In light of the Ray Rice and Janay Palmer [Rice] intimate partner violence that took place in Atlantic City, I was personally moved to contemplate why women choose to stay. In respect for Janay Rice’s privacy and her rights as a victim SBM will not not post or link to the video nor provide pictures of the attack.
I was moved to contemplate, because I still have some questions that I need to ask my own mother. My father, may he rest in peace, was a drug abuser and had some incidents of intimate partner violent acts. What made her finally decide to leave was one day when he came home and my mother seeing the confusion in the eyes of children as to the state that their father was in. Was he high? Was he sober? Should we greet him with love and a hug or does he need some space? She chose to leave New York, my father and relocate to California regardless of what lied ahead.
There are tons of articles with the opinions of individuals asking why did she stay, stating that she should leave, or some other decision that is devoid of her own voice. The fact of the matter is she chose to stay. Could she have left? Of course, but the decision is up to her. That’s not an easy decision, but it’s her choice. A family therapist stated via a WNYC podcast “any licensed therapist/psychologist would advise her to stay only if it’s safe to stay and the abuse stops.”
After doing some research a few reasons why victims of intimate partner violence stay:
1. Repair the relationship
Love isn’t all rose petals and soft pillows. When you’ve been in relationship with someone for a long short period of time it can be difficult to just leave or call it quits. There can a hope to see the relationship go from violent to abuse-free.
When there is a history of violence in a relationship it isn’t always videotaped. More often than not it is going on behind closed doors and not visible to others. The abuser when physically or mentally at an advantage can put measures in place to insure that the abused can not leave their sight.
3. Children are involved (fear of losing them)
In violent relationships there is often a competition for power, and children can be used as bait to make someone stay in the relationship.
4. Opinions of others
As common as divorce is in certain cultures and circles it is frowned upon. A good friend of mine, Aviva Klein, has a portrait series to bring awareness to the Agunah community, which consists of Jewish women whose husbands refuse to grant them a Jewish divorce.
Others who are abused, but want to keep the veil of perfect relationship will also not leave or even speak about it to others. These are only a short few reasons why women stay.
Are there other reasons you feel women stay that has not been stated above?
If you were in an abusive relationship would you stay? Why or why not?
Do you feel Janay is staying for the right reasons? Why or why not?
Amir is a research scientist and community activist, who is also inspired to not only see growth in himself, but those he comes in contact with.
First, I have no defensive statements for that punch or his demeanor thereafter, regardless to what either of their actions were leading up to it. Wrong. Deserves severe consequences.
However, it BOTHERS ME how everyone is talking about the totality of the event and their life as if they know and understand every aspect of what brought them to moment regardless to what it looks like…to even fully understand what should happen to him or what she should do. I don’t care what you experienced…similar experiences do not equate equal experiences.
I have a great aunt who endured abuse in the early stages of her marriage. She stayed. By the time I was of age (to remember things about my family), I had no clue cause you couldn’t tell by being around them. They were loving toward each other and others. I was told about their difficult period and assured that period was over. They are still very married, very in love, and strong. I’m not sure what he/she/they did to get through that. Can’t say I would’ve done the same (stayed). Don’t even think I’d blindly (or even with some knowledge of the ins and outs) recommend it to an abuse victim. But, as with anything, we can’t paint lifes circumstances with a broad brush. What my aunt’s story tells me is that it is possible for an abuser to get the healing he or she needs.
I also remember seeing a violent, scary moment in my own home as a pre-teen that I won’t disclose. Afterward, it was discussed, remoarse and apologies were given, and nothing like that ever happened again…and I’m not just saying that. Nothing like that ever happened again. It is possible for a man/woman to have a first and last incident of violence/extreme force be the same time.
So, no. I don’t know why she stayed. I don’t know what their relationship habits were. The only thing I hope and pray is that she is safe and that he/she/they are getting the therapy and counsel they need to weather this storm and the storms to come…and turn their lives around. If she is not safe, I hope and pray she finds the strength and courage to leave.
