Home Featured 12 Things Women Don’t Have To Accept From Men

12 Things Women Don’t Have To Accept From Men

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black-couple_arguing

A few weeks ago an article was published giving advice to women about their men. In 50 different ways, we were told how to keep a man happy while becoming a cardboard cut-out, and losing small pieces of ourselves over time, all in the name of love. Oddly enough, there were a few good points  and some points that I think could apply to anyone, not just women. The way I understood it, if I follow this list then I will have a better chance at a lasting relationship.

As I read through this list, I began to feel like this was not a list for someone who was in a mature, committed relationship, but for someone who was trying to be her man’s puppet. I think that people should feel free to be who they are. If someone loves you for you, then there will be no need for ego stroking and contingency blowjobs.  It’s time men quit acting like boys and be men, and as hard as that may be for some, here are my thoughts on this little list……

2. You Can’t Change Him

This is a very true statement. Women often think they can change a man and that just is not true. The most you can really do is be willing to compromise on things you don’t like and hope your partner will do the same. On the flip side, men have a bad habit of thinking women can be changed too. In the age of the independent woman, your chances are super slim if you think you’re coming in calling the shots.

3. You Shouldn’t Take It Personally When He Checks Out Other Women

I’m sorry, what? Men get in their feelings if their woman so much as sneezes in the direction of another man. This doesn’t even sound right.   I don’t have to take it personally, but I will take it as a sign of disrespect. At some point in life, men should be able to control their actions. As hard as that may be for most, it’s not impossible. If you can’t manage to keep your eyes on me, and not the passersby, that is a problem.

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4. He Will Choose His Friends Over You

Balance is a part of any relationship. There really shouldn’t be a time when a man has to choose between one or the other. I do feel that your girl shouldn’t feel like she comes second to your posse on the regular. Nobody wants to feel like an option, and if she’s not your sidepiece, I think by the time you’re ready to commit you should have your priorities in order. Guys have this weird ‘bromance’ thing going on these days. It’s like they’re joined at the pelvis almost. If I have to constantly go back and forth with you because you’d rather play GTA with the homies, maybe you’re better of dating the homies.

10. He’s Jealous Of All Your Straight Guy Friends

This sounds like a personal problem. Unless there is a legitimate reason for you to be concerned about any platonic friendships, you should be secure enough to not throw a fit about her friends.  It’s called confidence. Get you some.

12. He Wants To Bang Your Friends

Why am I supposed to be okay with this? I think its normal to notice if other people are attractive. If I have friends that you notice, that’s fine. Don’t let me know you notice them. To walk around wanting to “do” them is a completely different thing. Let me say I liked ‘ol boy’s shirt, and you will be ready to throw a fit.  Men do a good job of dishing, and not taking.

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16. He Wants You To Need Him

Okay. I agree with this one. (good job) It is definitely important for women to put the “I am woman, hear me roar” cape to the side and let men be used for their manliness. In no way am I suggesting to become a damsel in distress, but like anyone, men need to feel they have a purpose in a relationship. It’s okay ladies, ask him to open that jar of pickles.

17. You’ve Got To Watch Your Weight

*Deep Sigh* I don’t think I need a man coaching me on my weight loss or gain. If you notice the lbs’ coming in at a rapid rate, encouragement to join you in your daily fitness regimen is acceptable. If you don’t have a fitness routine for me to join you in, keep your comments to yourself.

19. Ultimatums Do NOT Work They do work

If the person making them is prepared to follow through, they do work. If they are being used as an empty threat, then you are correct. They don’t work.

36. He Doesn’t Want To Hear About Your Sexual Past

Cool, well don’t ask. That’s one less awkward conversation we have to have. Men….. you all have a really bad habit of wanting to ask questions about people that don’t matter, to get answers you can’t do anything with accept make judgments. Don’t think you are her first, and don’t think that you were her only. There were others before you, deal with it. Unless she was smashing the homie, let it go. Also, please stop asking for body counts. Let’s talk about something else please.

