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4 Signs He’s Finished Playing Games

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I found myself watching Boomerang over this past holiday weekend. It’s one of my favorite flicks. This time around the experience was a bit different. Something tells me the Taylor Port had something to do with that, but I digress.  I noticed something towards the end of the movie. Angela (Halle Berry) was hurt. She no longer wanted to associate with Marcus (Eddie). He cheated and she was hurt.  Once Eddie realized he simply didn’t connect with Jacqueline the way he did with Angela it all sunk in.

I know many women reading this right now are saying “well that’s what ya get!” I agree with you all fully. But in  most situations like this there’s always the “conversation” that follows. We all know there’s got to be a talk one way or another. So Marcus finally finds his way to Angela. They speak face to face which I will forever feel how things should be done. If not face to face then on the phone. Back to the story. Angela admits to Marcus that she knows they share a real love but that she’s simply scared to try again.

It’s in that moment that I thought that was strong of her to admit. What was even stronger was that she did take him back. We assume that things went well after that as the movie ended. We all have hurt people and we all have been hurt. That was really the whole concept of Boomerang.

It gets real in the field, and trust isn’t easy to come by. So after being hurt how do we know who to trust again? There’s a few ways I think:

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Space – I always believe falling back and reassessing ourselves does great things. If a guy distances himself from you and legitimately changes how he lives then it’s a good sign.

Humility – If a guy can articulate all his wrong doings and understand why it was wrong he might be worth listening to.

Patience – If old boy understands that taking him back won’t be a one day deal then that’s reassuring. If he’s willing to be patient and take baby steps to get back where you all once were then he might be worth it.

Creativity – If a man uses creative (not creepy) ways to try and get your attention then maybe that’s a decent sign. If he steps out of his comfort zone just to get your attention then maybe you can hear him out.

Now to be clear, I’m not absolving men who constantly louse up. Stay away from those. But if a guy does something wrong that you think you can get past in time then give it a shot. This of course is all relative to age as well. I’m 25, so my thinking is hey I still have some growing to do. I anticipate I will drop the ball in relationships from time to time. I’m still learning. I won’t condone a 35 year old making 25 year old errors.

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Everything we do in life should be within reason. The biggest decisions we make should be within reason. Your heart is is important enough to protect. So if you ever find yourself in this position take your time with it. I just wanted it to be known that boys can become men. Unfortunately it takes a fuck up here or there to really drive that home. Anyone feel me? Any ladies ever took back someone that hurt them? Did it work out? Fellas, have you tried to get a woman back that you lost?  If so what did you do to do it?

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status

Comment(23)

  1. Real Story, though I think I spoke on this before under a different profile:
    I cheated on my Ex Fiancee AFTER she broke our Engagement- she had Concerns and Doubts about being Engaged at a Young Age but spoke to Other Ppl about it instead of Me. I Cheated That Night- not Methodically Planned or Targeted, but After an Hour of being Hurt and Pissed that I was made a Fool. I also had my Daughter out of that Infidelity and Long Story Summed Up, my Ex-Fiancee and I broke up for a year-until my Grandfather Died ( I DID talk about this in another post).

    While I wasn’t on any games when I Propsed, I did let my Emotions dictate my Choice to Cheat, and even after I got over it (a Few Days of not speaking to my Ex- we Both Didn’t Call/Text/Email or contact through Social Media) I kept what I did a Secret until My Child was Born ( a Topic for Another Day. Or Not/Ever)

    1. Good looks on sharing that. My older brother has a similar story involving a child that wasn’t spoken of until after the birth. From the outside looking in you can infer whatever course of action to take. But unless you’re in it you really don’t know. Common sense might say tell her what you did. Reality might be maybe you were scared or ashamed. And that’s real too. Thanks for reading.

      1. I’m not gonna go there today SBM 🙂

        But DamnPops your articles got me TIGHT lately!

        25yr old mistakes? 25 is pretty darn grown and I mean we gotta be 30+ to be of sound judgement? Why should a man OR woman keep putting up with ANY BS when all these cuties on my train/local coffee shop/office crush have been COUNT-TING-DA-DAYS?!…”You cheated O_o..?” “There’s more”…”You flushed your condoms down the toilet and she havin a baby?” “Yes :'(
        “The baby that’s supposed to be in MY uterus baby?..Um..?CHECK PLEASE! I think I see Mr.Beenwantintafuque-Deseaun, AND he got a brownstone AND a 401k! Have fun with ya’ jumpoff Boo!!!”

        I’ve been in long term relationships and feelings and emotions and all that IS there. Im not immune to mushy love bonds and of course I’d be CRUSHED. But to roll around naked in chards of glass and nails child?-Momma’ ain’t raise no fool! Baabbbbyyyy Bye!

      2. We did gt back to gether for another 2 1/2 years and it was Long Distance that ended the relationship/.She supposed to come back in town from living inHawaii for her Friend’s Wedding and after not seeing her for over 2 years IDK how to feel about it. Been Single since New Years 2013.

  2. An ex tried to come back and made it up to point three, patience. I said that it was going to take some time if he wanted to get back together. He just could not comprehend that everything was not going to go back to how it was right away. He was annoyed that I was extremely busy between work and my cousin’s wedding. I wasn’t going to cancel my previous plans because he decided to pop back up unexpectedly. So after a few weeks he said to forget it

    1. Some of us guys dont have patience like that. If your ex was stuck in the ways how yall were before you broke up could be a factor or he was just coming back around for sex but good for you for letting him go on by his business.

    2. I think turning on some Mary J Blidge greatest hits of “No More Drama” or Faith Evans “I remember” is the best way to get over a loser ex/cheater. And LOTS of icecream!