Thank you so much for sharing @cynicaloptmst81:disqus
I love how so many Americans are so quick to say “well you don’t really know, can’t judge blah blah blah.” That’s bull to thousandth degree. Women stay long past the early mild red flags of abuse and into the longer term because our freaking society still tries to keep women as these docile beings that must have a man, must pop out babies, must uphold a certain lifestyle, etc. Being feminist, and not taking bull from these so called men takes a strong person. The abused stay simply because of pure emotionally driven self consciousness.
They don’t understand that there is another way of life called fk being abused, I’m gonna be a human and better myself outside of a man. Without counsel to airhead society telling you to stay for money or a look. But they know what they are doing. Women aren’t innately stupid for and I’m tired of that lame AZ excuse (oh I’m a little confused 12 year old brained woman who prefers getting my head bashed in.) The fear of death is there everything he beats you or if you were to leave. It’s comfort is weak. Women Don’t tolerate this behavior from other itches. So there is some I’ll made choices here. No excuses. After you have been punched once that is the cue to dip the fk out, fk your emotional attachment!
Thanks for expressing how you know it all…for yourself and everyone.
It’s not true. But, you are certainly entitled to believe that.
Thanks for expressing how weak you are. Helps us little helpless girls a lot. O_o
Excuse me while my boyfriend punches my teeth out of my mouth in front of my daughter. I gotta survive!
I’m fine with you thinking I’m weak, lol. I’m that secure.
It’s okay to state the truth. And the truth is…you don’t know him, her, them…me…my aunt…to say what’s what exactly. You can make assumptions and all that…and you are entitled to. But to comment like you are the God who sees and knows all is just…your choice, lol. There is nothing weak about owning the fact that we are NOT all-seeing or all-knowing…that life doesn’t turn out the same for everyone. That we, with our limited perspectives don’t know it all.
Would I stay? From what I saw? No. But, I’m not her or in their situation to determine what she’s using to make her choice. And it’s okay to acknowledge that and it in no way means I’m weak.
And, now I’m done.
I don’t listen to women who believe in wearing dog chains around their neck at the hands of the almighty man. I know having a man, even one who knocks you out, cheats, is the epitome of life! Good day.
way to go Cyn.
Indeed. Outstanding Cyn. You made a mature, reasonable point. People paint the world in two colors and insult you for not seeing the same. Of course everyone has a different take; that’s the point of a discussion. To RESPECTFULLY hear one’s take. Beauty has officially been outed as just a “baiter”.
Of course you as a man would support such ideology. Outed? You are ridiculous. Yes it is so easy living in a society were women are still afraid of standing up for what is right against men. There Is a moral right and wrong in some areas, but we Americans especially like to blurt lines and be PC. And stick to the status quo. I don’t NEED to know every woman’s history to know that staying IS WEAK You do not make excuses for a man or woman who whoops your booty on the regular, rapes you, curses at you, knocks you cold for the sake of being coupled.
It is disgusting to support these women who stay. It’s saying “Well there are some circumstances.” Yes a weak, insecure woman can and will stay it is their choice, but who dare would call them confident. Won’t be in a Nike commercial talking about get beat, bleed, stay, just do it! Get outta here! If a beat partner is now the epitome of women, then feminist have much to do! When they leave and love themselves outside of the abuser that is STRENGTH We have forgotten that we are Queens, no no! Always. Objectivity is a lost art in society but I will not be fooled! Nor should any woman. Stupid Is Stupid.
Respect women who disrespect their precious selves and bodies for a brute force is disrespectful to my inner core strength and worth. Respect begets respect. Anything less is appalling.
I don’t have to be some god We all are born with sense and we can ignore it or explore it. You can have a seat high five. Let’s talk about desperation, for reelz.
Yup. Absolutely right.
I am, that is.
you were abused, its not right. some therapy would help you with that misplaced bitterness, resentment, and blame.
