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What To Do When You Lose Your Old Faithful?

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Today’s post is for the fellas. It’s for the guys who are single. It’s for men who have or had a rotation of women while single. A friend of mine said to me this weekend that one of the ladies he was messing with started falling back. He said that she was his most “dependable” joint. What does that mean? Well it means that whenever he was hot in the pants she would oblige more times than not. No games, no excuses; everything you could hope for in this scenario.

A woman like this is valuable as a single man.

I’m not too sure how men may view dealing with multiple women during a period of time. Being a basketball fan I always had a team concept. When you’re single and seeing different people you deal with multiple personalities. You don’t click with all the ladies the same. But the ladies you’re speaking to are down to do what you’d like to do in bed. Some of these ladies only want to do things when they want. Then you have your old faithful. She’s the one I always envision building the team around so to speak. She’s your franchise player. She most likely doesn’t bug you much. You also might have the best sex with this woman. If you’re lucky she’s also the most available.

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Outside of her, there are other issues.

You have other women who might not be as fine as your star player. You might also have women that you don’t click in bed with as well but they’re more available than your star.

The top lady you mess with has importance. But just as in any sport, every team must rebuild. Look at any sport where a team dominates. No team dominates forever. We won’t dominate forever either. What I’ve learned is that women want love. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just innate. You won’t be able to keep your star player forever. As we get older it’s time to no longer be surprised by that. If you’re single and messing with different women this is the reality.

Women can and will leave whenever they’re good and ready.

They don’t owe us much. And with that we can’t afford to get so comfortable. What do we do when our old faithful decides she wants more and we don’t? You’ve got to let her go and do her. Always stick to what’s true to you. If you’re not ready for what someone else his then don’t force it. When that lady falls back, it’s time to rebuild. Don’t be discouraged at all.

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Any ladies ever had them a small rotation of guys at a time? Any ladies ever had enough of a situation like this then left a guy? Any guys relate to this situation? Let’s talk.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status

 

 

Comment(38)

  1. I can relate to this, when you are single it is like you have possibilities in terms of directions you can go for your next relationship and there is one person that seems to be kind of perfect. In my case, this phase often leads to confusion as I might be trying to assess how I feel about each of these people and end up losing them all. For me it is sometimes a zero sum game, pick one or end up losing all the options.
    My recent post So You’re Mad About The Deaths At The Immigration Recruitment?

  2. It sucks when you lose the ace of your rotation, but at the end of the day if she was really worth it you wouldn't let her touch free agency in the first place. Men do what theyre allowed, true but we also calculate our risks, you don't test the limits of your wife's loyalty, an old faithful…. Probably.

    Its a game of chance we always play, just how long can I have her while I don't quite have her? You bet on the market that you're simply better than any alternative even without a commitment, that she'll remain loyal, that if and when you do part its because you found someone that deems rotations irrelevant.
    My recent post Today’s Word is… PRIVACY

  3. I remember this girl who I strung along for awhile. Sad part about old faithful is that she's never gonna actually be your girlfriend. Most eventually get fed up and bounce. Then you have the few that stick around and end up as the side chick when you find someone better. It's only a matter of time. Just hope it doesn't blow up in your face. A lot of men forget that when you have the dependable woman always available she most likely isn't seeing anyone else but you and may be become bitter, whether there were empty relationship promises or you both knew you were single.

  4. I was that old faithful for a couple of years without knowing it. He claimed he was not ready to be in a relationship (after losing his job). However, he swore up and down that he wasn't seeing anyone else and said he needed time to get back on his feet. Fast forward a couple of years and I learned that he had, in fact, been seeing someone else, all the while telling her they were exclusive.

    That was some time ago, but I still look back with regret on how naive I was and how much time I wasted. I can honestly say that the experience has changed who I am and sort of stripped me of my innocence. For better or worse, I will never be the person I was before all this happened.

