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What Is With Female Marriage Proposals?

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Blurred gender roles are a norm in today’s day and age.

Most of us want equality for both sexes in all facets of life. Ideally, this would be the case. The truth is that for this to be, there will be some resistance in some instances. For instance we have today’s subject of marriage proposal. Now some of us may feel that a woman proposing to a man would be tacky. Some simply thing that it isn’t right. We’ll explore this today whether it be in this post or in the comments. But the bottom line is that this here lies the same “what’s good for the goose” ideology. If men can propose to women, so should a woman propose to a man.

Will this ever be an “in” thing to do?

I’m not sure; what I can give you all, my SBM faithful is my views on it. Heading to brunch this past Sunday I was talking to my boy about this. I told him that serious couples discuss things like marriage and their futures together. To me, if a couple discusses their future together then a woman should feel confident enough to know that one day her man will propose. Whether or not a woman is patient enough to wait is another question.

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Of course another question that arises is how long is too long to wait? I really don’t know. Different people have different levels of patience. My patience threshold is pretty solid. This also depends on circumstance and the personalities involved. I’ve seen people get engaged and married within a calendar year; and stay married.  I have also seen couples be married for thirty plus years and still see it fail. So there’s obviously more than one way to skin a cat. When it comes to proposals you can argue there’s no right or wrong way. I say that in regards to who proposes.

I actually dated a woman a while back who said that she would entertain the idea of proposing to a man.

I was shocked to say the least. She was a bit of a go getter. My guess is that maybe more extroverted women are open to proposing to a man. What I did find interesting was a study that I read on menshealth.com. It said that 83% of men won’t wear a “man-gagement” ring. So the majority of us fellas aren’t into this idea basically.

Why am I not into it? I’m a forward thinking cat. I believe in being creative and pushing envelopes. I believe in challenging thoughts and the whole shabang. Strangely enough, I’m still a bit of a traditionalist. I think the proposal process is the time for a guy to be supremely romantic. There’s not another day where a woman should imagine being swept off her feet any better. A woman proposing to us robs us of our creativity for such a special moment. That’s just me.



The photo above is a picture I think many of us in our community have seen.

There’s actually an instagram video to go along with it. It was filled with supporters as you can see. But to many of us we just saw it as left field. I felt slightly uncomfortable watching it. It wasn’t gross in the least. It just seemed so different. The whole idea of a man going down  on one knee is to show that humility and vulnerability at least once. The one time to say hey “bae, you got it.” It’s that woman’s turn to be in this position to really make this guy’s world. As a man I don’t even know how to receive a woman getting down on one knee for me. I might just pick her ass up to be completely honest with you. Let me handle the proposal, you choose the drapes for the reception…deal?

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What’s your views on female marriage proposals? Why are you for or against it?

Also, please vote the Single Black Male and my blog post series called The Valentine’s Day Chronicles. I’m nominated for blog post series of the year with the Black Weblog Awards. Vote here for me, I could really use your help. I thank you all in advance.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS 

Comment(44)

  1. I don’t see anything wrong with a woman proposing. I’ve seen a lot of comments from women saying it looks desperate and calling the women proposing fools. And they love throwing out Proverbs 18:22. Closed mouths don’t get fed, so if that’s what you want then ask for it. If that means going all out and proposing because that is what you want to do, then do it. And I voted for you. Good luck!

  2. So not only do I have to birth your children but I also get to propose….No, No, No…Im totally against it!!!! There are still a lot of men who are a little uneasy about getting married & when they finally take that big step & show that side of humility and vulnerability we take it away because what men can do, we women can do. I can’t take nor do I want to take that special moment away from a man…To me that is a man confessing his love towards a woman, something that men rarely do through-out an entire relationship..men don’t express the way women express..I want that moment! Women deserve that moment

    1. Women don’t deserve anything in this case. Men are physically unable to bear children. Comparing that to a marriage proposal is pointless and not equal in any way. Sure it’s nice for a man to profess his love for a woman but lets stop making it some big “thing”.

      1. Pointless to you, okay I get that…all I’m saying is its a big step for a man to propose and I’m not taking that moment away from a man. It might not be a big thing for you but to some men it is, proposing is a big deal. Of course we can agree to disagree, Im just a single woman waiting for that big moment to happen 🙂

      2. It IS a big deal because men do not typically express love for a woman. Entire marriages last for years without the man even saying ‘I Love You’. Proposal and the wedding are likely the only moments where a woman will hear this. I will not propose to a man, and while I understand women using a proposal to get a man to have ‘the talk’, that’s not for me. Women wait our whole lives to hear this because until then, we only hear our parents sparingly tell us so. If a man is too stoic to tell me this one time, I don’t want him.

  3. I believe men should be the ones proposing. When a man comes to you and gets down on one knee he is humbling himself to you. Let him do it. Men usually are not the humble ones of the relationship because they take credit for being the protectors and providers (as they should). We are the ones working behind the scenes supporting our men, and he is coming to you to say thank you and to tell you that he’s READY to take that step. I feel that if he hasn’t asked you then in a lot of cases he’s not ready yet, and if you rush him it won’t end well. Let him do it in his own time ( within reason, of course)

    1. The same arguments can be said if a woman isn’t ready. Then what? Let’s not pretend that the women that are so into a man doing it on his time will have her time line up with his if he is ready.

  4. I am not for women proposing to men. Nowadays with so many women trying to prove that they either don’t need a man or can do what men do, we have stopped requiring them to live up to certain obligations, thus blurring the line of chivalry. Let’s not take away the one thing that men are still actually doing: asking our hand in marriage. As for the drapes…lol I will gladly pick them out!!! PS: My vote is already in…good luck and many blessings!!!!

  5. I see this as just another Cherry-picking thing Women love to exploit with regards to Not being a Traditional Lady but demand a Traditional Man. These folks are “above” THEIR Gender Roles but still want to define Manhood for Men…….. GTHOHWTBS

    1. I have no problem with a Woman Proposing- I got no issue with a Woman that makes more $$$ than me or has her Own Anything/Everything; “Back In The Day” all a Woman needed was a Cute Face and “Wifely Qualities” and with Men being the ONLY Person Working it was A-OK. Now it is 2014 and Recession/Post-Recession and More Women are in the Workplace as CEOs, Presidents an Primary Breadwinners than Men- but Guys are STILL Seen as the Ones to Approach, Pay for Dates and Buy an Engagement Ring that will not just be HIS Debt but He and His New Wife’s Debt once they say I Do….

  6. I could never…and not because I don’t wanna rob a man of his moment.
    I could never because of what I believe it means to be a Husband. I think that’s a role/position a man has to come to terms with on his own and offer to a woman/ask of a woman.
    Marriage should be discussed prior to a proposal…and the topic can be brought up by either partner. I think that’s where a willingness to marry you, etc. can be discussed and kinda planned out…making the official engagement kind of a formality. But, even with the discussion, before the ball really gets rolling on officialness, that man really has to first be down for being a husband. I don’t think one role is more valuable than the other…but I do believe that the weight/burden of being a husband is heavier. With that perspective, dude should ideally be the initiator…

  7. Whether right or wrong, I dont like aggressive women. Women that approach me or that are overtly aggressive come off as somewhat less valuable to me. Because if she was truly worth having, she wouldnt need to be aggressive. Most of the aggressive women that Ive dealt with in my life, all turned out to be less than for me. Just my experience.

  8. 1) This picture =/= “trend” or “new norm”. This is just an image of one couple’s actions that was circulated just to “get people talking” and for the sake of being provocative.
    2) These debates about gender roles are so distracting. Nobody talks about the issue of compatibility and values…things that really matter.
    3) Women propose anyway in the form of “soft ultimatums” or dropping hints/initiating conversations about the future of the relationship. People are so attached to the way things have to look.

    1. I cosign your thoughts. I did give my ex a “soft ultimatum” which did result in our getting married. But as a general rule during our marriage I deferred to him as the main provider/protector and that worked well for us. I also agree with Cynical that a man needs to be clear in his role as “husband”, and he was.
      Maybe we need to spend a little more time interacting as Human Beings and less time defining which roles belong to which gender.

  9. Ummmm I’m already sure I’ll have to give my current bf and ulimatinum so the least he could is propose. He can even get details of what I would like from my sister and mom if he needs help. Proposing to him naw I wouldn’t do that because I’m the prize in this relationship lol….on a serious note though if a girl feels that she has to do that it’s your would girl but I just know I’m no doing it.

  10. I would never propose nor encourage any woman to do so, but to each its own. We are all individuals. What I may need from a man could be different from what the next woman needs and vice versa. There are a lot of people pushing a change of roles and it is usually to serve a selfish purpose, much like many marriages today.

    The role of a husband is of no more importance than the role of a wife. I cannot seem to wrap my head around why so many people believe that to be true. As a couple you work “together” towards a common goal. When we place unnecessary burden more on one person then we tend to believe that to be true and in a sense we make it our truth. I believe in feeling safe and secure in your relationship and accepting one another as you are without pressure. If the person isn’t in tune with your personal desires, IMO, it may be time to move on. People show you who they are and. I would not like an ultimatum therefore I would never give one.

  11. We need to find these women who are proposing and pick their brains. I’m really curious to see if the majority of them are making more money than their mates, or are they just more proactive #shrug

  12. Considering that marriage is more risky for men than women, a woman proposing is suspicious. Marriage laws and courts favor women– the deck is stacked.

    Might as well just ask him for half of his money.

    When a man proposes, its ignorance.

    When a woman proposes, its entrapment.

      1. I’ve been done right and wrong by all types of people. I’m not singling women out unfairly.

        My view of western women in terms of modern marriage is simply based on things we can all observe. If you feel that the observations are negative, then you should agree with me that subject of those observations are negative.

        Divorce courts favoring women = negative
        Women wanting to marry a man to gain access to his money = negative

        Nowadays there is just very little upside to getting married for men. It didn’t used to be like this. These are facts.

        My opinion is just a mirror of the reality we inhabit.

        1. The reason I ask is because the topic is women proposing to men, but then you get into alterior motives of women and calling women hoes and women getting married only to end up divorcing the man for his money. Add that all up and it seems to me you are either speaking from experience or you’re just a very negative and bitter person, maybe even both! And maybe it’s justified, I don’t know, but the overall tone of your posts seem to be of the glass half-empty kind of mentality. Just an observation.

        2. Many men make this argument, and it usually is spoken by a man that has no experience in the matter whatsoever. They are typically full of too many insecurities to ever put themselves out there… Nonetheless, most men aren’t making money like that for it to be taken. If “most” women are initiating divorce, what aren’t men doing? If laws are favored for women, why does the court consider her income and take from her pension and charge her yo care for him? Life….reality, isn’t Hollywood.

        3. My own post reminds me of a parable i’m making up as i write this.
          —-
          One day hot summer day, a group of tree frogs ventured down from the canpony to cool off and happened upon the tall bank of a searing hot spring. But frogs are dumb.

          “A pond!” they rejoiced. First Frog hopped to the edge and peered over. It was a long way down. Seeing a green shape reflected in the water, he exclaimed “hey, theres i see a frog!”

          Another Frog bounced up and looked over the edge. “Look, its two of them! What are they doing down there in the pool?”

          Third Frog leaned over. “Its a bunch of them now! It must be cool down there!”

          More and more frogs came to the edge to have a look.

          “Its a pool party!”

          “Turn up!”

          “Shall we join them?”

          First Frog stood up on the edge of the bank and puffed his chest out. “Wait here! I will jump down there to see if the turn up is real. And if it’s not, I will give a croak.” And without a word, he hopped down. *splash*

          *sizzle*

          Another Frog gazed down into the steam, sqiunting his eyes. “Aye yo! I see First Frog! He’s kickin it, doing the backstroke! Turn up!” And immediatly jumped down. *splash*

          *sizzle*

          Third Frog looked at his two friends splashing around in the water and bounced in right after him. One by one all the other frogs jumped right in.

          *splashsplashsplashsplash*

          *sizzlesizzlesizzlesizzle*

          Finally, Last Frog hopped up to the edge of the bank. He saw all his friends down at the pool party turning up. But he noticed something strange. It looks like the party hadn’t gotten bigger at all… shouldn’t it be twice as big? Were frogs leaving the party? Was there another turn up? An after party? Not wanting to be left behind, Last Frog took a deep breath… and took the last leap.

        4. Divorces are initiated by women due to cheating men. I’m not going to stay with a cheating man that’s bring STDs to my house. He can have AIDS by himself! That’s pretty much the only reason that I would divorce, and it’s a good one. Men divorce for the stupid reasons, such as, the woman gained two pounds, etc. Anyway, these days, women have their own jobs and more degrees than some men; not every woman wants a man’s money.

    1. The problem is the men… That’s why women are proposing. I’m very traditional and would never propose to a man, but I understand the women that do this. These days, men wait up to ten years to propose. I know a very nice intelligent man that still did this to his girlfriend. They have lived together for ten years. He proposed last year and they still do not yet have a date! Personally, I would just leave a man that acted this way, but I think the female proposals are another version of ‘the talk’ – it forces the man to say ‘I do’ or at least give a reason why he doesn’t and then the woman can find closure and move on.

      Again, I don’t recommend it and I would simply leave the scum that dragged me along for ten years – but I understand the concept. Unless men get it together and stop using women, more men will be subjected to this crazy idea.

  13. People need to just do what works for them. However all these “opinions” are coming off as absolutes that either side is wrong. Being a traditionalist does not give one the moral high ground nor does it prove that one has “values.” Many of our traditional concepts and institutions are being reexamined and being turned on their proverbial ears. Many want to straddle the fence to appear progressive yet moral simultaneously. SMH

  14. It’s funny how women throw themselves to men for sex or initiate sex first but stall when it’s time for a proposal.Makes you think what they really want…..sex or a real commitment????

    1. That’s strange… I don’t know many women that throw themselves at men for s-x and the ones that do it do so because most men won’t stick around for a week if she doesn’t.

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