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38. If He Cheats On You Once, He’ll Do It Again

Yep! If he stepped out on you it’s because something he wanted or needed was lacking, and he will do it again. I believe that anyone fully satisfied with someone else, won’t have reason to look elsewhere. I’m not saying it’s her fault for him cheating, but I’m saying that he is going to search for what he wants until he gets it. Don’t fall for the okey doke ladies.

43. Speaking Of Threesomes… He Will NEVER Stop Trying

If this is the ultimate male fantasy, I’m sure he can fulfill this fantasy prior to  getting in a relationship.  Nothing good will come from opening up your relationship to a third person. If he’s begging for a threesome, there are some other issues going on that need to be addressed.

50. He’s Not As Complicated As You Are

I disagree. Men are complicated in ways that are different from us. Women are more emotional, but men are equally as complicated just in their own way. They are calculated creatures that are usually set in their own ways and find change very challenging. People in general are complicated. That’s why compassion and understanding are important qualities to have when you’re in a relationship with someone.

Comment(34)

  1. I disagree with you on 10…
    When it comes to you and your guy friends, it's not so much that we are 'jealous' of your friend as it is we just don't trust them. I could have all the confidence in myself and our relationship and where we stand, but that doesn't mean that your baefriend won't try to slide in your messages after one of our arguments. He's the untrustworthy one. Not you. And I get wary on the word "platonic" because I find it hard to believe two attractive people wouldn't be attracted to each other and not at least fathom the thought… I've got PLENTY of women friends but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to them. Hell 75% of them are women I've dated or talked to or inquired about at some time and 20% wanted to get at me… but I've digressed.

    Perfect example… my roommate had a lady friend coming over but had to run an errand for a family member. I offered to entertain his guest as I made my dinner, he stopped what he was doing, looked me up and down, and said "Nah you cool bro". We laughed hard about it but we both understood that it didn't matter if my relationship with his date was platonic; if there are two people and there is a physical attraction there's always chance. I'm not taking that chance with John from Accounting and out here buying you weekly croissants. Nawl bruh.

    1. Backstory on my roommate and I. Been best friends for 13 years. Knows me better than anyone. Also doesn't trust me around girls he dates. And I def don't blame him because that feeling is mutual.

    1. "You can't change a man"

      Every woman is always “thumbs upping”, hash tagging or fist “ummm-hmm”-ing (stereotypical black woman voice) this.

      My question has ALWAYS been, why try to change a man versus finding a better one? I find that these women LOVE (though they’d never admit it) the project, and not the product.

      I get it, “he’s great but if he could be more like this or that”. The problem is not that you can’t change him; it’s that you can’t change him without jacking up the stuff about him that you already like. That must really suck for y’all.

      Woman can’t change a man; she complains about it, cheats or leaves …but continues to complain about it
      Man can’t change a woman…he keeps her and cheats.

      1. Can't change a man is the shorter version of what you are saying. The line basically doesn't mean if he wont be what i want him to be/need him t o be, then he is a bad man. Not the case. Some guys are set in their ways, some guys don't want to change, some guys will tell you exactly where they are at relationship wise. Then as women we will wait, try jedi mindtricks, and other things to get him to be who we think he could be. When at the end of the day, the results aren't there then we get our feelings hurt and become the bitter b-words. So knowing that you can't change a man will give you two options: accept it or leave.
        My recent post ▶ Why do guys lie when they say they love you? – YouTube

  2. I dont understand why women keep thinking they can change a man, my stars! Its low-key irritating at this point. Sad part a woman who wants to have a man around bad enough will accept all of the above smh

  3. My takeaway is there isn't a list of things to tolerate, relationships are optional, don't handcuff yourself to this idea of adversity makes it worth it in the end and leave dude. There's plenty of brothers who aren't still screaming homies over heauxs at 30, get you one. There's plenty of women who can appreciate a hot woman too, i don't need to date one who wants to know why i liked rosaacosta pics on IG. Contrary to popular belief; dating is supposed to be enjoyable.

