Home Featured Pedicures, Happy Endings, and Why I Can Understand Men Paying for Sex

Pedicures, Happy Endings, and Why I Can Understand Men Paying for Sex


broke black man
Yesterday, I got my first pedicure. I was truly skeptical at first, thoughts of getting my G card confiscated as swiftly as I walked into the door swirled through my mind. Nevertheless, I was there, in a nail salon awkwardly asking for a nail tech that came with a high recommendation.

Moments later, I feel her delicately clipping cuticles, filing my nails, and even wistfully removing that nail dirt. The first thought that came to my mind was damn this feels good. The second thought was sent from a sexual deviant wearing red pants and probing with an iron hot pitchfork, “Sh*t a ‘happy ending’ would really set this off.” I wasn’t intent on being perverted, but the sense of pampering that men rarely get just took me there.

See usually if you’re in a group full of guys none of them have probably gotten a pedicure and if you asked: “Have any of you ever paid for sex?”… They’d object to the notion like a child would a plate off brussels sprouts. Until today I probably would’ve been one of those guys. But now I think what the f*ck is the big deal? You make a mutual agreement with a person to pleasure you and for that, it is common that men paying for sex. Both of you go about your business- satisfied. No fluff, no missed messages, no chasing. Just fair trade.

Men paying for sex: Is it common!

We’ve heard the age-old story that we all pay for sex, rather we admit it or not. If you like the chase that’s cool for you, but what would be so wrong paying for what you’re paying for upfront. Most of the time with me it isn’t if I’m going to get laid, it’s more like when and will I even enjoy it. The only people I ever really hear deny men paying for sex are those that usually can’t afford top-notch women or claim that they like the chase. Funny thing is in these times you might have to pay a woman to be chased, too. Obtaining sex is already easy, but making sex even easier, convenient, and getting it from an experienced source- you won’t hear me object to that.

See Also:  Do I steal her man?: SBM Answers

I’ll end it here, I probably still wouldn’t pay for sex because I’m a college male, attractive, and my supply outweighs my demand. However, I definitely won’t judge a man as harshly as I used to for paying for sex, especially if the woman in question is extremely attractive.

“Men pay their wives and girlfriends to stay, but you pay a prostitute to leave.”~Unknown

Would you still date a man that openly admitted to paying for sex? What if he did it in a foreign country? Is getting a lap dance comparable to paying for sex? Would the stigma on men paying for sex be as big, if more women admitted to compensating men for sex too?

theSUNK(the Sh*t U Need 2 Know)


  1. Hell no! I would NEVER date a man who pays for sex. I am in a relationship with a man who is does private security for celebrities and he travels all over the world. If I thought that he was paying for sex there is no way that we could be together.
    I don't think that paying for a lap dance is the same as paying for sex BUT that ain't cool either. I git a lap dance for my man…trust. He can pay me. HA!
    My recent post Real Talk with Former Teen Mommy, Rochelle

    1. You will never know if a man has ever paid for sex. I say this because you can never truly know a person inside and out unless you want them to…You have probably dated a guy who has paid for sex in the past and didnt even know it.

  2. "The only people I ever really hear deny paying for sex are men that usually can’t afford top notch women or claim that they like the chase"

    If a man is paying for sex in 2014, he one of two things:
    1) Hopeless
    2) Or lazy as hell.

    Chase? Its 2014. Women have long traded in their flats for 4 inch heels. They ain't running. So if a man is still out here chasin', he's clearly determined to catch his own shadow.

    "Obtaining sex is already easy, but making sex even easier, convenient, and getting it from a experienced source- you won’t hear me object to that".

    1) Experience does not equate to good.
    2) Exactly how much more easier does it have to be than it is right now?
    These are the vagina times. Our women have proudly taken charge of their sexuality (many measuring their independence by what they do with the honey pot), and thus have changed the dating landscape. More than enough of them (not all) are out here literally making it rain. Yes, even the highly attractive ones as well. Why? Confidence is a currency all women accept.

