as genital herpes, thats the type of herpes that can be transmitted through sexual intercourse and less common, oral sex. Having protected sex, using a condom is not a 100% proof of avoiding Herpes, because you can transmit it if your pubic mounts are rubbing against each other. So, you are looking at maybe 30-40% protection through use of condoms.
    For either virus, even if you avoid sex during outbreaks, there is viral shedding, meaning you can still spread the virus without knowing. Hence, the reason, why most people can have herpes and not even know it because of no symptoms. So, in the absence of sores and blisters, the only way to test is through a blood test which has had problems with correctly diagnosing a herpes infection. This is a very silent and stigmatizing STI, that needs to be understood by the public. So, there is chance that some of our readers and those who post comments are actually carrying HSV-1 and not even know it or didnt even know that cold sores and fever blisters are in fact Herpes…..

  4. There is no official test for HPV, however there are several vaccinations for the disease, as well as various types of the disease.

    HIV can be transmitted through vaginal, oral, and anal sex. HIV can be transmitted through blood transfusion: open cut/soar, and shared needless. Also, the virus can be transmitted at both from mother to child.

    Great article. Great information. Great compassion for public health.

  5. While blaming is not the answer, either party should openly discuss any issues he/she may experience. In this day and age, assuming a so called committed relationship is reason enough to engage in unprotected sex is ridiculous. The amount of people becoming infected consist of at least one committed partner. Be realistic. Know and accept your mate for what he or she is. If they are whores but you want to stay despite that then protect yourselves.

  6. 1. HPV
    2. HIV can be contracted through vaginal intercourse, anal intercourse, and oral intercourse via open sores, blood transfusion (specifically is intravenous drug use). It can also be passed during childbirth.

    1. You got it. Basically, Blood, Semen, Pre-Semen, Vaginal Fluids…and the one missing from yours is Breast Milk. Mother-to-Child transmission is rare in many communities, since we can test pregnant women prior to giving birth, put them on a regimen of anti-retrovirals, thusly, driving down the virus particles in her body to such a small number that when the baby is born they will not be infected by the mix of blood and vaginal fluids during birth.

      Countries where this is extreme poverty or the lack of resources are still fighting against mother-to-child transmission, though.

  7. What STD currently doesn’t have an official test, but has an available vaccine?


    What are the different routes of transmission of HIV?

    1. Blood

    2. Breast milk

    3. Semen

    4. Vaginal fluid

    Be careful everyone!


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