Home Dating & Relationships Dating Can Great Chemistry Not Be Enough?

Can Great Chemistry Not Be Enough?


You’ve heard most of us writers who give our ideas on relationships speak ad nauseam about having requirements. “What do you look for in someone?” It’s all too common in conversation. I’m of the thought that seeking good chemistry should be at the top of most people’s lists. If anything, it should be at the top of those lists of those seeking monogamy.

To anyone who has experienced good or great chemistry, it’s safe to say that the feeling is addictive.

You probably don’t feel your most at peace unless you hear from or you’re around the said person. Great chemistry might help you to accept other flaws a person may have. Many women I have spoken to over the years would place the vibe they feel with a guy over their looks. Some even went as far as to say that having good chemistry actually made a person seem more attractive. That’s doesn’t seem too farfetched to me at all. I love a woman with a great personality too, but like many men we have to dig what we see as well.

Having said all this, I began to think that if good chemistry with someone might help you deal with a person’s flaws then where do you draw the line? What do you trade great chemistry in for you know? To put it simply, is great chemistry enough to make you stay?

See Also:  Shedding the lists ...

When I write I sometimes hope to give solid ideas and sometimes advice.

I present different scenarios that I have the power to create on my own. Life doesn’t quite work like that. Life is unpredictable. Knowing this, there’s going to be more that you’ll need from your partner than just a great bond. Bonds and chemistry don’t pay the bills right? So maybe you’re looking for a great connection and someone with a job. It’s possible that you appreciate great chemistry but your person may not be good with kids. Let’s say that you want kids; sounds like a red flag. Your great connection might not make up for another requirement of yours.

Great chemistry could possibly be added to bad reasons to stay in relationships.

Some people might stay in relationships that are bad because they’re comfortable. Other people might stay because the sex is amazing. In any case what this teaches us is the same age old thing. There is more than one way to skin a cat. There’s less rules to this stuff than we think. In truth, we want it all. The name of the game is trying to get as much of the things we want in someone as possible.

It’s hard to duplicate something like a great chemistry. That’s why it might be hard for one to give up. But there is nothing worth your unhappiness in this life. If you can effect change then do so. Great chemistry can be found more than once. It won’t be the same chemistry but it still can be great. If a person shows no willingness to grow with you then it’s probably best to fall back. Like a great friend of mine once told me…you’ll get over it. How important is good chemistry to you? Have you ever been in a situation where you got along great with someone but it still wasn’t enough for you? Y’all have a good one.

See Also:  Don't Get Catfished: How to Avoid the Online Dating Swindle

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS


  1. Chemistry is extremely important to me. I’ve experienced it several times…cause I don’t get far with guys I have no chemistry with. I’d describe chemistry as an organic simpatico…apparent almost automatically. It’s a familiar, comfortable vibe. I’ve experienced different degrees of chemistry.

    My divorce is a strong example of chemistry not being enough…or fizzling over time. Just as important as knowing what you want is knowing what your deal breakers are. Chemistry will numb you to deal breakers but only temporarily. And when the numbness wears off, you’ll end up trying to remember how you fell in-like in the first place.

    My two strongest experiences with chemistry actually did not evolve into relationships at all. One just lived too far away (same state but outside of my comfy 30 min. radius, lol) for it to grow from feeling dream-like to real and the other…lets just say I suspected after some time that he couldn’t be trusted. So, nope…chemistry wasn’t enough at all.

    No one element is ever enough. Balance is key.

    1. Balance really is everything, it’s a delicate deal but I think it’s very attainable. Just takes some of us longer to find it than others.

      1. About a hour and 20 mins…
        Which in all actuality is not that bad but I’m the QT, lunches, stop thrus, etc. type…none of which can be done if you live that far away from me. *shrugs*

    2. Well I know chemistry for me will make me numb to things I consider not a big deal but when it comes to things that are a big deal chemistry doesn’t make things numb.