    Not only is sex easier to obtain, it is practically same day/overnight/two day delivery. In other words, you'll likely spend more time waiting in line at the DMV than you would waiting to sleep with someone you just met. **Meaning when you consider the time you actively interact with this person(via phone & in person) prior to sleeping with him/her and not the amount of days that pass in between that time, you will realize how little of your own time you have invested in such an endeavor.

    Reaching into your pockets for dates or illegal solicitation? Such an unnecessary expenditure that is. Yoda. There is absolutely NO need, unless one's sense of manhood stubbornly rests on adhering to dating rituals of yesteryear, or he has a fetish for the dangers and/or monetary transaction of soliciting sex from strangers.

    Whatever the case is, to each his own. No condemnation here. Some men enjoy the dating experience, and enjoy paying for those experiences (People still date though??). However, unless there is some fetish involved, it is quite perplexing why a man in THESE TIMES would feel the need to tap his wallets in order to tap that a$$.

    Mr. SoBo

    My recent post If You Wanna Cuddle, Go Find A Teddy Bear: Why Jump Offs Forget Their Role

  3. The way I see it, it is a choice as with many things in life and I wont rush to judge. However it is a sign of some issues or it could be what it is, the man wants to get laid does not know anyone that he would get laid by without strings and so looks for someone who will do it for no strings attached. However I do agree that in this modern era, it is not as difficult to get laid but still not everyone has game. And no a lap dance is not equal to sex. C'mon people! lol
    My recent post When My Thoughts and Some Topics Collide…

  4. I feel if prostitution was regulated the stigma would go away, celebs hire "escorts" all the time and what's assumed is a high quality low moral woman and he simply is too busy to date around so its plausible. You look at an every man you assume disease riddled and dirty walking the strip therefore he's desperate and can't get his own.
    My recent post Today’s Word is… THINKPIECE

  5. The joke used to be that Men would pay strippers to sleep w/ them, even though the stigma was that they danced, took off their clothes, and would have sex by default. This post is like the Edward Snowden-POV of social interaction between Men and Women that Everyone KNOWS happens, but not as much as ppl assumed.

    I don't "pay" for Sex, even if/when I am on a date- I pay to Enjoy the Company of a Woman I actually Like and possibly Care About; I can do anything (movies, bar, dinner, etc) Solo but that's besides the point. Any Man (or Woman) that does Pay- Do Them, no Condemnation from my side. YES, Relationships and Interaction between the Sexes has indeed took a hit if "We’ve heard the age old story that we all pay for sex" is the mindset. Don't ask for Chivalry and/or Traditional Values if this is the case

    1. I don't consider dating "paying", if you're paying to do things u don't find value in yourself #youredoingitwrong. We both eat, see the movie, participate in activity x, now if ur paying for her to go shopping alone or buying bottles she takes to her homegirls table then yeah, you might be better off just going the other route
      My recent post Today’s Word is… THINKPIECE

    2. John's also pay to 'enjoy the company of a woman'. No shade, just saying. So long as you're coming out of pocket for a woman you barely know to escort you to dinner/movies/play/park, etc., you are engaged in a transaction. Now unless she is piss poor and you're reaching out a charitable helping hand out of the pure humanitarian goodness of your heart, your intentions behind paying are irrelevant; considering she is there to enjoy your company as much as you are hers.

      Again, no shade. It just is what it is.

      My recent post Yay or Nay: Should A Man’s Salty Past Drive A Woman Away?

      1. I respect it; this then creats the dynamic of the Double Standards and Unreasonable Demands from Women, who SAY we are Equals but will Shun and Diss a Man or Men who challenge this notion of Equality, a la Wanting/Expecting Women to start Paying, Approaching, etc…..