And your old and moldy comment matters as much as a squashed ant on the sidewalk.
and yet, you came back 8 days later to comment. come on girl, time to log off.
Come on airhead, time to get some real life experience. Still living in your mother’s womb I see 🙂
you are a train wreak and i cant turn away. you’re a celeb in my office though, so hey, that’s something right?
Wow, you love me. Thank you, worship away.
The comments will not be understood by empty brained women and men who think staying with abusers somehow makes them strong and noble. You are one I see 🙂
you got so many issues lol. its not funny though, i hope you get yourself some good help
Thanks blog police. Like omg, do you feel better now?!
Domestic violence of this nature isn’t new. It just seems new because now it’s more readily viewable because of good ole social media. A lot of people wouldn’t dare to admit it (even if they knew), but their grandfather might have knocked their grandmama around a couple of times back in the day. Great grandparents even. But you would never know it today because they still live in the same household, complete each other sentences, and have just celebrated 45 years of married bliss. Did your grandmother think to take your parents and walk away? Sure, she probably did. But….they were COMMITTED. BOTH of them. Especially the woman. Something that the majority of our generation knows nothing about. When the times get bad, we run. The FIRST time that times get bad, we run. Now, I’m totally NOT trying to say that a woman is at fault for leaving an abusive relationship. Totally not. She is in within her right to protect herself first. But also…old school women were reared hard in the concept of commitment and the concept that “two become one”. Not staying to try to work things out even through the hardest of hard times…..was not an option. You stayed. And for a lot (not all, I just said a lot) of those marriages…..as @cynicaloptmst81:disqus stated got through their “difficult” period and then happy times reigned again for both parties. It’s a very gray area and a fine line because there are a LOT of this instances where a man and woman go through a dark period that can include severe mental or physical abuse….but then through prayer, counseling, or just plain ole time and growth….things repair themselves. But of course we know sometimes it never gets better and the abuse worsens until it is unbearable or even the unthinkable occurs. But fortunately/unfortunately when a man and a woman have entered that commitment with each other…and truly honor that commitment to each other….they stay. Sometimes it works out (thus, you sitting at table number 5 at your great grandparents 50th wedding anniversary) and sometimes it doesn’t. The times that it doesn’t work out, all we can do is pray that the story doesn’t end at a funeral. I can’t say that I would be the one to stay like Janay Rice is choosing to do….but in same breath I can 100% understand why she may be doing it. *says a sincere prayer for them both and moves along with my single life*
You’re right about that commitment piece. We live in a era where the easiest, quickest option is to leave and move on. It definitely takes a lot of strength and will to stick it out @disqus_k7JI33gFsQ:disqus. I wish more couples would speak on their journeys; not just the good, but the bad as well. We are always trying to look good in the eyes of others, though.
A lot of those women stayed because they didn’t have the resources to leave. Women today have the choice to take care of themselves and not depend on a man. So why stay with someone that is abusing you when you can leave and live a better and more peaceful life? It’s much like a child that experiences abuse. Where else will they go? How is a person committed to me while they beat me?
You’re absolutely right @disqus_TkdKWTIS2t:disqus. When my mother left she left with no place to go. We actually lived at a shelter for a short period of time out in Cali. It’s all in the choices we make and have to live with. I hope more couples start being open about their struggles.
I hope so too. DV is very real and there needs to be continual honest conversations about it.
And honest conversations include discussing and truly understanding the reasons this women DO choose to stay. Not just continually drilling about why they shouldn’t stay. You should know where a person is coming from in order to better understand on how to get them where (you think) they should be going.
I think that’s what is taking place. There are many that believe like you who are stating their opinions and there are many like myself that object to that type of thinking. It makes the conversation more well rounded and not one sided. I’m compassionate to those that endure these horrible things; however, I think it’s very important to speak out against such behavior.
