Home Empowerment 5 Questions To Lead You To Happiness In Love

5 Questions To Lead You To Happiness In Love

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I believe that the secret to happiness is looking within. I received some advice from an old friend once that said, “You can’t ask anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself.” For a while, I tried to answer questions about why I couldn’t find something that clicked with me. I found that I didn’t love myself. So I did something that a lot of people don’t do. I was alone for a while and worked on learning to love myself. When I came out of my relationship recluse I felt anew and I felt that I was ready. I realized that with or without someone else things would be just fine.

In that time that I spent searching for love in myself I learned to ask myself five questions.

  1. What do you want? – Ask yourself, what do you really want? Stop worrying about what everyone else wants for you, stop worrying about what would look best for you, just focus on what you want.
  2. Are you willing to ask for it? – Humility is key. The meek shall inherit the earth but it starts with realizing that you need to ask for what you want. Then after you ask for it, you have to stand firm in your inquiry. Don’t shy away from asking a tough question to your potential mate and be willing to risk it all if they won’t give it to you.
  3. Are you willing to earn it? – There are no handouts in the game of love and war. Everything worth having is earned. You have to dedicate yourself to day in and out put in the work to earn what you want. If you want a good person then you have to be a good person yourself.
  4. Do you deserve it? – Do we know our worth? A lot of us think that we do but we have to ask ourselves what we deserve. Everyone tells themselves they deserve the best but that’s a broad stroke. We have to position ourselves to be in a position where we are ready to receive everything that is for us. At times, we don’t deserve it and we have work to do.
  5. What are you willing to sacrifice? – Anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely abhor compromise because it compromises us. Sacrifice is not compromise, it’s simply giving it up. How can you get out of the way of yourself? At times, the answer is sacrifice. Giving up what may seem so precious to us is key to accepting what others have to give.
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These are the questions I asked myself. I wonder what would happen if we all spent more time in self-examination instead of searching for the answers from everyone else. The answers to our happiness are clearly within. If you are happy with yourself then you don’t look for someone else to make you happy, you just live it.

What are the questions you ask yourself when you think about being happy?

Comment(2)

  1. I think this post especially fits with female psychology. Most women don’t want a guy that offers or accepts a committed relationship too fast or too easily.

    Why?

    Because subconsciously they think that a guy who wants a reln. too much with her must not be of as much value as the guy who holds out more.

    From a guy’s point of view this can be frustrating because in many/most cases where he sees a good fit he can realize that sooner (in part because he bases more of his attraction on looks and it doesn’t take too long to tell if she’s a bitch or not).

    So, hypothetically, the very same guy could come up to a woman and act in an attractive way, gradually upping his signs of interest in response to the pace that she shows interest, him usually one step ahead and seeing she reciprocates. That will work well for the guy.

    The very same guy could come up and if he gets two or three steps ahead of where the girl is at in terms of attraction to the guy then she’ll feel something’s off and if he keeps it up he’ll likely kill the attraction.

    Advice to guys: calibrate how fast you come on to the IOIs she’s sending.

    Advice to girls: give the guy who shows a bit too much interest a break. That might actually be a good thing that he’s not just a smooth player who knows how to play you like a drum. He might just be the sincere guy who really likes you and has more value than your evolved mechanisms of ruling such guys out would make you feel.

  2. Women in their 20s often have a vastly overrated sense of their value and think that male 8’s are in their league when the women are only 6’s or 7’s.

    You also have more young men that do want to play the field for a while. Most don’t have much success and learn they need a relationship if they want to have sex with someone they find more attractive than the women 2 pts lower that they might be able to have casual with. Most men are failures at pick-up. One PUA coach said that only 1/10 guys succeed at really learning the stuff. Women tend to focus on the most successful guys and then think all guys are like them and thus think that men can totally get sex whenever they want–not the reality for most men.

    Here’s an article about high-achieving young women (admittedly most women aren’t so ambitious) putting of relationships because they value all of these other things more:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/14/fashion/sex-on-campus-she-can-play-that-game-too.html?hpw&_r=1&pagewanted=all&

    Men who date women for 5 years and don’t want to marry or cohabit for a long time basically don’t like/love the women they’re with enough. They’re just complacently settling for whom they can easily get for now. It really is the settle for the 5 now until I get a bit older and have gotten more career under my belt and more confident and then go out and find a 6 that he’d actually be happy to marry.

    All that the timing wasn’t right and so on is mostly BS. They just weren’t that into her.

    That’s the hardest lesson for women to learn, that they can get sex with men that don’t love them that much, that aren’t into them, that will even stick around for a steady supply of sex and companionship for a couple years, but these men don’t love them deeply and sure as hell never intend on marrying them (though complacently sliding into marriage or kids does often happen).

    Basically it’s quite hard to find a man who’s really into a woman and that the woman is really into. I think probably half of women are fairly hypergamous (meaning they only feel strong attraction and romantic love if they guy is of somewhat higher value or better) and these women are going to struggle because their minimum threshold is too high. The other half that aren’t hypergamous (or very much) can feel excited and deeply in love with an equal in some sense (or in rare cases a lesser man) and they are the ones that are more likely to find a really happy and loving marriage.

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