The social media landscape is full of people who never lose in their lives, are perfect 10s in looks, make millions of dollars, and live life to the fullest. At least this is the impression that most people give on Facebook and Twitter. In real life, they aren’t even close to the expectations and standards that they set in the virtual world. The advantage to watching the hypocrisy and judgment ensue is that they bring up excellent topics to discuss on SBM! So as I skimmed my timeline, I saw the discussion revolving around dating (as usual). Women seemed to be in an uproar over men who paid for dates with coupons. Some were appalled, while others didn’t have a problem. I saw men staying relatively silent on this topic, probably because sports or music was more prevalent that day. I decided to embrace this debate and blog out loud about the pros and cons of dating a man who pays for a date with a coupon.
Pro – Men Exhibit Fiscal Responsibility
I’ve said this ad nauseum in the 6+ years that I have blogged, but women don’t respect a man who doesn’t have a grasp on his finances. If you have made the proper connections in life, and done even minimalistic research into stores, products, and deals, then you should never pay for everything at full price. The benefit of an under performing national economy is that every business wants your patronage, and they are willing to sweeten deals. Look no further than to sites like LivingSocial and Groupon to see that companies want your money and have a plethora of deals to show you! I made a vow that I didn’t want to pay for certain things at full price (or at all), so instead of becoming a stick up kid, I started using my resources.
I do product reviews for companies, and I’m fortunate to work with people in different industries who can put me on to the best deal possible. Dinners and dates are no different. If restaurant week comes to NYC, be sure that I will take advantage and enjoy high quality meals and discount prices. To me, there is no shame in that. I do believe that a man should pay for the first date regardless of what a woman says. it’s just customary. If a woman is getting a free meal, I don’t see why it matters whether or not that meal is discounted. Women should salute a man for getting the most bang for their buck, because that means there’s more money left over to spend on nice things for the both of you (if you get that far with him).
Con – A Thin Line Between Frugal And Cheap
The flipside of finding a deal is the perception that you are cheap. There’s nothing wrong with getting a deal and flipping that into an awesome night for you and a lady friend, but when you don’t want to spend money without the benefit of a price break, you look suspect. I’m not one to be all up in another person’s bank account, but there is a time and place for everything.
Men will spend money on electronics, clothes, cars, and anything else that interest them. When you hesitate to spend that same kind of money on a woman, they will notice and keep that in the back of their head. Women, well good women, will not hesitate to spend money on a man when they know that you will do the same for them. One would have to wonder if the cheapness a man exhibits correlates directly to the level of admiration they have for that woman. Now all cases are different, and money spent doesn’t always mean that you love a woman, but no one likes a cheap skate. It’s cool to splurge within reason.
Con – Perception Of The Coupon
Although I do agree that fiscal responsibility is an admirable trait that men can exhibit, I am a big proponent of tact. I don’t have a problem with paying for a date with a coupon, but I cant front as if I’ve ever done that before. Honestly, I don’t know how comfortable I would feel whipping out a “2 for 1 drinks Taco Tuesday” special coupon on a date without fear of judgment from a woman. A woman might see the coupon and be reminded of younger days when men they dated considered breakfast at IHOP as gourmet dining. They will tell you that coupon dinners are cool when it’s fast food or chain restaurant dining, but at a nicer establishment or a more formal sit-down dinner it’s out of line. They will feel like the dinner is sub par even if it’s the best meal they have ever eaten! I don’t look at this as logical, but these are real feelings from women and real apprehension from men. If I paid for a meal via coupon, the woman would never know because I would utilize tact. There’s no need for them to know that I got a discount. I’d rather avoid the potential judgment and side eyes by taking care of those minute details in the shadows.
