You’ve reached a point where you’re tired of exerting energy into the wrong guys so you take time to re-evaluate yourself and your approach to dating. Then, finally, one day you wake up and say “Okay, I’m ready to get back out there and try again” only to find yourself in the same cycle, repeating the same behavioral patterns as before. You ask yourself how you wound up here…AGAIN? Well, I know that’s what I’ve asked myself on numerous occasions especially when I thought that I had taken time to access and re-access…you know the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s of the short lived dating cycle. Usually, when one finds themselves in this cyle contributing factors such as:
- Believing that you are not good enough to wait for what you deserve
- Trust issues
- Oblivious to your past relationship faux pas
- Insecurities/self-esteem issues
- Allowing your impatience to impede the natural progression of the relationship by adding pressure of having a title versus focusing on building a strong foundation of friendship –and-
- Being afraid to set standards, boundaries, and expectations and hold the other party accountable of adhering to them.
May attribute to your inability to allow your relationship to flow naturally. Often times, as women, the volume on our biological clock is on 10 which drowns out our logical reasoning skills and sends us into fight or flight mode. Therefore, we tend to dash past friendship to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage without truly knowing who we are getting involved with until we are in too deep and things have taken a turn for the worse. We often times forget that we have more control on the direction of the relationship than we think that we do. Do not be afraid to express your desire for a committed relationship. Some women think that if you clearly state that you want a committed relationship then you will scare the guy away because he may feel pressured. FALSE…men respect women that confidently state what they want and stick to it. For instance, if you express your desire for a relationship and he states that he is not ready or he is not looking for a girlfriend/wife; then you know that you guys are not on the same page so it’s okay to walk away and find someone that is.
Please know that it is not a curse to be single. If you are single know that it is okay to not date for a while. Take time to work on yourself and assess your dating habits. Sometimes you have to step away from a situation to gain clarity on your next course of action. However, during this time take a look in the mirror and get to know the person that’s staring you in the face (for those of you who say that I already know myself…well get reacquainted with yourself). Remember, we are whom we attract. The men/women that you date are a reflection of yourself and what you are putting out into the universe. Take time to decide what type of relationship will make you happy, what type of man you would like to date, what characteristics are most important to you, and what are your deal breakers? Hopefully, your biggest take away from this article is to make sure that you are happy first. When you are happy and emotionally healthy then you will attract someone like you.
Please feel free to comment below. I would love to hear your feedback.
Saretha is a Certified Life Coach, specializing in lifestyle management and relationship coaching, with a background in psychology and addiction counseling. She received her bachelor’s degree from Clark Atlanta University located in Atlanta, Georgia. Saretha decided to follow her passion of helping individuals build and maintain healthy relationships because she knows first hand how imperative healthy relationships are in contributing to the overall progression of personal development. However, most importantly the love and growth of self is the fueling force behind the creation of Introspectively Speaking.