Don’t you always enjoy attending events where your friends are celebrating something? Whether it’s a birthday, job promotion, job creation, newborn baby, engagement, etc. you will create a new connection with someone. Recently, I caught up with a good buddy of mine, and the conversation inspired me to share.
He recalled supporting a group of friends who were celebrating an anniversary. After doing his normal meet and greet conversations, someone had his attention, but she didn’t have his. They exchanged numbers, he walked her home, and he called it a night.
What ensued were weeks and weeks of endless text messages back-and-forth, and back-and-forth again. Having merely met within the confinements of a mutual friends celebratory event, they had gone on for an even longer time without seeing each other again. When you’re young and free, you get to the point quickly. Like the eternal line from Puff Daddy, “Why don’t my friends…meet your friends…and we can be friends.” LOL!
They go on for days and do nothing but text. She never called him and he never called her. He even forgot what her voice sounded like! It was very strange hearing the story, because how else would you know that someone else is really into you unless they talk to you on a consistent basis. Consistent text messages, from my perspective, do not hold the same weight or importance as consistent phone calls and conversations. Is that a guy thing? Fellas, do you agree or disagree?
After that initial meeting, they only met up once more, and it was for a “limited” time. His description of “limited” was thirty minutes. They caught up, of course, talked about the inconsistent New York weather, what the rest of our week looked like. What followed was another long duration of text messages and never a face-to-face interaction.
What I found even more interesting was a study performed by researchers at Brigham Young University (BYU) that seemed to support his thoughts and feelings of the situation as a man. They followed two hundred and seventy six texting individuals, which consisted of married, engaged and men/women in serious relationships. The quality of relationship was observed from both gender perspectives.
Fellas and ladies, whether you have been in a similar circumstance or not how would you feel? What would the quality of the relationship be to you?
Ironically, my thoughts and feelings of the quality of this relationship were poor. She was quite comfortable with the continuous text messages, but he was not fond of it. If she hit him up, it was cool, but if she didn’t, he really didn’t care.
What was found were two very different opinions as to what was associated with lower relationship quality:
“The researchers found that using text messages as a way to apologize, settle disagreements or make decisions was associated with lower quality for women. For men, lower relationship quality was correlated with texting too frequently.”
Does that have your name written all over it? Well, I feel like a statistic. I can’t front, though, because it makes so much damn sense. Maybe early on in the dating-sphere these findings from the BYU study can reveal that a guy really isn’t into you, if you are a serial-texter? Or, maybe that lady isn’t feeling you when you constantly send an apologetic text when you’re running late or need to cancel a date?
If you find yourself always connecting with that someone in at subliminal tweet, direct message/text, FB message, etc…maybe it’s time for you to rethink how you’re communicating. Communication is key, but having that balance is vital.
Amir is a research scientist and community activist, who is also inspired to not only see growth in himself, but those he comes in contact with.