Home Dating & Relationships Dating 6 Reasons Men Don’t Ask Women About STD’s

6 Reasons Men Don’t Ask Women About STD’s

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black-couple-in-bed

By Chocolate Vent

In my 30+ years of living no man has ever asked me whether or not I have been tested for a sexually transmitted disease (STD), let alone if I actually have one. Can you believe that? I mean it’s not like I’ve had sex with a bunch of different men or anything, but why is it that no one has cared enough to ask?

I have to admit I feel some kinda way if a man doesn’t ask me for my “papers.”  Who wouldn’t be concerned for their own health? I know I am disease-free, but they don’t know that. Why should a man take my word for it – because I “look clean?” Even when I take the initiative to ask a man about his STD status, he still doesn’t ask about mine. And it’s one thing to ask someone if they’ve been tested, but why not get proof? With the latest technology at our fingertips, it is so easy to show anyone your medical history almost instantly. Even Kaiser has an app that sends test results directly to your phone, so there is NO excuse why you can’t prove that you’re STD free.

So what does it take for a man to actually care about his health?! I took it upon myself to ask a few of my guy friends whether or not they’ve ever asked a woman for her STD results and if no, why not. Here are some of their reasons:

1)      “I don’t really want to know” – Who wants to hear bad news? Probably not the best conversation to have right before having sex, I know.  If someone you really like (or at least you like them well enough to sleep with them) is infected & they do tell you, that would just kill the mood. But like the old saying goes, “What you don’t know, can kill you.”

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2)      “I assume she’s clean because she made me wait” – Why else would a woman make you wait for sex unless she was clean? People who are already infected don’t do that, do they? Well, just because someone makes you wait for it doesn’t mean that they’re clean. For all you know they could be waiting for their herpes outbreak to clear up. Besides, it’s never safe to ‘assume’ anything, now is it?

3)      “I’m already protecting myself” – If a guy is already wearing a condom, he may think that he’s protecting himself against any disease a woman may have. This couldn’t be further from the truth. For one, there are always bodily fluids that can be spread from a women’s vagina down to any exposed area on a man’s body. Not to mention, herpes can be transmitted through skin to skin contact. Sorry guys but condoms don’t protect you from everything.

4)      “I don’t really care” – I actually had a guy tell me that he would take whatever disease I had as long as it could be cured with a shot or a pill. He said other than HIV or AIDS, he could handle any other STD. He actually said this to me. Can you believe it? Well, if he didn’t care whether or not I had a disease, he probably felt the same way about other women he’s slept with. No thanks; next!

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5)      “Wouldn’t you be offended if I ask you?” – Who cares if I am?! Seriously if a woman is offended by you asking if she’s been tested & to see a copy of those test results you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with her in the first place. I mean, how dare you try to protect your own health?!

6)      “I’m just happy to be getting some” – This seemed to be the most common response from my informal survey. At the end of the day most men are just trying to get some so the thought of STDs either completely kills the mood or sometimes may not even cross their minds. I don’t get it – Is sex that hard to come by that you would put your own health at risk just to get some? Nobody (guy or girl) should be that desperate to have sex that they are irresponsible with their own well-being.

The rates for STDs, particularly among African Americans, are staggering. According to the CDC, in 2012, the overall rate among African Americans with chlamydia was 1,229.4 cases per 100,000 people. Also, 63% of all reported gonorrhea cases & 39.7% of all syphilis cases were African Americans.  Not to mention, we are the most affected by HIV, representing over 40% of all new infections. At some point in our lifetime an estimated 1 in 16 African American men and 1 in 32 African American women will be diagnosed with an HIV infection. That’s pretty scary! With these tragic statistics, why would you not shield yourself from something that can be easily prevented?

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Men don’t be afraid to ask for a woman’s test results. I’m sure women will respect you even more for prioritizing your health as well as theirs. After all, she may not even know she has an STD. And ladies, if you’ve never been asked before then don’t be afraid to offer. The best ways to reduce your risk of catching an STD are: 1) Practicing abstinence, 2) Using condoms (female or male) and 3) Vaccinating yourself against the spread of any disease. Good health should be your priority, not good sex.

What do you think? Ladies, don’t you think a man should make sure you’re disease-free before trying to sleep with you? Men, have you ever considered asking for proof that a woman is clean before sleeping with her? And more importantly, will you do it going forward?

Chocolate Vent

http://ChocolateVent.com

*For more information on STDs:

CDC National Prevention Information Network
Phone: 1-800-458-5231
E-mail: [email protected]

Division of STD Prevention – Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Comment(24)

  1. I also think part of it is the date of the results. You may have been tested a month ago and possibly could have had unprotected sex after the fact. In order to be as accurate as possible we would have to go to the clinic and obtain our results together. 1.That may take some time to link up and schedule and an appointment. 2. We (men & prob women too) are horny on the spot and aint got time for all that. 3. As you mentioned we feel as safe as its gonna get if we strap up, so bend ova!

  2. To be tested for STD/STI is actually supposed to be as continuous as pro athletes being tested for PEDs. Think about it, IF/WHEN somebody is not exactly exclusive with 1 man/woman and are dating multiple people, that 1 Test probably is good to share with Everyone ONCE; that doesn't mean that one can only share 1 test between 2, 3, 4+ people every time. Who's to say then that IF/WHEN you get a STD/STI that one of the 2, 3, 4+ folks gave it to you? Would they even know based off of getting proof- From You- That you were clean, ego They Were Clean??