  4. This read like a rant. Numbers weren’t even in order. lol Dating can be enjoyable. Most of these things can simply be talked out unless its full blown disrespect.

  5. #'s 12, 38, 43, and 17 I think for many women are negotiable for these reasons: regarding 12, 38 and 43. Just because a man looks and is attracted to other women does Not mean he will cheat on the one he loves and is with. Women need to realize that part of men being male is that they like sex, and they will look, maybe stare, maybe fantasize or think about sex and women. That's what men do. Most men do it till the day they die. Even if they're old men in their 70's and can't have sex, their still thinking about it, looking, staring, and fantasizing. As long as a man doesn't throw other women in your face, act on his thoughts and fantasies, and lie about it and cheat, it's not as bad as it could be.
    Ladies you can't change a mans sex drive and make a man want and desire sex less, and make him no longer attracted to beautiful women. That's just not realistic. Doesn't mean that your man can't and/or won't be a good man, treat you like a queen on the regular, and be faithful and true to you.
    As for number 17, men are visual creatures and like to look at physically appealing women. So if you no longer look physically appealing to him, it will be a problem that you need to take care of.

    1. Now theres some understanding the rationale of the male mind for ya!! lol

      I definitely agree though, attractive is attractive and no matter how i choose to feel about it, i have to understand that my future girl would find another man attractive in some way or another #ItBeLikeThat. i wont like it tho lol

    1. to me, when someone cheats, they have no regard for their mate's feelings. I think thats what I have a hard time getting past.

  6. Now how you gona say what you said in number 3, then go on and say stuff like you did in number 10 lol in all honesty a man could say "get you some confidence" for number 3 IJS

    BUT

    I think the bigger issue here is the way in which a man and a women take those actions as a means of disrespect. If you can respect the fact that "these male friends aint loyal," many men could easily respect your feelings on checking women out (when you catch us lol….i kid i kid….partially). Its all about having understanding for your boo's feelings.

    Second

    "Men….. you all have a really bad habit of wanting to ask questions about people that don’t matter"

    ….i dont want to generalize but i swear women do this way more than men in relationships.

  7. This is the Dumbest, Stupidest Article of Generalizing Men I've ever seen on this site. And yet yesterday's post -3 Things Men Get Wrong with Women That We Need to Stop- sounds almost Similar to Today's………

    I really, Really like this blog and much of what's written, but the last several posts in here have been about Why Men "shy away from Commitment", "Games Men Play", Men (and the Media) being Causes of Colorism between Black Women, the THOT phenomenon is the Fault of Men, FWB is More or Less a Guy's way of Not Being Mature Enough for a Real Relationship, etc. It's like the Last Week of March and Most of the Month of April is the "30 Days or Post to Piss on Men Season".

    When folks of SMB and Ladies are Ready to have a REAL Conversation about Relationships and BOTH Genders can be Accountable towards Themselves and the Opposite Sex, I believe Hell will Freeze Over, Pigs Fly, the U.S. will truly b Post-Racial and Black folks will Stop the Colorism….

    1. J Crawford, Just curious…. Did you happen to read the actual article that this was a response to? There's a red hyperlink in the first sentence. Check it out. Thanks for the support!

      1. I said THIS post, not the original. The Original is just as bad, but since I comment on SMB articles, I know Exactly What and Why I said what I said.

        Thanks Anyways

      2. Besides, out of 50, you Cherry- Picked 12+ off that list; Worse than that, you Chose Not to come up with 12 of your own and decide to "respond' to an already made "list"….

        Tell me Why I should be Impressed……

    2. "I really, Really like this blog and much of what's written, but the last several posts in here have been about Why Men "shy away from Commitment", "Games Men Play", Men (and the Media) being Causes of Colorism between Black Women, the THOT phenomenon is the Fault of Men, FWB is More or Less a Guy's way of Not Being Mature Enough for a Real Relationship, etc. It's like the Last Week of March and Most of the Month of April is the "30 Days or Post to Piss on Men Season".