    1. We all have that experience that wakes us up. We can't never truly be the same way we were before. Which is good because it makes us more aware. We were naive previously. In time I hope you do find comfort with someone again. Enough to trust and still have your awareness. That's very much attainable.

    2. I've had a situation like this, and like a poster above said this was the only man I was seeing. However, even though it hurt like hell, I walked away with a better sense of what I wanted out of relationships with men. I know now that I'm not built for situations like that, even though I only accepted things as they were because it was him (we had been strictly platonic for years before everything went down). That "I'm not ready to be in relationship" will tell me where a man is, and I know better than to open my emotions with hopes that will change.

      I was very naive as well, because I just refused to believe men did this ish, or that HE would do it to me. Hard lesson lol. It changed me, but I let it change me for the better I have zero regrets. Stay encouraged 🙂
      My recent post March Madness 2014

    3. All is not lost, honey you can get your innocence back. Just stay away from men who don’t treasure you for you. All men do not lack integrity (and yes guys, keeping a team of women & lying to them to use them to service your desires shows a HUGE lack of integrity- it is what it is ya’ll). (side note: why ya’ll guys out here breaking women’s hearts when you know there are guys out there who will treat them better? leave em alone smh) any way…… Don’t let this one ruin the chance of the man who will find value in you.

      Think about it, if a pig doesn’t know how to treasure a diamond ring & stomps it in the mud, it doesn’t make that ring less valuable, it just makes that pig a pig lol. Get that ring cleaned up (stay away from men who won’t commit to a relationship with you) & you’re good :-D. I’ve been through what you’ve been through & trust me, there is light (& a good man) at the end of the tunnel. Just don’t let the dogs get back in, they always come sniffing around smh.

      1. I dig your point and you're right. I just want to say that it's very likely that a guy can be honest with the women he's involved with. He can very well tell a woman that he's open to dating other women or that he's dealing with other women. Women can know this and still be involved with said fellow. Regardless of this a woman can still and many times do catch feelings. This isn't always because a man wasn't honest. That's not too piggish right?

        1. @DamnPops

          “He can very well tell a woman that he’s open to dating other women or that he’s dealing with other women. Women can know this and still be involved with said fellow…….That’s not too piggish right? ”

          It’s as friendly as all the male friends who I’ve friendzoned who I told I never ever had any intention of being in a relationship with and they stuck around hoping I’d change my mind while I got to use them for a free meal & some attention when I got bored or when I was trying to get over a guy I really liked. Just recently I had to get on my grown woman & cut-all-of-them-off. No calls, no texts, no nothing. Maybe I’m getting older, but I’m realizing It’s wrong to use a man knowing they want more & it’s wrong for men to use a woman if you know they want more. It’s that simple. Even if they’ll stick around and allow themselves to be used. A real man will cut the $hit off.

      2. “why ya'll guys out here breaking women's hearts when you know there are guys out there who will treat them better?”

        That is simultaneously the most logical, YET absurd and laughably illogical question I’ve seen on this site.

        …awesome

    4. Thanks everyone; I am doing well now. I am with someone who is wonderful and who treats me well – commitment has never been an issue with him.

      However, I sometimes miss that carefree, vulnerable person I used to be. I did learn a valuable lesson, just wish I hadn't spent the last part of my 20's dealing with him.

  5. Don't judge me…but I lost my star player, he got married on me! He was like the mailman, rain, sleet or snow my male delivered. At first, I felt bad for the woman he married, I helped him cheat on her because the whole time he was available for me he had to be pursuing her?? Not something you want to intentionally do to another worman. But I do know that men can seperate sex & love very well, unfortunately a habit I have picked up as well.

  6. I've dated (no relationship just dates) different people at the same time. Never quite thought of it as a rotation, until now. But I do know, of the different guys I was dating, there was the guy I preferred over all the rest.
    My recent post GYMBECILE.