I’m just guessing here, but I’d say financial dependence on the perpetrator is one as well as the emotional struggle of actually identifying the situation as “domestic violence”. I know for me I don’t consider “abuse” and “domestic violence” to mean the same thing, just as I wouldn’t say I am victim of domestic violence just because my ex-boyfriend punched me in my shoulder. Therefore, I think its reasonable to hypothesize that women who stay INITIALLY do not think they are being abused or are victims of domestic violence. They may get a slap here and there, a light punch on the arm, and believe “It’s not that bad. He didn’t give me a black eye or a busted lip like I see on tv,” until the violence escalates and by that time, they’ve become accustomed to it, their self-esteem shot.
Its not about ignoring the red flags; its about not identifying them in the way they should be identified, (b/c quite frankly, I believe if a man hits you once, he will hit you again). I don’t think it’s accurate to say that women stay because of love; we are too selfish to let someone beat on us for love. It is the psychological transformation that accompanies physical abuse that allows women to stay. In their vulnerable state, women may think they need their abusers. In a way, the abuser becomes the downfall (whatever) and the savior, often switching his personality to play the boyfriend role after he’s abused you. And in the confused, psychologically impaired mind, your boyfriend can’t possibly abuse you. In this way, remaining in a relationship helps victims “forget” that a man who is so sweet one moment can abuse them the next.
Again, these are just all of my thoughts. Self-proclaimed psychologist lol.
This is with me assuming that a domestic violence situation rarely starts out with the man knocking a woman unconscious. I’d think there were less dramatic occurrences before.
Excuse! Your darn legs or bus to the police department, secretly recording an argument on your phone. The police report. Christy Mack running away at night bloodied and unclothed.
You leave period. If people stop seeing their entire darn worth in these evil humans who give not two cents about you, leaving wouldn’t be an issue.
Women who think like this perpetuate this behavior I swear.
Stop comparing these women to children! Wow, one day us Women are all grown bad itches who handle theirs, then the next day we’re little meek weakling. Get it together!
Learn to read things in the context in which they are written. Do you really believe women 50 years ago believed they had those options? I compared women back then not feeling like they can leave to that of children in regards to limited resources. Women today have more opportunities and resources to leave an abusive situation. That was my point. Learn to read!!
You prove my point! You:Let me get on this bish head for coming at me with real. “But if a man beats you maybe it isn’t really what we think, you never know, blah blah.”
Girl bye. We are talking about today. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship. Would you stay?
A woman may still see that man as being committed b/c they do EVERYTHING ELSE a devoted husband would do in a great relationship. Lots of women weigh the good vs. the bad quantitatively and not qualitatively. And that’s what makes them say well he’s committed so I’m committed too.
Your comment speaks volumes as to why so many black women are in toxic relationships now smh. Couples can get through a tough time without having to “chin check” each other. There are a lot of black women who have died staying in violent, abusive relationships. Things can happen of course, but don’t try to justify it by saying its part of being in a relationship when it doesn’t have to be. Domestic violence is the leading death of young black women. Please remember that. No other group of women are as battered and physically abused as black women…and we only make up 13% of the population in the U.S. We need to get rid of that ride or die chick mentality because it is leading us nowhere but to an early grave.
You don’t have to make up stats to prove a point(in which I agree with you). Domestic Violence is nowhere near the leading cause of death of black women in ANY age group.
These are facts. Sorry but I should have posted the sources. These are the links:
Unlike those journalistic, sensationalist tabloids you posted links to, gathering that sort of info takes a LOT of time and resources that I’m sure those authors fabricated.
Like I said, personally I’m in agreement with you: domestic violence is too big of an issue to ignore and greater enforcement is needed. Those rags will print any “half truth” they need to sell a copy.
I don’t think the authors fabricated the facts. I believe them to be quite accurate. I found up to 20 different sources in 10 mins, but chose these ones since it was straight to the point. The information can be easily googled.
Sit down. As if you know all about us. I sense you’re one of “those types.”
