Home Dating & Relationships Dating The Singles Project : We Aren’t Always Who We Think We Are

The Singles Project : We Aren’t Always Who We Think We Are


The Singles Project is a new reality show on Bravo. It follows six people from different backgrounds on their dates. It’s all about the proverbial quest to find the right one. I happen to think that through this exercise the hope is that the cast finds out more about themselves too. Today’s post focuses  partly on one of the cast members in particular. His name is Lee and he’s a big time dentist in midtown NYC. At the time of this writing Lee has been on three dates. None of them have panned out in his favor. This would lead you to scratch your head. Educated black man with a great job yet he can’t land the big one. Why? I’ll attempt to make some sense of this and at the end I’m sure you’ll dig it.

We are more than our occupation.

We are more than our bank accounts. We are more than the fly shit we wear. Because of this, while dating we have to showcase more of ourselves. We have to showcase things other than what we have or what we do. Who are we at the core? I know that I’m a clown at the core. I love to laugh, I love to joke. When I’m out with someone I love to kid around. I know that when I meet someone new I’m genuinely interested in what their interests are; at least initially. I understand that we both came out looking nice and smelling good but at some point we have to vibe. We both have a responsibility to make the dating experience enjoyable for one another.

In watching the first four episodes of this show I don’t think that Lee has done this. He hasn’t done a good job of making a date run smoothly. There’s a constant feeling of entitlement that comes from him. He’s a “good” guy with a good job, why aren’t these women sticking around? It’s because once the stuff on the outer wears off, he comes off pretty bland. Being bland won’t help you have successful dates.

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Lee also hasn’t done a good job of allowing a woman to feel comfortable out with him.

The majority of the dates didn’t really have definitive endings.  If you plan a first date with someone it’s up to you to make them feel amazing for that period. Show genuine interest, ask lighthearted questions. The first date is the feeling out process. Above all else it should be fun. If a lady isn’t having fun or being intrigued you’ll be wasting your time.

Having good conversational skills still count for something. Whether  you’re still into phone conversations is irrelevant. You cannot  date successfully without having good conversation. Lee has trouble in this area. I think he’s a bit too timid. When these women sense that he isn’t too sure of himself then they definitely become not too sure of him either.

If Lee really thinks he’s the cat’s meow, he has another thing coming.

What this has shown me is that he has his own idea of who he is, but the cameras have shown us something different. This made me think that maybe we all aren’t as much of the shit as we may think we are. The important thing is that we all stay humble. We should always try to be better people in general. With our significant others, let’s challenge ourselves to continue to keep them on their toes. Let’s never stop keeping the energy jovial with each other. And as men let’s be that. Let’s be sure of ourselves and let women feel at ease when they’re with us. It means a lot in the grand scheme of things. Hopefully Lee gets it soon.

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What are your thoughts?

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 


  1. Never heard of the show but guys like Lee are funny to me. “Being bland won’t help you have successful dates.” needs to be taught at universities everywhere. Going to college, having a great career, home ownership, all of that stuff is no longer hard to do for black men. That sense of entitlement isn’t going to fly w/ upper echelon women; especially not in a big city where a lot of black professionals exist.

  2. Can we talk about how when a black man gets a Masters degree how their ego gets so big they can barely fit their head through the door???

    1. lol it’s not a good look at all! That’s sort of the attitude I’m trying to highlight here. Book smarts aren’t enough, achievements aren’t enough. We still have to be complete people to keep what we attract.

  3. Damnpops you did it again. I’m not a television person, but I happened to stumble across one episode of this program while visiting a friend. And I have to say I agree with your assessment of this gent. Its pretty spot on.

    To echo your sentiments about many people in general (particularly those who have found success in their careers, etc), there tends to be a heavy reliance on those accomplishments to wow and sustain the interest of others. So rather than develop or hone other more useful relationship and panty wetting skills such as communication, wit, humor and charisma, there is an expectation that their accomplishments should have them covered.

    As you rightfully pointed out, once you get beyond the superficial, you will often discover that their is a lack of confidence tucked neatly away behind all the nice exterior trimming. The brother in this case, he could use some more confidence and sexual energy on top of all the politeness and gentlemanliness he has in over abundance.

    Mr. SoBo

    My Recent Post – “What Men Really Want: A Woman’s Guide To Being A Good Catch”

    Another goodie – “So She Cheated..Now What’s A Man To Do?”

  4. Excellent points you made. At the core is who we are, authentically. If you’re leading with anything other than that, don’t be surprised with the inauthentic results that follow.

  5. I’ve never seen the show, but I can bet that another thing holding Lee back are the cameras. He might be playing a role to look good for prime time tv….maybe to even advertise for his practice….I don’t know. But aside from Lee’s situation, I think that a lot of men (and women) are working their way up from low self esteem. Perhaps growing up, they were never the “it factor,” or maybe they were bullied or just never good enough. Regardless, often times we find that people like this grow up to be over achievers, allowing their new found self-esteem to sit with what they’ve accomplished instead of who they are (that same beat down, ignored and not good enough kid). So eventually the only thing that they can speak high of is what they’ve accomplished. But once that’s stripped off, they have nothing else to say about themselves because they are truly unhappy with who they are. I’m not a philosopher….just my opinion.


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