  7. As a woman being all about sports this has always been my way of thinking when dealing with a man…you must know 9 times out of 10 your joining a team. Now your job is to become the franchise player..some women are like Jeremy Lin there no one but when its time to play everyones like omg whose this girl or you may be like Kobe and posses natural talent of an awesome girl. As a woman knowing my position I'll flip it, I deal with Phil Jackson type coaches who knows a champ when he see's one, Mike Browns will get fired/replaced. All in all this type of thinking for me has made it fun…Ive been dating someone and this is how we do things and it works we recently had contract negotiations which I, as a franchise player demanded a little bit more not much but as a coach you gotta keep certain players happy…I signed on for another year so no complaints from me…At the end of the day we are all fighting for the championship title and the ring thats goes along with it….

  8. The last part is what gets most men in trouble alot of the time. It sucks to lose old faithful but bruh LET HER GO lol dont you sell that girl the dream

  9. This is my thing, the dating world is a b*t*h….When I meet a guy and he says Im not ready to be in a relationship right then and there I have 2 choices stay or go. I go, ain't no love lost, I stay Ive joined a team…But what I see from the previous post is that men are lying and selling women dreams thats the part thats not cool and thats not fair to women. And I believe thats one of the main reason to why women will hit you with that what is this and what are we doing line. I saw one woman post she felt stripped of her innocence and I thought to myself why do I think the way that I do now…what have I been stripped of? In the current situation that Im in I could be getting lied to hell I feel like its almost a obligation for a man to lie to a woman from time to time I dont like it but it happens…but if this man walked away from me and chose someone else I would be hurt, but not because I lost a lover, a boyfriend, or a husband I'd be hurt because I lost a man that was my friend and who I connected well with….

  10. ‘Thirsty’ Theodore approaches a girl on the street by running after her as she passes him on the opposite side of the street. He dashes through traffic, narrowly avoiding being crushed by a public transit bus, in the hopes of catching up to the ‘cute’ girl in tight yoga pants.

    Alpha Adam happened to be walking down the same street at the same time and notices a guy (Theodore) panting out of breath dashing through traffic to reach an average looking girl in tight yoga pants. He continues walking headed to the gym. He has allotted specific time to workout and nothing gets in the way. Especially not an average girl in tight yoga pants walking on the opposite side of the street.

    Adam check-ins at the front desk to his local gym and then proceeds to blast through a workout focused solely on himself. He’s made such improvement in the gym, he barely notices the hotties in the gym who continually eye fuck him as he works out. Adam notices, but his workout comes first. Adam finishes his workout feeling pumped and on top of the world.

    He walks out of the gym and approaches the crosswalk, where a hot girl in tight yoga pants is waiting for the cross signal. He casually looks over at her and a small smile escapes his lips. She smiles back. “I’m Adam, what’s your name?” “Michelle. Just get done working out?” she asks. “No. I normally wear workout clothes and walk around sweating like a whore in church”, Adam retorts with a smirk and a wink. Michelle giggles and punches Adam’s arm softly, an obvious indicator of interest. Just then the cross signal flashes ‘Walk’ and Michelle starts to cross the street.

    Adam continues his confident gait, but doesn’t scurry to keep up with Michelle. He’s walking on his terms, living his life and Michelle just passed through it. “Slow down Ms. Michelle”, Adam barks and Michelle looks back slightly surprised, but clearly happy that Adam was dominate enough to command her attention. She stops in her tracks waiting for Adam to meander up to her. Now in unison, they finish crossing the street. Adam already has his phone out and puts it in Michelle’s hand. “Put your number in. If you can keep up we’ll grab a drink sometime”. Michelle’s face lights up and she promptly types her number, first and last name into his phone. Adam already knows when a girl puts her last name in your phone too, this is another Indicator of Interest. “Cool”, Adam says. He turns to go leaving Michelle standing there basking in the glow of encountering an Alpha In The ‘Wild’.