Lucky for us…
And can you excuse us? We adults are having a mature correspondence.
That wasn’t mature you were attempting to belittle her points. As typical chauvinist will do. I’m done with you. Waste of my intelligence.
But according to “someone on here” those deaths weren’t in vain. And, “We will never really know if they died because of abuse, they could have been On The” Verge” of working it out right before her death blow.” Blah blah blah… The world is coming to an abrupt end I swear.
I dont view this the same as domestic abuse.
when a person constantly beats and abuses their spouse. to me thats domestic abuse.
When 2 niggas start beating eachother while shes drunk and trippin…. sorry thats jus 2 niggas fighting. and its NOT the same as domestic abuse.
seeing her elbow the father of her child in the mouth is just as disgusting to me as him knocking her out with a left cross.
To replay the events to you…
Video starts out with her slappin him in the face and tellin him to get on the elevator. i mean… come on now.
then, like a PUNK… he feints at her like he would like to hit her but jus wants to make her jump. now… a victim of domestic ABUSE.. would have recoiled. Because they have been VICTIMized over and over. what was her response?
did she jump back?
did she side step?
did she drop to her knees ?
nah dawg… she elbowed her man in the mouth.
Thats a fight that she started and lost… thats not domestic violence.
When she fell out
Was he shocked?
Did he care?
Even in a private moment did it even look like “damn I shouldnt have did that
In the same vein u can speculate she’s not a victim, I can speculate, this wasn’t the first time he’s done this.
I agree with you on that. There was no visible shock. Him kicking her as opposed to being worried about her health showed he did not care. Signs that this wasn’t the first time.
WHICH IS EXACTLY MY POINT MAH NICCA!!!!
lets read between the lines. How many overly aggressive black men from the burbs do you know? (not many, we usually like Xbox more than slapbox)
how many overly aggressive argumentative women from the hood do you know?
so when she slapped him and he jus stood there like every one of us have, who was wit a chick who hits too much… that struck a chord. THIS WAS COMMON PLACE!!!
I mean yo… look at the white lady in the opening 5 seconds of the cip, she looks left directly at the couple… sees dude get slapped, and keeps on walking. even SHE had no reaction. uggh, its jus so common place to hit us it makes me sick.
So before you derail this…. THEY WAS BOTH WRONG.
but to say he hit her, dosent say that she didnt hit him.
you cant sit here and say “well menz should never hit womenz brah” because women sure as hell shouldnt hit men.
she got hit harder NOT because he was some big burly abusive man… she got hit harder because SHE WAS CHARGING AT HIM … RUNNING HEAD LONG OUT OF CONTROL TOWARDS HIM … when he left crossed her!!
before you derail this… YES HE HIT HER HARD… YES HE HIT HER. but the reason she knocked out is because she was bullrushing him and flew to the side and HIT HER HEAD on the side .
Remember, pictures taken of her showed NO BRUISES TO THE FACE. so my interpretation of the video seems to be a bit more spot on with the injuries sustained.
also… if she was a poor innocent meek woman who was being terrorized by her man……. why did the police ARREST HER?
do you know how out of control you gotta act for cops to arrest THE CHICK in a domestic?
She ran at him…..in an elevator my n gga. Watch the 4th and 27 play on YouTube he couldn’t last 30 more seconds in an elevator with this woman. Stop it.
you saying she didnt run at him?
we watchin different footage?
so didnt they both start in the elevator in the upper right by the buttons. she elbows him in the mouth and he slaps her and BACKS THE HELL UP.
at this point in the video he is on the bottom right and you cant see anything but his head.
so she clears up and runs at him and he HOOKS her.
now… you saying “can he last 30 sec with her”
prolly could… but this will be the THIRD time I have said for you NOT TO DERAIL THE FACTS.
he hit her
she hit him
him hitting her dosent mean that she didnt hit him
and in my eyes nobody is more right or wrong.. thats why I said its 2 niggas fighting. Wanna see real domestic abuse? google chamique holdsclaw and get back to me.
I agree. Besides judging by the size of her jaw and the sound of her voice, you know she be tearing his backside up behind closed doors. She stayed because she knows she has done the same to him. Judging by how aggressive she was in the video before they entered the elevator, it’s clearly obvious to how she treats him behind closed doors.
all we have to go one is what we can speculate on by watching the video . first off that was not the first time for these two . that woman was not afraid at all and second her head hitting the hand rails is what knocked her out third there are healthy relationships that thrive on controlled violence this incident unfortunately was seen by the public . last if she is happy who are we to say its not so
I’m confused. Just what exactly do you mean by ‘there are healthy relationships that thrive on controlled violence’ ? How could violence in a relationship be either healthy or controlled. If there is control neither person should be resulting to violence to solve a problem. Resorting to violence means there is a breakdown in communication and frustration from not being able to express yourself adequately.
damn where have you been . there is a segment of society both men and women that like the drama of violence before sex . I’ve notice only a few dumbass women asked about this . I’d think you’d google it and then come here to bother me
Dumbass women?? Really are you serious? My my someone is very defensive. Did strike a cord? I wonder, have you read what you wrote a day ago? Please do yourself a favor and read it again before you write any further. While you’re at it, read what I wrote in response too then take a good few hours to reflect.
Remember what I said about violence? It follows a breakdown in communication when people cannot EXPRESS THEMSELVES properly. The same goes for name calling.
you were not the only one I had to explain this to , if what I said don’t apply let it fly . other wise take the necessary steps not to be considered a dumbass
Oh I see you took some time to reflect, glad you did. But it’s still quite clear your communication skills are lacking.
“Healthy relationships that thrive on controlled violence”. I’m not even gonna bash this statement for now….but PLEASE give an example of what that is supposed to mean??
some men and women like a little violence with their sex . dont hate read a book
there are couples that like to have rough play before sex and sometimes during sex
“there are healthy relationships that thrive on controlled violence.”
I wish people would keep their “old-skool”, hood knowledge to themselves.
aint going to happen the most you can do is remove yourself but that’s not going to happen either is it ?
Haha! Keep on rocking…
If this is an abused woman a whole lot of you need to get line cause she looks damn good
WOW. Just wow.
Cole, you stupid.
I understand that Black women have been suffering since the beginning of time and are so used to adversity to the point that we expect it and accept it. But you seriously do not need to stay in abusive relationships, neither should you try to justify it. I can’t imagine an Asian woman or a white women justifying or supporting someone in an abusive relationship, but Black women will give you a ton of reasons as to why it is okay and why you should wait for things to change. We have become so masochistic. Due to our past, we are very enduring and long-suffering so it kind of makes sense. I understand that many of our grandmothers, mothers, aunts most likely went through it so we feel as though we have to endure those types of toxic situations just to prove that we are strong as well and many of us will get shamed if we do not. That badge of honor means nothing when he kills you though. You do NOT need to get hit while in a relationship, it is not mandatory lol. Neither should you do the hitting… 😀
Yes finally some sense. Too many women (of course some men) think this is cute. I missed that school house rock episode… Really.
Most people responding here are as nonchalant as Ray & Janay’s portrayal of this situation. Domestic violence is serious but it seems we have men and women who will justify this behavior or ignorantly oppose. This is serious, and I hope some of the individuals excusing the poor behavior aren’t abusers themselves.
I think many people stay because they are conditioned to believe the behavior is acceptable. Staying certainly does not equate to strength, IMO. Hopefully in time all abused individuals will garner the strength to overcome their abuser. I do believe each abuser could be placed into different categories and this is what co fuses people on the outside who are looking in as much as those individuals within the relationship. Some people can be totally controlling about everything and willing to put you in check regardless the situation. The next may only abuse when they drink. Another may have only hit his partner when he was stressed out. Regardless, they are all abusers.
