Home Featured Did You Leave Your Panties at Home?: The Lost Art of Flirting

Did You Leave Your Panties at Home?: The Lost Art of Flirting



How can you be hard to get, if you don’t know how to flirt? Flirting incites the chase. If flirting is essential to dating, then it is not men’s fault if they do no court or date you, it’s yours. It is your fault if all they talk about is sex or are overbearing. Flirting allows you to have control over how things move along; a woman’s ability to flirt makes her intriguing and someone worth being pursued by a man. Attraction is the electrical current of a relationship, and it doesn’t always have to be sexual. Flirting can be playful, make sparks fly between you and your pursuer.  Here’s some sh*t you need to know, on why and how you should flirt:

Why You Should:

Possess His Mind and His Penis
If you can only satisfy him sexually through physical means than you have only won 1/5th of the battle, these five things being smell, sound, visual, touch, and mind (flirting). Most men possess their own penis, going throughout life trying to slay as much pink fluffy stuff as they can. However by flirting you can entice and keep him entertained mentally, because he wants to spend time with you rather than just conquer you.

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Men Do Not Date Teases For Long | Flirt with an End Goal
So yes flirting is what we want, but make sure you flirt with an end goal. Be a complete tease if you want and the only thing you will find yourself teasing is you at night. There’s a misconception that men love the chase. It’s true men do love the chase, but men only love to chase storylines that they know the ending to. Flirting to spark things up is different than being a tease, when you know damn well you’re not going to give it up. Why spark a fire, if you never plan to roast the bratwurst?

Through Flirting You Control the Pace
Your new relationship wouldn’t be moving so fast if you actually flirted or controlled the advances made towards you. When you flirt, the flirtee (man) is on the receiving or responsive end. When you’re always being pursued, you always will be reactive rather than active. The active person controls the pace, the reactive person accepts or tries to reject that pace.

How You Should:

Be Spontaneous
Men and women hate routine, even though men usually do become predictable at times. Send him sexy messages, wear a color he says he likes, or bite your lips when you talk to him. Make him remember why he was chasing you in the first place.

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Listen to and Do His Fantasies or Desires
When he says he likes something take note, don’t just take it for what it is. This doesn’t mean you have to do everything he says he likes, but men notice the small things too. If he said he never did something and would like to, if your comfortable with that fantasy do it for him. Know him like the back of your hand; think of this relationship as a game. Not a game to win, but a game to play.

Be Playful
Children are so adorable, because they forget so easily. If you all have an awkward moment, ease the situation and quickly forget. Men love easy going women. Make sure he enjoys his time with you, if you can make a man truly smile than you might be able to keep him forever. Have a playful spirit and don’t take things to seriously, everyone including your man wants to be in the company of a person like that.

Remember to relax and flirt. Have fun.

How do you flirt? Is there something you do that always works for getting the man you want? Do you find it hard to flirt? Do you think flirting is a lost cause or does it matter?


  1. First I have to say thanks for the post, great topic!!
    I think flirting is kind of a lost art. I go out from time to time and sure there are men that attempt to flirt but their game is seriously lacking. In fact, one of the last times I was approached by a gentlemen, it was on behalf of his friend who was either too shy or too intimidated to come talk to me! WTF?? Really?!
    Personally I enjoy flirting, but I like to keep it subtle. I appreciate a good looking man on his way to work smelling good (not too much cologne) and well put together. I would usually smile at him, give him a nice once over and nod or either say good morning. I try not to lead anyone on, but rather just to let the guy know that he looks good, his effort is appreciated, and we could both be on our way.
    In a relationship, flirting is a must!! I think it’s how you keep intrigue and play in the relationship or else it would just be boring.

    1. Respectfully, I think what the article is speaking to is flirting as the catalyst to a relationship. Flirting w/ strangers is okay just in passing. However, flirting with a purpose is what it’s all about. We have made the dating atmosphere so toxic with our power struggles, mind games, unreasonable expectations/rules, etc., that men and women are confused, frustrated, and scared when initiating romantic endeavors.