    Meanwhile, Theodore is sitting in a Starbucks dejected contemplating his last pitiful approach. Let’s rewind and see what happened with his ‘thirsty’ approach.

    Last time we saw Theodore he was dashing through traffic and narrowly avoided getting killed by a public transit bus. He catches up to the average (but in his eyes ‘cute’ girl) in tight yoga pants. “Excuse me miss!”, Theodore yells out of breath. The average girl stops and turns. “Yes?” Theodore pauses for a couple of seconds to catch his breath. “I noticed you walking from across the street and would like to take you on a date sometime”. “Umm I don’t really do dates”, the girl responds. “Well, it doesn’t have to be a date, but if you allow me to take you out, then I can prove to you I can show you a great time. See I’m an investment banker and I-”, she cuts him off before he can finish. “I have a boyfriend, so no that’s not going to happen”. Theodore’s face falls and before he can respond, she turns on her heel and saunters off. If Theodore wasn’t so blinded by his ‘thirst’, he would have noticed the extra ten pounds of fat squeezing through her tight yoga pants. Theodore watches her walk away, before hanging his head and ducking into the Starbucks adjacent to the street.

  11. I'm reading some of these responses (from women) and thinking … WTF?

    I can't count how many times I read responses and there is a woman endorsing another woman to: Date and Keep Your Options Open. In this post it's a man who happens to have several women in rotation and loses one. A few women here are 'Jaded' because they used to be 'That' woman who left or got dropped. Hey … It Happens. No need to be 'Bitter' or more 'Careful' with the next man because of what (you allowed) to happen before. Just be yourself and keep your eyes open. I think the problem is Most women really believe they are 'That Girl' – The woman any man they meet should be more than satisfied with. The reality is: She Might Be a Nice Place to Visit … But … You Don't Want to LIVE There.

    The woman who really are All That are Never on the Market (so to speak) very long; Men Claim them quickly. Whether as Girl Friend or Wife the Men who desire them do whatever it takes to have them. I always say: It is True There Were African Queens. It is Also True Most Women in Africa Were Not Queens. They Were Common. Thousands of years later we are still dealing with the same situation. Men honor and respect Queens … Or at least Their Queen. Women who do not measure up are put in rotation (because of the good qualities they do have) but not kept on a permanent basis.

    It is What It is …

    1. I never understood why women think that they're the only one when just "dating" a man. In my opinion if a dude tells me that Im the only one he's dating he should be making me his girlfriend at that point. If we're dating and you say Im the only one and we're still just dating thats a dead give-away he's keeping his options open.
      As women we should never give a man that much power to make us feel bitter and upset especially if your just dating. I just want us women to be stronger then that

    2. I think it's a question of how it's done. If you're honest about seeing other people, 99% of the time someone is going to end up being hurt, but you can't really blame someone who was completely honest the whole time. If you're intentionally misleading someone, that's another issue.

      Also, I want to point out that, if a woman has been the woman in rotation (knowingly or unknowingly), it's not a reflection of her general desireability. Perhaps a woman was not "all that" to that particular man, or maybe no woman will be good enough to make a man settle down if he is not ready to do so.

    3. I understand what you are saying, and as one of the women who previously commented I don't think anyone was jaded, but those experiences do change you. As far as being bitter, no lesson should make you bitter but what it should do is make you more aware of what you want out of relationships with the opposite sex.

      In my case, I was maaaaaaaaad naive; this was a situation I got in after my very first relationship. I hadn't ever really dated prior to that so I was green. And, the man in question who had me in rotation, wasn't honest about having me in a rotation so to speak. When I found out, I was the one who walked. We had an established friendship (so I thought then), and my hurt came from the fact that he felt like he COULDN'T be honest with me because of that, more than anything else. And to this very day, ol' boy is still playing the same tricks. Still single, still keeping a steady rotation. I just hope he has learned to be a bit more polished with his pimpin.' My thing is, give me a choice. If you are 100% about your position I have no choice but to respect it and make a decision from there.