Pro – The Experience > The Cost Of The Meal
On the same note, you can pay for a meal via some type of discount special, and still retain the ambiance of a high quality meal. There’s no need to swindle a woman into thinking that you are a baller when your bank account is regular. A woman will eventually find out what type of dough you actually hold. However, you can have her focus on the experience itself, and not the price point. Some of the nicest restaurants in the US are more than affordable, but have an air of premium dining about them. The experience of a quality date is greater than the price, and it doesn’t hurt that a man can save an extra buck or 20. While I’m on the subject of coupon dates, what’s the difference between a coupon and a hookup by the establishment? If I had a coupon for a free meal at a five star restaurant where we would eat for free, and I knew the owner of a restaurant who allowed me to eat on their dime, is the difference only semantics?
In the end, I don’t think it’s wrong for a man to pay for a date with a coupon, especially if he is paying for the entire date! I would just caution against the tact used in applying that coupon on a date. No matter how much a woman would say that it was cool, I would have a feeling that some type of clowning would ensue either there, down the line, or to her homegirls. You don’t want to damage your brand, but you don’t want to front either. It’s a slippery slope. Women, if you have a good guy treating you right, or a potential good dude who wants to spend time with you and treat you to dates, don’t judge him on how he gets it done. Focus on the experience itself. Some of the same people creating these standards of dating are the same ones who spend Friday night curled up with their laptops and copies of 50 Shades of Grey, listening to the latest Adele CD with no type of male companionship on the horizon. Given the choices, I would say the dude with the coupon would be a healthier alternative.
To coup or not to coup, that is the question I pose to you SBM readers! What are some pros and cons of dining on a budget?
Women – Any experiences with this situation? Does it help or hurt a man’s chances with you?
Men – Have you blatantly coupon’d on a date? How did you feel afterwards?
Did you still hit (kidding but not really)?
We made this one new again. Let the discussion begin.
I was told you cant bust out the groupon on the first date…… but lately I'm trying to save, thinking of ways to knock the hustle. Like waiting for her to hit the restroom before i bust out the check.
Its a double edge sword, b/c homegirl isn't suppose to know how much i paid for the meal/date anyway. But she has to know I paid full price?
Heck if you are a G, you can get Taco Tuesdays on Thursdays…….Money talks, ya heard me.
First time I ever heard of this I laughed. Was like, "Really??? Paying for a date with a coupon?" But I can't be mad at it now. If you can save a couple of dollars then why not? And its not even limited to dining dates. It could be an outing somewhere; hot air balloon ride, go-karting, play/show, etc; via Living Social or the other sites. The biggest issue might be the man knowing what type of women he is taking out. Is shea woman that appreciates a man that makes smart moves or one that is all about appearances. That could really be the deciding factor in the coupon vs non-coupon thing.
*edit* Funny enough, as I'm reinstalling Groupon on my new phone I see a Groupon for a deal to a 4-course dinner at a spot talking about Statler Grill. 59% off. $213 down to $89. How could anyone be mad at those kinds of savings? lol
My general rule of thumbs are
1) downplay the coupon- it was a gift, you just don't want it to expire, you can even sell that to her upfront.
2) activities > meals- different strokes but coupons for meal dates seem a lil too tacky, a free archery class or some sh t you probably would never pay for anyway is another story.
3) date level headed women- if she's one of those chicks who read one too many relationship books and actually puts stock in how much you spend on a date, that's already a red flag
If you're gonna pay with a coupon, I suggest doing some other activity before dinner. Make sure she has such a good time than she's not even thinking about how dinner is paid for. If the date is for some activity only, then whatever. Coupon it up! Everyone knows about those deals! She can stay her ass home on the couch watching reruns of Moesha or be out having a good time. She may have even copped some of those deals herself.
I find it funny that women can be bargain shoppers and discount gurus — possibly even wear something they got on the cheap while they're out with you — but you're supposed to drop wads of cash to show how much of a gentleman you are? For a first date?
Basically, men supposed to go broke by dating multiple people while women are supposed to enjoy free meals from multiple men. Makes sense….
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If I need to use a coupon on a date then I probably shouldn't be dating.