      1. Yeah, langwichartz you got it. Especially in the early stages, flirting and just being playful rather than lethargic with the power struggle. You can turn something that’s suppose to be organic and fun, into something scripted and dry.

        1. Yes and I so hate scripted and dry. I hate feeling like I’m auditioning for a role in a romantic/horror movie. A complimentary interaction is paramount!

      2. Right, so do you think some men don’t flirt because they are too shy, or intimidated or turned off by the dating atmosphere that is so toxic?
        You are right about the toxic atmosphere and I think most women would say men are to blame. We could go back and forth and play the blame game with each other, but in reality, aren’t you ultimately responsible for your actions? Men and women will never be able to get past this if we as individuals don’t make the decision to put aside pettiness and go after what we want. If you flirt with a woman and she doesn’t respond, move on to the next.

        1. Some men don’t flirt because they probably aren’t properly stimulated. I’ve always believed that the female is the greatest motivator of a man. Some females come off too strong these days and it causes some men to be unsure of what role they could even have in their world.

        2. I don’t think women come off too strong, but playing my role and her role as a woman is a no-no. Gender roles are very blurry right now.

        3. I hate gender roles too, but the contradiction a lot of females make is that they complain that men don’t subscribe to traditional gender roles anymore. I’m sure you don’t come off strong boo, but I have seen some baby!!! lol

        4. Ok, what do you consider proper stimulation? You said before “wear more than fitted clothes, heels, and bat an eyelash”? Because initially that’s what would presumably draw you in. So if it is not just limited to looks, have you men (and I ask this question in general) ever approached a woman who was not necessarily the best looking, but maybe she had an infectious personality or was the life of the party? If not, you cannot be disappointed if you strike up a conversation miss ‘fitted clothes’ only to find out there’s nothing much going behind those pretty lashes.

        5. Yes I can be disappointed, because as humans we are attracted first by what we see. However it is up to us as individuals to make sure we have substance to us or else its just false advertising.

        6. You are right. It is up to individuals to make sure we have substance, but that is a personal choice. Maybe it is important for you to have substance, but quite honestly, not everyone has the same outlook. While you may value that, someone else may value looks over everything else. Society teaches us that if you look good, you can pretty much get anything you want, therefore why should substance matter?

        7. Nonetheless, Black men have a buddy-buddy system where if they are not interested, they tell all of their buddies that the woman is a ‘lady of the evening’ and then there are several more men in your area of the city that have lost respect – all because the woman flirted a little.

        8. The culture of being thirsty has kind of killed showing true intent and staking your claim. If you give someone a compliment- you-re thirsty. Comment on a picture- you’re thirsty. Ask a person for directions- you’re thirsty.

          Not being able to show affection or to care has affected flirting tremendously. You put yourself out there because no one is to be had and risks aren’t meant to be taken.

          But I say take risks be fearless.

        9. I have not flirted in years. Introduce myself, sure, but these are the days of fake rage. I don’t want my innocent flirting to be misconstrued as street harassment. I’ll pass, I enjoy my freedom too much.

        10. It’s great you enjoy your freedom, but if the reason you choose to stay unattached is because of fear of rejection or fear of being the target of ‘fake rage’, you’re missing out on life.

        11. The main crux of my comment is not about fear but caution. There are real consequences when men approach women without a clear green light. Street/ harassment laws are real, and the laws are built on a slippery slope. By the way, I have not chosen to stay unattached I have been in a relationship for two years. But I did not flirt or approach her prior to being introduced to her.
          Caution over fear, calculated risk only.

