How Do We Help The Friend That Won’t Listen?
By now you’ve heard about this little pop tart moment Chris Brown had on Monday. If you’re not familiar, take a quick look a post on Madame Noire here. In a nutshell the ladies of the talk show “The Real” on Fox were having a roundtable discussion about what they called “inter-friend-tions.” This is when you tell a friend your opinion on a person that they’re dating. Whether or not you think that the person is good for them. Some would call this a slippery slope. Approaching this stuff can be tricky.
We have all been there.
I know for myself, I’m a pretty good judge of character. Whenever I thought someone wasn’t the right fit for a friend of mine I pretty much just knew. But how do we express displeasure without coming off as jealous or hating? There’s two choices that we all have. We either say what feel is to be true, or we shut up. There are pro’s and cons to this as well. If we speak our minds as “good friends” then at least we get it off of our chest. We’ll run the risk of being a Debbie downer or a hater. In that case we have to know that in time our friend will soon find out what we tried to point out. Hopefully apologies will flow as needed.
Conversely, we also have the option to say nothing at all to our friend. I have had experience in that case as well. It’s probably one of the more difficult things to hold your tongue on something you think needs to be said. It’s nothing short of agonizing seeing someone be treated in a fashion that’s so substandard to how you know they should be treated.
It’s that point that I think the ladies of The Real were trying to get at.
They see Karrueche and they see a woman who is picked up and put down by Chris brown like a bottle of Coke. They see her as a woman who is conflicted. She’s a woman conflicted with the life that comes with fame and what is actually compromised by dating Chris. The ladies of The Real explored the reasons why Karrueche’s friends maybe haven’t told her that Chris isn’t good for her. The point was made that maybe those friends benefit from those two being together. This all can be true. But whether it be in a highly publicized relationship like this or any of our own private ones, the formula is the same. There is always the risk of the friend in question being in denial.
What do we do with a friend that is in denial?
We let them learn. As friends we have to give our friends the room to grow, make mistakes and be humbled in the process. We can give some people all of the answers and they still won’t take your advice. That just seems to be a human dynamic, we don’t learn until we live through the experience. In a way, it is this principle that allows me to write freely about anything. I can reveal all these things about how men think. I may believe them all to be true. I can put it on here on SBM. The words that women read may speak directly to a situation they are in. Then and still they may not heed my words. They may not heed it till they know for a fact that they’re true.
So accept what it is.
You are being a friend by warning a friend about someone they date. You have to know that once you express concern, that’s it. You leave the rest up to them and continue being the friend that you’ve been. You can always take horse to the well, and shoot the horse might be thirsty. But that horse still may not drink that water. This calls for a Kanye shrug. Have you all ever been in this situation? How do you handle warning a friend about someone they’re dating? Let’s get into it.
These are my words and I make no apologies.
DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS