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What Is Marriage Material?

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The love bug seems to have been striking like a “motha” and it’s definitely a good look.

I can’t remember a time when the celebration of nuptials and the celebration of pregnancies were almost congruent. What people have been complaining about for years might be getting satisfied. For years now on social media we’ve seen the posts like “too many babies and not enough weddings.” Well people are figuring it out and men have been seemingly more decisive than ever… or I’m just getting old.

Regardless, the conversation of marriage and engagements have been all around me for months now. I have an older cousin who primarily inspired today’s post from a conversation we had maybe about… a week ago(does the shmoney ah ah)!  But before I tell you about that conversation, watch this short trailer that I found interesting.

Now the conversation I had with my cousin dealt with a woman that he’s highly attracted to. They have amazing sex and that’s what always keeps him coming back. Physically she is just it for him. He often alludes to the feeling he has where he just wants to up and settle with her. He’s aware that she’s really not the best person. She hasn’t been one to hold down a job. She always finds a way to get others to do for her. She has been known to scam from time to time in the past. There are a litany of red flags with this woman. It just so happens that the “pum pum tun up!” We all know that would cloud the clearest of minds.

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I would often impart to him that I didn’t think that was who he should settle with.

I would run down this gambit of why she wasn’t marriage material. I’d say the fact that she can’t be fully independent for long periods was a red flag. The fact that she has poor money management was a red flag. The fact that all she can do to enrich your life is offer some bomb box was a red flag. After a while, I caught myself. I realized that I have a list, and this list is what matters to me.

It only matters to me.

If all he wants from someone is good box then who am I to say a word? Everyone has their own list. As much as he probably won’t marry this woman, what am I to say if he does? She isn’t my wife right? My list doesn’t mean anything against his. having said all of this it’s evident that it’s hard to define marriage material. I mean there are qualities that I think most of us will share. But there are always those difficult alternative people who sort of stir the pot of common thought.

In the above trailer you saw an example of this. The mother and daughter had two different ideas of what marriage material was supposed to be. We all won’t care about the same things. As much as we want the best for our friends and family, you’ve got to let them do them according to them. Engagement is often referred to as taking a leap. And to coin a basketball proverb:

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You live and die with jumpers.

Sometimes you get to see things work, sometimes they don’t. Ultimately you have to live your life true to yourself and allow others to do the same. I just know whomever I get engaged to better be able to hold down a job damn it. What are your ideas of marriage material? Has your ideas of marriage material changed as you’ve gotten older? Let’s get into it.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

Comment(16)

  1. “Well people are figuring it out and men have been seemingly more decisive than ever… or I’m just getting old.” – …you are getting old, lol. Every responsible adult becomes more decisive as they get older!

      1. !!! How Dr.Ukaka Restore My Broken Marriage And Bring Back My Lover !!!

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  2. See, I have to disagree with you when you stopped running your list to your cousin because you were absolutely right. There are definitely general abstract ideas to a commitment as strong and sacred as marriage (even in other relationships such as friendships or even employee to employer). The specific details are defined by the individuals. For example, this girls inability to keep a job may send a message about her idea of commitment and even drive. Scamming people may show that she is dishonest and not trustworthy…etc. I’m not judging her but when you put together what her characteristics add up to, unless your cousin is looking to spend his life with an unmotivated scam artist for the sake of some good box, then NO she is not marriage material. ..at least not yet as there is always room for growth and maturity. What he needs to do is first realize that EVERY woman has a poom poom. The only thing that makes It special is the women behind it. Secondly, he needs to run down his desires for a marriage then honestly evaluate her character against that. If he’s honest with himself, he will pass on that quick.

  3. I agree with the premise that its different for different people. Lists are subjective and will vary according to the individual. It’s all about people’s individual value system as far as a life partner goes. That said, It amazes me how quick some of us can be writing one another off. We all have character flaws, and there’s nothing wrong with constructive, objective criticism, but we have to remember that we aren’t beyond redemption and sometimes its through the love of another we realize how important the changes that need to take place.

    1. I hear ya. But, you don’t marry someone for the potential they have to become someone better. You marry them as is…meaning, if they never change, you’re good with it. If there is something that needs redemption through love and support, you’d better love them through it before saying “I do”, lol. Marriage does not fix character flaws. Ask me how I know, lol…smh.

  4. I get why valuable men are marriage material– they are appreciating assets and tend to increase in value over time. The things women are valued for (beauty and the ability to birth chaps) doesnt last as long as a man’s money and status. Nobody is clamoring to marry 40+ year old women.

    But then again, somebody has to marry these depreciating assets in their prime, otherwise the government will have to support them in the future and we’ll all have to pay. When you know better, you do better.

    So I say marry on, my bretheren, marry on.

      1. !!! How Dr.Ukaka Restore My Broken Marriage And Bring Back My Lover !!!

        My Success Story: And i am so happy to spread the news on the internet for those that need real and a reliable spell caster to contact without meeting with various fake and rip off spell casters online first just the way i came in-contact with like 4 fake spell caster online before now. I will start my success story by introducing myself to the entire world and were i am from. I am Sarah by name a citizen of USA that was in so much depression, frustration and confusion before i came in-contact with this spell caster that helped me solve my problem and made me happy once more. Late last year, to be preside October 16 2013, I had a problem with my relationship, So because of that i have to quit the my boyfriend / husband and move on to another man i fell in love with again outside after i have left Matthew the following week. Matthew really tried for me as he showed me real love, by playing with me all the time when i return from work, so good to me when is bed time, In-fact he was really a nice man. But due to the fact that sometimes he complains on so many things to much i had to seek for a divorce and i left him alone and went ahead with life. This new man i meant was caring at first and also lovely. But as time pass-by, I found out that this new man only loved me all just because i had a very good Job as all he want to do to me is to run away with my money and claim so many of my assets. I noticed this late November same year and i went down with depression and burst into tears and i was regretting ever seeking for a divorce to leave Matthew because i really started missing Matthew in my life to the extent that i was calling his cellphone but he was not taking up my calls. As the only time i hear from him is when he will send me a text message were he will be telling me that he do not want me anymore as he is in love with his new girlfriend as they are even planing of getting married first week of December Thanks to Mrs Stefany that introduced me to this great spell caster called Dr Ukaka that is so trustful and reliable in all his works and spell casting. His email is as follows:[email protected] also contact him on his web site: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com

  5. !!! How Dr.Ukaka Restore My Broken Marriage And Bring Back My Lover !!!

    My Success Story: And i am so happy to spread the news on the internet for those that need real and a reliable spell caster to contact without meeting with various fake and rip off spell casters online first just the way i came in-contact with like 4 fake spell caster online before now. I will start my success story by introducing myself to the entire world and were i am from. I am Sarah by name a citizen of USA that was in so much depression, frustration and confusion before i came in-contact with this spell caster that helped me solve my problem and made me happy once more. Late last year, to be preside October 16 2013, I had a problem with my relationship, So because of that i have to quit the my boyfriend / husband and move on to another man i fell in love with again outside after i have left Matthew the following week. Matthew really tried for me as he showed me real love, by playing with me all the time when i return from work, so good to me when is bed time, In-fact he was really a nice man. But due to the fact that sometimes he complains on so many things to much i had to seek for a divorce and i left him alone and went ahead with life. This new man i meant was caring at first and also lovely. But as time pass-by, I found out that this new man only loved me all just because i had a very good Job as all he want to do to me is to run away with my money and claim so many of my assets. I noticed this late November same year and i went down with depression and burst into tears and i was regretting ever seeking for a divorce to leave Matthew because i really started missing Matthew in my life to the extent that i was calling his cellphone but he was not taking up my calls. As the only time i hear from him is when he will send me a text message were he will be telling me that he do not want me anymore as he is in love with his new girlfriend as they are even planing of getting married first week of December Thanks to Mrs Stefany that introduced me to this great spell caster called Dr Ukaka that is so trustful and reliable in all his works and spell casting. His email is as follows:[email protected] also contact him on his web site: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com.

  6. From my masculine perspective, my ideal of “marriage material” includes the requisite physical, intellectual and spiritual attraction; but even in possession of those qualities, I must be empirically assured that our relationship/marital construct is one where both my masculinity and her femininity can coexist synergistically without one suffocating the other. One where I am of course, responsive and active in my masculine duty to emotionally and psychologically protect her, yet, not be required to spend the entirety of my existence living within the narrow confines of her insecurities. And lastly, her embracing and loving her feminine essence, and understanding the powers and fiduciary responsibilities that accompanies it.

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