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The one thing that always comes up in this conversation is the idea that because someone uses a coupon on a date, that they have no money, or that they can’t afford to date without coupons. I guess a lot of women want to feel like they’re not a cheap date / they’re dating someone with some money to spend.
Wealthy people stay wealthy because they aren’t afraid to use a discount / take a deal.
I doubt that men are walking around here taking women on dates with a paper coupon from the Sunday newspaper, it’s probably a groupon or living social deal, or even a gift card from there credit card company (example Amex points) .
Also if he isn’t asking you to pay the tab / bill for whatever activity you guys are doing, why are you worried about what he uses to pay for it? As long as a coupon isn’t the requirement for us to go out and have fun, what’s the issue?
"As long as a coupon isn’t the requirement for us to go out and have fun, what’s the issue?"
Thank ya kindly for this.
You just answered your own question: "Wealthy people stay wealthy because they aren’t afraid to use a discount / take a deal."
So when you get wealthy, you can have a pass.
My recent post Kimye + Vogue = Really?
You could just tell her up front that you have the coupon. Like, "Hey I got this Groupon for brunch I need to use, you want to go?" The way you present that is everything. I wouldn't do this on a first date though.
it’s ok if you’re married w/ kids & you’re on a budget & you have a mortgage & car notes & tuition & ya’ll are both in school then yeah- coupon it up.
If you are single young man and you want to be talked about for the rest of your natural born life and have your date be COMPLETELY embarrassed & if you want women you’ve dated in the past to hide thier heads in shame at the thought of your name, then use your coupons 🙂
I should’ve specified: if you’re a single young man on your first few dates then it’s tacky as hell to pay with coupons. In a relationship, yeah do your thing.
Coupons primary purpose, bring in new customers and give customers a reason to try new things, why a dude would get clowned for taking a girl to a new Japanese spot neither heard of while the other cats still going to PF Changs…no wonder she single.
I’m not single & like I said in a relationship it’s cool, but on the first few dates it’s tacky- sry, there’s no getting around that. And yes, men who do that on the 1st few dates will get clowned – I’m not trying to sugar coat things or make anybody feel better or get no thumbs up from none of ya’ll, I’m just tryna tell ya’ll the truth.
Hilariously the few women I know that would clown a coupon regardless of how long they've been with a person are all in relationships. I have a few theories on that, lol
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It's a coupon for gawds sake, can women just be happy at the fact that a man asked us out. Do you know how hard it is to set up a "date", do you know how hard it is to even find someone you want to go out on a date with….my stars! There is nothing wrong with using a coupon 1st date or not, If you look down on someone using a coupon then we women need not hit the sales racks at all our favorite stores, we need to start paying full price for everything. Relax! I can admire a man that has no problem using a coupon, that means more dates for me 🙂
*sidebar* Ive actually suggested the use of a coupon before and I actually got looked at, like ugh and that was a turn off
Its the perception of value…a date is a mutually beneficial arrangement but the terms and conditions some women have its like they're doing him a favor, and in that case, why even say yes
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Its so sad how dating has changed..the expectations, the open ended interview type questions, the proving of oneself all lies on dates *throws in towel*
It’s funny because a lot of women will say how a first date doesn’t have to be “expensive” or it can be simple, yet roll their eyes at the though of a man taking them out on his dime, with a discount (coupon).
Now if he’s using a coupon to take you to Applebee’s and you still have to share a main course and dessert, then yea he’s cheap. But if your doing something different like, an art class or eating at a new restaurant or going to a play and you feel insulted because he used a coupon to make the purchase, then you may want to revaluate if your even on a date with someone your into.
@HustlynDiva, I agree. I don't have a problem with a coupon. I actually prefer paying for a first date…just me. I do this because if it doesn't work out, I don't like to be accused of hustling a brother for a meal. I don't need a meal that bad. If I know ahead of time the restaurant we are going to, I will bring coupons if I have them. Not that I can't afford or he can't afford, but I just believe in fiscal responsibility. Money saved, is money that can be used for something better like tuition, bills, charity, helping out family, another date if the first one goes right.