    This is tons of work to do even before finding somebody that you want to be mutually exclusive with- and I haven't even gotten to the point of while You are Clean, the One(s) you are Sleeping with Isn't and/or isn't Honest Themselves……..

  3. Great post, I think everything you said was true except #4 that's just some ratchet sh t. The other thing is all a whole the stigma with STIs. I remember a woman asked me and I was kinda offended (them I remembered she was tryna give me some so I got over it) and since that day I would ask future prospects and most respected it, some wanted to know what I heard (had to leave that alone)
    My recent post Today’s Word is… SUPERMAN

    1. Tristan, I agree #4 is ratchet AND dumb as hell. Its like Wheel of STD's…spinning the wheel and hoping for vd and ending up with herpes or HIV. And as dumb and ratchet as it is, unfortunately it is extremely common. The many unwanted pregnancies among folks who are NOT even couples is evidence of that shit.

      1. "The many unwanted pregnancies among folks who are NOT even couples is evidence of that shit"

        Absolutely!! It's equivalent to a man saying or braggin about how he would hit a chick raw, it's the same thing basically, he doesn't care about the consequences he just want to feel her insides without any barrier.

  4. I have no issue with a man asking me if I’ve been tested, because I’m going to ask him if he doesn’t ask me first. I actually want a man to ask me first; hopefully his question will look something like

    “Hey when is the last time you’ve been tested for any STD’s/STI’s. “

    Followed with a

    “Yea, I get tested every 3 -6 months, we can go together to get tested if that makes you feel comfortable”.

  5. I think fear of missing out (FOMO) plays a big role. It's basically covered in the list. Guys don't wanna jeopardize the mood so they go on in without question. Or, they assume if strapped up that all is good unless the good good is so hot it melts the C.
    My recent post 017: One Last Run

    1. I agree with that, and also stupidly enough I think we as men might just assume someone is all good. It gotta noted though that rubbers won't protect from the herps.. So men in general have to be more mindful.

  6. I believe we (men and women) typically don't ask because we don't want to offend, miss out, or hear bad news.
    My boyfriend and I went and got tested together. A relative of his is HIV+, so it was easier for him to talk about it and be on board. He was more educated about it than I was actually.

  7. I agree completely with this post. Men are quick to take a dip in the honeypot (even without a condom), no questions asked. People shouldn't feel uncomfortable discussing their STI status if they feel comfortable enough to have sex with each other. Its probably a good idea to have that discussion outside of the moment when its about to go down lol.

  8. I’m so glad you brought this conversation up. Another thing I want to add is alot of ppl don’t know that if you have blood drawn during a physical, unless you specifically request that blood be tested for HIV, they do not automatically test for that. So yes, you can get a general check up, have blood drawn & get a perfectly healthy reading but still be infected.

  9. "I actually had a guy tell me that he would take whatever disease I had as long as it could be cured with a shot or a pill. He said other than HIV or AIDS, he could handle any other STD."

    That is one of the most absurd things I have ever heard. And I've heard a lot of absurd things.

  10. #2 I assume she's clean because………. – the way she carries herself, the way she looks, her vibe/conversation, the way she keeps her house, she wasn't quick to give me sloppy toppy, she's classy, etc. etc..,

    *smh*

    I guarantee you that a good 85% of women can tell you she has heard at least one of these lines before. Assumptions are deadly!!

  11. Completely agree, I’ve never had anyone ask me that. I guess they see the booty and think oh she’s clean. But I think that they also have a light level of trust if they have known you for awhile. (i.e. work, a friend of a friend, etc) Not enough to give you their social, but enough for them to jump into bed with you.

    1. “But I think that they also have a light level of trust if they have known you for awhile. (i.e. work, a friend of a friend, etc)”

      That’s a good point, nobody expects their friend or somebody they know to burn them, but we can never be too sure cuz ppl are wilin’ out here these days.

  12. As a Grown Ass Woman, I would love to meet a man who could be equally as honest and sincere as myself… I am very direct and it takes a lot to unnerve me. I have had men be insulted by my asking, to the point of getting irate. Men who’ve demanded to have unprotected sex with me and mistreat me because I wasn’t game. They don’t like my directness, and I don’t like their meekness.

    I explain all of this to say if you are not mature enough to handle these topics, then you aren’t mature enough to be engaging in sex.

    I’m as human as the next person. I enjoy sex, but I enjoy it a lot less when it’s expected without respect. I know control, and I cannot get too wet to be unable to stop myself; those are the actions of an immature individual.

  13. Believe it or not, we men expect women to cleaner and healthier than we are. Besides we refuse to believe you’re out there fucking like that

  14. As shameful and sad it is that people aren't honest with their sexual history, I think a lot of people get so caught up in the physical appearance which soon becomes physical attraction and don't even think to ask those questions. Some do, most won't or don't. it's almost synonomous with doing fore[lay and about to get into intercourse and not stopping to inquire about protection, you just go ahead and do it and worry about the ramifications later.
    My recent post Kobe At It Again? Somebody Get This Brotha A Onesie

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