      I think ruminating in misery and what SHOULD be is just too phychologically deteriorating and self-debasing. Just my ohnoyouflippin didnt cheat on me, You wudda thought ima stay!-Opinion.

      “All I really want, is to be happy. And to find a ninja that DON’T creep, it would be so sweet!”

  3. I took an ex back after he cheated on me, I took him back because it was so early on in our relationship (within the 1st year) We went 3 years and ended our relationship because he cheated on me again and I found out because I walked in…Even after that some of the men that I’ve dated I took back after falling out for whatever reason and it never worked out. That was then this is now. I refuse to go backwards it doesn’t work for me. Me being 34 I feel like we are all at a age where we know right from wrong plus we’re all set in our ways and the chances of us changing is slim to none. They didn’t fight for me, they didn’t do any of the above…what they did do was look at what they did and thought they did nothing wrong, never admitting to their fault which I think is the 1st step.

    1. “I feel like we are all at a age where we know right from wrong plus we’re all set in our ways and the chances of us changing is slim to none.”

      Seems like a lot of people have to go through some crappy experiences to understand this despite how much it’s written about or told to them by others. At this age, what you see is pretty much what you get.

  4. Oh this post, lol. Good one, Pops. Perfect points.Transparent moment. I’ll try to be brief.

    My man and I dated for 6mths, were together for 2yrs, apart for 13mths, and have been back together since late February. We are now engaged, living together, expecting a baby, and happy. 🙂

    Space – We didn’t call/text for 13 mths. We only saw each other briefly in passing or at events we both attended. In that time, we grew individually in ways that made us getting back together possible.

    Humility – When we finally had a closure conversation at the end of the 13 mth period, we both admitted our faults and took responsibility for our share of the issues. No excuses were made.

    Patience – After our closure conversation, he asked if we could be friends and if I’d allow him to be there for me as needed…basically to do stuff he knows I hate (shoveling snow, getting my care maintenanced, etc.). I agreed to friends but passed on the psuedo-bf stuff. When he started calling/texting and asking me out, he didn’t get mad when I declined hanging out (I was cool to chat). When he admitted that he still loved me and wanted us to reconcile, he was ok with me telling him that I was unsure about reconciling, wouldn’t be pressed into a decison, and preferred to just organically see where the friendship took us in time.

    Creativity – I posted on facebook that I had the flu and felt like I was near death (no really, lol). He saw it. And although we hadn’t contacted each other for 13 mths, he sent me a text…letting me know that he saw my post and asked if I needed anything. I had just returned home from nearly passing out in Rite Aid on a drug run, realized my campbells soup was expired and vomited up Raman noodle broth (if you can call it that), so I said YES, lol…please bring soup and crackers. When he got to my house, he insisted on cooking soup for me. And that’s when we had our closure conversation.

    1. One question Cyn,
      At what point did you realize that you wanted to give it another chance? It sounds like the brother fought very hard and that’s admirable, but unfortunately in today’s society not all hard work is so well rewarded. CONGRATS by the way all the best to you and yours!

      1. Thanks!!!!
        …when I believed he was what I needed.

        He was the same guy, but wasn’t. He hadn’t changed…but he had evolved. I kept asking him what his deal was and what had happened to him (“a near death experience?”). He explained that he was in a different place in his life which shifted his mindset. After a while, I stopped questioning whether or not he was faking it. It took a while, but he was so consistant with it that I started to believe him. I started letting my guard down. And, that was the opening needed to get us to where we are now.
        I def think our situation is the exception and not the rule. If he hadn’t evolved within himself on his own without me…yet within a timeframe where we were both single and hadn’t moved on emotionally (started loving someone else), I doubt if we’d be where we are. I think everyone evolves over time. But the timing of it isn’t usually kind to relationships. *shrugs*

  5. Great post! It’s been a minute since I last watched Boomerang, and you’ve made me curious! I definitely don’t think infidelity is excusable, neither do I think a woman should be made to feel any less worthy of being the subject of a charming prince’s whiles. However, I agree with you. Life is full of detours & mistakes, and those usually precede the greatest moments in our lives

    BLEURGH – http://www.bleurghnow.com

  6. Integrity is super important to me at this stage in my life. I have a hard time trusting someone who lacks integrity. I do believe however, that people evolve. If I see concrete evidence that someone has grown I would consider giving them another chance.

  7. Being old enough to decipher right from wrong and being responsible enough to make the right choice is the pass you’re offering to the very young. However, making the same mistake or bad actions are the gauges to determine those who are inadequately equipped to deal with and be within a serious relationship. I took my ex, who cheated, back. I based that decision upon how I felt for him as opposed to how realistic the relationship could actually work.

    He proved to be worse than I initially knew, but regardless I could never fully forgive him or move pass the cheating. When people claim to love you and desire to build a future along with you they should never break the trust. Although the relationship may continue, it will NEVER be the same. Despite the love felt, I realized it took more than love to sustain any relationship.

  8. You mentioned two things that really bring this article together for me: time and conversation. Time allows for space which in turn provides the best grounds for thinking and rebuilding. Conversation, at the right time and in the right way, allows people to actually hash out the details of what went wrong or right in a relationship. Because ample time was given, the conversation is more mature, calm, understanding and more , likely to reach anot agreeable end. …one that is forgiving and hopefully reconciling.

  9. I usually don’t. I can’t be in a relationship where I’m already down 1-0, i rather just start fresh with someone new.

    Sidebar: in Boomerang, even Marcus wasn’t supposed to get Halle back, then they changed it last minute

  10. I needed this. My guy friend didn’t cheat but he did do something that I didn’t like. Like you said though 25yr old guys are still growing and they may make mistakes. So I think I can keep this in mind and forgiving my shawty lol

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