        12. Ok great thanks for the clarification. Glad you are happy, attached, and safe!! But my whole point is really for those who are unattached and looking. As long as a man presents himself in a non threatening way, why would there be an issue of street harassment? And as you so eloquently pointed out, the woman you are with was introduced to you, i’m assuming, not on the street which brings me to my next point which is flirtation doesn’t have to happen on the street in passing. It could be pretty much anywhere! The whole point is to be comfortable flirting; maybe in an environment which you feel confident, and maybe try not to approach a woman who clearly wants nothing to do with you. I think that could help.

        13. I think that Mr. is right. Many years ago, perhaps before you were born, a man was sued because a woman at work did not understand the ending of an NBC sitcom. The plot of the show was that a man could not remember the name of a woman that he met, but he only remembered that it sounded like a body part on a woman. His female co-worker drilled him for the answer and when he gave it: “Delores because it rhymes with ________” she sued him!

        14. My S/O is this way. He didn’t flirt or even say that I was ‘beautiful’ until he clearly felt that he had the green light and we were basically in a relationship. It was actually very sweet when he finally felt free to express his thoughts and it was comforting to me because I also know, because of his caution, that he is not just going around and flirting with all women.

        15. I agree that some people are too quick to accuse people of harassment. I’ve never believed in falsely accusing someone of that. There are times in which I were truly harassed (groped in the ‘wrong’ places harshly) and I didn’t report it for two reasons… 1) Men who do those types of things usually have an excuse planned or a method in which to turn it around planned as well as false witnesses to back their lie. 2) I really don’t like to see people just instantly go to jail over a misjudgment. However, if any of these men had begun to do this on a daily basis, I would have reported it. I have friends that constantly judge me regarding the reasons that I didn’t report things, but these days, I think those reasons are valid and some of those friends are just callous anyway.

      3. Exactly, although I no longer believe in flirting unless it is within a relationship, I don’t have a problem with anyone flirting in a situation in which they KNOW it is about to start a relationship. However, all of that flirting just for the sake of it is not right and can cause more harm than good. What if the person ended up being married? What if the other person was in a restrictive religion?

      1. When you ask a Black man about his flirting, if he is young (25 – 35), he will typically feign innocence as if he never flirted at all, blame it all on the woman, or pull the “what are you talking about, I thought we were just friends” answer. Men will only acknowledge flirting on their timeline whenever they are ready, which could be ten years from now.

    1. Exactly!!! I have had so many men to go after me for months on end flirting and becoming more and more intense. One man would spend an entire eight-hour shift just flirting with me all day while working for at least four months. Eventually, I asked him if he really liked me and he was like, ‘whoa, I thought we were just friends’. However, his flirting included him going into detail about what he would do to my pr_v@te p@rts, and that sure does not sound like someone that is just being “a friend”.

      I think that men, especially Black men, use flirting as a manipulate tactic to hold a woman available that he is not sure about but to still seek other women, which is the reason that they quickly resort to the ‘just friends’ answer when a woman tries to get more clarity. Furthermore, they want the woman to think it is not ‘just friends’ for as long as possible so that there is the chance that he could go out with her if he wanted. Basically, Black men use flirting to sort of ‘claim’ as many women as possible without actually dating any of them.

      I actually asked one Black Christian man why he flirted and asked for the numbers of several women and talk to them for a little while and suddenly stop with no explanation. He said that he did this because there is always a chance that a spark could occur between the two people. However, his answer was a lie, because he was flirting and asking for numbers at work – and he has a strict ‘no dating at work’ policy.

      Therefore, he just wanted to ‘claim’ all of those women and make them think there might be a chance while he still sought out other options, which is why – although I no longer believe in flirting outside of a relationship – flirting really is dead.

  2. THIS RIGHT HERE!!!! I realize in this modern/progressive era of dating, this sounds like a chore for ladies. Ladies I also understand that many of you may feel that you don’t need to do this, and that is your right. My response would be to reference this article when wondering why men don’t do certain things anymore. In the prolonged pursuit for feminine rights, some have forgotten the basic characteristics that most men appreciate. I can’t stress enough how insightful this article is. I have always exclaimed that “courtship” is a two-way street with men and women having equal roles, and this illustrates my point to perfection. Have to do more than just wear fitting clothes, heels, and bat an eyelash (if they’re real).