Dr. J is absolutely correct! Just be up front about it! If you wait until the end acting sneaky and suspect like you are embarrassed then that is a problem. If its a first date Im not expecting you to break the bank anyways! We may not even vibe well. Nothing wrong with groupon or living social. imo…
from a long time observer!
So glad to see common sense rule in this discussion. I work for two billionaires, and they stay using their AMEX points because they can. Unless anyone checking this site has more money than that, I say use your ish and if the woman can't deal move on to the next one.
Just do like Jamie Foxx – Dine and dash. Chicks love an adventure.
I think if someone is upfront about it, unnecessary awkwardness can be avoided.
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I'm with J. There's a difference between opening with "I got this Groupon for…" which most women would agree to (there ARE some that won't but then it is your choice to proceed), and picking her up, taking her to the place, breaking out a 2-fer coupon and then asking to split the check (this actually happened to a friend of mine!!).
Personally, I giveth not one f*cketh which date a coupon is used, I care more about the overall effort. Shoot, I have an alert set for restaurants I want to go to and experiences I don't want to pay full-price for via Yipit. I spent an entire summer only doing couponed experiences and documented it. If someone else is game for a discounted adventure it's only a plus for me.
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Now that’s different lol He had a coupon and still wanted her to go half he’s cheap.
Tacky, tacky, tacky.
I'm guessing that the men that are okay with this probably still have Similac on their breath. Grown men don't need to use coupons – especially not on the 1st date.
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I never viewed it as that serious. Its a coupon. Paying more for something you can get for less is backwards. I wouldnt see it as a determination of my worth to my date.
If using a coupon on a date is that serious to her then drop her like a rock. If the coupon is the only reason you went on the date at all then that's a whole different issue. In any case, dating or otherwise, using a coupon is ok.. It shouldn't matter that much to someone who isn't all about appearances and materialistic.
NOTE: If you use a coupon, tip as if you paid regularly. Don't tip a dollar if you got half-off on a hundred dollar meal. Men and women both are guilty of this. Ladies, don't offer to get the tip and then drop fifty cents on the table. That's just a terrible thing to do.
So basically coupons are only ok to use in the following situations
1)your're date doesn’t actually see you pay the bill /or make the actually purchase with a coupon (buying tickets to a play or movie or play, or purchasing a groupon for an activity)
2)A coupon isn’t a requirement for the date to happen
3)Not on a dinner date if it’s the first date and if the coupon has too many food restrictions.
A coupon alone does not determine whether or not I have a good date. A coupon is a coupon, whether it’s on paper or digital. If my date used one, I’ll make a side note if it’s a first date. I dated a cheap man before who always used discounts which was not solely the problem. His selfishness was more of an issue. While it seemed like he could only treat with discounts he wanted only the best and most expensive things from me… that wasn’t happening.
I don't mind men using coupons on dates. I don't see the big deal. He can pay that bill any which way he chooses as far as I'm concerned lol.
I'm not sure if the coupon is the real issue here, but rather the mindset behind the person using it. I once knew someone who flat out REFUSED to buy a new winter coat in the dead of Ohio winter because they didn't want to spend the money for it. They had the money, they just preferred to freeze instead of spending anything. That's an extreme, but whipping out a coupon will have me thinking, "Is he truly sensible, or just annoyingly stingy?" or "Am I at the bottom of his dating totem pole and not worth spending anything on?" lol. While anecdotal, in my experience couponers are usually on the extremes of stingy and sensible. On a first date, using a coupon will send my brain wondering which one of the two a man might be. :-/ On that note, it's not a dealbreaker.
I have to admit, I would probably feeel some kinda way, if a man brought out a coupon on a first date. I can see if we were college students but in your 40's….not so much.
Now, down the road, as I'm getting to know him better and I have a better understanding of the type of man that he is, then I would understand.