I am a responsible adult, who knows that I’m the only one responsible for my actions! No one makes me do a darn thing that I don’t want to do.
I just don’t have the effort anymore….
I know (or at least I hope) the purpose of this article was to get Black youth to bring such a serious issue out in the open and to discuss the complexity of the decisions those embroiled in such situations have to face but… sigh. I hate how it devolves into male/female bashing with insults or snide remarks thrown in disagreements. This was a discussion that just turned into a perpetual argument. I’m no Ray Rice apologist. He doesn’t deserve to make millions if he can’t behave like a decent human being. But to see so many (seemingly) intelligent people insult and tear each other down over an issue that, at its core, we share very similar feelings for, is disturbing, disheartening, and exhausting.
With that said, how do I feel about women who stay? I hope they gain true understanding. Understanding that they can open themselves up for even more violence and pain. Personally I would have to leave, BUT I can’t say THEY were “supposed” to go. I can’t assume nor estimate the difficulty of THEIR decision: I don’t live their life; they do. So if she sticks around I hope Rice can get the rehab/correction he needs so that this incident may not reoccur or, heaven forbid, something even more tragic happens.
And I know, my comment history on here isn’t exactly driven snow. In fact, I was in the middle of typing a long, sarcastic, diatribe aimed at a less than savory response to one of my earlier comments when I asked myself: how am I growing from this? I’m no longer descending to respond to poorly veiled condescending comments in a vain effort to “prove” my point, and I encourage the intelligent regulars of this site to do the same.
And since you’re barely a newbie, I encourage you and your haughty Bryant gamble negro Azz to dip out. “Hut Hut Cheerio!”
No pseudo intellects please.
I’ve been reading this site for over a year now, and I comment sporadically. So while I may not be as “veteran” as you or others that comment frequently, I’ve seen enough to notice the unhealthy pattern these comment sections follow. There is nothing wrong with strongly believing in your morals, or voicing them. It just becomes sad when it turns into a “nice-nasty” version of “I’m more right than you”. I’ve not seen ONE comment section on this site where subliminal insults and condescending rebuttals actually yielded a positive and greater understanding of the subject in question.
In fact, I made such a comment in this article regarding statistical sources. The journalism major in me got the better of me. It was not my intention to belittle anyone’s intelligence.
Because I am purely coming with logic and moral objectivity vs woe is the woman emotional nonsense, I’m the bad guy? Ah, no.
All my point was that even though people stay, it can not be called strong. Or a choice of a sound mind. I am not all knowing. Sometimes however honesty and non bsing is necessary. Like now. I don’t make indirect insults or sugar coat on serious issues. Why, so I can be called nice? Yeah nice and beat down in the future apparently.
*sigh*….. at no point did I say you were a “bad guy”. In fact I don’t remember referring to you in particular. You’re definitely not “wrong” for feeling the way you do on this subject. I just observed how backwards it is to say “I disagree” in a very condescending manner and expect a positive and growth filled discussion to continue.
See, this is the problem that I have with the Huff. While it is true that homicide is the second leading cause amongst young black women, there is nothing detailing how most of those deaths are a result of intimate partner violence. No listed sources, nothing. They’ve spiraled far away from what is deemed “credible journalism” and their sensationalist articles are reaching “Inquirer” levels.
BUT I do agree with the author’s sentiments on the decisions of an irresponsible and idiotic football player, and an inept commissioner being the main topic of discussion on the national stage, and yet, the deplorable and horrific actions of a CLEARLY corrupt policeman are going barely noticed because no one that is rich/young is involved.
But I can rant about the NFL all day lol. They’ve been dropping the ball on punitive actions for decades: Crucifying Mike Vick for dogfighting, slapping Irsay on the wrist for DUI(had a cousin killed by a driver abusing pills; she was sleeping in her bed at the time btw), and allowing Ray Lewis to not see a single second of suspension for getting INDICTED for murder.
Well people should get over there irrational emotions, otherwise us black women will keep loosing.