  3. This is……a perspective that I disagree with.

    Generally speaking, I’m not much of a flirt, but I do flirt with my man when I’m in a relationship and I definitely flirt with a man I’m interested in. These acts simply get me classified as more attentive. I’m memorable, but I’m sure every acquaintance has a level of being memorable in some since or another. Through my experiences HUMANS tend to have a more clear vision in hindsight. Flirting alone certainly doesn’t make a man love you or want you more, (and nor should it). Flirting may or may not be essential to dating, but for the record it is a two way street. Receiving without giving is a selfish act that most men, I’ve interacted with, highly expect.

    The belief that a woman through proper flirting, sets the tone of a relationship, and dictates whether a man shows her respect is utterly absurd….oh, and she must remember that a man only keeps a tease around who eventually gives him sex…smh. This is a sad message and I sincerely hope young women don’t fall for this. I’m hoping I lost something in translation (male vs female understandings), but I doubt it. After all, I read it multiple times…

    1. “Receiving without giving is a selfish act that most men, I’ve interacted with, highly expect.”
      I would change ‘most men’ to people in general, because both men and women are guilty of this in modern interpersonal relations. But I respect your point.

      1. The whole sentence…….MOST MEN I’VE INTERACTED WITH…..is a truth from my perspective. There’s absolutely, nothing wrong or politically incorrect with that.

  4. My flirt is very simple direct eye contact and a smile, its so crazy how those two things can open the doors. Its sad in a way because that leads me to believe that people don’t look in one another eyes and smiling seems to be a thing of the past.
    Flirting can be hard sometimes, but the last time I did it it worked in my favor. Till this day the guy that I’ve been dating for over a year now swears up and down had I not flirted and grabbed the reigns he would have let me walk out the door.

    Flirting now-a-days is called being THIRSTY. So lets put flirting along with chivalry two things that rarely exist anymore

  5. I think flirting is fine, and like many other things, there is often a lot of grey area on how it is perceived and what it is intended for. Nothing wrong with being a flirt or being complimentary. The manner in which it is done varies from A to Z. One may think they are doing their usual flirting while someone else may think you are not doing enough or they may think you are doing too much. Can’t control how it is perceived, just do what you do. If you’re flirting intentionally to meet-n-greet and see what happens, your flirting probably will have to be adjusted…somewhat.

  6. This is horrible advice! First of all, it is not really ‘Christian to flirt unless you are in a relationship with that person and it is headed toward marriage. Because of my Christian upbringing, I never flirted. However, that changed when I met a Christian man that actually INITIATED flirting. He tried to make me think that I was the only person that he was doing this with. Finally, after months, I began to flirt back. He kept getting more and more aggressive and talking about dating me and naming places that he would take me and asking me out, etc. All of a sudden, all of the flirting stopped. One day, out of the blue, he began to flirt again and this time, asked me for s_x and talked about how he just could not be without me and that he had feelings for me. I liked that he was being honest, but I absolutely cannot have s_x outside of marriage, so I turned it down. As it turned out, he does this to many women and has slept with more than 80 women in my area!

    The next time that a man was interested in me, I did not flirt at all. Every date was like a business meeting, with just a brief hug at the end. Finally, he could not take it anymore and kissed me and we are now in a relationship. At this point, I am able to flirt with him and he flirts with me and neither of us push it too far.

    Moral: Do NOT flirt to get a man. Flirt AFTER you have him!

    1. What’s good for the geese ain’t great for the gander….

      I respect that you have very clear intentions in your search for a relationship, and that your standards are aligned with your moral code. That’s great. But the fact that dating is looked at as a biz deal, well I just can’t get with that (word to Hall & Oates). If I feel no mutual interest while dating, or don’t see any affirmation in your attentiveness to me, then I’m bowing out. No question.


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