        Acknowledgement of the Benefits Women have and get FOR Being a Woman is all most guys are asking for/want, rather than faux-pas declaration of "Gender Equality" and Feminism (rights for Everyone) when in reality this is Not what People (Women) Want or THINK they Want…

        1. There should be a series of posts about this, as much of what is discussed on SBM are often repeats, and I merely branched this and a few topics together for another dicussion that isn't broached for whatever reason…….Heck, if possible I'd write it myself

        2. Feminism asks for equal pay for equal work, and equal autonomy in life decisions. DASSIT. It really irritates me that people insist on applying that simple mission to a relationship dynamic. People are different, do what works for you. You don't wanna pay for dates? Fine. You don't wanna approach women? Fine. It's not "feminism's" fault, though.
          If anything, those relationship dynamics still get encouraged because of the age old "make a man feel like a man, or her will go where he is treated like one". Men chase. Men hunt. Men conquer. Or at least like to feel like they did. If I am bringing home the bacon, frying it in a pan, walking up to you to ask you if you'd like some, driving you home so you can eat it AND serving it to you, then what are you doi…oh, forget it.
          My recent post Black, Latina and Fabulously Natural; How Loving my Hair Taught Me to Love the Rest of Me

        3. Feminism back then, when it was relevant and necessary, asked for equal pay/work/autonomy in life decisions for women. But in the last 20-30 years, that's all has been accomplished. Women now work in the same jobs/professions as men. Women get paid the same amount as men in those jobs. They have the same autonomy as men to make life decisions.

          So what's the point of feminism now? Apparently, it's not enough for feminists to have equality across the board. Now they want equality-plus. They want to be equal to men when it's to their benefit but they also want to have the convenience of being treated according to traditional standards when it's to their benefit (i.e., when being treated equally is to their detriment). Just analyze hot-button issues like individuals' sexual history/promiscuity, the decline in marriage, abortion, child support/alimony, child custody, and government assistance.

          According to a view of SBM, women are in good/high-paying jobs, have their own cars and houses and are well-educated (thank you feminism!). BUT they still expect men to pay for dates, be chivalrous (or straight-out simp), make enough money to "provide" for them, and retain a domineering and dominating presence in relationships (feminism?!?).

          Men chase, hunt, and conquer but women set the standard, as they are the prize. Men are virtually unable to know how to chase, hunt, and conquer because women give out mixed directions. A majority of women have been indoctrinated by feminism to believe that they can do whatever they want, have whatever they want, be whoever they want, and have whoever they want, whenever they want. In the dating scene, men are helpless as they don't know how to go about dealing with women/feminists in this new age. The women in this era of equality-plus feminism has women/feminists have allowed personal/behavioral standards in men to nosedive. Men don't have to court anymore because women are independent. Women have sex on the first or second date because they have personal autonomy. Meanwhile, the women wine about how men don't date them anymore. Women collectively rejected traditional dating/courting and the men who want to date in the traditional way are frustrated as they waste time trying to do things the right way. This is why MANY men have given up or are at least on dating detox. Or why some men go for prostitution.

          For you to claim that feminism isn't at least partially at fault for the mess that gender relations and society has devolved (when it's really mostly at fault) is intellectually disingenuous and dishonest.

          But keep having your cake and eating it too, feminists…

  6. Men don’t put a price on the p*ssy women do. If a man really wants it he will pay. He may not give her the money directly in her hand; he may pay with other things like gifts, time, availability ,etc.

    I believe a lot of men pay or would pay for p*ssy depending on the circumstance. As far as dating someone who pays for s*x it would depend on the situation. Did it happen one time, was it a situation where he was “tricking” a women in exchange for “it”, is he down on hunts point looking for action, is he still willing to pay for it ?

    1. "Men don’t put a price on the p*ssy women do"—————- WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!!!

      Everything after that I disagree with; as if Men don't ever enjoy the same activities as Women do, quality time or don't give gifts because it's a Nice Gesture……….. You almost had it yet went back to stereotyping, smh. Question, do you/did you think your Bf/Husband is/was "paying for sex" by being with you, since you included time, availability?? Are YOU "paying" as well , and If Not, why would YOU put a "price" on yourself??