      Like you said, ish happens. People get hurt; I don't think that diminishes their value as a person or perspective partner. There ARE women and men alike who do feel like they are "That Girl/Guy" when they should evaluate. I just don't think everyone who has ever been a victim to the rotation has been that person. If a person isn't ready to settle down, they just aren't. If you weren't the one for someone, then you just weren't. Everything isn't for everybody, and sometimes things just don't work out.

      My recent post March Madness 2014

      1. MsKenyaBayBay …

        My perspective comes from being the "Other Man" more than a few times. So I understand the 'Rotation' (so to speak). I agree; the thing that makes most of these situations F'd Up is Dishonesty. Men (and women) who do not tell the truth up front rob people of their choices. Those who do not express their honest feelings/thoughts when meeting or engaging with another person ARE selfish. You're Right. "Give Me the Choice to Decide if This is a Situation I Want to be In".

        To Me … What's really messed up about situations like this is: Many times if a person just tells the truth (up front) … You'd be amazed how many people would Choose to still Deal. I don't take back anything I said in my post but I do recognize that sometimes it is a case of Bad Timing. Two people meet but want different things at the time they meet. It doesn't mean the woman or man is a bad person. It just means they are not the right person at the time: For where they are in their life. Hopefully (in the future) we all 'Live and Learn'. Hopefully we will ask the right questions. Hopefully (by experience) we learn to Trust What Our Gut is Telling Us. So that when we meet the 'Right' person who is 'In the Place' we are and wanting what we want … We don't cause 'That' person to pay for what someone else did.

        I firmly believe there is Somebody (s) for Everybody. The world is big place. There are thousands who will fit our bill at any given moment. The struggle is to 'Find That Person' while Not Losing Too Much of Ourselves in the Process. Hopefully our lives Blend to the point where we can have something really great.

        The good thing about dating multiple people (and I do mean dating) is that it allows (whether male or female) one to determine what they Do and Do Not Want. I just think most Women seem to feel they are the only ones who should exercise that option. Being 'That One' means you are 'That One' for That Person. It doesn't mean that someone is not a good person. It doesn't mean that they are not right for Some One. Maybe you guys were meant to be Good Friends. Maybe 'the sex' was the connection. Maybe it was the 'Right Person … Wrong Time'. Whatever it is … is Not an attack on Who or What you are as a Woman: It (really) Just Is What It Is.

        Just My Opinion …

  12. I agree TDavid. Unfortunately, I believe that most men don't adhere to the moral code when making dating decisions. It's usually about what they want. But both men and women may chalk this type of male mindset up as "that's how men are". But, Newsflash: We're all connected. So, what hurts one person, ultimately hurts the other. Right? So, men have a dilemma as well, even though they may not think so. What one puts out, always, always returns. You can take it to the bank 7 days a week. It's called Karma. Is say its time for our men to start thinking on a higher dimensions, period.

    It's nothing wrong with women wanting to date and not be in a relationship. That is what men do, and why should it be any different for her (?). Nuf said. I agree, however, that we all need to be honest. I think that most of the time, we lie by omission. We engage in dating, but don't have open conversations about how the deal is gonna go down. This doesn't guarantee that people won't get hurt, but it damn sure allows both people to be more accountable and real to themselves and each other. This may mean that people will walk earlier than if they were in " denial", but it's a lot less messy and more grown-up. But we see what we want (or what we think we want) and we're ready to get down without slowing down for a minute. If it's going to be a friends-with-benefits situation, people still need to be vetted to see if the maturity level is there. If not, people will just continue to make enemies and keep bad energy with a lot of people. Why do that?

    1. MsPhilosphie … This: "I say its time for our men to start thinking on a higher dimensions, period."

      I have no disagreement with what you are saying here; I do think our 'Practical Application" of it is different. I'm actually a 'Relationship Guy': Meaning in a relationship I am monogamous. I prefer to have 'That One'. The process to Get There is where I sense you miss my point.