      When folks of SMB and Ladies are Ready to have a REAL Conversation about Relationships and BOTH Genders can be Accountable towards Themselves and the Opposite Sex, I believe Hell will Freeze Over, Pigs Fly, the U.S. will truly b Post-Racial and Black folks will Stop the Colorism…."

      I'm glad I'm not the only person who feels this way.

  8. #12 is a bit challenging. "I think its normal to notice if other people are attractive. If I have friends that you notice, that’s fine. Don’t let me know you notice them. " Isn't this a bit of a contradiction? If it's normal, and fine to notice, DON'T LET YOU KNOW. lol I must agree with the above poster "Bree". Especially when it comes to him asking you to tone up, and #38. Just because he cheated doesn't mean I was lacking or he wasn't happy. A void isn't always a reason behind cheating. The funniest part of this whole thing is at the end of #10 it talks about getting some confidence, and it appears that this was written from a place where confidence is lacking.

  9. quite a few of these i disagree with. #2 You shouldn't want to change each ither. Now can there be a few tweaks here and there, sure. But if you're with someone for the long haul you have to accept the good and bad. Within reason of course.
    #10 Women are the same way. confidence or not let your an have a few female friends that are VERY easy on the eyes you'll perceive them as threats one way or another, especially if they have a good friendship (legitimately nothing more). If they were mud ducks you wouldn't care less. I'm not saying all women but there's more than a few that would have an issue. So why would it be unacceptable for him to feel a little jealous of your male straight friends especially if you guys spend time together and are close.

    #17 Unless your s/o is grotesquely obese than weight shouldn't be too much of an issue, or in other words if weight is a major health problem. A few lbs here and there shouldn't be a problem. And to be honest there are lots of men who love big women for whatever reason

    #3 No you shouldn't take it personal if he looks…ladies don't front you all look too. Now if he's gawking to the point where its noticeable than that's different. We are all human and we all tend to look. Just because he looks at the menu doesn't mean he wants to or has to order from it. A confident women shouldn't care because isn't he going home with you?

    –just a few of my humble opinions
    My recent post If Florida Is The Sunshine State, Why Is It So Cloudy For African Americans?

  10. The whinning in the comments section recently, lololol… *hands the fellas some bandages*

    No one is above being critiqued. You disagree, you can start the discussion on why. That’s how it’s been working around here for years. Last I checked, this wasn’t StrokeYourEgo.com…for either sex. You catch it for what…a week?…and all of a sudden it does away with the months on months of critiques that addressed women? GOHWT, lol…smh.

    Y’all are tripping, lol…

  11. I really wish the day would come when women would understand that they can't change a man. The way that you got him him is the way that he is going to be. He can only change himself, so don't get mad when he does all the things that you hate, that you were so sure that you could change, once you got together. No, Boo Boo…he is, who he is. Accept it or get off the boat!!
    My recent post Men, 4 Reasons Why We Aren’t Mad When There is No Round 2

  12. Seems a lot of men have an issue with the “change a man” thing. No offense but we figured that out sometime in the late 90s. Hell, money can’t change you guys either-just exasterbates your flaws. Havent met too many women willing to take the lot of you as-is let alone for presumed potential. Odd thing though; When the better man suggested doesn’t reflect your self assessment.

    On another note I had potential suitor who thought having lady in the trades was quite the novelty……until he saw my coworkers. I get the idea of me working around fit, mechanically inclined men who make more with a wrench than he did with his MBA but that’s no reason to be suspicious. Or is it? Lol

    He did find my female apprentice attractive. Ironically so did I. Don’t know where he is now but she’s been my Mrs for 4 years now.

  13. i recently had a love spell cast on my partner last week after we both had a misunderstanding that almost lead to divorce and i was about losing my husband so a friend of my Natasha advice me to quickly order for reunite love spell that will make my husband change his mind from divorce which i did contact [email protected] after the casting of the spell i receive a call from husband apologizing to me on what happened i can’t thank you enough Dr ekaka you are indeed a god gifted spell caster.,…

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