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What Constant Texting Says About the Quality of Your Relationship


evolution-2Don’t you always enjoy attending events where your friends are celebrating something? Whether it’s a birthday, job promotion, job creation, newborn baby, engagement, etc. you will create a new connection with someone. Recently, I caught up with a good buddy of mine, and the conversation inspired me to share.

He recalled supporting a group of friends who were celebrating an anniversary. After doing his normal meet and greet conversations, someone had his attention, but she didn’t have his. They exchanged numbers, he walked her home, and he called it a night.

What ensued were weeks and weeks of endless text messages back-and-forth, and back-and-forth again. Having merely met within the confinements of a mutual friends celebratory event, they had gone on for an even longer time without seeing each other again. When you’re young and free, you get to the point quickly. Like the eternal line from Puff Daddy, “Why don’t my friends…meet your friends…and we can be friends.” LOL!

They go on for days and do nothing but text. She never called him and he never called her. He even forgot what her voice sounded like! It was very strange hearing the story, because how else would you know that someone else is really into you unless they talk to you on a consistent basis. Consistent text messages, from my perspective, do not hold the same weight or importance as consistent phone calls and conversations. Is that a guy thing? Fellas, do you agree or disagree?

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After that initial meeting, they only met up once more, and it was for a “limited” time. His description of “limited” was thirty minutes. They caught up, of course, talked about the inconsistent New York weather, what the rest of our week looked like. What followed was another long duration of text messages and never a face-to-face interaction.

What I found even more interesting was a study performed by researchers at Brigham Young University (BYU) that seemed to support his thoughts and feelings of the situation as a man. They followed two hundred and seventy six texting individuals, which consisted of married, engaged and men/women in serious relationships. The quality of relationship was observed from both gender perspectives.

Fellas and ladies, whether you have been in a similar circumstance or not how would you feel? What would the quality of the relationship be to you?

Ironically, my thoughts and feelings of the quality of this relationship were poor. She was quite comfortable with the continuous text messages, but he was not fond of it. If she hit him up, it was cool, but if she didn’t, he really didn’t care.

What was found were two very different opinions as to what was associated with lower relationship quality:

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The researchers found that using text messages as a way to apologize, settle disagreements or make decisions was associated with lower quality for women. For men, lower relationship quality was correlated with texting too frequently.”

Does that have your name written all over it? Well, I feel like a statistic. I can’t front, though, because it makes so much damn sense. Maybe early on in the dating-sphere these findings from the BYU study can reveal that a guy really isn’t into you, if you are a serial-texter? Or, maybe that lady isn’t feeling you when you constantly send an apologetic text when you’re running late or need to cancel a date?

If you find yourself always connecting with that someone in at subliminal tweet, direct message/text, FB message, etc…maybe it’s time for you to rethink how you’re communicating. Communication is key, but having that balance is vital.

By AlacrityAmir

Amir is a research scientist and community activist, who is also inspired to not only see growth in himself, but those he comes in contact with.

Twitter: http://twitter.com/AlacrityAmir
Instagram: http://instagram.com/AlacrityAmir


  1. I think communication is communication but i chalk that up to a generational thing, I’ve yet to meet a woman under 27 who prefers phone calls. Its one of those ticky tack nuances in dating, ill call if I’m on the go or need immediate response its never been a reflection of my power rankings.

    1. OMG i cannot stand texting anymore. I used to do it like crazy, but nowadays I either wont text back or ill ask you to call me. Or ill just call when you text. What I notice is majority of people now would rather text and it’s super annoying. I hate holding conversations through text!

  2. Communication is key and the type and frequency of communication can speak volumes about a person’s level of interest as well as the quality of the relationship. We do live in an age where texting is common place, and surprisingly a lot of people are comfortable with that being a primary form of communication. However, I assert that anyone who is seriously interested in getting to know another, will pick up the phone and actually converse with the person. Otherwise, its just a casual, passive interest.

    Mr. SoBo

    My Post: Two Reasons Why You Should Avoid ‘Break Up Sex'”

    1. “However, I assert that anyone who is seriously interested in getting to know another, will pick up the phone and actually converse with the person. Otherwise, its just a casual, passive interest.”

  3. I am such a texter especially when getting to know someone and once we hang out and I feel some type of way I will then start to call you. Texting just works out better for me at this time because Im so busy with jobs and school

  4. A lot of those in the dating world today are more into texts. Which is fine if you don’t see me for anything more. I can’t grow feelings or feel a person out through text. It’s a nice supplement but it should replace the complete action of interacting with a potential mate.

  5. Unfortunately, this is why I believe communication is becoming a lost art between the sexes. People don’t know how to talk/interact with each other in person or over the phone because of the heavy reliance of technology.

    Texts are great for quick updates, but seriously, pick up the phone if you want to talk to me.

  6. People say they’re too busy and must text, but if you’re that busy that I never hear from you via a phone call, then I personally don’t think you should be dating. Texting to get to know someone or to REALLY talk to someone you’re dating is just not acceptable to me.

  7. Quick chat? Text me.
    Real conversation? Call me or email me.
    I’ve had a few friends who were great texters…so we could carry on a long text conversation and it was quite enjoyable. Those friendships never evolved into full-fledged romance though. My primary love language is quality time. If we can’t hang, it’s not real.

  8. It’s definitely a sign of the times. Youth are primarily uninterested in communicating any other way than technologically. They have issues communicating with words or problem solving with peers. It’s sad!

    In addition they have no interest in real relationships. It’s ideal for them. Let’s see how much more humanity declines in the next 10-15yrs.

    I need verbal communication or in my mind it’s not all that serious

  9. gone are the good ol’ days of talking on the phone and in person. People I’ve noticed tend to hide behind text messaging. If it’s a quick response or “I’m on my way”, or something of that nature fine, but when it becomes a ‘text-versation’ it’s no good. If you guys start arguing via text and you’re trying to call and actually talk to her but she’s not responding and all of a sudden you hear the familiar ching or vibration of your phone and it’s her texting you.

    post:http://www.opinionatedmale.com/2014/05/04/10-movie-titles-you-wouldnt-want-to-be-synonymous-with-your-relationship/>10 movie titles you wouldn’t want to be synonymous with your relationship


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