  2. Chemistry is easy for me. I have plenty of interests and charm to hold my own with just about any woman I meet. Relationships is a different monster, thats when expectations and standards come into play. One can enjoy your company and not want you, which is frustrating and humbling for many to accept (see people crying about being friendzoned)

    1. lol I think it becomes humbling when one sees that company as a potential mate, while the other us just enjoying it and not wanting you. Also known as on two muthatruckin pages!

    2. The important thing is recognizing you’re not on the same page and accepting it. In my experience I’m very forward, and I get men trying to convince me to enter a relationship, even when it won’t work. If I don’t like you, I could care less why you feel we’d be right for one another.

      Humility breeds self respect and acceptance, which makes any ordeal less intense.

  3. Chemistry is awesome to have in a relationship, but that alone doesn’t mean the two individuals are right for one another. There’s a guy, whom I feel our chemistry is great, when he allows it to be. (He agrees, and tells me there’s no other woman who he has engaged with who understands him the way I do.) We’re obviously not wanting the same things…on many levels he’s unavailable. I don’t push a relationship because it shouldn’t be a strenuous account to initiate. To this day we could have lots of laughs together and openly discuss any topic without judgment. When I say something to him he understands me without me needing additional explanations. He’s rare. Our vibe is above awesome, but we’re not meant to be. Chemistry is powerful, but If it takes more than love, it definitely takes more than chemistry.

  4. I feel that sometimes we put too much stock in chemistry, butterfly, etc. In the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” one of the male characters tells one of the women that

    “Guys invented the spark so they could not call, and treat you kinda bad, and keep you guessing…and they convince you that, that anxiety and that fear that just develops naturally is actually just a spark. And you guys all buy it; you eat it up, and you love it. You love it because you feed off that, that drama. You all love that drama.”

    I think there’s a lot of truth to that quote. Chemistry alone won’t hold a relationship together. We have to use our brains and not rely on our hearts and emotions so much and really evaluate if there’s enough substance for the union to survive.

  5. I truly believe that balance is the key. I also believe that there are “organic” traits such as chemistry that function like drawing breath. Its just something you do without thinking about it. Chemistry should exist without a lot of effort. It’s an abstract concept, and in my opinion it cannot be forced, taught, or coerced. The more concrete functions of relationships I feel can be learned or taught like managing money, being affectionate, etc. We tend to place more value on these functions and not the ones that are the foundation: chemistry, love, etc. The abstracts definitely won’t pay the bills, but without them, all you can accomplish is sacrificing a true connection for security. A trend that is commonplace in this modern dating world.

  6. Chemistry is important. I have been in a relationship where there was great chemistry. Overall, we got along great and the sex was amazing. But I believe along with great chemistry, you both have to be on the same page in the relationship (as was basically stated in the post). We weren’t on the same page and as a result we didn’t work out.

  7. I like to use the night club metaphor in order to better contextualize the role of chemistry. Chemistry is analogical to the “cover charge” to get you into the club. Chemistry is that flash of feminine charm and personality that will move me to offer you drinks so that l can further enjoy basking in the reflected warmth and ease of the fluidity that we have found; it is sort of like the appetizer to the main course.

    And as per the metaphor, an appetizer itself will not alone suffice to satiate my romantic hunger. And though I have specific wants, desires and needs that l look for in a woman; I have long since discontinued forensic ally searching for evidence of those specific attributes in prospective dates; I instead, simply want to be INSPIRED by whatever it is that she is in possession of.

    Experience has taught me that romantic compatibility is not an exact or predictable science, and that oftentimes, if one is open to possibilities outside of your rigid preferential construct, romantic serendipity may shine it’s light upon your heart. A woman who, as in the words of Jack Nicholson, “she makes me want to be a better man, ” can be a powerful stimulant that will drive you beyond those requisite wants and needs that you thought were none negotiable. Sometimes taking a journey with that “je ne sais quoi pas” that inspires you, provides you with the constant fodder for romantic regenerate.


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This