      First, I know Me. I am very demanding. I know what I want and look for in a woman. I have very low tolerance for BS. I'm a 'Straight-No-Chaser' type of guy. I respect all women But I don't Honor any woman just because she has a cuttie. And a lot of women have dealt with so many 'Grimy Dudes' … They are fake as [email protected] and Full of Shaat. Like when meeting anyone New; It's their 'Representative' you meet. It takes a little time to start seeing the 'Real' them. So during the process of figuring out 'Where' this person might fit in your life; You might as well date other people.
      I always say: "Every Thing is Great When There is Nothing Else to Compare it To." I think Men give women too much Power Too Soon. Why Commit to Dating Just One Woman If All You're (both) Doing is Figuring Out What Kind of Relationship This Will Be?

      Secondly, "I Had a Life When I Met You". Dating different people (when single) helps you figure out Who best fits into the life you have. I think it works the same for women: Figure out what guy best fits the life you have. How can that happen if you restrict yourself for 2,3,4 months to one man just to find You Make Better Friends? It might have been easier to figure out if (at the same time) you went to dinner or hung out or talked or 'Dated' other men.

      Lastly … there are so many 'Weak A$$ and Trick A$$' Men out here, Some women don't know that "Grown A$$ Men" don't 'Just Settle'. When I see a Pretty or Cute or Sexy or Fine A$$ Woman … Yes, I Attracted. But I'm not going to lose my mind just because you have a pretty smile. If we agree to go out or talk or spend time we, both, are drawing conclusions from it. We, both, are working out the details. Besides, Life is Short. There's nothing wrong with having a varied circle of acquaintances. Every date is not going to end in a relationship. You might just make a good friend or find a Business Associate or It may be someone you only see in passing. Either way … It Is What It Is. Until a man wants to commit himself in a Relationship He needs to keep his Options Open. If he is a man who enjoys the company of women He's going to do that anyway. Until he finds the right one. He just needs to be 'Real/Truthful' with his Dates.

      Just My Opinion …

  13. This article is right on time for me. I’m in my late 20s and I’ve been girlfriend 1B for the past 2 years to a guy of similar age. We had this connection that we couldn’t shake and quickly i became more relevant than the girlfriend. Cuz she’s out doing her own thing with other dudes. Messy right? As time goes on, no drama but a lot of mixed up feelings. He was my rebound. He knew that. Although we love each other, I’m no fool. I want an actual relationship now. He is holding on to dear life and I’m over it. I was old faithful. His gf sucks and he doesn’t wanna lose his other option. I thought we developed a friendship but i feel betrayed. He’s really tryna game me up so I’ll stick around and i feel insulted. I was “faithful” to him for 2 years, he never got caught up but he can’t leave well enough alone. I don’t know how to feel now and i think I’m being played. He said he’ll only be with me if she dumps him but he doesn’t ever want to leave me. His selfishness astounds me.

  14. SHOCKING! Not that his this news to me but what's makes me so sad and at @HustlynDiza women like your self my sister are willing to settle for less and lowers their standards and worth because they feel they can't get better!! So Sad sis so sad. The reality is I don't blame these men who are using women for their own selfish gain,but it's us sisters who tolerate it and even set an awful examples to our daughters as the norm who let these men treat us like this. In reality people only treat you how you let them!

  15. SHOCKING! Not that this is news to me but what's makes me so sad and at @HustlynDiza women like your self my sister are willing to settle for less and lowers their standards and worth because they feel they can't get better!! So Sad sis so sad. The reality is I don't blame these men who are using women for their own selfish gain,but it's us sisters who tolerate it and even set an awful examples to our daughters as the norm who let these men treat us like this. In reality people only treat you how you let them!

  16. Losing one chick ain’t that bad! But when drop all your chicks for one main chick and then brake up with her!!!! That’s how you mess up your life! There you are, chickless!

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