      1. I’m not saying that men do those things only for s*x, but it definitely part of the equation that men look forward to when they are doing those things. What I was describing was the currency methods in which men “pay for s*x”. Since women set the price, different women want different things in exchange for intimacy. Some want cash, some want bags, some want an emotional connection. Then there’s some that just want a nut which is fine too. All I’m saying is it depends on the woman.

    2. One more thing, I think paying for s*x may be more of an old mans game than a young mans. I think older men are more willing to pay for the convenience. Plus older guys who are just looking for s*x probably want it from a young woman who they could pull at 25 but at 45 can’t pull without a few dollars in their pocket.

  7. In today's toxic dating climate, paying directly for it can save a lot of headache, heartache, and domestic situations. Besides guys should be able to patronize punnany without stigma, because to me patronizing strippers is worse since there's no payoff…lol

  8. I'm not advocating for prostitution nor am I condemning it.

    I do agree that when it comes to s*x, it is a buyer's market and that sex is more available than ever before. Whether it's because women want to enjoy their sexuality or because they don't value themselves is anybody's call.

    With that said, a lot of posters on here assume that men who pay for s*x are either hopeless or lazy, which is really an unfair analysis. Just because sex is more available today than at any point in the history of American society, it doesn't mean that it's more available to every man (or most men). If anything, sex has become more available only for select groups of men: the "alpha males" who are 6 ft+, make six-figure salary, have a nice job and nice car OR the diametrically opposed dusty dudes who appeal to low-hanging women or women with bad-boy fetishes. We just had an SBM article where the woman OP conceded that she was a financially well-to-do, single woman who however found herself at the financial mercy of men beneath her. We've also had countless SBM articles where female posters conceded that they chase a certain group of high-achieving men and are mad when said men don't want to settle down with [marry] them. While this is all happening, for most men in the middle, things are still the same as before=no s*x or s*x once in a blue moon.

    While there are men out there who are truly desperate for some (or lazy), some men who have solicited prostitution or do are not–and should not–be treated as men who are unworthy. They could be guys who recognize that the dating game in today's society heavily stacked in favor of women. Others may not have the financial means to impress the women they seek to attract. Some may just want to avoid headaches and drama from women with whom they sleep. There are benefits to prostitution when the stigma attached to it is pulled back. However, men who are about that life need to be careful and have themselves tested regularly.

    Side note: I feel on this website, too many posters (male and female) make snap judgments on hot-button topics and issues. I also feel that posters who try to comment on behalf of men or women in general common from a perspective/place that's not reflective of those on whose behalf they are commenting.

  9. Most people would instantly see it as lame for a dude to patronize a prostittute. But there are other ways we have paid for s*x and not even thought twice about it. Bachelor parties and s*x parties immediately come to mind. You may pay for admission and/or tip one of the strippers a little extra to show you some special personal attention. In both ways you are still technically paying for s*x but it isn't seen the same way it would with typical, "on the street" prostitution. Its like a person who gets drunk at home alone versus drunk at the club with his friends. On one hand you'll be seen as an alcoholic who needs help. On the other you are just having a good time with friends. Okay maybe thats not the absolute best analogy but you get the point lol

  10. We also must differentiate between a prostitute by trade and a woman who prostitutes herself as a means to an end. A woman who takes money from a guy here and there to make something happen is not the same as a woman who takes money from guys for sex as a sole source of income. Splitting hairs, I know, but distinctions are paramount in this case.

  11. "Obtaining sex is already easy, but making sex even easier, convenient, and getting it from a experienced source- you won’t hear me object to that."

    The saying goes, you don't pay them for $ex, you pay them to leave. It's not even about being lame or unable to get women. Many very successful and attractive men will pay a prostitute just so they can get what they want with no strings attached.

    Not my thing, but who am I to object to two people making a mutually beneficially agreement.