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first off there is a line between being frugal and cheap. Cheap is when you have it and don't want to spend, fugal is if you're not spending money frivolously or simply don't have the dough to go out and live any type of cosmopolitan lifestyle. If a man goes on a date with a woman and has a coupon, I guess if depends how he uses it. If they went to dinner and he paid, then they did a movie and he used coupons or a movie pass is he warranted as being cheap? Or if he takes you for ice cream and uses a 2 for 1 is that being cheap?–especially if he paid for yours. In the end a date shouldn't be whether a woman or man will come up on each other, it should be about enjoying yourself with the person.
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Jennifer was the 22 year old bartender at my favorite local pub back home. She was friendly enough and we had a good rapport. We often would share stories of embarrassing or debaucherous nights, past and present. These usually included more of her stories than mine, seeing I am pushing 40 and she is in the prime of her partying life. I like Jennifer and I consider her a friend. She admitted to having a crush on me at one point, but we moved past that, and as girls her age often will, she quickly found many more guys to crush on, making it simple to maintain our friendship. Remember, women don’t get wet, they only jump from raft to raft.
Like many women, she would frequently demand to know where the “good guys” were, because in her mind, she really believed she deserved better than what she had. When she said this to me all I could think is, “So what exactly qualifies you, or any modern American woman as someone who deserves a good guy”? Was it when I saw you in the corner of the bar swapping tongues and getting dry humped by that guy you had just met an hour previous? Was it when you told me how the night before you had disappeared, and while everyone looked for you, you were passed out alone at some other bar and had “peed your dress”? Maybe it was when you told me how you prefer anal sex, but that was okay because your current boyfriend might be gay. Apparently he prefers only anal. She told me all of this openly.
Is there no such thing as privacy when it comes to these chicks? They will openly tell people how they don’t fuck their boyfriends anymore and casually divulge all their relationship problems to anyone that will listen. But perhaps it was the virtually naked selfie she sent me, almost like it was a reflex, when I jokingly commented how she was wearing too many clothes in a previous photo. Whatever, it’s cool, they deserve better right? Who needs class when you have a vagina and plenty of lonely men around?
Jennifer had a roommate, same age, who seemed just as baffled as to where her white knight was. This despite Jennifer telling me of the countless, almost nightly random encounters her roomie had with equally random men, one who had recently given her herpes. But that was okay because it was “no big deal, it’s just like having cold sores, except down there.” I’m shocked how such beautiful souls can not find their equally amazing soul-mates. What is wrong with a world where two such wonderful catches are forced to navigate these treacherous seas filled with those sharks called men?
Like a previous article I wrote, No Woman Can Escape Mother Nature’s Devastating Reality Check, I blame a lot of this on thirsty men who allow this behavior because they are too scared to be alone or, God forbid, never get laid again. It’s time to call these women out on this bullshit. Stop being so scared and accommodating, which most women find repulsive anyway.
Jennifer and her roommate are not the target here, nor the anomaly. They are just examples of an all too typical American female. The ones who feel like they can behave any way they choose and shit on whomever they want without consequence. Regardless of this, somehow when they decide they have had enough rides on the cock carousel and spread enough venereal disease, they still deserve a gentlemen to open doors for them and send roses to work on Valentine’s Day so all her coworkers and Facebook friends can be like, awwwww someone loves her. The logic? Well, they are women.
They deserve this for no other reason than that. Who let them believe this? Blue pill “men” who would rather sit on a woman’s bench in the hopes of one day having sex with them and men who prefer the friendzone instead of being assertive and standing up for themselves by letting these women know their behavior is far from acceptable, and actually quite insane. Sure, some blame falls on the woman as well, but to their credit they truly believe their own bullshit, and they believe it because men allow them to.
Just cruise Facebook in your late 30s to see prime examples of this. I can sit here daily and read self-righteous, borderline preposterous posts by females I have known for years to just bounce from dick to dick without consequence or regard for the guys they called boyfriends, or in some cases husbands. Chicks I witnessed take on three dudes in a hot tub now throwing up pictures of their baby and poor husband who has no idea what a selfish slooter his wife once was, and probably still is.
Hell, the majority of women can’t even hold onto any real female friends out of jealousy and envy of one another. There is no loyalty—all that matters is what they want. They are getting away with murder, acting like mother of the year because they are now too old, undesirable and tied down to be worth anything on the market. “The best thing that ever happened to me,” it boasts under the family picture at Epcot Center. Wrong, she realized one day she was not the star of the show anymore. She desperately needed to dupe some unsuspecting man into locking her down and dealing with her bullshit for the rest of his life before it was too late for her. Almost anyone with an income of $50,000 or more per year will suffice, literally anyone. If she still had the ass she had when she was 22, she would still be skating around town, taking advantage of thirsty dudes willing to gamble on the warts she might pass their way, but now she can’t.
Now she is the perfect mommy, looking down her nose at the twenty something’s still in the game pulling off her old tricks. She will post advice filled memes and inspiring credos she never lived by to make herself appear like the mom of the year and wife of the century. She has all the answers. We all should envy her and her perfect little family.
A large percentage of these women, while “happily married”, are still seeking attention in other ways. One thing a female cannot give up until the day she dries up is attention. I personally have a small library of photos sent to me via text or email of these types. Tits, ass, dildos inserted—you name it—some with heads chopped off for anonymity. Anyone of these women can be found on my Facebook feed with pictures of her children and husband proclaiming that these are the greatest things in their life. Right. Until she felt insecure and needed someone to compliment her tits so she can live another day. Oh, what’s that on my cell phone? Nothing crazy, just another text photo of her ass in the bathroom mirror because her and hubby had a fight today.
Let’s not even get into the women I personally have hooked up with over the years who were married or had boyfriends. That was something I did mostly in my 20’s and is not worth the hassle or risk these days, but I truly don’t think the average guy out there realizes what shady creatures women are by nature. I used to think it was just because we were young, and this is what young people do. Nope, because in my late 30’s it’s really not much different. As a matter of fact, a lot of these 30 something women are worse because their self-esteem is shot and they will do what it takes to get attention and feel like they are still desirable. Maybe a sext, maybe a blow job in the car, whatever it takes.
You ever notice in movies and TV shows that when a man cheats on his girl he is portrayed as a total piece of trash misogynist? But what happens when the female character cheats on her man? The man is still portrayed as a piece of trash misogynist that deserved to be cheated on. She was just a victim and we are supposed to be happy she left him for the other man. This is the mentality of the American women, and like music, it seems to only get worse with every generation.
Wow, you sound like you got some serious issues with women. The women you describe that you are friends with or spend time communicating with are not indicative of all women. You sound like you need a whole new group of friends.
There is such a thing as maturing with age and learning from your mistakes as well as turning one's life around. That comes with age and life experiences…people tend to do this as they get older. We should not judge a person's current life based on their past mistakes. Most of us, if we are honest, did things when we were younger that we regret, but as we matured, learned to live and do better, and yes, use our life experiences to try and help others. This does not mean we think we are better, or that we have arrived, but that we are growing and maturing. Mistakes we have made and learned from, don't define who we are now. If these women are still doing these things you say and you don't think it is right, why are you still communicating with them and accepting those types of pics from them. Being a part of someone's insanity, but then calling them insane, makes you just as insane…
You write from a hurting heart, I'm praying for you. I pray for your heart and mind to have peace, comfort and true love, amen. You have the potential to be greater than these experiences and what you wrote.
This should not be an issue for a mature woman. Successful people know the importance of buy low/sell high. If something as basic as saving money is a problem on day one then we’re probably not going to make it to day two anyway. A woman should promote her man to invest his money- not encourage him to pay more than he has to?? If for none other then selfish reasons he’ll have more money left over to enjoy more dates. Oprah ain’t even trying to waste money.
The mistake is the man paying for the whole date! Go double dutch and the coupon doesn’t seem so bad. Still wouldn’t do it on the first date full stop