  12. If I'm single at 50, I'm definitely paying for sex with some young chicas, but right now I still feel where I can pull the woman I want to sleep with, without resorting to that.

  13. A lap dance is no where near comparable to paying for sex, simply because there's no penetration whatsoever. And since you know it's a stripper and you're in an establishment where you can't do much of anything to them you're probably aren't going to get excited anyway. Unless you're the type of brother that ejaculates from a lap dance–I don't know what to say to you then. LoL

    I've been told the safest way to step out on your lady is to pay for it.. that way there's no real paper trail, no emotions attached, or anything. She's being paid for her time and that's it.
    My recent post If You Wanna Cuddle, Go Find A Teddy Bear: Why Jump Offs Forget Their Role

  14. I think prostitution is a good way to get a specific desire out of your system. There's a market for every type of broad out there and rather than spending your life trying to find that woman organically, you can just pay for it, and will not having to worry about chasing that dream anymore.

  15. “i’m judging a man who pays for sex and i make no apologies for it. on the other hand i wouldn’t judge a woman who sells sex. i can only judge from my side of the equation (not that there aren’t male prostitutes out there but female prostitutes outweigh males).”

    With all due respect @Tunde, that makes absolutely NO SENSE. If you truly had a problem with prostitution, you’d also condemn those who make sex for cash available. Using your brand of logic, you look down on people who abuse drugs but not those who sell them and profit from them. Logical fail.

    And I have yet to have people rationally explain the difference between wining and dining a girl in the traditional dating sense and paying cash for sex up front. In both situations, the girl’s still getting paid/compensated and the end goal is the same thing ultimately.

    1. It makes sense. I think Tunde is a male feminist and shaming sex workers isn't cool in that ideology.

      To your third paragraph, I'll expand later but they're completely different because of what you're paying for and what you get out of it.

  16. ^That last paragraph sounds like Riley Freeman.

    "Well I don't see what's the big deal with hoes anyway. Ok but if they not all hoes then why do I got to pay to take them out to eat then. I mean I'm paying that's payment. But I'm paying which makes her a hoe! Why do I just give her the money I was goin' spend on dinner and that hoe can go grocery shopping."

  17. I ain't get it until it was broken down to me a few years back.

    Men who pay for sex, pay for silence. You don't have to put up with all the crap that comes along with courting or being in a relationship. You want sex, you get sex with the path of least resistance. As with many things, we want goods or services without a hassle. Paying for sex removes that hassle. It's almost like if you order groceries online and have them delivered to your apartment. You don't want to walk around the door, stand in a line at the cashier or bag and carry your groceries. Therefore, you'll pay a premium to avoid all that.

    1. So begs the question, why do/should men bother to court and date women at all? For the chase? I thought only dogs chase. *side-eye at SBM staff*

      1. Some people enjoy the chase.

        I can get oranges from a guy on the street selling fruit and avoid all the hassle. I choose to go to some upscale grocery store that sell organic oranges because that's what I want. People pay premiums for what they want to deal with. Everyone is different on what they're willing to pay premiums on.

        I date/court women because I don't only want sex.

  18. Has always made sense to me. I've encouraged a few men in the past to do so actually. No point in walking around irritated with sexual frustration, wondering what certain situations would be like, etc when there is a pretty simple solution.

    I have always said I am pretty indifferent to prostitution. I once heard that the more prostitution is accepted in a society, the lower instances there are of sexual assault towards women. I have yet to see an actual stat to back that up but, as a woman, I have been pretty OK with prostitution/stripping ever since then. It's not my thing but if it works for other men/women, have at it.

    1. I always appreciate an individual who can understand both sides of a debate. And I doubly appreciate a woman who can do so.

  19. “When feminism was necessary?” Okay, dont ask us sisters to march at your funeral/police brutality/mistaken identity/falsely accussed of rape by a white girl/etc rally. Cause civil rights are soooooooooo a thing of the past? GET EM!


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